I don’t know about you, but the fact that Osama Bin Laden is alive and apparently well enough to stand behind a podium for 17 minutes without collapsing scares the holy livin’ bejeebeez out of me.

I know I should be braver. I know I should laugh in the face of death, spit in the eye of this tormenter, this murderer of innocents, this completely worthless piece of human excremento extreminium (pig latin people…don’t go running to look it up in your “Ceasar’s Commentaries).” Couple this tape with the video of Our American Cousin who just happens to have gone over to help Al Qaeda create their Halloween costumes (Osama as a ghost? Ayman al-Zawahiri as the Wicked Witch of the West?) and we may be in for a very rough few days. The Capn’ thinks so:

“This portends something unpleasant. That makes two videotaped “warnings” to the US, which may signal some action upcoming in the immediate future. Al-Jazeera only played one minute of the video statement, probably to minimize the possibility of inadvertently broadcasting any coded messages to remote cells. Since Madrid, we’ve expected to see some action from AQ to rattle us or affect the election, and it may be that the tapes are all they have—but of course, we don’t know that.”

I think you’ve got your sails trimmed correctly here, Capn’. If I lived in New York, Washington, Los Angeles…or Algonquin, IL for that matter (we’re less than 50 miles from Chicago) I would make some simple, common sense preparations today. Enough canned food to live without electricity for a couple of weeks to start. Batteries for the flashlight…I’m sure you all could think of something to do that would make you just a little more prepared for whatever comes…or doesn’t.

Looking at the tape from a purely political point of view (hard to do) David Limbaugh has hit the nail on the head (he even predicted it) with Kerry’s now discredited “outsourcing” meme on Tora Bora:

“Can you believe this? After he praised the mission at the time! After Tommy Franks was very clear that no one was sure he was there. After he knows we had Special Forces in there!”

I CAN believe it, David. The note of desperation creeping into Kerry’s campaign since the Al Qaqaa fiasco started to completely unravel 48 hours ago reached its zenith yesterday with Kerry SCREAMING in a high pitched, whiney voice for Americans to “Wake up!” (significant Otherhawk noticed it and was amazed).

Kerry’s internal numbers must be dropping like a stone for him to take this tack. This deliberate attempt to divide the American people over the Bin Laden tape shows that perhaps Kerry’s only hope IS a massive terrorist strike that will make him look like a prophet and swing the election his way. At the very least, he’s trying one last time to firm up his base (isn’t it a little late in the game to bring in a starting pitcher?)

How about Wretchard’s take on this…that OBL is surrendering?

“There is no more anticipation that Islam will sweep the world. He is no longer boasting that Americans run at the slightest wounds; that they are more cowardly than the Russians. He is not talking about future operations to swathe the world in fire but dwelling on past glories. He is basically saying if you leave us alone we will leave you alone. Though it is couched in his customary orbicular phraseology he is basically asking for time out.”

Ordinarily I’d say, “wishful thinking friend” except that our buddy at the Belmont Club is one of the smartest people on the net. When he talks, we listen.

Ace, in fisking Mickey Kaus’s ridiculous notion that Osama is “straddling” between Bush and Kerry makes a great point:

“Hmmmm… that picks up directly on a John Kerry attack. If he’s “straddling” between the men, I wonder, where are the Swift Vets references? Seems to me he might have poked fun at Kerry’s three, ahem, Purple Hearts. Everyone else has (except partisan liberals, natch).”

Which brings us to the Fundamental Question…the Urian Query…the absurdo infinitium inquiritos.

WHY THE HELL MAKE A TAPE USING MICHAEL MOORE TALKING POINTS?

Here’s Hindrocket:

“Do you suppose there are any Democrats honest enough to be embarrassed that Osama bin Laden has enthusiastically adopted their campaign themes?”

Perhaps the rat knows OUR rats better than we give him credit for. Maybe he knows our our rats better than WE do. I think he’s trying to divide us. Jeff Goldstein illustrates:

“Ellis Henican, appearing on “The O’Reilly Factor,” called UBL “crafty,” and is convinced bin Laden wants Bush re-elected-that today’s speech was a “crafty” effort to push stupid Americans in that direction. Thankfully, Ellis arrived to redirect the rubes.”

CW says that this is a Kerry campaign commercial. Kerry aides are talking about the tape as if that’s what OBL WANTS us to think but he’s really pushing Bush. And then there’s Walter Cronkite:

“So now the question is basically right now, how will this affect the election? And I have a feeling that it could tilt the election a bit. In fact, IÂ’m a little inclined to think that Karl Rove, the political manager at the White House, who is a very clever man, he probably set up bin Laden to this thing…” (HT: Polipundit)

(Superhawk sighs and shakes his head sadly, remembering when Walter was “The Most Trusted Man in America”).

If we ARE hit in the next 72 hours…it’s going to be a mess.