“Who is this Commissar!” Superhawk roared. “I will feed his tongue to the parthaks!”
Avtari, being inured to his Master’s temper answered quietly.
“He leads the Coalition, M’Lord.” Avtari shifted nervously and lowered his voice. “He is the King of Politburo.”
Superhawk stiffened and appeared ready to explode. Instead, he allowed a grim smile to play about his lips, like a roarnok about to pounce on its prey.
“And so, the Wheel of Time has come full circle and the murderer of the Judges once again insults the Knutehousens.” Superhawk querried Avtari.
“And this map. You say he has refused to recognize the Knutehousens as leaders of the Wingnut Hordes?”
“Correct, M’Lord.” said Avtari. “And he has gathered a mighty Coalition to protect himself. He is aligned with the powerful Duchy of Insty and has made common defense with other powerful blogstates. He is guarded in the south by King Joe of Gandleman Land and by King Moonbat of ISOU Land to the north.”
Superhawk pondered that for a moment. He was not worried about King Joe. His hordes had exacted tribute from “The Moderate One” in the past. Perhaps it was time to break the treaty and teach the King a lesson he would not soon forget. Besides, he could always take the King’s daughter as hostage…or as a bride.
And King Moonbat? Unpredictable, but I will crush him anyway, Superhawk said to himself.
“What of the Highlands? Who guards the approaches to Politburo?”
Avtari referred to the map. “King Goldy of Proteinsk has an army straddling the river.”
Superhawk roared with laughter. “That clown? I shall raze his castle and feed his children to my warriors. Who else?”
Avtari pored over the map. “Uncorrelatia guards the passes through the mountains.”
Superhawk chuckled. “Methinks the Prince is lonesome. I shall pay him a visit.” The Barbarian King gave his advisor a sharp glance. “Who guards the louvetrain? The direct approach to Politburo?
Avtari blanched when he glanced down at the map. “Attila.” he whispered.
Superhawk contemplated that bit of news for a moment. The former barbarian queen and her horde of Amazonian warriors were a formidable opponent. But ever since her marriage to the son of King Rusty of Jawa Land the Amazonians had forsworn war and taken up farming. Superhawk also remembered Attila’s tender caresses, the warmth of her kisses, the softeness of her…
The Barbarian King sighed. It woudn’t have worked. Both of them wanted to lead. Neither could yeild. Their parting was for the best. Perhaps he could buy her off with chocolates? It had worked in the past. Or some shiny trinket? That’s it!
“Avtari, send a rider and have him fetch the Jewel of Mathwrate. Instruct him to present it to Queen Attila with my compliments and these words; ‘You are my one. I am yours. When next Siddira opens her arms, I will be with you again.”
“But M’Lord, the moon will be full in less than a fortnight. How can…” Superhawk cut him off.
“Leave that to me. Unless I am mistaken, the Queen will take our bribe and slip quietly away. And without her, the Amazonians will not fight.”
“Brilliant, my Master! And that will leave Politburo wide open to attack. But what of King Andy of the Duchy of Insty? He is the most powerful lord in all the blogsates?”
Superhawk grinned. “I will negotiate.”
Avtari shuddered. He remembered the last time his master “negotiated.” He remembered how the 10 Barons of the Yeltz had come to make peace. He remembered the banquet Superhawk had given in their honor. And he remembered their screams as they were hacked to pieces by the Somzkrain, his Master’s personal assassins.
Superhawk drew himself up to his full height and unsheathed his sword. Slicing his hand, he let his blood drip on the Commissar’s map. This insult could not go unpunished. He would make an example of this son of a cutis for all the blogstates to see. He was King. He was the leader of all the Wingnut Hordes. And he will be recognized as Lord of the Wingnuts from the Isles of Buzz to the Bloggedy Sea. “I swear by the blood of my fathers that this insult will be avenged!”
“Assemble the tribes.” Superhawk roared. “Recall the Bowmen of Coulter. Gather the Spearchuckers of Hannity. Muster the legions of Rush. Convene the Council of Trent. We go to war!”
Avtari hurried away to do his master’s bidding. Within minutes, the huge camp was bustling with activity and excitement. War! The chance for booty, for women, for glory. They would ride long and hard. They would swim through oceans of blood. And leading them, as always, their Lord and Master whose towering strength and surpassing courage would bring them victory. Of this, the peoples of Wingnut Land were assured.
War! And before it was over, the gods themselves would cower in fear as the peoples of Blogland, one by one, would feel the wrath of the merciless Barbarian King.
8:14 am
Man the Battlements
The Coalition may be in trouble….
8:25 am
The idle threat of the Knutehousen barbarian hordes worry us not. Have you forgotten the canine mercenaries of Dual Doge? The mighty suid-warriors of Pigilito? The big dicks of INDC? The cruel (and all the more so for their strangeness) Llamas?
Besides, so far King Moonbat of ISOU and King Joe the Moderate have not even sounded their alarums yet.
You know what The Coalition says of the Knutehousens? “Bring ‘em on!”
8:31 am
While all along the Queen Attilla,(2 LLs?) i.e. Hildabeast, who has snapped lovers in half with her mighty jaws, is plotting her victory over the Barbarian King.
Will this day bring un-told horror over all the blogsates? Will the mighty tribes, Coulter, Hannity, etc. fail in their attempts to right all wrongs? Stay Tuned.
Let the games begin, but…. right now I am more concern with a huge, itchy, contagious, miserable, blistering eruptions of Sumac. Don’t touch
8:43 am
I have just the thing for sumac…but it involves bathing in torg droppings and applying waskit worms to the affected area.
You’ll be right as rain after a month of that…
9:21 am
I find that bathing in Torg, especially from Quewstand, only causes more pulsating pustules that have an odor of putrid pus. (sorry, stuck in the p’s)
Rick, I assume that you are referring to Waskit worms, an illegal worm that has found it’s way to our shores. Please stop suggesting this remedy, it has ruined prems all over the country!
“Right as Rain” are you referring to the SomzkRains?
Surely the death of the 10 Barons of the Yelty have played a part in the worms infestation here. Revenge is the Barons second name, surely you know that there were 17 Barons in all?
10:01 am
All hail Superhawk, the Barbarian King.
Have been following your exploits with fascination. Do not trust Avtari, he comes from a race of traitors who sells his knowledge to the highest bidder. Do you remember the madness at Grtuwkz’s? Well Avtari and his brothren were there, although hardly recognizable with a disguise devised by the Duchy of Insty (sorry, stuck in the D’s) He’ll deny it but look to his lower back, yes that mark left there by the dying kiss of klintoid’s female hildabeast. Markings tell all.
Go forward oh mighty one, slay those who would do harm to our tribes. If you must, sacrifice only the Council of Trent, he may be in league with the possible traitor, Lott? You are a warrior, you know there may come a time to cut off the nose that offends thee!
And as always LIVE LONG AND WRINKLE my beloved friend.
10:04 am
This is too good…
10:29 am
Careful, Diamond. Comparing me to Hillary could be very dangerous: beware my Amazon warriors (all right of center, I might add!)
10:55 am
ALERT ALERT
It has come to my attention that possibly our code has been decoded. I say this because I fear a co-Hort of yours, namely Rick Moran, has sent a message to our enemies. It reads, “This is too good.” As you know this saying has started wars in the past. I feel it was prompted by the danger he feels regarding his lying ways when he recognized the old “NAEROBERPYH” oath of “LIVE LONG AND WRINKLE” ** I choose to use this, even though a pledge was made by me to never reveal it, to flush out the enemies within. I pondered the actions that would have to be taken if Avtari was revealed as a mole. So far he hasn’t, but this Rick Moran, don’t be fooled by his mild manner. I am at this very minute researching him with 40 LLAW companions.
Come on mom, I’ll get the trash out later. There, that should throw them off the trail!
** always in are founders ways, what comes first must be last and the next to last and yadi yadi, etc.
11:15 am
So I have flushed you out at last, the true Attila. Superhawk left you standing in the fields with child, all these many years ago. Your unflinching support of our Barbarian King makes you my comrade also. Right of center is Right in all things good. LLAW
Dreadfully sorry to offend, which, by the way, was not my intention! Don’t get your panties in a wad. No comparison made.
BTW it’s a small “d” like in Bond, James Bond. Go figure, I don’t understand it either.
11:26 am
War!
Rick at Right Wing Nuthouse has some misapprehensions about female warriors: “Who guards the louvetrain? The direct approach to Politburo? Avtari blanched when he glanced down at the map. “Attila.” he whispered. Superhawk pondered that bit of news for …
1:09 pm
Scheisse! Barbarians on the march
Time to get WIlliam Tell on their sorry hides
1:12 pm
Trackback has again overmastered me. Doesn’t look as if I’ll be much good in the upcoming battle. Maybe there’s a good reason the Swiss choose neutrality.
Please delete my earlier trackback as it goes nowhere.
Thanks, Pigilito
1:23 pm
Your weakness will be exploited to the fullest. Pity is unknown to us. Your bones will decorate our lodges by nightfall.
2:34 pm
My Lord King!
Your humble servant, Lady Romeocat of the Sharp Claws and Gracious Snark, wishes to report that she has alerted your Allies of Wide Awakedom!
We will fight for our own demensne in the Land of the Coalition and be your allies to the end!
3:48 pm
No man has fostered such love, appreciation and devotion as you, Superhawk. What the future holds, no one can tell. (unless you visit the “futuredivisor of the mighty rock” – or is it crock? hmmm, never mind) Surely truth, Justice and the American way will come shinning thru when the sun raises tomorrow. Blood will of been spilt, some of ours, mostly theirs. Many of them will be left without the ability to reproduce, they will be spared, oh giant brain. May they serve you well.
Got to run, el Presidente on tv.
6:51 pm
Art, War, and the Coalition
Whether it’s high medieval drama and the thrill of a good ol’ challenge, or a gentle tweaking of our Form SF-180 obsession through the art of the poet, the Coalition never fails to inspire feverish creativity in friend and foe alike…I fear not thos…
9:45 pm
Which ones are the Knights Who Say Nee?
6:27 am
Now A History of The Chillin’
An important time in the history of the Coalition of the Chillin’ has been posted Right Wing Nut House. They were barbaric times , with much tension and concern as to where the world might be heading.
11:51 am
Enjoyed the history lesson. BTW, are the links here members of the Coalition of Chillin (minus democrat underground of course). Just trying to keep my list of members up to date.
11:53 am
Yes…except the Coulter, Hannity, Rush, and Trent Lott links.
1:08 pm
Great! I am not sure all of them are in the blog roll being managed by Mark and Ryan.
7:36 pm
Between the Ocean and the Hordes
In the Middle years of blog history, in the times emerging from the Dark Age, the flame of rational discourse and inquiry was re-kindled in the civilized blog-states. Squeezed precariously between the storms of the Moonbat Ocean on one side and the ram…
8:19 pm
You got your spot, at the head of the wingnut hordes.
10:52 pm
...and a lone whistling Kender wanders through the camp, amazed at the hustle and fusstle of the preparations of war.
Idly discovering a slab of roast beast, amazingly with a lost dagger stuck in it, (better hold that until I find the owner..maybe I’ll get a reward for finding his obviously costly blade)..he wandered into the darkness, wondering what great sites and adventures were to be had in faraway lands, and looking for Ravenhood and Ogre, who were sure to be arguing about what ale went with which bread…..