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We’ve linked to John Hawkins excellent site Right Wing News many a time here at the House. And for good reason. John’s posts on topics from the looniness of the Democratic Underground to his legendary Q & A Friday which is both informative and hilarious make RWN a daily stop for me and thousands of other loyal readers.

That’s why it’s going to be particularly painful for me to fisk Mr. Hawkins right smartly.

In a move designed to challenge Star Trek Fans worldwide, Mr. Hawkins has made the incredible blunder of actually ranking “The Ten Greatest Star Trek Characters of all Time.”

What folly! What hubris! WTF John? Bad enough that you include that simpering, swishy, sorry excuse for a Captain Jonathan Archer in your top ten but then you had to go and diss Captain Janeway by calling her “the Worst. Captain. Ever. Ever.” (one “ever” would have been enough…it was the second one that set me off.)

Here’s Mr. Hawkins Top Ten:

1. James Kirk
2. Spock
3. Jean Luc Picard
4. Data
5. Jonathan Archer
6. Worf
7. 7 of 9
8. T’Pol
9. Odo
10. Deanna Troi

This list is a travesty. Odo? Aforementioned namby-pamby Archer? T’Pol?

First, its obvious Mr. Hawkins has a bias against Star Trek Voyager. By only including 7 of 9 from that excellent show, as well as his dismissal of Janeway, Mr. Hawkins has demonstrated an unwarranted animus towards what is, in my opinion, the second best Star Trek series bested only by Nextgen . Before I rank the various Star Trek series, here are my Top Ten Star Trek Characters:

1. Picard.
2. Spock
3. Data
4. Kirk
5. Janeway
6. Troi
7. 7 of 9
8. Tuvak
9. Worf
10. Leonard McCoy

I ranked Kirk farther down because, frankly, I always thought him pretty much of a one dimensional character (although a brave and clever Captain).

I always liked the humanity of Janeway as well as her iron will.

Tuvak is probably the closest to what Gene Roddenbery had in mind when he invented the Vulcans; dispassionate, truly unemotional (T’Pol is hot, John, but sometimes she looks like she’s about ready to explode) and a total slave to logic.

And McCoy, who not only was the most complete character in the original series but along with Kirk and Spock gave the show a special chemistry that carried over very well into the feature films.

Honorable Mentions:

Odo
Scotty
T’Pol
Guinan

If you’ve read John’s “Bonuses,” you’ll notice in my Honorable Mentions I have two characters that Mr. Hawkins listed as his most “annoying.” The only reason I included Odo was that someone had to represent the excerable Deep Space Nine. Scotty will probably be on many top ten lists. To me, he barely missed because he, like Ohura, seemed to be outside the circle of major characters on the series. As for T’Pol…John is right, she’s HOT! And Guinan’s relationship with Picard was IMO the most fascinating part of Nextgen .

Now, to carry this “Best of” theme a little further, how about ranking the series?

1. Next Generation
2. Voyager
3. Star Trek (original)
4. Enterprise
5. DS9

I know it’s considered heresy by some to not list the original series as one’s favorite and maybe it’s because I’ve seen every episode 500 times, but I just don’t think the show has worn very well down through the years. Cheesy sets, overly simplistic plots, and cardboard characters make the series dated and sometimes unwatchable. Yes there are several classic episodes-”Trouble with Tribbles” comes to mind-written by some first class sci-fi authors, but not enough to compensate for the rest.

While we’re on a roll here, why not rank the movies?

1. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
2. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
3. Star Trek: First Contact
4. Star Trek: The Movie
5. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
6. Star Trek: Generations
7. Star Trek: Nemesis
8: Star Trek: Insurrection
9. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
10. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

I actually enjoyed watching all of the more recent ones with the Nextgen cast but I believe the first four were better made, with incredible production values and better plots.

One last word on Mr. Hawkins’ brave but foolish effort. In the words of Mr. Spock:

“Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected. In this case, I should think ‘interesting’ would suffice.”
The Squire of Gothos