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Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM RIGHT WINGNUTHOUSE!

US AIR FORCE CONFIRMS EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUSE

Using super-secret high tech cameras and other classified sensing devices, the United States Air Force has confirmed that Santa Clause does indeed exist.

Tracking Santa’s movements with the very same equipment the Air Force uses to track space satellites, NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) has researched the Santa Clause myth for 50 years and determined that, not only does the portly gentleman in the red suit exist, but he actually does come down chimneys to deliver presents, eat a variety of snacks on his yearly one night trek, and does indeed have a list of children who’ve been naughty and nice…although the Air Force is uncertain if Santa actually checks the list twice.

As to the age old puzzle of how Santa can visit so many homes in only one night, the Air Force engaged some of the pre-eminent scientific minds in the world in such diverse scientific disciplines as astrophysics, cosmology, and Cosmic String Theory to come up with an answer:

“The fact that Santa Claus is more the 15 centuries old and does not appear to age is our biggest clue the he does not work within time, as we know it. His Christmas Eve trip may seem to take around 24 hours, but to Santa it could be that it lasts days, weeks or months in standard time. Santa would not want to rush the important job of bringing Christmas happiness to a child, so the only logical conclusion is that Santa somehow functions on a different time and space continuum.”

Indeed.

You can follow along as NORAD tracks Santa Clause from his base in the North Pole here. Santa tracking usually begins around 4:00pm EST (to make the afternoon news shows).

The Air Force has recently declassified some photos taken of Santa in action. Through FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) lawsuits (including one joined by yours truly) we’ve been able to force the Air Force to release these pictures

The truth is out there…