I don’t link half as often enough to my fellow Illinoisan and satirist extraordinaire Iowahawk but this piece is too good not too:
The New York Times reported today that Polar authorities are engaged in a secret program to conduct warrantless monitoring of private communications and activities among U.S. minors. Anonymous sources within the State Department and Central Intelligence Agency said the program, codename “Operation Coal Lump,” dates as far back as 1879, and recieved approval at the highest echelon of Polar administration, including President Santa Claus himself.The disclosure of the program sparked an immediate furor among civil libertarian organizations and brats right groups. ACLU spokesman Dan Knaggs said “that chill in the air isn’t December—it’s Big Brother Kriss Kringle unconstitutionally watching, and following, and evaluating your every move.”
Josh Cleland, 9, a spokesboy for the Council For Misbehaving Americans, decried the program as “a looming threat to the economic rights of millions of young Americans, many of whom may be guilty of nothing more than a wedgie or Indian burn of self defense.”
Cleland added that “Stop hitting yourself, retard. Stop hitting yourself, retard.”
Too funny…
11:38 am
I don’t think th eACLU has a case here. Santa Claus, being a foreign power, is not bound by the Constitution. However, the government of the U.S. does have a duty to protect it’s citizens from unwarranted spying by foreign powers, and it would seem that Bush is failing in his duites here.
Unless, of course, the U.S. government is working with the Polar Authorities, in which case the ACLU may have a case, as spying on the legal citizens of the U.S. is apparently a violation of our Fourth Amendment Rights.
7:08 pm
I think the ACLU have a case. And it’s chilly with Big Brother, especially for these ‘eco-terrorists’ busted by the FBI up in ANWR this week.