In a continuing effort to prove that Americans are not anti-Arab Islamaphobes, the government has announced that day to day operations of the passenger rail carrier Amtrak will now be in the hands of a state owned company run by the Palestinian group Hamas.
The deal comes on the heels of an agreement to allow the state owned Dubai Ports World(DPW) to manage ports in the United States.
It is believed that the Hamas-Amtrak deal – worth an estimated $2 billion – will be bankrolled by a consortium of European governments, Russian mobsters, and members of the Saudi Arabian royal family who, it is rumored, joined in on the deal because they were denied toy train sets when they were children.
One unidentified Saudi member of the takeover group speaking on the condition of anonymity said that he couldn’t wait to get in the engineer’s car and “sound the horn of the choo-choo” as the train speeds through the towns and villages of the Midwest.
“This is a dream come true for me and my 41 cousins,” he said. “Do you think I can wear one of those funny little hats while blowing the horn?”
The Department of Transportation dismissed security concerns raised by the deal by saying that DPW, owned by Dubai’s leader Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum, has an excellent security record at other ports around the world. A spokesman pointed out that if the government could give such a lucrative and sensitive ports contract to a company whose owner went hunting with Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban’s Mullah Omar, then there was no reason to deny the Amtrak contract to the “alleged terrorists” of Hamas.
“We believe Hamas when they say that they can make the trains run on time,” said a DoT spokesman. “We are informed that they plan to use the Italian management system that proved so successful under Benito Mussolini,” he added.
“And as for security, whose gonna mess with those guys?”
Mussolini, an Italian dictator from 1922-1945 was famous for keeping a tight schedule on Italy’s rail system as well as shooting people who disagreed with him. It is unclear which aspect of the dictator’s rule Hamas is more enamored.
Hamas has already announced several changes, some of which may prove controversial. There are plans to offer discount rates to people wearing suicide vests who promise not to set them off until after disembarking. And a spokesman for Hamas seemed surprised when informed that the company would have to follow US laws regarding equal accommodations.
“No cattle cars for the…um special passengers?” he asked rather plaintively?
Passengers at the Glenview, Illinois Amtrak station seemed unconcerned.
“Anything would be an improvement over the (expletive deleted) mess they have now,” said Walter Raymonds of suburban Mount Prospect. “Maybe they’ll bring back the smoking cars.”
Mary Lewis of Glenview was taking a wait and see attitude. “I’d like to see Amtrak run more professionally, of course,” she said. “But I’d like to wait and see how they redecorate the bathrooms before making any final judgments.”
3:17 pm
hahaha.
arent these kinds of things fun to write? Still, I dont think who owns the port operating companies matters much – 80% of US port operations are owned by foreign companies – but politically – STUPID
4:02 pm
Ports deal may face delay; Democrats call for probe
Bush administration officials opened the door Thursday to a delay in allowing a state-owned United A
6:26 pm
Political Correctness
Remember, Political Correctness is inconsistent, intolerant, based on emotion not reason, and it is almost always in opposition to factual correctness. These are its weaknesses and education of the public is the first way to attack PC.
6:45 pm
BRILLIANT!
Good satire is so much more effective than raw news or ranting. And, its fun. Thank you.
I wish you would do a similar newsflash about Iran taking over runing the US Embassy in Mexico City and subcontracting with the DHS to operate the Border Patrol and points of entry. Some salient points:
1) Iran has experience in running the US Embassy in Iran going as far back as 1979
2) The trail through the Sierra Madre mountains in Mexico was long known as the drug highway but now some are calling the terrorist highway
3) A road north of Douglas, AZ is called by the locals “The Arab highway” because of so many items found there indicating Muslim illegal immigrants ( Korans, prayer rugs, etc.). Local Border Patrol agents, Sheriff deputies, and residents call it this. So, Team Iran will feel welcome and at home.
4) Iran has a long history of supporting and directing Hamas, so this will add management depth to the AMTRAK management team.
5) The current border operation is very innefficient. The Border Patrol stops as many as 1 out of 5 illegal immmigrants, that is a 20% loss rate. Instead of 4 million illegals a year we could have 5 million.
PLEASE consider an article of this type.
Thanks again.
7:39 pm
Absolutely right! I voted for Bush in 04 but he is doing his level best to make me regret my vote. He seems to be less than honest. Downright disingenuous when it comes to “The War on Terror”. First on 2/10 he attacks the Danes (or ally with troops in Iraq) for offending the Fascists with the cartoons and then he wants to cut a deal with a country that supports Al Queda! Feb has been another very bad month for the White House and the folk that work there! We’ve seen a Bush/Cheny team that does not look at all like the team we were sold on in 04.
8:09 pm
ok, we get it, enough is a enough. As I have said many times before, trust our president, he does seem to come thru in the end and does the best for America. If one allows oneself to believe that, it makes this breathless, edge of the chair sitting, anxious waiting seem like timewasting and engery sapping activities.
10:29 pm
Yes, Bush has done things to make conservatives unhappy. Who else would you have voted for in 2000? Gore or nader? In 2004 John Kerry? Hillary, Gore or Kerry in ‘08?
Whole load of demagoguery on this UAE thing. Read a blog saying Kuwait is running port stuff in Newark. Of course the Chicoms took over some west coast ports under Clinton admin., including Long Beach naval base. Remember Johnny Chung and campaign contributions?
UAE is good enough for us to have US aircraft carriers and warplanes parked and operating from there.
People need to be better informed. Bush administration has some truly crappy PR people and Dubya himself tries too hard to kiss liberal jackasses like Teddy K., who has no compunction about calling Bush traitorous, etc.
Does anyone think Hillary will be Prez. even with media and Hollywood bending over backwards to give her an edge in every way??
3:19 am
Well the train of hysteria has certainly parked itself in your mind I see. WTF how does a terrorist organization like Hamas even get compared to the U.A.E.? Now you have lost your mind and I am beginning to think (I did not believe it before but you are showing me maybe I am wrong)that you truly believe all Arabs are terrorists and maybe there is something to you maybe being a little bigoted but that is ok you are in good company or would that be bad? You have gone over the line with this. So far I have not seen one single rational argument against the port deal from you or anyone else. Sorry to say I will no longer be visiting your blog shame to I really enjoyed it. See ya later.
4:24 am
Friday
Nose On Your Face: “Putting Sean Penn On House Arrest” Tops White House List Of Disaster Preparedness Suggestions Scrappleface: Katrina Report Blames Shortage of Bureaucrats Basil’s Blog: Headline News Random Yak: Did he really just say that?? Avan…
9:04 am
Rick,
Did you just compare an ally to a gutless band of murdering thugs who blow up children?
Maybe you should stay out of the diplomacy field.
9:34 am
[...] Rick Moran, in some fit of irresponsible humor, has insulted The UAE by comparing them to murderous thugs who target children for suicide bombings: In a continuing effort to prove that Americans are not anti-Arab Islamaphobes, the government has announced that day to day operations of the passenger rail carrier Amtrak will now be in the hands of a state owned company run by the Palestinian group Hamas. [...]
12:08 pm
White House and Congress Trade Away American Security
The United Arab Emirates ports management deal finally exposes our economic and trade policies for what they are: a government’s pursuit of money (for a select few) over the interests of most Americans.
The ports management deal is not an isolated mistake. Far worse has happened, but perhaps nothing as nakedly blatant. For example, how does it benefit Americans when:
Drug companies are allowed to write a new Medicare prescription drug benefit that keeps prices artificially high for seniors by forbidding government-negotiated prices based on volume?
The American-funded Import/Export Bank subsidizes Chinese nuclear power development? Is it possible we are not sending enough money to Communist China?
Congress has repeatedly neglected our national and economic security:
The majority of our oil comes from abroad, much of that from countries with unstable, unfriendly populations
The majority of our computer equipment is manufactured overseas
The majority of our food in imported from foreign countries
Over two-thirds of the products sold in major retailers is imported from countries like Communist China and Mexico
Our soaring budget deficit leaves deeply indebted to foreign countries like Communist China, to whom we owe $1 trillion
Illegal immigration is accepted—and legal immigration is abused—to secure cheap labor (exposing us to unknown security risks)
Congress sees the results of these unhealthy dependencies (declining American wages, record trade and budget deficits, national security vulnerabilities) and just pours fuel on the fire. It passed CAFTA after NAFTA. It refused to crack down on widespread illegal Chinese trade practices by threatening to withdraw from the World Trade Organization (WTO).
Most in Congress have demonstrated that they will not change course; they are simply too indebted to big-money campaign donors and lobbyists. We must replace them.
12:10 pm
I voted for Bush to make the decisions, right or wrong. I figure he still is the better choice and I KNOW he is better than the pack in Congress.
After doing my knee jerk, I hope my common sense has now taken over. Surprise, Bush has enemies! The Democrats and the labor unions, MSM, half the Republican Congress, most the countries of the world, UN, the anti-war, pro-choice, pro-lifers, and all immigration experts. Just to name a few. After looking the entire bunch over…...I would vote Bush again in 2008 if given a choice. Compare him with the good Senators of both parties and he begins to attain sainthood.
12:20 pm
Man! And I take Amtrak every few weeks or so in the northeast corridor. If I have to start wearing a towel on my head to get into Business Class, I’m going to start flying instead.
3:13 pm
Hmm… I think you just ‘jumped the shark’, Rick.
7:05 pm
Hamas to Take Over Amtrak?
This concerns me, since I take Amtrak up and down the Northeast corridor about every other week. While I don’t have any explosive vests (damn, no discount) will I need to invest in an Agal in order to get into Business Class?
...
11:08 pm
[...] Rick Moran, in some fit of irresponsible humor, has insulted The UAE by comparing them to murderous thugs who target children for suicide bombings: In a continuing effort to prove that Americans are not anti-Arab Islamaphobes, the government has announced that day to day operations of the passenger rail carrier Amtrak will now be in the hands of a state owned company run by the Palestinian group Hamas. [...]
12:44 am
I Don’t Like This Trend: Hamas To Operate Amtrak
On the heels of the announcement that a United Arab Emirates company will be running operations at six major American ports, the government has reportedly announced that the newly-elected Palestinian group Hamas will be taking over day to day operation…
1:39 am
Fair is foul and foul is fair….
2:22 am
Fair is foul and foul is fair….
With the continuing outcry about the Dubai Ports World deal, I can’t resist the opportunity to cross over from my normal haunts and post a clever satire from a right-wing blog: in this case, Rick Moran at Right Wing Nut
9:43 am
QAEDA CLAIM: WE ‘INFILTRATED’ UAE GOV’T
By NILES LATHEM————————————————————————————————————————February 25, 2006—WASHINGTON — Al Qaeda warned the government of the United Arab Emirates more than three years ago that it “infiltrated” key government agencies, according to a disturbing document released by the U.S. military.
The warning was contained in a June 2002 message to UAE rulers, in which the terror network demanded the release of an unknown number of “mujahedeen detainees,” who it said had been arrested during a government crackdown in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks.
The explosive document is certain to become ammunition for critics of the controversial UAE port…
1:45 pm
Rick,
Your previous post about DPW had inteligent reasons why this deal is flawed. This post however was pointless. If we look at this deal with hatred, are we no better than the Syrians that look at a McDonald’s with contempt? We both see the foreign corporations as a form invasion by an enemy. It is also doubled by the fact these companies have some sort of links to “enemies”. I do realize that McDonald’s gets only small amounts of funding from the U.S. government. On both ends the analogy is absurd because U.A.E. is our ally, and even before this deal was even considered presentable U.S. military personnel were overseeing the port operations in Dubai to make sure it meets customs. In fact, the DPW works on a higher standard than the port corporations. Another interesting fact is that U.A.E. royal family are only shareholders of the corporation. They do not directly do anything with business. In fact they have U.S. members of the board that help run the company.
Now the comment about the Corporate “Lil Eichmanns” that run the pharmaceutical firms. If you can prove that you are below a certain income level, you can receive free medications. That is another that corporate greed screws over the huddled masses
2:20 pm
Rick, FYI about our the UAE
QAEDA CLAIM: WE ‘INFILTRATED’ UAE GOV’T
By NILES LATHEM————————————————————————————————————————February 25, 2006—WASHINGTON — Al Qaeda warned the government of the United Arab Emirates more than three years ago that it “infiltrated” key government agencies, according to a disturbing document released by the U.S. military.
The warning was contained in a June 2002 message to UAE rulers, in which the terror network demanded the release of an unknown number of “mujahedeen detainees,” who it said had been arrested during a government crackdown in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks.
The explosive document is certain to become ammunition for critics of the controversial UAE port…
9:48 pm
Hamas to Take Over Amtrak?
And just when you thought it was safe to pass through American ports again, this is now out! I came across this reference “Hamas to Take Over Amtrak?”
OK, so it’s satire … it is satire, right? ... Pleeze! Tell me it is satire!
Read the whole w…