This week’s Carnival is mostly about war; phony wars, blog wars, civil wars, and just plain old garden variety shooting wars. War seems to be the one endeavor that most of us humans excel at. It certainly seems to be one of the only things governments are able to get halfway organized to carry out. And there are apparently many humans who prefer engaging in it to the exclusion of just about everything else.

Unlike deep thinkers, I find nothing revealing in those truths. We are, after all, naked apes, proud members of the Vast Mammalian Conspiracy that has dominated this planet for nearly 30 million years. If it be the way of our kind to fight, to kill, to war, then the best we can do is recognize that fact and work within ourselves to reduce the urges that lead to conflict.

Please note I did not say that we can eliminate those urges. As that great philosopher James Tiberius Kirk once reflected from his perch from the future overlooking the past, mankind rid itself of war by “waking up determined that we wouldn’t kill..today.” This kind of 12 step program for warmongers – one day at a time denial of our baser instincts – sounds practical but is inevitably doomed to failure. It fails to recognize that not everyone belongs to Warmongers Anonymous and that until they do, it is best to keep one’s powder dry and eyes sharp.

This week’s Cluebat of the Week was not a hard choice. Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, Spiritual Leader of Hizbullah was a close second last week and takes top honors this week for his continuing cluelessness in the face of an Israeli military action that is systematically stripping his terrorist army of its ability to do the one thing it does extremely well; kill helpless, innocent civilians suddenly and without warning. The Israeli Air Force has destroyed about 40% of the more than 12,000 rockets and missiles he had aimed at women and children. It has gotten so bad for Nasty Nasrallah that his Syrian and Iranian patrones are begging the United States to step in and stop the killing.

Ordinarily, our Presidents and Secretaries of State would jump at the chance to play a little “shuttle diplomacy,” scooting from capitol to capitol in the Arab world while threatening Israel with a cutoff of weapons shipments unless they stopped short of total victory. But George and Condi aren’t playing by the rules, damn them! George is solicitous enough regarding civilian casualties but appears to be fairly relaxed about this whole war thing as Israel strips Hizballah naked before the entire Arab world.

And Condi? It appears she picked a helluva week to develop a fear of flying. While Syria is begging her to fly to Tel Aviv and save Hizballah’s ass, Condi instead has decided on the proverbial slow boat to Damascus, moving like a tortoise against the hare. This has enraged liberals who have a cow if an American President tries to interfere in the internal affairs of any nation on the planet – except those that liberals want him to interfere in. In this case, the left believes that George can call up Israeli PM Olmert and order him around like some kind of recalcitrant schoolboy. This would come as a huge surprise to both men – especially the proud Olmert, who has apparently determined that if the least he can do is buy peace for his people for a couple of years, he will do so regardless of the cost to Israel’s ever shrinking international standing.

But Nasrallah, in the biggest miscalculation of any leader so far in this young century – bigger than Saddam, bigger than John Kerry, bigger even than Stephen Spielberg in making Munich – is now paying for his stupidity. And a lot of dominoes in the Middle East may fall because of it.

So for exhibiting unbelievable cluelessness in starting a war that could lead to his destruction, Hassan Nasrallah is this week’s Cluebat of the Week.

And below, for your viewing pleasure, are 14 more slices of true cluelessness, guaranteed to give you a chuckle or make your jaw drop. Start clicking!

“War is based on deception.”
(Sun Tzu)

“Hey Sunny! You talkin’ about war or politics?”
(Me)

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Fred Fry has a redesigned blog but the same old brilliance. He takes down Cluebat Hall of Famer Hillary Clinton for her advocacy of some unnecessary equipment. And check out Fred’s analysis of what our fighting men really need to be effective. First rate stuff.

Fausta has an excellent take on a starry eyed London Times reporter who gives a glowing account of his trip to Cuba. They got chickens and everything!

Tom Bowler has an excellent piece detailing the about face by Senator Voinovich on the nomination of John Bolton for UN Ambassador. What, no tears this time Senator?

Adam Graham has a curious post about a blogger who seems a might confused about who’s running for what in his native Idaho. Now that’s clueless.

Colorado Right points out the cluelessness of scientists regarding global warming predictions. We call global warming a “target rich environment” for stupidity.

From our “Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio” department, today’s peace activists should really learn how to draw the peace sign. Cao has one who is apparently dyslexic.

A RETURN OF THE CARNIVAL SATIRE SECTION!

Potfry picked up some notes from unhinged child threatening lefty Deb Frisch’s psychiatrist. Note: Do not drink liquids while reading.

Buckley F. Williams has some sage advice for Joe Lieberman in “Top 9 Things Joe Liebermann Finds Preferable To Bill Clinton’s Campaign Support.”

Vox Poplar has the hilarious “Hezbollah’s-A-Poppin.”

DON’T MISS OUR UNSTABLE STABLE OF CARNIVAL SATIRISTS EVERY WEEK!

Bill Teach has the jaw dropper of the day; the “Pedophile Party” in Holland has just been granted standing to run candidates in elections.

Miriam has some good old fashioned bureaucratic cluelessness that everyone will recognize immediately.

DL at TMH Bacon Bits has some head scratching cluelessness on the part of the left regarding their contention that they are “strong on defense.” Defense of Spotted Owls, maybe…

From our friend Lecentre north of the border, some thoughts on the cluelessness of those who complain about “proportionality” in Israel’s response to aggression.

Here’s my singular contribution to the Glenn Greenwald blog war.

GLEN REYNOLDS SAYS: “I’D RATHER READ THE CARNIVAL OF THE CLUELESS THAN DRINK PUPPY SMOOTHIES!”

Something is stirring in the depths of the blogosphere.

Can you feel it? A nebulous, shapeless mass is moving toward the light, struggling to resurrect itself. After a long sleep, the blog beast is shaking off the cobwebs and trying to make its way to the surface so that once again, it can prey on the stupidity, the idiocy, and the utter cluelessness of humankind.

It matters not who comes in contact with The Beast. Be they prince or pauper, glitterati or sham glam, politician or crook (more likely both), it matters not. Bloggers are sharpening their long knives and drooling at the prospect of once again letting loose a verbal barrage of outrageous invective and creative finger pointing. It’s coming. And nothing and no one can stop it.

The Carnival of the Clueless is back!

That’s right. One of the most popular link fests in the history of the blogosphere is making a comeback after a long, well deserved hiatus. And it is coming back with a vengeance. For this time, the Carnival will be the first such blogger project to be featured on live radio.

For those not familiar with the Carnival of the clueless, here are the parameters:

Each week, I’ll be calling for posts that highlight the total stupidity of a public figure or organization – either left or right – that demonstrates that special kind of cluelessness that only someone’s mother could defend…and maybe not even their mothers!

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Whether it’s the latest from Bill Maher or the Reverend Dobson, it doesn’t matter. I will post ALL ENTRIES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENTS EXPRESSED OR NOT.

Of course, that won’t stop me from making snarky comments about those that I disagree with, but hey! Ya pays your monies and ya takes your chances, eh?

THE DEADLINE TO ENTER THIS WEEK’S CARNIVAL WILL BE TONIGHT AT 10:00 PM EDT. Please send only recent posts – something that’s fairly topical – perhaps no more than 2 weeks old.

Then, on tomorrow morning’s Rick Moran Show, we’ll take most of the 1st hour to read and comment on the best of the entries. I can guarantee you some laughs as well as some jaw dropping idiocy.

You can leave a link to your entry in the comments section here. Or you can email me at Carnival-at-rightwingnuthouse-dot-com. Or you can visit Ferdy the Cat and use his handy Carnival Submission form to enter.

Hope you can join us for the fun.

They were lined up three deep, all vying for the coveted Cluebat of the Week title. If I had realized the award was this popular, I would have charged an entry fee.

Perennial favorite Howard Dean was so clueless, he entered twice. First, for giving an ultimatum to churches that they either STFU about politics or they will lose their tax exemption. Howard sees this as “reaching out” to conservative Christians although most of our evangelical friends would probably take issue with the fact that Dean was reaching out to grasp them by the neck, all the better to strangle them.

Dean’s second entry was equally humorous. He has come out in favor of “securing our borders.” Against who, he doesn’t say. One would hope that he means against illegal immigrants and al Qaeda terrorists although perhaps he means barricading his favorite bookstore which still refuses to carry editions of publications that feature the Mohamed cartoons.

Runner-up honors this week go to an old favorite of ours here at the House. Cindy Sheehan gave a tearful interview to a newspaper in which she bitterly complained that her son Casey had come home in a “cardboard box” and that no honor guard was there to meet the casket. She also said that the funeral home treated her and her family disrespectfully.

Enter the Director of the Funeral home and a crypt full of endorsements from local families that seemed to make Mother Sheehan out to be a (shhhh…don’t tell the MSM) liar. Not only was Casey laid out in a regulation military casket (not the metal shipping variety that lands at Dover, DE but the casket in which they ship the body back to the soldier’s hometown) and that the funeral home met the casket at the airport as they usually do; with two military guards of honor. It’s almost as if Sheehan doesn’t even care about how brazen her lying is anymore. She knows that there is absolutely no way that anyone of any note for any news outlet in America is going to call her on it. She seems to have a free pass for life – sort of like Al Sharpeton but without the $2,000 suits and diamond studs.

But for Cluebat of the Week, we need go no further than the pond scum who reside in the Democratic Underground who, not content with believing George Bush responsible for earthquakes, Tsunamis, Hurricanes, and the flop of Basic Instinct II, have crossed into a place usually reserved for Mafia Dons and CIA assassins. They published the personal information of Michelle Malkin and invited the deranged minions inhabiting that cesspool to show Malkin the consequences of disagreeing with them.

Ace said it better than any of us:

Well, pussies, keep it up. You can push this society ever and ever closer to open political violence, but it’s about time you took a look at your sorry fat asses in the mirror and remembered all the ass-kickings you suffered through in your years of miserable alienation in high school. You want this, tough guys? Last time I looked at the lot of you you looked like the sort of half-a-fags even I could kick the sh*t out of.

Cogently put.

So for being both nasty and clueless, the Democratic Underground is awarded “Cluebat of the Week.”

An abbreviated Carnival what with the holiday and all. Click that monkey…

“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
(Dame Edith Sitwell)

“Hey Eydie! You must have watched the White House press corps during Bush’s last press conference.”
(ME)

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Fred Fry points out the cluelessness of certain generals (and the left) who want Rummy to resign.

Count those prancing pachyderms at Elephants in Academia in as Rummy backers as well.

Brainster has the lowdown on the University of California-Santa Cruz students who started the Malkin kerfluffle by assaulting military recruiters on campus and then bragging about it in a press release.

Two Dogs has the story of the completely clueless English professor who asked for volunteers to tear down a pro-life display of crosses.

Are there any more clueless national security officials than former Clinton appointees? Giacomo doesn’t think so.

Josh Cohen has the most goddamn depressing post I’ve ever read. The clueless ones in this post are looking back at you when you look in the mirror.

Cao has more Mother Sheehan nonsense including a picture of the cluebat unveiling a monument to herself. Outrageous!

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE SATIRE FROM OUR STABLE OF UNSTABLE CARNIVAL WRITERS!

It’s whaling season in the North Atlantic which is where our intrepid hippie chick Peace Moonbeam is making the world safe for sperm – er, whales that is.

Stingray has the picture of the day.

Dean Swift has some news: “[T]he DA’s office in Boston, Massachusetts has accused the Harvard 8 Man Crew Team of taunting, torturing and impaling a bus load of Mexican, illegal alien, lesbian, prostitutes who were in town to assist in an anti-war, anti-fur, vegan, Earth First, gay pride, ACLU, anti-Bush, peaceful demonstration to point out the horrors of global warming.

What else did Ted Kennedy say at the pro-illegal immigrant rally in DC? Buckley F. Williams stayed until the end to get it all.

Our favorite alien (no, the other kind) has a message not to be missed.

Vox Poplar has a great bit along the lines of the old Johnny Carson “Karnac” skits.

CHECK BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE BEST CARNIVAL SATIRE AROUND!

Gary Sieling has a superior post about his hometown and why so many people look like pirates. Must read.

Our Carnival pin up girl Pamela has more Islamic fundie cluelessness about Mohamed. This time, it’s a cartoon of the prophet in hell. Sheesh! When are these people going to develop a sense of humor?

DL at Bacon Bits has some more immigration cluelessness from both parties.

Kender gives us immigration stats that make you go “hmmmmm.”

My own takedown of the DU moonbats is here.

Spring is in the air. Outside of my bedroom window I can hear a robin warbling a welcome to warm weather, singing for its mate with the joy of the season heard in every note. The waterbugs are dancing on the surface of the creek, easy pickings for the bass and pike who, after having spawned thus assuring the next generation of challenges for local anglers, ravenously attack the hapless insects, themselves answering the call of nature to be fruitful and multiply.

Even the squirrels are getting into the swing of spring as they scurry across my backyard oblivious to the hungry looks from my cats who now sit in the open windows sizing up potential quarry – that is, if I ever let them outside. Sadly, Aramas, Ebony, and Snowball have to settle for dreaming about the chase, a daily occurrence confirmed if one were to pay attention to them while asleep. Those of us owned by kitties know when our masters are dreaming about the hunt. Their herky-jerky motions while asleep betray a shadow reverie involving the thrill of the hunt, a kitty kind of heaven where even my old girl Ebony is young and sleek and able.

Fortunately for us here at the Carnival, spring also means the sprouting of the clueless into the full flower of moonbattiness and wingnuttiness. In such a target rich environment, our contributors have had a field day.

Carnival holdover from last week Representative Cynthia McKinney continues to exhibit a level of cluelessness that boggles the mind. And President Ahmadinejad of Iran has proven that he deserves to be put on suicide watch by celebrating the fact that his scientists have unlocked some of the mysteries of the atom.

But, like the Immortals in The Highlander films, for Cluebat of the Week, “There can only be one.” And who else can this coveted title go to than our friend, Jacques Chirac, who not only demonstrated the latest french fashion in surrender techniques but reminded us yet again why it’s great to be an American.

Caving in to rioters has been elevated to national policy in France. By giving in to the spoiled dilettantes and wandering youth who spent most of last week stoning police, burning cars, and running wild in the streets, the Chirac government exhibited a cluelessness not seen since their ancestor’s capitulation to Hitler at Munich in 1937.

By failing to stand by lawmakers who put their political hides on the line when they passed a sensible labor law that allowed employers to act like capitalists and not socialist weenies in their hiring and firing practices, Chirac has condemned another generation of French youth as well as the French economy to dependency and stagnation. How soon will it be that French lawmakers will once again have the courage to defy the mob in the streets when the leaders of their own government cower in the shadows, hiding from the anger of their furious children?

A long time, I daresay. And thus, one of the largest economies in Europe will continue to drag the continent toward a tipping point where their aging populations can’t work and their youth refuses to be productive enough to support them in their old age.

Disaster, thy name is appeasement.

We’ve got quite a lineup of cluebats for you this week. Go ahead and start clicking – you know you want to!

“Albrecht’s Law – Intelligent people, when assembled into an organization, will tend toward collective stupidity.””(Karl Albrecht)

“Hey Karl! Did you use the Republican Senate as a model for that axiom?
(Me)

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Mark Coffey has a superior takedown of ex-Clinton hit man Max Blumenthal who suggested that the work of Victor Davis Hanson has been “discredited.” The link Blumenthal supplies to buttress that ridiculous charge is to a self-described “war nerd” whose silly, pretentious observations are full of conspiracy theories and laughably simple minded critiques of our war strategy. (Dave Niewert emails me that Max Blumenthal is the son of Sidney, a Clinton aide who investigated Republicans and released dirt on them – thus the sobriquet “hit man” that Mr. Neiwert seems to think indicates I believe him guilty or capable of murder. I told him to grow up. Ed.)

Kender sinks his teeth into a moonbat who has been blogging about the group site I also write for, The Wide Awakes.

Pat Curley takes on another clueless HuffPo writer, Stephen Elliott, who not only called GOP Congresswoman Heather Wilson “evil,” but then tried to cover that idiocy by deleting it from the original post. Obviously, the cluebat never heard of a Google cache. (Check the updates for further adventures in blogging by the hapless Mr. Elliott).

Orac has a great piece of writing skewering Paul Shattuck, purveyor of junk science extraordinaire, who has been spreading scare stories about vaccinations.

If they weren’t such a bloodthirsty bunch of terrorists, the cluelessness of Hamas would be fodder for stand up comedy. Iris Blog expertly reveals the looniness behind the reasoning of the murderous thugs.

The lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs is trying to keep track of the utter cluelessness of Reuters and their problem with terrorist nomenclature.

Jack Cluth has some real wingnuttiness from Texas as supporters of the disgraced Tom DeLay invade an opposition candidate’s rally and literally throw their weight around. Behavior unsuited to a democracy.

Cao is now a witness in a court case against the institution that harbors some of her prime tormentors – bloggers who have been using computers at Columbia University improperly.

Bill Teach instructs us in the foibles of Cynthia McKinney – and how dangerous a cluebat she really is.

HERE’S SOME CARNIVAL SATIRE FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE FROM OUR UNSTABLE STABLE OF SATIRICAL BLOGGERS:

Buckley F. Williams makes the hilarious case for Jack Bauer annexing Mexico.

You probably are unaware that we have been invaded by aliens – no, not those aliens. Actual space aliens. New-to-me website Moxargon is watching us.

The Baloney Press has the scoop on the President’s decision to export the National Hockey League to Iran.

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam undergoes a “radical transformation” – with hysterically funny results.

Vox Poplar has more from his pen pal, the Yale Taliban.

Gullyborg has a revealing photo of the next CBS news anchor.

Dean Swift gives us a nice chuckle with this bit on a Cynthia McKinney protest by barbers and hairstylists.

CHECK THE CARNIVAL EVERY WEEK FOR THE VERY BEST SATIRE ON THE WEB!

GM Roper asks a thoughtful question: Is General Zinni, former CIC of CENTCOM, a hero or a mountebank?

Jon Swift has some thoughts on Jill Carroll and her impact on the blogosphere. I disagree strongly but hey! maybe I’m the real cluebat here…

Jay wants to Stop the ACLU from suppressing free speech at Pro-Life pregnancy centers.

Jeremy Bol has gotten some hate mail and asks people to pay his site a visit and let the cluebat know what you think. I love participatory democracy!

Ms. Underestimated has some more cluelessness from Cynthia McKinney, this involving the misuse of taxpayer funds.

Check out Spank the Donkey, a new-to-me blog with an attitude. This post on the Misadventures of Cynthia McKinney is a case in point.

Searchlight Crusade has a typical thoughtful take on war protesters and the consequences of dissent.

DL at Bacon Bits has the latest on our newest Cluebat Hall of Famer Al Gore and gives us the best title for a post this week: “Getting Bulled by Gore.”

Jake Jacobsen wonders if President Bush is insane for proposing a crazy immigration policy.

ROFA SIX: Is it sex? Or is it advertising? (perfectly safe for work…I think).

Those piquant pachyderms at Elephants in Academia gives us the complete lowdown on the consequences of the actions of our Cluebat of the Week, Jack Chirac in withdrawing the labor law.

Speaking of labor, Where I Stand has the skinny on John McCain’s appearance before a labor forum where love was apparently lost.

Josh Cohen relates some jaw-dropping cluelessness on the part of school administrators who suspended a kid who came to school with a pocketknife by mistake and voluntarily turned it into the office.

Here’s a thumbsucker I did on the cluelessness of a lefty writer who thinks all conservatives are closet racists.

Cue the trumpets! Play the fanfare! The March of the Cluebats has begun!

This week, we celebrate the induction of two totally unworthy, yet completely clueless denizens of the fever swamps of American politics into the Official Carnival of the Clueless Hall of Fame.

I always cry at these things…

As you might recall from last week, I listed the current Hall of Fame as it now stands:

1. Ted Kennedy
2. Hillary Clinton
3. John Kerry
4. Jimmy Carter
5. Pat Robertson

These members were chosen arbitrarily by me months ago based on the following criteria:

• Cluelessness demonstrated over a period of many years.

• A consistent track record of being clueless.

• Cluelessness above and beyond that demonstrated by others

• Originality and creativity in clueless behavior and statements.

As you can see, this is an extremely difficult Hall of Fame to crack. In short, the cluebat who wishes to be in the Hall must make every effort to be as clueless as possible over a long period of time and demonstrate that the cluelessness exhibited is far beyond what one would normally expect in another human being.

Many thanks to all our commenters last week as well as those who sent me emails. I appreciate all who gave a lot of thought to who should be nominated. We’ll start with the 2 finalists who didn’t quite make it this time.

HELEN THOMAS

This is what I wrote about Helen a few weeks ago after Richard Cohen referred to her as “indomitable:”

First of all, referring to Helen Thomas as “indomitable” is like calling a pig in a dress a prom queen. Thomas may be a lot of things – loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, kooky – but “indomitable” as a descriptive should be reserved for battleships, cancer survivors, and some race horses; not doddering old reporters who waddle around the press room talking about the glory days when Jack Kennedy prowled the White House looking for his next sexual conquest in the steno pool.

That just about sums up Helen’s qualifications for the Hall. The reason she didn’t make it this time is a question of notoriety. She’s a second tier cluebat. We will re-evaluate her status at the next Hall of Fame nominating session.

MICHAEL MOORE

First of all, I don’t think His Largeness could fit through the door of the Hall to give his acceptance speech so that kind of let him out right there.

Beyond that, Mrs. Moore just hasn’t been around long enough to garner the kind of clueless laurels our inductees have been able gather unto themselves over a period of many years. Mikey has been around a little more than a decade. Give him time – I’m sure with strenuous effort on his part, he has a real shot at making it some day.

With the preliminaries out of the way, I am now proud to announce our two new inductees into the Hall of Fame:

AL GORE

Citation:

For being more wrong, more often, and with more obnoxiousness than any politician since Jimmy Carter. Has been running for President since 1988 losing first to Michael Dukakis, then fellow cluebat Bill Clinton, and finally to George Bush. It is unknown at this time who he will lose to in 2008 but when he does, it will make him the biggest loser in the history of American politics.

Al Gore has succumbed to most of the loony conspiracy theories making the rounds in cluebat circles over the last five years which isn’t surprising given his less than penetrating intellect, his inability to differentiate between good and evil, and curious habit of dissing America while overseas in front of equally clueless foreigners.

JANE FONDA

Citation:

For demonstrating a cluelessness not only about politics, but also in one’s personal and professional life. Bad enough she sat on an anti-aircraft battery while visiting North Viet Nam back in the early 70’s; then she had to go and marry both the radical terrorist Tom Hayden and radical internationalist Ted Turner. And if there is a worse film ever made than Barbarella, we haven’t seen it.

In short…three strikes and she’s in.

I’m sorry if your candidate didn’t make it this time. Here’s hoping that leaving them out will spur them on to greater heights of cluelessness so that next time, they too can stand on the podium and wear that coveted crown made of Milk Thistle and receive the Plaque of Honor indicating their singular achievement of being named to the Carnival of the Clueless Cluebat Hall of Fame.

“Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t go to yours.”
(Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player)

“Hey Yogi! I think you’d fit in with our Hall of Famers too!”
(Me)

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Bergbikr of TMH Bacon Bits fills us in on the decade long effort to punish clueless Congressman Jim McDermott for leaking a private phone call between Republican congressmen to the New York Times.

Those placid pachyderms at Elephants in Academia are talking about explosives this week – as in blowing up Nevada with a new bunker busting bomb that has home state Senator Harry Reid demanding to be notified when a large part of his state is going to be annihilated.

Only one Swiftblog this week (last week we had three). This time it’s Dean Swift with a nice rant against Borders books for exhibiting clulessness for banning a magazine that dared show those cartoons of you know who.

The Liberal Wrong lives up to its billing and skewers Russ Feingold and the Democrats for trying to censure the President during wartime.

Cao has some real cluelessness in academia with Columbia University being totally unaware of what some people are using its computer equipment for.

Lots of cluelessness on display in Fausta’s piece on the heroic Cuban doctor Guillermo Fariñas who recently ended a hunger strike against deplorable conditions in the Cuban paradise. How about the UN Human Rights Commissioner who blames US support for democrats in Cuba for Castro’s oppression? Now that’s clueless.

Why don’t we just go ahead and give Congressman McKinney a great big dingo salute for being Cluebat of the Week by acclamation, shall we? Check out this piece from Josh Cohen on Mrs. Tin Foil hat.

Rofa Six has the viral video of the week. All girls school. “National School of Excellence.” And some guy is walking around asking the girls to sign a petition to “End Women’s Suffrage.” Absolutely. Hysterical.

Gullyborg has the clueless interview of the week with Liza Minnelli who has announced to one and all that she no longer wishes to be pleasured in the biblical way by anyone (nice pic of Gretchen Wilson btw! W00t!).

TIME FOR A LITTLE CARNIVAL SATIRE! FROM OUR UNSTABLE STABLE OF WRITERS!

The Baloney Press has a hilarious bit entitled “Congressional Democrats Prepare for Deployment to Afghanistan.”

Mr. Right has a one liner. Rodney Dangerfield is spinning, spinning in his grave.

Where do you suppose our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam was during that march in LA for illegal immigrants?

Buckley F. Williams feasts on Morgan Spurlock, the filmmaker who lived on fast food for 30 days, gained 20 pounds, and is now a speaker on the high school circuit.

Bookmark this site, Avant News “Tomorrow’s News Today.”

MAKES SURE YOU CHECK THE CARNIVAL EVERY WEEK FOR THE BEST IN SATIRE!

Minh-Duc has a searing piece about a Balkan genocide denier. Must read.

Mark Coffey has a “Note to Debbie Schussel” – a blogger who finished in the runner up position for Cluebat of the Week.

Scientist, Interrupted asks “Who is the Real Enemy of our Wildlife?” The answer may not surprise you but the story is gut wrenching nonetheless.

Kurt at Fly by Night has the skinny on cluebat John Dean’s appearance at the Feingold hearing on censure. Anyone else find it more than a little ironic that the man who handled the cover-up for Nixon is lecturing us on executive branch lawbreaking? Just curious.

Here’s some typical Kender: “Why Bush is the best President Mexico ever had…” Read it and weep.

Adam takes us to the dark side of liberal blogs where shooting the President passes as humor.

Pat Curley is riding Kevin Phillips who has been flogging the “Republicans Party is run by religious nut” meme for years.

Lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs has some typical moonbattery. Seems that NYU had a free speech event and the first thing they did was ban those cartoons of you know who.

Jack Cluth demonstrating the intellectual honesty he’s justly famous for (plus knowing a good target for humor when he sees it) makes Representative McKinney his “Dumbass of the Week.”

Finally, here are some clueless emailers who filled my mailbox following my C-Span appearance last Sunday.

The race to the bottom for the honor of being Cluebat of the Week was an exciting one, wasn’t it? From across the political spectrum, there was cluelessness galore as politicians, bloggers, and media types of every size, shape, race, creed, color, sexual orientation, and felony category vied in a most spirited manner for the top spot in the Wide, Wide, World of Cluebats.

I hardly know where to begin. I had to do a lot of work to narrow the field to three candidate cluebats. If I left you off the list, I apologize (Ted Rall) or if I didn’t think you were quite clueless enough, better luck next time (Hillary). The fact is, the finalists this week demonstrated an Olympian ability to transgress against common sense, common decency, and even the laws of nature.

For instance, the Saga of Ben Domenech will go down as a milepost in the history of blogs. For if the serial plagiarizer proved anything, it is that bloggers can be as stupid and clueless as any mainstream media reporter. Ben’s “indiscretions” are so titanically gross, they are actually more worthy of being set down as part of some epic poem, a Scandinavian saga recited for hours around a roaring fire by some guy dressed in animal skins. Or perhaps his deeds, like Siegfried’s triumphs, could be the subject of a Wagnerian opera because in Ben’s case, the fat lady has definitely started to sing. As Patrick Frey remarked only half in jest, ” Good Lord. Has this Domenech guy ever written anything original?”

Our runner-up for this week’s award goes to Zacarias Moussaoui. I know, I know…making fun of a guy who had blood on his mind directed toward Americans is probably in real bad taste – something this site is becoming justly famous for. But when you examine the antics of this bloodthirsty cluebat, you end up just shaking your head in wonder. His grandiose claims about being in cahoots with shoebomber Richard Reid have already been debunked (Reid being almost as clueless seeing that, thank God, he was so inept he couldn’t light the fuse in his shoe) as has his boast that he was supposed to fly a plane into the White House. The fact that he is on trial for his life makes it even more bizarre especially since, as was revealed yesterday, he tried to make a deal to testify against himself with the prosecutors not to avoid the death penalty but rather in order to get better living conditions in prison.

But the prize this week for sheer effrontery to logic, decency, and a just, ordered society has to go to the illegal immigrants (not the legal ones) who took part in demonstrations against reform measures that want to treat them as the criminals that they are and the arrogant and clueless scofflaws they demonstrate themselves to be. And just to show that this is an equal opportunity cluebat bashing blog, I will say to the Mexicans in California, the Irish in the Back Bay, the Poles in Chicago, the Russians in Brighton Beach, the Taiwanese in San Francisco, the Thais in Louisiana, the Arabs in Dearborne, and Serbs in Milwaukee...GET YOUR ASS TO THE BACK OF THE LINE AND WAIT YOUR TURN, DAMNIT!

So for demonstrating a maddening ability to not recognize the jaw-dropping irony inherent in their demonstrations last weekend, illegal immigrants are named Cluebats of the Week.

There’s plenty more where that came from. Sample some of the best from the world of idiots by visiting a few of the posts below. You won’t be disappointed. C’mon! Get your click on!

“In politics stupidity is not a handicap.”
(Napoleon Bonaparte)

“Hey Nappy! I see you’ve met our Republican Senators who support the guest worker program”
(Me)

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Every once and a while, a post comes our way at the Carnival that defines cluelessness so well that all we can do is link to it and thank the blogger who sent it along. In this case, we have Fred Fry to be grateful to.

Pat Curley has some fallout that befell Michelle Malkin in the aftermath of the Domenech affair and the clueless conservatives at RedState who initiated it.

Bill Teach shows us why Helen Thomas will be receiving the “Life Time Achievement Award” for the clueless coming up next week when we induct several cluebats into the Hall of Fame. (See below)

Is there anything more insidious than Saudi Arabia bribing American Universities with multi-million dollar gifts? If you ask the lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs, she’ll tell you that it’s the clueless colleges taking the money in the first place.

Tom Bowler comments on the cluelessness of Jacques Chirac who walked out of an EU conference because one of his countrymen had the temerity to speak English.

Dan Melson has dug up another outsourcing deal that makes the Dubai ports imbroglio look like a picnic. Seems that we’ve given a contract to a Hong Kong (China!) company to scan for nukes and nuclear material at foreign ports without the presence of any US inspectors. Ronaldus Maximus: “Trust, but verify.”

DL at Bacon Bits has some eyebrow raising cluelessness on the part of Mayor Nagin and the New Orleans city government regarding all those cars that were 9 feet underwater as a result of hurricane Katrina.

Jack Cluth presents us with a typical bit of FBI/DHS idiocy; they’re spying on antiwar grandmas. Says Jack: “Man…who would have thought that the biggest threat was right here at home, baking cookies under our collective nose?”

I must confess that my head hurts after reading this post from the smartest cat on the Internet. Ferdy is debunking that Berkley study showing conservatives are whiners by using coins. My only question: Where do kitties put the change they get back from a dollar?

Not to be outdone, Buckley F. Williams gives us “Top 9 Unreported Findings From “The Berkeley Whining Study.” Check out #3. Ouch!

Welcome back Two Dogs! Mean ole Meany returns to the Carnival with a vengeance – and some excellent logic as he takes down a clueless columnist who wrote about whites “fleeing” the Democratic party in Mississippi because Republicans are now the racists.

Our favorite salty Christian Stingray has the jaw-dropper of the day about a woman who accidentally sold her son-in-law’s ashes.

Ilkka Kokkarinen, the finest Finnish-Canadian blogger around, has a fine essay on the cluelessness of feminists.

Rofa Six points us to this bit of lunacy; someone is actually trying to sell an Apache helicopter on Ebay. I wonder if it comes fully armed?

Mensa Barbie has a serious post about the new domestic violence law in France. Read about it and then wonder what the hell took them so long.

Kender is out of the hospital and making up for lost time with this piece on immigrant “rights.” Or is it “immigrant wrongs?”

Shamalama is ding donging the New York Times for their utter cluelessness about a Katrina “victim” they profiled who turned out to be a fraud and had stolen thousands from the government. The Times was a near finalist for Cluebat of the Week.

Carnival reader Dan Hagen sends us his very own “SATIRICAL POLITICAL BELIEFS ASSESSMENT TEST.” Been a while since I took the SAT…

Our shaggy friends at Random Yak have a head-shaking piece about bad language, kids, and the school district’s “concern” that is spurring them to action. Quoth the Yak: “I’m sure the foul-mouthed little cretins are quivering in their [inappropriate language deleted] boots.”

Where I Stand looks to be an interesting blog. To prove it, here’s an interesting discussion of state’s rights between two of the site’s writers.

Wenchypoo has a bit of statistical cluelessness on the part of us baby boomers and saving for our retirement.

Another good looking new blog (new to me) is Vox Popular. Here’s a letter from Mr. Hashemi, the former Taliban spokesman now enrolled at Yale University. The salutation will give you an idea: “Greetings American Swine-Dogs.”

XYBA sends us word that Planned Parenthood is opposing a proposed law in Michigan that would protect women from being forced into having abortions. You’re not surprised, are you?

Oh my! Prevaricating pachyderms at Academic Elephants? No, but many good points made nonetheless.

Although not really clueless, Lecentre would like to promote a Carnival at their own site that I will probably enter myself; “Mediocre Media Carnival.”

Jon Swift has some curious lunacy from Texas authorities who have taken to going into bars looking for drunks in order to cut down on drunk driving.

Dean Swift has a fascinating bit about bordeom and college students.

Finally, Here are my thoughts on Domenech. Make sure you check the update first.

ATTENTION: NOMINATIONS WANTED

Next week, will be our first Hall of Fame edition of the Carnival of the Clueless. I am seeking your input into the decision of who are the most clueless people on the planet worthy of being included.

I arbitrarily chose these five as original members of the Hall.
1. Ted Kennedy
2. Hillary Clinton
3. John Kerry
4. Jimmy Carter
5. Pat Robertson

Criteria is loose but what we’re looking for is cluelessness on a consistent basis that has taken place over a period of many years.

Send your entries via email or leave them in the comments on this post. A total of at least 3 and as many as 5 cluebats will be honored.

As a reward for your participation, if your nomination is well written enough, I’ll include it in the post.

Deadline is Monday at 10:00 PM central.

UPDATE

I guess I didn’t make clear that the five cluebats listed above are already in the Hall of Fame. I’m looking for others.

Technorati informs us that there are maybe 28 million blogs out there. Think about that number for a moment. That’s 28 million people dreaming of being just like Kos, or Duncan Black, or even Oliver Willis although in Odub’s case, allowances should be made for the lunatic lobby and their agitation to be mainstreamed.

But above all others, if you’re a blogger you want to be like Glenn Reynolds. Even many lefties would kill for the traffic Reynold’s gets at Instapundit. Conservative bloggers have adopted Reynold’s snappy, punchy writing style as well as many of his ubiquitous euphemisms. Is there a blogger out there who hasn’t at one time or another used “Indeed” or the wildly understated “Heh” to make a pithy comment about some eye-brow raising bit of cluelessness?

For myself, I don’t necessarily want to be like Reynolds, I want the brand name of the coffee he drinks in the morning. He does more in an hour than most of us do in a day. His time management skills must be something back-engineered from that crashed alien spacecraft in Roswell. How else do you explain his not only holding down a full time job but also finding time to write several columns a week, read a book every couple of days, keep up with what’s going on in the world, blog up a storm, and still find time to devote to his family.

Maybe I should stop watching re-runs of Jeopardy on GSN.

The fact that he probably reads more books in a month than I do in a year and writes more in a week than many of us will do in a month bespeaks a discipline that is both admirable and scary. With that kind of efficiency, just think what he could have accomplished throughout history:

• If they had put him in charge of the War Production Board during World War II, we would have kicked Hitler and Tojo’s ass in 6 weeks.

• Rome actually would have been built in a day.

• The “Three Minute Egg” would be known as the “Two Minute Twenty Five Second” Egg.

You get the picture.

Now Mr. Reynolds has written a book about this sort of efficiency entitled An Army of Davids which either refers to the biblical story of David versus Goliath or some kind of nightmare that involves a host of clones resembling the mutli-talented star of Baywatch and Knight Rider cavorting naked in my bedroom. I’ll admit the latter possibility is intriguing but hardly germane to the idea of a world revolution in efficiency and problem solving.

With that revolution in mind it struck me that the practical applications for such an “army” were endless. Just think of how much cluelessness could be avoided, curtailed, or even defeated if Mr. Reynold’s mythical army were loosed upon the unsuspecting world of dolts, nincompoops, blockheads, imbeciles, and cluebats. The effects would probably be so beneficial, it is likely that all the fondest dreams of mankind – world peace, the elimination of poverty and hunger, a World Series Championship for the Cubs – could be realized.

Regular Carnival goers will remember my recent “What Would Jack Bauer Do” edition in which I commented on each bit of cluelessness by positing the ultimate question of what Mr. Bauer would have done if faced with a similar situation as that faced by the cluebat in question.

Because nothing succeeds like success (and because I’m running out of original ideas of what to do) I would like to take a similar tack with Mr. Reynolds fictitious army: What would an Army of Davids Do or WWAODD. Following each Carnival entry, I’ll try and answer that question as briefly as possible. Who knows, maybe we’ll come up with some real solutions to these problems. Maybe we’ll really change something. Maybe this mythical army will acquire flesh and bone and roll like a tidal wave across the landscape moving mountains, changing the course of mighty rivers (without harming the snail darter), rebuild cities, reform political parties, and even bring peace to the galaxy.

Okay, well maybe not bring peace to the galaxy. But you get the idea.

We’ve got 35 entries this week from some of the best, the funniest writers on the web. So grab a brew, kick back and be entertained. Click till it hurts!

“Everybody pulls for David, nobody roots for Goliath.”
(Wilt Chamberlain, 7’2” NBA Hall of Famer)

“Hey Stilt! David probably didn’t play ‘hide the salami’ with 20,000 women”.
(Me)

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Alexandra at All Things Beautiful joins the Carnival this week by asking the question: Why has the Bush administration, which has labeled Iran one of the world’s most dangerous regimes and has called the hostages American heroes, fought their efforts to win damages for their ordeal from the Islamic republic? Alexandra’s answer is a jaw-dropper.

WWAODD: Using collective wisdom, they would have prevented the election of Jimmy Carter in the first place and never allowed the dirty necked galoots who run the Iranian theocracy to take power.

Our favorite conservative streetwalker, Feisty Republican Whore takes us to Australia where some media types are shocked, just shocked I tell you that the words “Muslim” and “terrorists” appear in the same context 89% of the time.

WWAODD: A re-examination of the record by the AOD’s would find that the actual percentage is closer to 100%.

Giacomo (whose coverage of Hoop Fever has been fantastic) offers an explanation as to why the clueless reporters at ESPN writing about the World Baseball Championship can’t figure out why the Cuban ballplayers seem to be living in another era – like the 1940’s and 50’s.

WWAODD: The Army would find a way to smuggle plans into Cuba to build thousands of Apple II computers made from sugar cane stalks, tin cans, and spare parts from a 1957 Chevy Bel Airs which would help unite the Cuban people and assist them in overthrowing Castro.

The best Finnish-Canadian blogger out there from Sixteen Volts takes us back to his childhood and the Marxist children’s book The Little Red Book of Schoolchildren which offered some rather interesting suggestions as to how kids could overthrow capitalist governments.

WWAODD: Laugh.

Tom Rants has a rant about the cluelessness of World Net Daily, one of the most inaccurate sources for news on the web.

WWAODD: The AOD gave up trying to fact check the cluebats long ago.

XYBA has the mandible depresser of the day about a child rapist given no jail time who immediately after being released raped again.

WWAODD: Find a way to build a trap door leading to hell so that people like this could be dealt with in a proper manner.

Dan Melson has written a superior post about the myth of the media being a “superior class” in American society.

WWAODD: The AOD belled that cat long ago.

Fausta has a smorgasbord of cluelessness from a variety of sources for your enjoyment.

WWAODD: Smorgasbords being the most efficient and profitable way to serve a large number of people, the AOD would approve (and help themselves to the kippers).

Tom Bowler updates us on the “Joe Wilson Magical Mystery Tour” of Democratic fundraisers where the most famous man in America whose wife isn’t a covert operative for the CIA has been speaking.

WWAODD: The AOD has written a program for the web that automatically debunks Wilson’s charges. The file has been corrupted by overuse.

HERE’S YOUR WEEKLY DOSE OF CARNIVAL SATIRE FROM OUR RELATIVELY STABLE STABLE OF WEB SATIRISTS:

Conservathink has an obit that is kinda, sorta, well…let’s face it. It’s disgusting. Funny? You be the judge.

Buckley F. Williams gives us the lowdown on Katie Couric’s interview with the Muslim cluebat who drove his vehicle into a crowd of people at UNC.

Mr. Right treats us to a learned academic study showing that George Bush is indeed Adolph Hitler.

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK BACK NEXT WEEK FOR SOME OF THE FUNNIEST SATIRE ON THE WEB.

The Yaks are back! Random Yak gives us a collective “Yak of the Week” for a bunch of clueless executives who refuse to use to internet. Their reasons may surprise you.

WWAODD: Disguising the internet as a set of golf clubs, the AOD tricks the executives into becoming more comfortable with going on line.

The smartest kitty on the internet, Ferdy informs us that although the Constitution does not specifically prohibit anyone from being a chucklehead, there may in fact be a foreign precedent that SCOTUS could use to prohibit Congressional idiocy.

WWAODD: The Army would work tirelessly and with eventual success in getting Ferdy elected President.

Cao has the tangled web a blogger has woven trying to hide their identity and the thread of lies she/he put out to throw people off the trail.

WWAODD: One would definitely need an army to unravel the story of this prevaricating poseur.

Carnival Pin-Up Girl Pamela enlightens us about Darfur and the demonstration in support of people who are being slaughtered as we speak.

WWOADD: The army would find a way to bring these outrages to the attention of the entire world as well as light a fire under the UN, the US government, and other western nations to get off their butts and do something.

Beth rants against the left and their argument about Iraq (and any other conflict involving the US) being about oil.

WWAODD: The AOD will eventually develop alternatives to oil anyway which will cause lefty’s heads to explode all over the world when they no longer can use their favorite anti-capitalist, anti-American argument.

Jay at Stop the ACLU wants to stop the ACLU from destroying American sovereignty in this blood-pressure raising article.

WWAODD: An army of bloggers works to expose the perfidy of the so-called civil liberties organization. Oh wait…Jay’s already doing that.

A Different River tells us about a “performance artist” who believes “If it’s not offensive, it’s not art.”

WWAODD: Art being an individualistic endeavor, The Army would normally have scant interest in such obscenity. However, since this kind of outrageousness demands action, AOD would see to it that the cluebat’s “art” never saw the light of day.

Jack Cluth bitterly bemoans the fact that Serbian mass murderer Slobadan Milosevic escaped justice.

WWAODD: Develop a life-prolonging drug that would have kept the dictator alive long enough to receive his just desserts.

Don Surber has the latest evidence of global warming; yellow snow in Korea. No, it’s not what you’re thinking.

WWAODD: Find a way to turn snow blue so that it won’t look so icky.

Mark Coffey has the Nutroots Manifesto that is not only, well, nutty but dishonest and unintentionally funny to boot.

WWAODD: Send Kos, Armstrong, and the whole bunch copies of An Army of Davids and hope they don’t only use the book as a coaster for their kool-aid.

Fred Fry gives us another fascinating post on the Maritime industry (in which he’s worked for many years) and more fallout from the Dubai port deal…AND -

The Maryhunter has more on the backlash caused by the port deal.

WWAODD: The collective intelligence of The AOD would have prevented the brouhaha from occurring in the first place.

The lovely Mensa Barbie has some information on the clueless Belarus dictator who is acting like elections are a game.

WWAODD: What they’re doing right now; sitting in the cold and snow in the middle of Minsk demonstrating for democracy.

Stephen Littau gives us some Fearless Philosophy about the cluebats in Hollywood.

WWAODD: The AOD would recognize that Hollywood is on its last legs and that in the near future, independent films will overtake the over-fed, over-hyped gluttons who pass for film artists today.

Jon Swift has an excellent rant against the Democrats trying to make political hay out of Claude Allen’s troubles.

WWAODD: Try and get to the bottom of the strangest political story this year.

Those parsing pachyderms at Elephants in Academia point out a typical bit of cluelessness from CNN.

WWAODD: CNN is beyond the assistance of the AOD and is about to be replaced by them anyway.

Dean Swift celebrates National Meat-Out day by also celebrating “The National Eat More Yummy Animals Day.”

WWAODD: Although The Army rarely takes sides in such disputes, they would immediately recognize the cluelessness of PETA and other groups as well as the unconscionable interference in other people’s lives.

Stingray has the salty story linked by Drudge about the flying cows that left two police cars on fire in Texas.

WWAODD: AOD would have developed a cow catcher so that the police cars could have saved both the animals and their vehicles.

Lecentre has a tidbit about the Canadians debating the country’s military commitments in Afghanistan.

WWAODD: The AOD would agree with the sentiment in a poll published that showed people questioning why Canadian Members of Parliament were making $100,000 per year.

The lastest edition of the Carnival of the Clueless proved to be a resounding success. With 22 entries from both the left and right side of the Shadow Media, the Carnival proved that there’s plenty of cluelessness to go around.

Here’s what we’re looking for:

Each week, I’ll be calling for posts that highlight the total stupidity of a public figure or organization – either left or right – that demonstrates that special kind of cluelessness that only someone’s mother could defend…and maybe not even their mothers!

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Whether it’s the latest from Bill Maher or the Reverend Dobson, it doesn’t matter. I will post ALL ENTRIES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENTS EXPRESSED OR NOT.

C’Mon everyone! Join in the fun!

Entries are due Monday evening by Midnight central time. You can enter two ways:

1. You can send me an email with a link to your post to elvenstar522-at-AOL-dot-com.
2. Or, you can take advantage of the easy to fill out carnival submission form at Conservative Cat.

Here’s the orginal post on the Carnival with a more detailed explanation.

This has been a good week for cluelessness as the cluebats have been literally crawling out from under the woodwork.

Since many of our cluebats resemble cockroaches, the metaphor is more than just a figure of speech.

There was Jay Bennish, the Colorado teacher/proselytizer whose anti-Bush rants (and anti-American tirades as well) were foisted upon his charges in the form of lectures. This creature achieved a modicum of notoriety when he appeared with apple-cheeked Katy Couric on The Today Show for which the 60’s throwback took a shower, cut his hair, and got dressed up in his best Sunday go to mom’s house for dinner clothes. Just yesterday, the cluebat was allowed back in the classroom, no doubt with some admonishment from the clueless local school administration who evidently thinks more of the Nutty Professor’s right to teach political fantasies than giving students what they go to school for: Knowledge.

Then there’s the left. I know, I know…It’s no fair of me to pick such a huge target. But try as I might, I could not find one single liberal voice in the MSM, in blogs, in academia, who had one positive thing to say about the situation in Iraq. Why is this important? Because despite the bloodshed and the dangerous tilt toward civil war, the forces of democracy are proving themselves much more resilient than we could ever dare hope to believe. Instead of dissolving into a puddle of despair and defeatism, the Iraqi government, army, and most of its people still have hope. The problems are monumental. But it appears that this has not dissuaded the majority of people from continuing to work toward a better future. The question has been asked before and will be asked again; how come we on the right can tick off what’s going wrong in Iraq as well as what’s going right while the left can’t? Are they preternaturally disposed to be to ignore the facts? Or are they just clueless? (Update: Please see comment #1 below for an example of what I mean.)

But without a doubt, the hands-down winner of Cluebat of the Week has to go to Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin. Feingold, author of the First Amendment busting Campaign Finance Reform bill now fancies himself a candidate for President in ‘08 as well as a leader of his party. The problem, as you and I know, with leading is that…well, in order to lead you have to, like, have someone following you. And when Feingold offered his Censure Resolution this week, his erstwhile followers decided it wasn’t a good idea to trail behind someone who was leading them over a cliff. Democratic Senators did not just tiptoe away from Senator Cheesehead – they ran like hell for the exits as if someone had yelled “fire!” in a crowded theater.

So for not only being clueless in offering a resolution that made the President of the United States an enemy in time of war but for not having the smarts to see that no one would be following him in his quest to kill the White Whale, Russ Feingold is the winner of our Carnival’s Cluebat of the Week.

Why not check out the rest of our entries this week? I can guarantee a few cluebats who will make you laugh as well as raise your blood pressure. Click me, baby!

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
(Martin Luther King)

“Hey Rev! You been readin’ the New York Times Iraq coverage?”
(Me)

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A Different River brings us the sad story of Carnival contributor Betya of Shiloh Musings who is being evicted from her home by the Israeli government. There are many, myself included, who feel that the Israelis are incomprehensibly sleepwalking their way to disaster in giving away their land with no guarantee of peace. I believe the current leadership is going to live to regret their actions.

Betya herself talks about the cluelessness of the Israeli government in her post on eminent domain and how it relates to the process of disengagement.

Jack Cluth is on a rampage against South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds who recently signed the abortion ban bill.

The lovely and talented Mensa Barbie points out that it appears Cluebat Hall of Famer John Kerry has begun his 2008 Presidential campaign in earnest.

Josh Cohen offers some uplifting music for our Carnival goers pleasure. The lyrics in this song will live for a thousand years, a towering example of the genius of western culture. Then again, mebbe not…

Mark Coffey is back in the Carnival this week with an entry that either reveals that the left is not as clever than they think themselves or that we are correct in evaluating how truly clueless they really are. (Read: No matter how you look at it, they’re fools).

Here’s your weekly dose of satire from William F. Buckley: Top 9 Suggested Jay Bennish Book Titles. Number eight is “Superanticapitalisticjewsarequiteatrocious.”

Me-Ander has some fascinating information about the general cluelessness of men. I am biting my pen to keep it from scribbling some mean, nasty, degrading anti-woman tirade in response. Instead, I’ll only write one word: Blonds.

Are Sheik Mo and George Bush going to pull a fast one on us with regards to the ports deal? Iris Blog has the skinny on what may be a switcheroo in the works.

Those pachyderms prácticos at Elephants in Academia pick on Hugo Chavez and his totally clueless redesign of the Venezuelan flag.

Pat Curley has the low-down on the curious way that the MSM treated the arsonists who torched those churches in Alabama.

Our Carnival Pin-Up girl Pamela has one of her semi-regular features giving us what happened during the week in Iran and what happened during the same time in Israel. Let’s just say that if the Iranians keep this up, they’re going to run out of rope.

Fred Fry gives us a learned and interesting exposition on the ports deal from the perspective of someone in the maritime industry. A fascinating read.

XYBA has a story from Colorado about a man who put up a sign about being a “proud, English speaking American” is being accused of racism.

Philomathean has an interesting post about the cluelessness of a Colorado Congressman who may have acted stupidly but in a round about way is probably right. Read it and you’ll understand.

Here’s the jaw-dropper of the day: Accountability International has the story of a man whose false claim of diplomatic immunity cost him a pretty penny.

Gullyborg at Resistance is Futile has a comprehensive look at the issue of illegal immigrants and the public schools. He also highlights the cluelessness of an emailer who doesn’t quite get it.

From Common Folk Using Common Sense, we get the real story of the decision by the Canadian publication to publish the obscene Jesus cartoon but not the Mohammed ones.

Silent in the Morning has a post entitled “Naomi Wolf is a Nutjob.” I don’t think I can improve on that.

The Canadian blog Centrerion is disappointed that the Harper government is exhibiting some cluelessness by funding Hamas despite laws on the books preventing the government from supporting terrorism.

Finally, here’s my take on the cluelessness of the MSM and their Iraq coverage.

Oh how the mighty have fallen!

At one time, the wire services – Associated Press and United Press International – were media Gods. Their reporters, stringers, and hangers-on were considered the creme de la creme of journalistic excellence. Presidents would defer to them by allowing them to ask the first question at White House press conferences. Newsrooms across the country relied on them to report on breaking news around the world. In a time when major dailies would publish 3 or 4 editions, that breaking news was vital in order to get the jump on the competition.

This is because when the AP and UPI ruled, people who lived in large cities had the option of getting their news from several daily newspapers. And the competition to be first out with breaking news (the fabled “extra” edition hawked by the newsboys) was extremely intense. A 15 minute difference in getting the edition to the streets could mean the gain or loss of 50,000 copies sold. Hence, the wire service boys were prized for their ability to get the story first and to get it right. And the competition between AP and UPI defined an age of journalism where minutes counted and reporters fought like wildcats to get the story “on the wires” first.

This was the newspaper business of the 40’s and 50’s. Editors and publishers relied on AP and UPI to make their newspapers profitable. No more. It wasn’t the advent of television that killed AP and UPI and made them virtually irrelevant. It was the changing technology of news gathering that sounded their death knell. Satellites, cable TV, and finally the internet all conspired to bring the mighty wires services to their knees.

Both AP and UPI survive today but their roles have changed dramatically. While speed is still prized by both, their profitability is dependent on the chains of smaller newspapers who rely on their national and international reporting to fill out the pages of the glorified “shoppers” that pass for local news today. Rather than hire reporters to write these stories, “small” newspapers, who themselves are owned by giant corporations like Paddock Publications and Gannett, use the wire services almost exclusively to fill up the white spaces wedged between ads for local goods and services.

This fall from the mountaintop has been accompanied by a curious phenomenon; a casual approach to facts and a creeping kind of advocacy journalism with a decidedly left wing slant. This is especially true of the Associated Press whose bias and disregard for honest journalism was recently put on display for all to see.

It is clear that the “Katrina Video” story was driven by big media and the lefty blogs. But the original story came to us via the good old AP. The only problem was that the accompanying articles written by the Associated Press were so full of inaccuracies, omissions, and, some would say, outright lies, that the AP was forced to admit (albeit on a Friday night when they hoped few were paying attention) that large portions of their “news” story simply weren’t true. Not only did they mischaracterize what was on the video, they falsified what was said, putting words into people’s mouths that didn’t jibe with what was said on the video. Couple that with the fact that they tried to pass the video off as an “exclusive” – despite most of the newsnets having the video in their own archives – and you have our Cluebat of the Week.

So for Cluelessness that reveals how far a once great and talented news service has fallen, the Associated Press is awarded the coveted Cluebat of the Week.

Why not check out the articles below for some more cluelessness that’ll make you smile. make you cry, and maybe even make you throw your diet vanilla coke at your monitor! Go ahead…you know you want to click it.

“When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have recourse to any other”
(Mitchell Ullman)

Hey Mitch! So that explains coverage of the Iraq war!
(Me)

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Those pesky pachyderms at Elephants in Academia have some interesting thoughts on the Rumsfeld v FAIR case where the Solomon Amendment allowing military recruiters on campus was upheld.

Pat Curley does a more than admirable job in taking down one of the left’s leading intellectuals, Lewis Lapham, who recently jumped aboard the impeachment bandwagon. Lapham is basing his critique on Rep. John Conyers nutty report that has every conspiracy theory ever dreamed up including, I believe, aliens landing at Roswell, NM.

Josh Cohen takes on Standardized Tests for children and makes some valid points on why they are probably a bad idea in some respects. I personally believe that the entire idea of testing has gotten out of control and that there have to be better ways to judge not only how well a child is doing but how good a job the school is doing in educating them.

Our Carnival pin-up girl Pamela got one of the blog interviews of the year with UN Ambassador John Bolton. Talk about someone who can identify cluelessness…

Holly Aho has the skinny on some real cluelessness at the DU. It seems one of our proud Marines who recently braved the jihadis in Iraq decided to brave the moonbats at the Democratic Underground in order to answer questions.

DL at Bacon Bits wonders “Can we Impeach an Ex-President?” Perhaps more to the point would be to ask if it’s still illegal to tar and feather Jimmy Carter and run him out of town on a rail.

NOTR at the blog ROFASIX has a good fisking of Barbara Streisand’s criticism of the anti-intellectualism in the Bush Administration. Now if the ditsy diva could ever learn to spell, as well as graduate from an accredited college, she may some points to make.

XYBA wonders about Catholics who don’t support the Vatican. Some excellent points made about an age old argument.

Kender sends along a piece by Heidi at Euphoric Reality who points us to an interview on al Jazeera with a secular Muslim who absolutely skewers the jihadis and non-violent moderate Muslims who don’t criticize them. The cluelessness of the reporter is breathtaking in its stupidity.

The scatological Scotsman himself has graced the Carnival yet again with his words of wisdom about religion. It seems that Kender has discovered a long lost “saint” from, of all places, France. Um…read the whole thing and be amused.

AJ Strata has the results from a recent poll that shows American are fed up with Washington – not just the government but everyone who makes a living writing, talking, and otherwise bloviating about politics.

Doug at Below the Beltway has the quote of the day. In taking apart columnist Eugene Robinson who complains that Washington, D.C. is out of touch with the “real America,” the cluebat wants us instead to look to Hollywood for what is really going on; “Ah yes, let’s move from Washington, D.C. to the capitol of Reality Nation——- Hollywood, California.” Ah, yes indeed.

Tom Bowler has the jaw-dropper of the day. A Kos diarist is celebrating “victory” in Iraq. Considering the source, it isn’t the kind of victory that you and I would think worth celebrating. Read it – but take your blood pressure meds first.

Mensa Barbie (irresistible combination, eh guys?) has some more idiocy from al Jazeera on how Saddam wasn’t really that bad. Yep. You heard me.

Fausta (whose hair looks lovely today) has the incredible story of the cluelessness of large corporations who are playing footsie with “The Laughing Goat” Hugo Chavez as the dictator tries out his socialist policies with the help of the crony capitalists.

Adam tries to calm the hysteria on the left who have their panties in a twist over legislation in Missouri that on its face appears to make Christianity the “official religion” of the state. A closer look reveals a different story.

On the lookout for good new blogs? Try One Man Bandwidth written by a professor in China. This post is about a person not being “dead enough” to harvest their organs.

A Different River brings us up to date on the global warming debate and how it is absolutely impossible – according to its adherents – that the theory could be incorrect. An eye opener.

Cao has a jaw dropper about the cluelessness of journalists who continue to deny Jack Idema’s claim of US government sanction for his actions.

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam is fighting the good fight against hunting this week. Her solution; arm the animals! Anyone who has seen Crocodile Dundee with the gun toting kangaroos will get a laugh out of this one.

Those gentle homeschoolers at The Common Room are back in the Carnival! This time, the Deputy Headmistress picks up the paddle and spanks a clueless law professor who thinks it impossible for women to be “fulfilled” while staying home and taking care of children.

Jack Cluth has a laugh out loud piece on people who see religious icons in everything from grilled cheese sandwiches to a piece of sheet metal. Jack thinks it looks more like Val Kilmer.

Finally, here’s my piece on Cindy Sheehan and the hagiographic treatment given her by the media.