The race to the bottom for the honor of being Cluebat of the Week was an exciting one, wasn’t it? From across the political spectrum, there was cluelessness galore as politicians, bloggers, and media types of every size, shape, race, creed, color, sexual orientation, and felony category vied in a most spirited manner for the top spot in the Wide, Wide, World of Cluebats.
I hardly know where to begin. I had to do a lot of work to narrow the field to three candidate cluebats. If I left you off the list, I apologize (Ted Rall) or if I didn’t think you were quite clueless enough, better luck next time (Hillary). The fact is, the finalists this week demonstrated an Olympian ability to transgress against common sense, common decency, and even the laws of nature.
For instance, the Saga of Ben Domenech will go down as a milepost in the history of blogs. For if the serial plagiarizer proved anything, it is that bloggers can be as stupid and clueless as any mainstream media reporter. Ben’s “indiscretions” are so titanically gross, they are actually more worthy of being set down as part of some epic poem, a Scandinavian saga recited for hours around a roaring fire by some guy dressed in animal skins. Or perhaps his deeds, like Siegfried’s triumphs, could be the subject of a Wagnerian opera because in Ben’s case, the fat lady has definitely started to sing. As Patrick Frey remarked only half in jest, ” Good Lord. Has this Domenech guy ever written anything original?”
Our runner-up for this week’s award goes to Zacarias Moussaoui. I know, I know…making fun of a guy who had blood on his mind directed toward Americans is probably in real bad taste – something this site is becoming justly famous for. But when you examine the antics of this bloodthirsty cluebat, you end up just shaking your head in wonder. His grandiose claims about being in cahoots with shoebomber Richard Reid have already been debunked (Reid being almost as clueless seeing that, thank God, he was so inept he couldn’t light the fuse in his shoe) as has his boast that he was supposed to fly a plane into the White House. The fact that he is on trial for his life makes it even more bizarre especially since, as was revealed yesterday, he tried to make a deal to testify against himself with the prosecutors not to avoid the death penalty but rather in order to get better living conditions in prison.
But the prize this week for sheer effrontery to logic, decency, and a just, ordered society has to go to the illegal immigrants (not the legal ones) who took part in demonstrations against reform measures that want to treat them as the criminals that they are and the arrogant and clueless scofflaws they demonstrate themselves to be. And just to show that this is an equal opportunity cluebat bashing blog, I will say to the Mexicans in California, the Irish in the Back Bay, the Poles in Chicago, the Russians in Brighton Beach, the Taiwanese in San Francisco, the Thais in Louisiana, the Arabs in Dearborne, and Serbs in Milwaukee...GET YOUR ASS TO THE BACK OF THE LINE AND WAIT YOUR TURN, DAMNIT!
So for demonstrating a maddening ability to not recognize the jaw-dropping irony inherent in their demonstrations last weekend, illegal immigrants are named Cluebats of the Week.
There’s plenty more where that came from. Sample some of the best from the world of idiots by visiting a few of the posts below. You won’t be disappointed. C’mon! Get your click on!
â€œIn politics stupidity is not a handicap.â€
“Hey Nappy! I see you’ve met our Republican Senators who support the guest worker program”
Every once and a while, a post comes our way at the Carnival that defines cluelessness so well that all we can do is link to it and thank the blogger who sent it along. In this case, we have Fred Fry to be grateful to.
Pat Curley has some fallout that befell Michelle Malkin in the aftermath of the Domenech affair and the clueless conservatives at RedState who initiated it.
Bill Teach shows us why Helen Thomas will be receiving the “Life Time Achievement Award” for the clueless coming up next week when we induct several cluebats into the Hall of Fame. (See below)
Is there anything more insidious than Saudi Arabia bribing American Universities with multi-million dollar gifts? If you ask the lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs, she’ll tell you that it’s the clueless colleges taking the money in the first place.
Tom Bowler comments on the cluelessness of Jacques Chirac who walked out of an EU conference because one of his countrymen had the temerity to speak English.
Dan Melson has dug up another outsourcing deal that makes the Dubai ports imbroglio look like a picnic. Seems that we’ve given a contract to a Hong Kong (China!) company to scan for nukes and nuclear material at foreign ports without the presence of any US inspectors. Ronaldus Maximus: “Trust, but verify.”
DL at Bacon Bits has some eyebrow raising cluelessness on the part of Mayor Nagin and the New Orleans city government regarding all those cars that were 9 feet underwater as a result of hurricane Katrina.
Jack Cluth presents us with a typical bit of FBI/DHS idiocy; they’re spying on antiwar grandmas. Says Jack: “Manâ€¦who would have thought that the biggest threat was right here at home, baking cookies under our collective nose?”
I must confess that my head hurts after reading this post from the smartest cat on the Internet. Ferdy is debunking that Berkley study showing conservatives are whiners by using coins. My only question: Where do kitties put the change they get back from a dollar?
Not to be outdone, Buckley F. Williams gives us “Top 9 Unreported Findings From “The Berkeley Whining Study.” Check out #3. Ouch!
Welcome back Two Dogs! Mean ole Meany returns to the Carnival with a vengeance – and some excellent logic as he takes down a clueless columnist who wrote about whites “fleeing” the Democratic party in Mississippi because Republicans are now the racists.
Our favorite salty Christian Stingray has the jaw-dropper of the day about a woman who accidentally sold her son-in-law’s ashes.
Ilkka Kokkarinen, the finest Finnish-Canadian blogger around, has a fine essay on the cluelessness of feminists.
Rofa Six points us to this bit of lunacy; someone is actually trying to sell an Apache helicopter on Ebay. I wonder if it comes fully armed?
Mensa Barbie has a serious post about the new domestic violence law in France. Read about it and then wonder what the hell took them so long.
Kender is out of the hospital and making up for lost time with this piece on immigrant “rights.” Or is it “immigrant wrongs?”
Shamalama is ding donging the New York Times for their utter cluelessness about a Katrina “victim” they profiled who turned out to be a fraud and had stolen thousands from the government. The Times was a near finalist for Cluebat of the Week.
Carnival reader Dan Hagen sends us his very own “SATIRICAL POLITICAL BELIEFS ASSESSMENT TEST.” Been a while since I took the SAT…
Our shaggy friends at Random Yak have a head-shaking piece about bad language, kids, and the school district’s “concern” that is spurring them to action. Quoth the Yak: “I’m sure the foul-mouthed little cretins are quivering in their [inappropriate language deleted] boots.”
Where I Stand looks to be an interesting blog. To prove it, here’s an interesting discussion of state’s rights between two of the site’s writers.
Wenchypoo has a bit of statistical cluelessness on the part of us baby boomers and saving for our retirement.
Another good looking new blog (new to me) is Vox Popular. Here’s a letter from Mr. Hashemi, the former Taliban spokesman now enrolled at Yale University. The salutation will give you an idea: “Greetings American Swine-Dogs.”
XYBA sends us word that Planned Parenthood is opposing a proposed law in Michigan that would protect women from being forced into having abortions. You’re not surprised, are you?
Oh my! Prevaricating pachyderms at Academic Elephants? No, but many good points made nonetheless.
Although not really clueless, Lecentre would like to promote a Carnival at their own site that I will probably enter myself; “Mediocre Media Carnival.”
Jon Swift has some curious lunacy from Texas authorities who have taken to going into bars looking for drunks in order to cut down on drunk driving.
Dean Swift has a fascinating bit about bordeom and college students.
Finally, Here are my thoughts on Domenech. Make sure you check the update first.
ATTENTION: NOMINATIONS WANTED
Next week, will be our first Hall of Fame edition of the Carnival of the Clueless. I am seeking your input into the decision of who are the most clueless people on the planet worthy of being included.
I arbitrarily chose these five as original members of the Hall.
1. Ted Kennedy
2. Hillary Clinton
3. John Kerry
4. Jimmy Carter
5. Pat Robertson
Criteria is loose but what we’re looking for is cluelessness on a consistent basis that has taken place over a period of many years.
Send your entries via email or leave them in the comments on this post. A total of at least 3 and as many as 5 cluebats will be honored.
As a reward for your participation, if your nomination is well written enough, I’ll include it in the post.
Deadline is Monday at 10:00 PM central.
I guess I didn’t make clear that the five cluebats listed above are already in the Hall of Fame. I’m looking for others.