I recently found myself unwillingly entranced at the sight of a twentysomething man in Walmart. He was unattractive, looked dirty, had long dreadlocks, and yes, he was black. He was dressed all in white, a baggy white t-shirt and long baggy, droopy, saggy pants. I had the misfortune of constantly coming upon him in each aisle I happened to wander through. Each time I saw him his drawers and his underdrawers were slipping lower and lower down his ass. I couldn’t help myself. Unable to resist, repulsed yet mezmerized, I began to follow him, his crack becoming more exposed each minute. I couldn’t turn away. It was like driving by a car wreck. I knew, just knew, that any second the pants would drop to his knees. Just then three women came up to him and began talking. I thought surely…but no, not one of them told him to pull his pants up.

I know how uncomfortable slightly baggy pants can be, the crotch constantly rubbing the inside of your thighs. How could he stand it?! I couldn’t take it anymore. When about 2+ inches of his crack was showing, I finally forced myself to turn away. I wanted to vomit.

1. Leaving aside whether you consider “droopy drawers” an inappropriate or obnoxious fashion statement, one has to ask how this legislation fits within the governmental “police power” (i.e., the power to pass laws for the general health, welfare, and protection of the population). I’ve got it: they expect it’ll prevent kids from tripping and breaking their necks when their pants fall down.

2. I recognize that Virginia’s racial makeup may be different than that of many states. But the baggy pants look has been embraced by the “white” culture as well, and I think it is ridiculous for opponents of the legislation to try to characterize this as a racist law as opposed to simply what it is: a stupid one.