Jack is back!
Next January 15 and 16, in a four hour slam bang, red-white-and-blue extravaganza of an opening, our favorite patriot and thug Jack Bauer will once more take on the nastiest, most bloodthirsty terrorists in the world and save the United States of America from certain disaster.
Judging by past experience, I can guarantee several things about the upcoming season of “24:”
- Jack will kill people. A lot of people. (Jack outgunned Chloe last year 44-1)
- Jack will wound hardly anyone. If he does it will be because he wants to torture them to get more information out of them. Otherwise, he will kill a lot of people.
- Jack will fall in love.
- The love of Jack’s life will face mortal danger necessitating a dramatic rescue by Jack – at least once.
- During the course of their relationship, Jack’s love will recoil in horror when she sees him “in action” causing the writers either to kill her off or develop a rival for her affections.
- Jack will face a “Kobayashi Maru Test” – a no win scenario – in which he must either let a good guy die or get information that he needs to save the country. Guess what option Jack will choose?
- Did I mention that Jack will kill more people in 24 hours than Ted Bundy killed in 10 years?
As those of you who followed along with me last year know, this is a spoiler free site. when it comes to “24.” But I can give you a brief preview of some of the characters, both new and old, who will be returning to join Jack in the fun:
1. Carlos Bernard returns from his trip to Japan as – former? – CTU agent Tony Almeida. It is uncertain whether his wife Michelle will also make a return appearance.
2. Sean Astin (Samwise Ganji in LOTR) will appear as CTU agent Lynn McGill
3. Our favorite bitch, Mary Lynn Rajskub returns as Chloe O’Brien.
4, Louis Lombardi playing “Fat Geek Edgar” Stiles – and possible geek love interest for Chloe – will also be back.
5. Roger Cross makes a comeback as CTU agent Curtis Manning – the only man ever to partner with Jack for any length of time and live to tell about it.
6. James Morrison as Bill Buchanan will be running CTU again. Good on ya Bill!
7. Kim Raver returns as Audrey Raines, Jack’s former lover and daughter of the Secretary of State. The dead pool says Audrey gets it in the first 2 hours.
8. Gregory Itzin returns as President “Jellyfish” Charles Logan.
9. Jean Smart debuts as First Lady Martha Logan. At least we’ll know who will actually be running the country.
10. Connie Britton joins the cast as Diane, Jack’s new love interest. Looks hot and I’ll bet she has a head on her shoulders too.
I’ve learned my lesson about speculating about plot twists and the like. The first thing we must realize is that we are all smarter than the writers. The second thing we must realize is that the writers could care less about #1. They will write as if we all all dummies who forget about characters, plot threads, and even what day it is. Because of that, when speculating this season I will refrain from the logical in my speculations and stick with the emotional.
As I did last year, I will be keeping separate body counts for Jack and the show. In case you’ve forgotten, Jack launched 44 souls toward hell last year in 24 hours while the show accounted for at least 237. They never did tell us how many people died when the power plant melted down. All we knew for sure was that Fat Geek Edgar’s dear mother didn’t make it.
So sit back, relax, and strap it down. You can be sure the ride will be bumpy – but we’ll have a helluva lot of fun!
UPDATE
Lori Byrd, a huge “24” fan (and one of the main reasons Polipundit was a finalist as Best Conservative Blog in the Weblog Awards), speculates on the writers linking the McCain torture amendment to the show.
The writers have been quite topical in the past and I agree with Lori that odds are good some mention will be made of it. However, if we recall the last scene from season 4, Jack is walking off into the sunset after having faked his own death. And with “Jellyfish” Logan still mad at him for making him look like a fool, I don’t think Jack will be working for CTU in any “official” sense.
That said, Jack may turn out to be CTU’s “Ace in the Hole” – a guy they can use to circumvent US law (including the McCain amendment) in order to get the job done. In that respect, maybe they’ll have some nitwit Senator playing a McCain-like character like they had the slimy terrorist-loving lawyer impersonating someone from Amnesty International last year.
1:30 pm
You missed the most obvious guarantee. Despite the loose threads, it will still be the best damn show on television and amongst all the drama, present issues for us to think about.
1:54 pm
“24” is the reason why John McCain is an idiot with his “no torture” ammendment. Jack gets results on TV! But seriously, i guarantee that torture gets results. although, “24” makes me hope that America does have someone out there like Jack, god bless whoever it is.
3:20 pm
Hector:
Spot on.
Kevin:
I think America has several Jacks doing what needs to be done to keep us safe.
3:27 pm
You have single-handedly brought my entire attention to a single television show
!! I never imagined a write-up such as yours could get me excited about something so mundane as TV. Hollywood and the rest of the entertainment industry should fear your entrance into the genre. With an attitude like yours, you should command at least an 8 figure salary selling television.
3:32 pm
Actually, since Pajamas Media is going to put a Fox “24” ad on my site, they told me under penalty of death that I have to promote the show.
And I might add that “with an attitude like yours,” you could sh*t in your bed and no one would care.
6:45 pm
PoliPundit on McCain Torture Amendment and 24
Those of you who have watched 24 should appreciate this observation.
7:20 pm
You missed some other things to expect next season:
1. There will be a mole in CTU reporting to the bad guys
2. Lots of infighting between CTU employees
3. CTU employees breaking the rules under their boss’s nose.
4. Jack will do something crazy. Crazy, maaan.
5. Cute assassin chicks will occasional blow people away when you don’t expect it.
4:15 am
Is it JAN 15 yet? Also you forgot the Chinese I am sure they will find out Jack is still alive so we will have a double plot going on at the same time.
8:17 am
Hubby flies to Afghanistan the day the new season starts—he is majorly pissed. But I will tape tape tape them all for him. Go Jack Go. Heard that Palmer bites the big one in this season
8:23 am
Jo:
Sorry to hear the hubby will miss all the fun but please thank him for his service to our country. And tell him to bookmark RWNH to keep up with what’s happening.
And I certainly hope that your speculation about Palmer is a rumor. I speculated last year that with Jack probably in Europe (or maybe the mid east?), Palmer would be perfectly positioned to act as go between with CTU - and a guy that could open a lot of doors for Jack he might otherwise find closed.
9:45 am
Rick, have you rented/bought the last season of “24” on DVD, and seen the prologue to this new season? I haven’t been able to find the darn thing at Blockbuster yet… trying Netflix but doubt there’s much hope of seeing it before the season bagins.
I have to blame you again, BTW, and your doggone “24” weekly summaries last season, for being a huge reason why I’m a blogger now. Ya know, though, you’ll always be better and badder than silly ol’ Jack to me!
2:59 pm
Another guarantee:
Named characters will appear in multiple episodes, establish emotional bonds with major characters, and then unceremoniously disappear from the show, never to be mentioned again. For example, CTU employee Milo (longest bathroom break ever) and the dimwitted Behrooz (riding around in a van).