Senior adviser Axelrod explains: “President Obama is firmly against free speech. He believes that free speech is irresponsible and wants to abolish all spontaneous conversation. To further combat this evil, President Obama will pass FOTA, the Freedom of Teleprompters Act. This will give teleprompters the sole right to make conversation with other teleprompters. No more silly season for human interaction. FOTA will solidify this new era of responsibility through banning simple talk without the support of a more informed, articulate, and politically correct teleprompter.”

President Obama’s teleprompter was unavailable for further comment.