Congress is still in recess. The President is still on vacation. Howard Dean has been tied up, gagged, and put into cold storage for a couple of weeks. Hurricane Katrina has knocked the Cindy Sheehan Show off the nets. Teddy Kennedy is waddling around Hyannis Port.

Where have all the cluebats gone?

We are, cluelessly speaking, in the doldrums. Now the doldrums is an actual place. I bet you didn’t know that. They’re located about halfway between Africa and South America. The trade winds coming from the south and the north meet near the equator. These converging trade winds produce general upward winds as they are heated, so there are no steady surface winds. Sailing vessels are routinely becalmed in the doldrums. And that’s pretty much where we find ourselves with this edition of the Carnival.

But fret not. The Senate Judiciary Committee will begin hearings next week on the Roberts nomination. I predict an avalanche of cluelessness coming from both Democrats and Republicans as the former sees Roberts as the devil incarnate and the latter as the resurrected spirit of Oliver Wendell Holmes. And Mr. Roberts will play along and try to answer questions from Senator Biden that will inevitably begin with “Now I don’t want to know your position on abortion, but…” which then turns into a grilling on the good judge’s position on abortion. If nothing else, it will be more entertaining than watching Congress trying to do something important like reforming Social Security or getting serious about illegal immigration.

So without further eloquence, here’s this week’s collection of clueless clodhoppers brought to you by some of the best writers on the web.

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
(Will Rogers)

Ah Will! Howard Dean and the Democrats asks themselves that question every day of the week!
(Me)

Cao of Cao’s Blog (pronounced “key”) features a Code Pink cluebat protesting against wounded soldiers in front of Walter Reed army hospital who’s cluelessness extends to a problem the young man has with sexual identification. And doesn’t he realize that one never accessorizes knits with cotton?

The Maryhunter of TMH Bacon Bits shows the error of Lewis M.Simons reasoning in his expert takedown of the ex-marine turned cluebat whose piece against the war appeared in last Sunday’s Washington Post Outlook section. Funny how logic and reason defeat hysteria and hyperbole every time.

The partying pachyderms at Academic Elephants have a good time goring Cluebat Hall of Famer Charlie Rangel who questioned Vice President Cheney’s fitness for office in aq radio interview. Says Rangel: “He’s got heart disease, but the disease is not restricted to that part of his body. He grunts a lot, so you never really know what he’s thinking. Quoth the Elephants: “[T]here is a sickness eating away at the left, which is allowing its hysterical and impotent rage lead it into increasingly paranoid fantasies about its opponents.”

Bob at Stop the ACLU brings us more complete stupidity from a group whose activities have less and less to do with “civil liberties” and more to do with enabling licentiousness. This time, the ACLU is trying to block the sale of optional internet filters to keep porn away from kids. Are the filters perfect? No in that they do occasionally filter out things like pictures of Michaelangelo’s David. But it’s hardly an issue for a group purporting to be upholding civil liberties.

Two Dogs at Mean ole Meany has become quite the pen pal of John Kerry. Despite unsubscribing twice from the Senator’s email list, (and being addressed in the salutation as “Dear Two”) they continue to allow Two Dogs to make them look like the idiots they really are.

Speaking of John Kerry, Pat over at Brainsters takes us down memory lane to relive some of Kerry’s pathetic attempts to look like a regular guy. Please note when trying to catch the football he has his eyes closed. Sort of symptomatic of not only his campaign for the presidency but his entire approach to public policy.

Fred Frey’s headline says it all: “UN Blames US for African Condom Shortage!” This comes as a surprise to US policy makers who eagerly support the use of condoms – along with abstinence and faithfulness to one’s partner – as the best way to stop the AIDS pandemic in Africa. That doesn’t stop UN bureaucrats from bashing the US whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Gullyborg at Resistence is Futile tackles the Governor of Oregon for raising emission standards for autos to the point that fewer new cars will be bought thus increasing pollution because older cars not subject to the same standards will still be on the road. Too much sense for a moonbat politician to digest.

Mark Rayner at The Skwib wrote a hilarious bit about Jon Carroll at the San Francisco Chronicle. The article in which Mr. Carroll tries to debunk ID, contains this eye opening bit of cluelessness: “Scientists have been studying the origin and nature of life on earth for at least 4,000 years.” Mark says, Uh-Huh: “Look at this ancient Egyptian centrifuge. Originally, we thought it was used to removed the liquefied brains out of skulls.” Hee.

Mark Coffey tears Frank Rich a new one for his column “The Vietnamization of Bush’s Vacation.” What is it about the left and Viet Nam? I mean, were the 60’s really all that great?

AJ at the Strata-Sphere has a frightening piece about some absent minded scientists in a couple of unamed Southeast Asian countries who just can’t seem to remember where they put some of that radioactive stuff like Cobalt and such. The Australian scientists who discovered that the stuff was unsecured refused to name the culprit countries until the material was under lock and key. Well, duh!

How about a little Mr Satire with your milk and cookies? Just make sure you put down the milk before you dig into “Venezuelan President Offers Free Gasoline and 10% Discount On Brain Smog Check To Americans” or “High Pregnancy Rate In High School Spurrs Debate About Intelligent Design And Evolution.” (Not safe for work)

Buckley F. Williams has found something that should have been as plain as The Nose on your Face. In fact, this revelation will rock the anti-war movement to its foundations. Cindy Sheehan is actually an out of work actor. And Buckley has the pictures to prove it!

From our “What else do you expect from a bunch of Euro-Twits” Department, Van Helsing brings us a stranger than fiction tale of a library in Denmark in which you can check out not only books, magazines, and movies but human beings as well. No, that’s not a misprint. Says the library Director: “The customers can rent a veiled Muslim woman and finally ask her all the questions they would never dare to ask if they met her on the street.” Isn’t that swell? The possibilities are endless. Maybe they can add a terrorist to their inventory. Or a serial killer.

Drew at Conservative Outpost rants against Mother Sheehan for her despicable comments about mothers who have lost a son in Iraq who support the President. Calling them “continue the murder and mayhem” moms” it seems that the less people pay attention to her, Mother Sheehan’s rhetorical excesses reach new heights of moonbattery, something Drew points out nicely.

Wonder Woman harangues Hugo Chavez for crying crocodile tears over Pat Robertson’s idiotic statements about assassinating him last week and asks Jesse Jackson a rather direct and pertinent question about criticizing people who advocate killing President Bush. I smell a double standard.

Not to be outdone, Tom Bowler finds out that some of the same people criticizing Robertson today said something eerily similar about Saddam just a few years ago. I think the left should have a meeting and decide which leaders we should be assassinating and which ones we shouldn’t. Just to clear up any misunderstandings.

Miriam from Miriam’s Ideas has an oldy but goody that questions the Jerusalem Post’s editorial policies. And I’m very happy to hear that she’s “pro-tango.” So am I.

Giacomo from Joust the Facts features the not-so-deep thoughts of Hollywood bad boy Sean Penn on his “peace” mission to Iran. What kind of hubris do you think it takes to actually believe that people are interested in anything you might have to say about Iran, Sean? We don’t even care what you have to say about Madonna anymore!

Kid Various from The Idiom Blog has a short, funny bit about stupid criminals. Cluelessness is indeed a policeman’s best friend.

Dave at Short Final, Cleared to Land takes on Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi regarding what had to be the most clueless editorial written last week. If generalities and formless bromides could win the War on Terror, Reid and Pelosi would go down in history as the architects of the winning strategy.

Mr. Right has a liberal’s interpretation of the Constitution. Hey! Why are there so many things crossed out? And some of that language looks a little unfamiliar.

Ken at Am I a Pundit Now Blog directs some well deserved scorn at Huffington Post as he praises the only poster at the site who makes any sense, Greg Gutfeld.

As Neddy at Kerfluffles points out, the liberals who run the Associated Press are a piece of work. The article criticizing the President’s gasoline expenditures as President got a lot of play this week, as well it should have. Such idiocy deserves to be highlighted.

Elisa at Boxer Watch has some interesting statistics about Cindy Sheehan, Iraq, and Jerry Springer as well as some real stupidity on the part of the American people. Example: 27% of Americans believe there is a cure for cancer but its being withheld by the healthcare industry. They can’t all be members of the Democratic Underground!

Finally, I take Cindy Sheehan on a Magical Mystery Tour.