A conservative Pope has been elected! ROUND UP THE USUAL SUSPECTS!

I’ve had a difficult time trying to come up with a suitable odious metaphor to describe all of the media outlets and individuals who are now, less than 12 hours after his election, in full throated cry against the new Pope, Benedict XVI.

At first I thought maybe Anklebiters would be appropriate but then I realized that’s already been taken (Pat Hynes would have a knipshit being linked to these knaves). Then I pondered using “circling wolves” but that would be a horrible insult to such a noble and intelligent animal. I eliminated vultures because they don’t work well together, being just as keen to fight another competitor as enjoy their meal of carrion. I even contemplated an obscure reference to the flesh eating bacteria known as Necrotizing Fasciitis, but figured that would gross you out oh gentle and discerning reader.

Finally, I settled on slugs. After reading this, I realized it was actually a no brainer. If this doesn’t describe the New York Times, I don’t know what does:

Other slugs are found on land, but their soft, slimy bodies are prone to desiccation, so they are confined to moist environments. (Like the fever swamps of the left!).

Here’s the Times take on the election of Papa Ratzo:

As an ultraconservative, he had shut the door on any discussion on several issues, including the ordination of women, celibacy of priests and homosexuality, defending his positions by invoking theological truth. In the name of orthodoxy, he is in favor of a smaller church, but one that is more ideologically pure.

On Monday, at a Mass before the conclave convened, he delivered an uncompromising warning against any deviation from traditional Catholic teaching.

Well, duh! Guess what guys. THE POPE IS CATHOLIC!. The folks at the Times have become so sophisticated and so urbane that they’ve forgotten (or just simply ignored) the fact that the teachings of the Catholic Church on those issues are rooted in both tradition and theology – the revealed word of God. Now, I’m not a believer but even I can grasp the position of the Church’s hierarchy. If, by their lights, God tells them that this is the way it is, liberals here and elsewhere are going to have about as much influence in changing that position as the sun has of coming up in the west or setting in the east.

Then there’s the patron saint of looniness Andrew Sullivan whose resemblance to the slug is quite pronounced in this respect:

Slugs are hermaphroditic: having both female and male reproductive organs. Once a slug has located a mate they encircle each other and sperm is exchanged through their protruding genitalia. A few days later hundreds of eggs are laid in holes in the ground. Although some species hibernate over the winter in temperate climates, in most species the adults die in the autumn.

Various species of slug can also reproduce via tiny darts of sperm which they fling in the direction of their mate’s genitalia.

Andrew sure is “slinging” a whole bunch of something at the new pope…and it ain’t kudos:

And what is the creed of the Church? That is for the Grand Inquisitor to decide. Everything else – especially faithful attempts to question and understand the faith itself – is “human trickery.” It would be hard to over-state the radicalism of this decision. It’s not simply a continuation of John Paul II. It’s a full-scale attack on the reformist wing of the church. The swiftness of the decision and the polarizing nature of this selection foretell a coming civil war within Catholicism.

Andrew, taking his cue from yesterday’s 230th anniversary of Paul Revere’s ride, has decided to gallop off the deep end while screaming at the top of his voice “The end is nigh!”

Contrast Mr. Sullivan’s hyperventilating with Dale Franks’ response to Andrew’s rants:

So, while the Apostle Paul does dwell at length on the virtue of celibacy in various epistles, he also clearly tells both Timothy and Titus that marriage is a requirement for church leaders. The Catholic Church has gone another way on this, clearly, holding the virtue of celibacy to be superior to the married priesthood.

That strikes me as extraordinarily arrogant. Or even worse, petulant and childish.

Couldn’t have said it better myself…which come to think of it, is why I included Dale’s analysis rather than try to think up something better. I think “petulant and childish” should be tattooed on Andrews forehead so that when he opens his mouth, we can be reminded of just why we think he’s such an hysteric.

And what would a roundup of moonbat reaction be without a comment or two from the Major League of moonbattery, the Democratic Underground. Their secretions are really quite slug-like:

Slugs produce two types of mucus: one which is thin and watery, and another which is thick and sticky. Both are hygroscopic. The thin mucus is spread out from the center of the foot to the edges,the thick mucus spreads out from front to back. Mucus is very important to slugs as it helps them move around, and contains fibers which prevent the slug from sliding down vertical surfaces.

Whatever they’re secreting, it’s getting pretty thick at Dingbat Central:

This is BS. Maybe we’ll get lucky he will “die in his sleep” like our 33 day “Progressive Pope” John Paul 1st, did.

Look on the bright side… this ensures that Bush** is not the most fascist leader in the known universe. Berlusconi (out-and-out fascist Fini in cabinet) might have had the edge, but this makes it official.

Whatever else may have been going on in there, I’m reasonably sure that God was not speaking to them, saying “Hey, guys, why not shake things up a little bit? Go for the Nazi!”

Ah yes…these are the discussion threads that makes one say “Is this a great country, or what?” Where else but the United States of America would the certifiably insane be given their very own website to spout their fantasies and delusions?

I’ll let Confederate Yankee introduce us to this next denizen of DU:

And the “Nurse, we need to up his meds” award goes to goclark for:

I knew he would be named. The rest of the names were just ROVE tricks to throw off everyone. He was placed there by the likes of BushCO. It sends a STRONG signal to the non white people of the world that “WHITE POWER” is the name of the game.

It was also a strong signal for WHITES to return to the church and be welcomed with open arms. They don’t care about the Hispanics and Africans that are devoting themselves to the church.

(HT: To the Con/Yank for doing all the hazardous research, plumbing the depths of depravity to come up with these gems of idiocy).

One thing’s for sure, the new Pope has his work cut out for him. If these are examples of the liberal mindset he has to overcome, I would guess a whole slew of Novenas wouldn’t be enough to conquer the kind of fatuous disdain shown toward his election by the slugs of media and politics.

Cross Posted at Blogger News Network