Famed New York Times columnist Paul Krugman, shouting “I’m just as sane as any other liberal,” was dragged off to Bellevue Mental Hospital this morning after it became clear he had gone stark, raving mad.
“If you want my professional opinion, he’s as loony as a June bug,” declared Dr. Ishmael Ahab, Director of Clinical Psychiatry at the famed institution. “Right now, he’s resting comfortably in our deluxe ‘rubber room’ where he’ll stay until his symptoms moderate.
Dr. Ahab said those symptoms included paranoid delusions, frothing at the mouth, excessive talking, and according to sources “barking like a sick puppy at the moon.”
Daniel Okrent, readers representative for the Times said that Krugman’s current column entitled “What’s Going On” in which Krugman posits the theory that Christian conservatives are going to start assassinating liberals will not be pulled from later editions.
“Just because he’s nuts doesn’t mean he’s wrong,” said Okrent. “We run stuff from loons all the time. Look at Maureen Dowd”
Okrent is referring to another well-known Times columnist who, while not declared officially insane, is reportedly under 24 hour suicide watch due to a lack of sex and a hatred of men.
Krugman’s column, which appears in newspapers nationwide, gives several clues as to how the famed liberal’s mind slowly degenerated into what Dr. Ahab calls “a persistent moonbat state or PMS.”
The Doctor points to these excerpts as classic symptoms of PMS:
One thing that’s going on is a climate of fear for those who try to enforce laws that religious extremists oppose. Randall Terry, a spokesman for Terri Schiavo’s parents, hasn’t killed anyone, but one of his former close associates in the anti-abortion movement is serving time for murdering a doctor. George Greer, the judge in the Schiavo case, needs armed bodyguards.
Another thing that’s going on is the rise of politicians willing to violate the spirit of the law, if not yet the letter, to cater to the religious right…
And the future seems all too likely to bring more intimidation in the name of God and more political intervention that undermines the rule of law.
The religious right is already having a big impact on education: 31 percent of teachers surveyed by the National Science Teachers Association feel pressured to present creationism-related material in the classroom.
But medical care is the cutting edge of extremism….
“Classic case of PMS,” said the Doctor. “Notice the wild charges made with no evidence to back them up. Also, note the distortions, the fantasies, and the general tone of danger in the disconnected and rather insipid prose.”
Ahab also pointed to this excerpt that shows where the columnist truly “went around the bend,” and “screwed the pooch:”
America isn’t yet a place where liberal politicians, and even conservatives who aren’t sufficiently hard-line, fear assassination. But unless moderates take a stand against the growing power of domestic extremists, it can happen here.
According to sources at the Times, representatives in white coats from Bellevue were dispatched to haul Krugman away after he accused a co-worker of sabotaging his tinfoil hat by making the antenna pick up signals from Karl Rove’s office at the White House. While pummeling the co-worker – rumored to be Times house conservative David Brooks – Krugman was heard to scream “What’s the frequency, Kenneth,” time and time again while foam and drool oozed from the side of his mouth.
Another source reported hearing several dog-like barks coming from Krugman as he wrestled with the Bellevue attendants who were attempting to put him in a strait jacket.
Dr. Ahab did not appear optimistic about a quick recovery.” These things take time,” he said. “What Paul needs most is a lot of rest. Perhaps, in time, with the right mix of drugs and therapy, we can bring him back to reality.”
The Times claims that there are no plans to replace Krugman in the paper’s regular rotation of columnists. “Why should we,” said a source. “The fact that he’s crazy may make his columns more interesting. At least they’ll be unpredictable.”
Welcome Hugh Hewitt Readers! Welcome to the House. Are you a fan of “24” and Jack Bauer? I post every Tuesday recapping the previous night’s episode. For the lastest speculation and body count...go here.