Marvin Moonbat is in the House!

QUESTIONS I’D ASK BUSHITLER IF I WERE A REPORTER AT A PRESS CONFERENCE (By Marvin Moonbat)

Did I ever tell you that I almost majored in Journalism here at EIU?

It’s true. I took a journalism course my freshman year and really loved it. I even tried to get on the staff of the campus newspaper but when I submitted a sample of my writing they returned it marked “incoherent” and “not biased enough.” So I decided to write for the school’s Reality Based newspaper “Counterpoint Punch.” They published three issues before the printing company went all capitalist on us and said he wanted to be paid before they printed another issue. Can you imagine? Here we were manning the barricades of Peace and Justice, fighting against the oppression of the masses and all the printing company could think about was money?

If there’s a better argument against capitalist exploitation, I’ve never heard it.

Anyway, I got to thinking. What if I were one of those White House journalists and I had a chance to ask the Shrub a couple of questions. What would they be?

1. Teresa Heinz-(no longer Kerry) said she believes the electronic voting machines used during the last election were hacked by the President of Diebold Corporation. My first question is are you going to apologize to the American people for stealing the election? And my follow up question is did you ever have sex with Jeff Gannon?

2. Given that no weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq and that our undeclared and illegitimate aggression against Saddam Hussien has resulted in the deaths of thousands of people you call “terrorists,” are you ready to apologize to the American people for turning the United States into a world pariah? My follow up question is do you deny that Karl Rove had sex with Jeff Gannon?

3. Since you took office, you’ve ripped up the Constitution, spat on the Declaration of Independence, and made the United States into a fascist state. Are you going to apologize to the American people for taking away their liberties? A follow-up question would be did you ever snort coke, smoke grass, pop ‘ludes, drop acid, or shoot heroin?

4. We currently have 135,000 troops in Iraq. Would you please tell the Iraqi people and the brave Iraqi minutemen who are fighting against your illegal and unjustified occupation when exactly those troops are coming home? My follow-up is are you going to apologize to the the American people for smirking all the time?

5. Since it’s common knowledge you went AWOL while in the National Guard, would you be willing to go to Iraq and finish fulfilling your obligation to the government? My follow up is how did Karl Rove slip those fake but accurate documents to Dan Rather and are you going to apologize to the American people for that?

6. Have you ever cheated on Laura. If so, why haven’t you disclosed this and will you apologize to the American people for keeping this from them?

7. When you were a child, did you ever tear the heads off grasshoppers? Did you ever use a magnifying glass to kill ants and will you apologize to the American people for it?

8. Is there anything you’ve ever done in your life that you’re so embarrassed about you don’t want to tell us for fear it would ruin your political career and perhaps even get you impeached? Will you apologize to the American people for not telling us about this sooner?

This one’s from Chloe:

9. Given your desire to strip American women of every right and privilege they’ve fought for since this country began including the right to kill their unborn babies whenever they want to, would you call yourself anti-woman or are you just another in a long line of oppressors who seek to keep women barefoot and pregnant to be used as sex objects whenever the filthy male chauvinist pigs want to rape us and call it “lovemaking?” Oh…and are you going to apologize to the American people for this attitude?

Good one Chloe!

Well, we’ve got to run. We’re going to a demonstration against the Young Repugnuts. Somehow, they got permission to use the auditorium for a meeting. We plan on infiltrating the meeting and shouting down anyone who disagrees with us.

Free speech can be fun sometimes!