It’s Friday at the House and that can mean only one thing. Time for Marvin Moonbat to give his take on things from the left side of everything.

TOP FIVE CRIMES COMMITTED BY JEFF GANNON NOT BEING REPORTED BY THE MEDIA (By Marvin Moonbat)

First of all, do you like the picture of Chloe and me? It was taken at the Bush Inaugural last month by my friend “Mr. X.” X-Man was great! He taught us how to make stink bombs and how to set them off so you didn’t get slammed by them. He also tried to teach us how to get arrested the right way. Chloe never learned how because she’s so ticklish that whenever the cops touched her she got to laughing so hard she almost lost it. The cops got scared because they thought she was nuts and never took her in. Boy was she pissed! She wanted to get a arrested in the worst way.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard of Jeff Gannon, the wingnut Republican newsguy who operated gay porn sites and worked as a gay escort. Can you imagine? Right in the middle of the Bush White House! Anyway, I’ve uncovered several additional crimes committed by Jeff Gannon that you need to be aware of because big media won’t publish them, being in Bush’s pocket and all.

1. Gannon killed Kennedy

This one was easy. You’ve all seen Oliver Stone’s movie JFK. Stone proved conclusively that Kennedy was killed by a cabal of homosexuals.

Clay Shaw was gay. David Ferrie was gay. Gannon is gay. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Oswald was gay and an ex-Marine. Gannon is gay and an ex-Marine.

How much more evidence do you need?

2. Gannon killed Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe liked men. Gannon likes men. Monroe liked Kennedy. Gannon killed Kennedy. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon killed Monroe because they both liked men and because Gannon is gay.

The logic is inescapable.

3. Gannon is behind Abu Gahraib Prison Torture

Gannon is gay. He owns gay porn sites. The Abu Gahraib prison photos are of naked men. Gannon needed pictures of naked men for his gay porn sites. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon is gay.

Sometimes, I surprise even myself.

4. GANNON PAID BY BUSHITLER TO PROMOTE ANTI-GAY MARRAIGE AMENDMENT

Republicans hate gays. Gannon is gay. Gannon is a Republican. Gannon is confused. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon got money for prostituting himself. The White House thought they were paying a newsman to promote the anti-gay marriage amendment. They were really paying for gay orgies in the White House press room where Wolf Blitzer danced on a table naked with a lamp shade on his head.

Why is the press suppressing this story?

5. GANNON RAN GAY ESCORT SERVICE OUT OF OVAL OFFICE

Gannon is a Republican. Shrub is a republican. Gannon is gay. Men are seen coming and going all day out of the Oval Office. Gay escort services have men coming and going all day out of their offices. Gannon is gay. Gannon has experience running gay escort servies. Shrub likes to hire people with experience. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Shrub is stew-pid. All Republicans are liars. Gannon is gay.

Are the American people going to sit still for this?

Chloe thinks I’m obsessing over this issue but I don’t think so. She’s reading some book by that woman Andrea Dworkin who says that all sex is rape. Come to think of it, she’s been looking at me kind of strangely lately. And what was that all about the other night when she asked me to get dressed up like a Nazi and spank her?

I swear, I’ll never understand women.