I suppose I could make all sorts of classical references to the rebirth of the Carnival of the Clueless. You know – “the Phoenix is rising” or “the ghost in Hamlet walks the parapets again” or even “Ben Affleck is making another comeback.”

But that would be pretentious of me. And beside the point. The Carnival is not so much being reborn as it is being thrust down my readers throats as part of a gimmick to promote my radio show. And since I will do anything in the name of self-promotion, I thought why not reshoulder the burden of a weekly Carnival highlighting the absolute total cluelessness of so much of the human race. I need the links. I need the traffic. I need the adulation of the crowd.

I think I need a vacation.

We had several candidates for Cluebat of the Week. Your usual collection of idiots, nincompoops, scurvy rats, and just plain numbskulls. A late entry was Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah, “Spiritual Leader” of the terrorist group Hizballah, who today is actually celebrating a “victory” over Israel even as IDF jets pound the holy living crap out of Hizballah positions in southern Lebanon. Maybe someone should tell ole Hassan that you don’t win wars by dying for your country. You win wars by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his. Then again, if we were to make it a group award, clearly the Palestinians would be close behind the Reverend Nasrallah.

But for sheer stupidity, not to mention her very existence being an affront to God, to Man, to Rational Thought, and snack food vendors everywhere, our Cluebat of the Week goes to Cindy Sheehan.

I don’t know about you but if I were ever to go on a hunger strike, I would, like, you know, GO ON A HUNGER STRIKE. Mama Sheehan’s idea of a hunger strike is, shall we say, unique. Slurping on smoothies and gobbling up ice cream sounds like a terrific way to lose a little weight. Fasting, it’s not.

So for demonstrating the kind of utter cluelessness we’ve come to expect from her ilk, we proudly award Cluebat of the Week to Cindy Sheehan.

Check out the 18 posts below. I’m sure you’ll find something to tickle your fancy. If not, let me know and, if you’re lucky (and female), I just might tickle it for ya…

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”
(Albert Einstein)

“Got dat right, dog.”
(Me)

************************************************************

In the most public demonstration of cluelessness in the history of the human race, French soccer legend Zinedine Zidane, in front of 67,000 fans at the Olympiastadion in Berlin and another 1 billion people watching on television, head butted Italy’s Marco Materazzi in the chest, leading to his ouster from the game and dooming French chances in the ensuing shootout that gave the game and World Cup championship to Italy.

Fausta (who no longer has “Bad Hair” and now blogs at Faustasblog) notes the French media reaction as well as the antics of certain “black-white youths” who will use any excuse to make a bonfire out of a car.

What’t this? Ferdy the Cat on a hunger strike? Heaven forfend! No cheese balls for you, sweetie. In fact, Ferdy has taken the pledge: “Until Democrats in Congress stop saying stupid things about the War in Iraq, I, Ferdinand T. Cat, along with my pet human Bruce, swear to stop eating Sargento’s Mozzarella Cheese, and we will restrict ourselves to generic cheeses and other name brands.”

Those perky pachyderms at Elephants in Academia compare our Cluebat of the Week Cindy Sheehan’s “hunger strike” with the courageous stand taken by a freedom fighter in Cuba who is in his fifth month of a true hunger strike – you know, where you like, actually get hungry and stuff. Inspiring post.

Mr. Right channels Don McLean in penning this brilliant satire sung to the tune of “American Pie. “Don’t Cry Ms. American Spy” will do for Valerie Plame what “You’re so Vain” did for Mick Jagger.

Buckely F. Williams assures us that the Super-Animal world is not taking the launching of missiles by Kim Il Jong lying down. The Amazing Frog and his young ward Dormouse Boy are just two of the Super Animals who have taken up freedom’s cause. Let’s hope they’re not too late.

Fred Fry is warning Hamas to be careful what you wish for. And Fred thinks a little reality check for the PA is in order; They want to be in control, but they also want to play the same old games as before when they were simply a militant organization. The actions of Hamas are the actions of the Palestinian Government.

Much to their detriment the Israelis have figured that out already.

Don Surber reports on a suit filed by a female cheerleader over a male rah-rah’s sexual harassment. It appears the female cheerleader is all grown up and knows how to play the deep pockets game because she’s not suing the starving college kid but rather the school, the coach, and anyone with more than $10 bucks to their name.

Progressive What the Blog gives us the real difference between a geek and a nerd. To be honest, I always though a nerd was someone who never missed an episode of Star Trek while a geek tries to build a working model of The Enterprise. But then, what do I know? I was one of the cool kids in high school.

Conservathink has some shocking news regarding Senator Joseph Biden and his future as a pitchman. You know the Senator; “My hair line is completely natural, and pigs can fly!” Yep, that’s the guy.

Politico at Partisan Times has an interesting post about the cluelessness of Representative Murtha and the Democrats on the Iraq War.

Wenchypoo highlights the cluelessness of celebrities who think that by gallivanting around the planet “raising awareness” of third world poverty that they are actually making a difference.

What do you get when you mix politics, dead bodies, and Democrats? Canine Pundit supplies the answers.

Vox Poplar has an in depth interview with student leaders Rainbow Rockford and Phoenix Fillmore. And by in depth, he means “in-depth.”

King Allah has an interesting letter to his linguistics professor.

Clip Frenzy has a video of a drunk getting tasered. Not once, but several times. Can we accuse a drunk of being clueless? In this case, let’s make an exception.

A Different River asks the question of the hour; Would you donate your virginity to science?

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam is hanging out with Cindy Sheehan and trying to stop the war while starving to death – or something.

The gentle folk at The Common Room teach us a valuable lesson about the cluelessness of some people and their expectations regarding government.