It’s Friday and Marvin is in the House!
QUESTIONS I’D LIKE TO SEE ASKED AT SHRUB’S PRESS CONFERENCE (By Marvin Moonbat)
Watching our Chimp in Chief last night as he answered questions from the corporate media, I started to get mad. Chloe got so concerned she was actually worried that I’d something stupid…like pull a Randi Rhodes or something. She shouldn’t have worried so much. First of all, I don’t believe in violence…unless its for a good cause like the minutemen in Iraq. They’re fighting our murderous corporate army to free their country from the tyrannical grip of US imperialism. So I think we should give them all the support they deserve. But I’d never support doing anything violent against any of the repugnuts. I wouldn’t want to make a martyr out of them.
That being said I sure was pissed. Not so much at Bushitler but at the wimpy questions being asked by all those media toadies. So while Chloe and I sat there eating our recycled popcorn (Chloe takes all the kernels that don’t pop and recycles them…pretty neat, huh?) I came up with questions that I’d like to have asked the Smirker if I’d been at that press conference.
1. Mr. Chimp, according to the Secret Service Logs Jeff Gannon visited the White House 197 times before it was discovered he was a male prostitute and gay. Are you aware of any sexual relationships that Gannon may have had with White House staff? Did you personally ever sleep with Gannon? Did Karl Rove?
2. What are you going to do about the shortage of tin foil on college campuses. I saw a post on the Democratic Underground that the government was deliberately withholding supplies of tin foil so that people couldn’t protect themselves from the mind control practiced by Karl Rove. What are you going to do to close this “tin foil gap” and do you have any long term plans to insure a steady supply of tin foil in the future?
3. Recently, your Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said â€œI think the only people who could conceivably be talking about a draft are people who are speaking from pinnacles of near-perfect ignorance.” Have you considered firing him for this insult to those of us who are perfectly ignorant as opposed to “near perfect?” And now that we’re on the subject, when will you institute the draft? No kidding now…You can tell us…
4. What are your plans to tear up the constitution and set up a dictatorship? Will we still be able to get MTV?
5. Are you concerned with the fact that the Republicans control the White House and the Congress and appear to be much more popular than the Democrats? Wouldn’t it be fair to let the Democrats win one every once in a while?
6. Is it true that your Administration is building concentration camps for all non-Christians and that James Dobson and Jerry Falwell have already been designated as Camp Commandants? Is it true you called the rulers in Iran asking them for advice in how to set up a theocracy?
7. Are there really alien spaceships at Area 51? Is it true government scientists are keeping Big Foot in a cage at your Texas ranch? Would you allow PETA to check on the animals status so that we can be assured he’s not being mistreated?
That last question is from Chloe. She’s really into that kind of stuff. She says the Indians believe that Bigfoot exists so it must be true. When in doubt, she says, come down on the side of indigenous peoples. Otherwise, the evil spirits will take over your body and make you do bad things.
She can get a little carried away at times.
Anyway, those are the questions I’d ask if I were a reporter for a corporate media outlet. I’d never make it as a reporter though. First of all, looks like you have to wear a tie and I hate ties. Second, I haven’t had a haircut in 4 years and I wouldn’t get one now just on principle. Third, I reject the idea of work in general as I believe it to be beneath the dignity of a revolutionary like myself. All the great revolutionaries never worked a day in their life, they were supported by their followers. That sounds like a great idea to me.
Now all I have to do is get someone to follow me…