I was all set to write up this week’s Carnival, following my usual routine of brewing a pot of freshly ground Italian Roast coffee and carefully placing two packs of Basic 100 cigarettes next to my Dave Brubeck-Thelonius Monk Jazz Essentials CD case when it hit me: What would Jack Bauer do in some of these situations?
Since Jack is not clueless about anything , this theme will supply what this Carnival has been sorely lacking since its inception; an answer to the obvious question of what else could have been done that would have taken these cluebats off the clueless list.
As Jack has been known to say from time to time, “There are always alternatives.” For this edition of the Carnival then, in addition to highlighting each entrant’s article, an addendum will be added: What Would Jack Bauer Do? (WWJBD?)
At the very least, Jack will be able to teach these morons a thing or two about courage. And loyalty. And perhaps a few novel ways to torture someone.
“That’s the problem with people like you. You want results, but you never want to get your hands dirty. I’d start rolling up your sleeves.”(Jack Bauer)
“Better get busy Jack. From the looks of this week’s Carnival, you’ve got a lot of work to do.”
(Me)
******************************************************************************
Wonder Woman has a real jaw dropper about a nearby institution housing some of Canada’s worst violent criminals under the most minimal security imaginable.
WWJBD? First, Jack would bitchslap the authorities responsible. Then he would break into the prison and pose as a violent criminal in order to keep an eye on the thugs. Many would disappear under mysterious circumstances.
Mark Coffey brings us Senator Kerry’s naked political calculations in his Shang-Ri-La effort to filibuster Judge Alito.
WWJBD? Nothing. Jack doesn’t get in the way of people when they are self-destructing.
XYBA has researched the Restorative Justice Concept (used by the Judge in Vermont to sentence a child rapist to 60 days in jail) and wonders just how clueless one has to be to believe in it.
WWJBD? The only “restorative justice” Jack believes in is the kind where a terrorist is “restored” to Allah.
AJ Strata takes the LA Times to task for some completely clueless editorializing about how the Republicans mythologize the 1960’s for their own political benefit.
WWJBD? Jack doesn’t read newspapers. He hooks himself up to the CTU Mainframe every morning and downloads all the information he needs directly into his cerebellum.
Fred Fry on John Kerry’s planned run for the Presidency: “To bad for Kerry that the majority of those wishing for him to run, are those who plan to vote against him.” Yep.
WWJBD? Jack usually doesn’t care who’s President as long as they let him keep his gun and kill terrorists. Jack will make an exception in Kerry’s case.
Miriam proves that you can tell an author’s age simply by studying how he describes his characters.
WWJBD? Jack is like the old folks in Cocoon: “It’s a place where we never grow old and we’ll never die.”
DL at TMH Bacon Bits begs the Democrats to filibuster Alito.
WWJBD? Jack never begs. Using reverse psychology, Jack will announce that anyone who votes to filibuster Alito will get a bullet in the knee. “When I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish that you felt this good again. ”
Atlas Shrugs has a photo gallery of some of the most vicious thugs embracing and swapping spit.
WWJBD? One look at the lovely Pamela and Jack would quit CTU, marry her, and settle down in Connecticut commuting every day to New York city where he works as a rare book seller.
Fausta joins the Carnival this week with a post on Castro’s response to our “democracy crawl” that’s visible to most of downtown Havana in the windows of our our consulate.
WWJBD? First, Jack would fix up Fausta’s hair real nice. Second, Jack would have taken care of the commie thug a long time ago.
Minh-Duc has some choice words for the Bush Administration and their plans to cut off funding for Iraq reconstruction.
WWJBD? Notwithstanding his loyalty to the President, Jack would march into the oval office and bash George and Rummy’s heads together to knock some sense into them. As for Condi, Jack doesn’t torture women but may think about dislocating a few of her fingers to get the Secretary to reconsider.
Mensa Barbie rounds up coverage of Mother Sheehan and her love fest with “The Laughing Goat” Hugo Chavez.
WWJBD? Jack would have tried to slap some sense into Sheehan months ago. As for Chavez: “We didn’t bring this crisis on ourselves, but we’ll be the ones to settle it. This is a dirty business and we have to get our hands dirty to clean it up!
Don Surber takes a hard look at GOP Senate candidate John Raese and the fact that he should be calling himself a “West Virfloridaginian” considering his housing situation.
WWJBD? Since Jack can be in two places at the same time, he would have no problems.
Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam had a blind date with… Well, you’ll have to figure it out. But it was a very important Democratic Senator who drinks Old Grandad – to excess!
WWJBD? Jack, an Old Grandad fan himself, has informed me that he stopped drinking the stuff the minute he heard this guy was drinking the same thing. I told him that wasn’t necessary as the gentleman’s second favorite drink was a “Bloody Mary Jo.”
Buckley F. Williams tells us about the 17 year old boy who won the right to wear a skirt to school.
WWJBD? Jack would embrace the boy and then teach him how to hunt and shoot as well as the best pressure points to use when trying to elicit information from a terrorist suspect. Overcome with an excess of testosterone, the boy would throw away the skirt and start beating up jocks.
Cao continues her coverage of the Jack Idema story highlighting the response of President Karzai to terrorists.
WWJBD? Jack Idema is Jack Bauer’s long lost twin brother. Bauer goes to Afghanistan, frees Idema, and they both tear a bloody swath through SW Asia killing every terrorist they can find.
Van Helsing congratulates Hugh Hewitt for his expert takedown of Cluebat of the Week Joel Stein whose remarks about not respecting the troops enraged not a few of us.
WWJBD? Jack often uses The Slayer to help him with those hard to kill terrorists – the ones like Marwan who seem to have supernatural abilities that help them to escape capture. Jack ignores Klein who he sees correctly as a pimple not worth popping.
Giacomo tells us what he’s doing about a clueless Nike ad that shows 7 year old kids climbing a ladder to dunk a basketball.
WWJBD? Jack doesn’t wear Nike’s to begin with. Everyone knows he wears Keds high tops. Secondly, Jack would kidnap the marketing director for Nike and torture him until the cluebat took the ad off the air.
Kender writes about Lying Leftists and the Lying Lies they Lie.
WWJBD? Jack and Kender make the rounds of Hollywood parties with 10 feet of copper wire, a bucket of water, and a car battery as they try and jolt some sense into the cluebats. Jack doesn’t like liars.
Orac comments on the picture of a pro-choice pregnant woman whose body painting proves how truly clueless she really is.
WWJBD? Since Jack was immaculately conceived, he has no position on abortion.
Adam tries to knock some sense into a clueless lefty who is agitating for an Alito filibuster despite the reality that the GOP has enough votes to confirm him.
WWJBD? Jack gets Chloe to hack the cluebat’s website and place Ronald Reagan quotes in the sidebar.
Kurt at Fly By Night has the details on a communities efforts to rid themselves of some local cluebats who have royally screwed up government.
WWJBD? Jack lets his gun do all his talking.
Those pouncing pachyderms at Elephants in Academia wonder aloud at the cluelessness of the Pentagon press corps.
WWJBD? Jack would drug the coffee of all reporters at the Pentagon making them sleep through their deadline. While they were unconscious, he would steal their hairspray and blue “power ties” so they would be unable to appear on TV.
Holly Aho has the scoop on some cluelessness in the State of Minnesota government who can’t seem to figure out what they should be doing with an illegally collected tax on smokers.
WWJBD? Jack is actually a smoker but THERE’S NO TIME to light up when he’s saving the country from terrorists.
Tom Bowler talks about an apparent Democratic exemption to the ethics rules in Congress.
WWJBD? Jack has a very strict code of ethics: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”
Dangerous Dan has some thoughts on a clueless poster at Huffpo who sees the mad mullahs in Iran as soft, furry, Ewok like creatures who wouldn’t harm the hair on your head.
WWJBD? Jack wouldn’t wait until the mullahs went nuclear. “You have no idea how far I’m willing to go to acquire your cooperation.”
Jack Cluth tells us about a Hooters opening in Waco that was picketed by the Christian right.
WWJBD? Jack doesn’t mind Hooters as long as they let him bring his gun into the bar.
Beej at the blog Kiss my Sass has some advice for John Kerry yodeling his way to supporting the Alito filibuster.
WWJBD? Jack hates yodeling and would probably have detonated a bomb on Kerry’s ski slope in Davos in order to start an avalanche.
Finally, here’s my post on the Dems de-evolving into a Quivering Pile of Goo.
WWJBD? Nothing. Jack knows I can handle things like this myself.
11:56 am
[...] is my cable bill in the three figures? But I digress…). Still, even I am amused by this edition of the Carnival of th [...]
12:05 pm
Carnival of the Clueless #31
It’s up! And it’s the special Jack Bauer edition.
...
12:24 pm
[...] Carnival Of The Clueless This week’s installment is called “What Would Jack Baur Do?” [...]
12:48 pm
Thank you for hosting this collection of cluelessnessnessness
12:51 pm
Pffffltt
!!
(click the pic)This week’s theme…What would Jack Bauer do?Suffice it to say, if Jack is there…somebody’s gettin’ their ass kicked
12:56 pm
First, Jack would fix up Fausta’s hair real nice
If I was single, I’d really really look forward to that!
1:23 pm
Carnival of the Clueless #31
Rick Moran’s weekly Carnival of the Clueless is up at Right Wing Nut House.
3:42 pm
Hugh Hewitt Eviscerates La Times Moonbat Joel Stein
If you saw Joel Stein’s piece in the Los Angeles Times yesterday and felt overwhelmed by an explosive urge to rip out his stinking guts, throw them on the floor, and trample on them, forget about it — Hugh Hewitt…
6:15 pm
Jack Ass Cafferty of CNN’s “Day Room” must be secret fan of Jack Bauer.
Today in reponse to the LAT’s
poll that showed approval of the Dem Congress LOWER than the
approval of the Republicans.
He wonder why the Dems were playing softball with all the Rep scandals, the war, ya da, ya da.
He then approved TORTURE for Republican by Democrats:
If you are in a schoolyard
“and the guy comes out with
his hands tied behind his back
and his leg in a cast, do you
surrender and say I can’t take
this guy?”
Will CNN now ask our military to release all the service members serving time for treating detainees in ways not
even close to JackAss’s analogy?
6:43 pm
Furtive Glances – Stare Decisis Edition
The NY Times is going to have to rethink its strategy, and its rationale, in the NSA terrorism surveillance episode. John Hinderaker at Power Line cites cases and precedents – several – that support the position of the President that
6:58 pm
Senate Votes to End Debate on Alito Nomination
WASHINGTON (AP) The Senate all but guaranteed Samuel Alito’s confirmation as the nation’s 110th Supreme Court justice Monday, shutting down a last-minute attempt by liberals to block the conservative judge’s nomination with a filibus…
7:04 pm
This is funny. What would Jack do? Most times I don’t even know myself!
Let me introduce myself, I’m Jack Bauer, former Special Forces and CTU Agent. I have been reading with much amusement in my spare time, which isn’t much since a couple of Sundays ago, all sorts of blogs regarding my exploits. Ankleb itingpundits and JustOneMinute amoung others. This RightWingNutHouse seens to attract thoughtful postings regarding politics, sports and my chosen line of work.
Pray for Tony, he’s still down in recovery and reports are good but it will be awhile before we know what extend the head injury will impair him, if any. Tony and Michelle left CTU and tried to make a new life together away from all the violence. The attemt on his life was senseless, apparently I had already been taggged as President Palmer’s shooter. sorry, goin’ DARK for now
7:06 pm
Diamond/Jack:
You should have changed your email address. It’s the only thing that gave you away.
7:25 pm
shared residence/shared computor
diamond has gotten me out of many scrapes when Tony couldn’t be reached. Also when you need a dirty job done, none’s better then diamond. Don’t know excatly who diamond is, seems to come and go when ever but it’s amazing that diamond is there when I need cover, help, backup, false documents, visa, flu shots and where a good lay is in South America. All I know is that I wouldn’t of survided the Fountainhead job in ‘93 if it wasn’t for diamond. By the way, diamond hates the big D, says the little d makes one strive to better oneself. There was the time in ‘89…..sorry, goin’ DARK
10:40 pm
The Jack Bauer Edition of The Carnival of the Clue
Twenty Eight Outstanding Articles That Highlight Cluelessness from All Sides.
11:50 pm
[...] 2006 What Would Jack Bauer Do? Filed under: Blogs and Blogging, Jack Bauer LC & IB Rick Moran has a few [...]
1:07 am
Wheew! Obviously the coffee is still potent, so it must be you ran out of cigarettes. You and Jack Bauer seem to have solved more of the world’s pressing problems than all those lovelies in the last Miss America pagent. And all that on one pack of Basic 100s. Very impressive!
10:51 am
Carnival Update
~Rick Moran’s: Carnival of the Clueless #29!——————Great posts!! I’m still laughing at some of these!! Very great carnival! (As usual
11:31 am
Newsday. Leftwing Tool
Long Island’s only newspaper, Newsday. Leftwing stranglehold. This cartoon speaks volumes to the entire Newsday culture and all the tiny LI papers follow suit.Hat tip Bill S (click to enlarge). Love what Bill saidMcGruder’s confusing Pol Pot with Hen…
10:36 pm
Best Posts For Wednesday
Right Wing Nut House hosts the Carnival of the Clueless
11:19 pm
Fred Fry had the best Kerry zinger I have ever seen “To bad for Kerry that the majority of those wishing for him to run, are those who plan to vote against him.†Yep.
L M A O! That is great.
3:16 pm
Everything you wanted to know about Jack Bauer…that any woman could tell you.
11:05 am
Sunday Carnival Wrap-Up Etc…
Incomprehensibly funny. What would Jack Bauer do about cluelessness? Satire, satire and even more satire. Vanity thy name is… umm… well… Vanity. And better late than never: Ca-ray-zeeeeee
! Also be sure to check out: I’d have administered t…
2:42 am
[...] Find out with this edition of the Carnival of the Clueless! [...]
9:20 pm
srtolmei ivstzebe wvklxrrzdq
5:23 pm
you mentioning the Instead Cup, and was hoping you