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Give me an H!
Give me an I!
Give me a Z!
Give me a B!
Give me a U!
Give me an L!
Give me an L!
Give me an A!
Give me an H!
Wuzzat spell? HIZBULLAH! Louder! HIZBULLAH! I Can’t Hear You! HIZZZZZZBULLAH!
(Billmon of Whiskey Bar)
The Hizbullah cheerleading competition on the left has become a fierce battle between those who have become doe-eyed worshippers of the terrorist leader Nasty Nasrallah (currently in hiding from his rabid and overly demonstrative fans in the IDF) and his cadre of happy-go-lucky rocketeers and those who simply want to see Israel destroyed.
For the judges of the contest, this presents something of a dilemma. Do they deduct points for virulent hatred directed against Jews that blinds contestants to the finer points of cheerleading? Or do they penalize participants for their utter stupidity in cheering on their own potential beheaders thus demonstrating a third grader’s understanding of Pep Squad etiquette and self preservation instincts?
A close call, that. In desperation, the judges were forced to go to the videotape.
It seems more likely that the Israeli cabinet’s decision not to endorse the IDF’s plan for a major invasion was the proverbial blink in this eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation. I don’t even know if Olmert still has hopes of carving out a notional two-kilometer-wide DMZ along the border. I mean, it’s easy enough to say such a buffer zone exists, but if the Israelis really want one they’re going to have to fight Hizbullah for every inch of it. And as I said, it’s pretty clear the Israelis don’t have much of an appetite for that kind of fighting.At this point, and until they show me otherwise, I have to assume the Israelis now would be very happy just to get back to the status quo ante.
There remains, however, the little problem of the steady steam (100 a day, give or take) of rockets falling on northern Israel, plus Hizbullah’s still-unused long-range “Tel Aviv” rockets. Yesterday’s strike on Afula (east and about 30 miles south of Haifa) was a reminder from Sheikh Nasrallah that he still has a few rungs left on his escalation ladder, and that the IDF hasn’t been any more successful at missile “plinking” than the U.S. Air Force was in Gulf War I.
The judges deducted 5 points immediately for Billmon’s disconnect from reality. One judge protested that in this kind of competition, the deduction was unfair because the same could be said for every single contestant, the competition being confined to leftist twits with no more grasp of strategy than a marmoset. However this judge summed it up nicely:
Only a true fool like this dolt (who is worshipped by the ‘progressive’ left) could look at a military operation and say that, because in less than three weeks Hezbollah can still fire off some completely ineffective rocket barrages that have no military impact whatsoever, and because they managed to kill a couple of dozen Israeli soldiers, that the action has been a ‘debacle’ for Israel. Last time I checked, Olmert was still in Israel, and Nasrallah was hiding behind his puppetmasters in Damascus. I guess the fact that he hasn’t been scared all the way to Tehran means that’s a defeat for Israel, too.
On the other hand, Billmon scored well in “Anti-Israeli Fundamentals” and in “Overall Appeal” to Hizbullah sympathizers. And while the judges felt his laughable ignorance of what was actually happening on the battlefield should be cause for a major deduction, Billmon made up for that negative by projecting typical leftist admiration for the tactics of terrorists. Slight deduction for not smiling enough and for the inadvertent showing his panties on the “basket toss.”
Next up, The Next Hurrah:
Hezbollah right now is operating in bunkers. All the news that comes out comes when one or another IDF soldier admits that they’re discovering Hezbollah to have well-disciplined, courageous fighters—which sends a more powerful message than all the Shock and Awe! you can muster. Meanwhile, Israel is very publicly bombing the sh*t out of Lebanon, yet it’s winning no apparent advantage from the bombing. The same, I suspect, will happen with this. Oh, I’m sure there’s pro-Hezbollah astroturf out there. But mostly, there’s just effective propaganda, winning the hearts and minds of other Arabs. Whereas Israel is conducting a very public campaign, but it appears to be dropping nothing but duds.
There was an immediate uproar from the judges following the viewing of this segment of the videotape. One judge asked if he could award a score lower than “zero” just for having to view such a nauseating routine. Another said it wasn’t so bad if you pretended “emptywheel,” the Captain of the squad, was mentally challenged and unable to differentiate between good and evil, right and wrong, friend and foe.
In the end, the judges awarded hefty style points for the way that the contestants marched in lockstep with other lefties as well as extra credit for adding inadvertent humor to the routine. Minor deduction for poorly disguising their obvious anti-semtism as well as turning too many handsprings in logic.
Finally, Cecilia Lucas (Common Dreams):
But I am making progress, seeking and finding new information, clearing some of the smoke. I am coming to terms with something that I’ve tried to deny, something I’ve been taught to deny. And so I have written a love poem. For Hizbullah. Like love that inspires poems often is, this love is not all rosy and sweet. It is complicated, tortured, frustrated, somewhat inappropriate, certainly scandalous, sometimes hesitant. It is irrational and overly rational. But still, it is love. A dear friend told me today, “Nobody ever really learns something without feeling something.†So, to Hizbullah, I offer this poem.I Don’t Want to Love You, But I Do
You were born out of death to a life in a cage
Where bombs are not the only reason people die
Fed by the violence of hunger and homelessness
Raised by colonialism
Your heart and your will still grew strongYou scare me
Not just because they tell me to be scared
Not just because they repeat, repeat, repeat
The story of 1983
Begging me to understand
Americans are worth more than LebaneseWhy do they never tell me about Jihad al Bina
That you have created so much
Saved so many lives
Improved so many more…
After picking their jaws up off the floor, the judges went to work. Two judges wanted the contestant thrown out of the competition for making a mockery of the event. It simply wasn’t possible that Cecilia’s rank anti-Semitism and spectacularly ignorant views on Hizbullah could be taken seriously. It had to be parody. Or at the very least, a sick attempt to win the judges favor by being “too creative.”
Another judge pointed out that the contestant’s not disguising her disgusting Jew hatred was also cause for her being dismissed from the competition. It went against the tactics of the other contestants on the left who chose to hide their anti-Semitism by wishing for a Hizbullah victory all the while claiming they supported the existence of the Jewish state (most of the time).
But the majority of the judges decided to rate her team’s performance anyway. She actually got excellent marks for some of the routine, like when she performed her “Deadman” and the way in which she “attacked the crowd.”
But Cecelia received major deductions for sloppy thinking and a disconcerting lack of moral clarity. She received her biggest deduction for writing bad poetry, an unforgivable faux pas common among the left but largely absent from this particular competition. Slight deductions for a horrible costume (difficult to do jumps and splits in a burkha) and for rhetorically stumbling all over the place like a drunken sailor.
Who won? Perhaps I should open the comments up and let my readers vote. Have at it! And may the best leftist loon win…
10:09 am
I vote for Cecelia Lucas. It’s one thing to write a diatribe; it’s another to write a love poem to an Islamofascist organization dedicated to driving the Jews from land that was given to them by the British-which is also dedicated to horrible torture and murder of the infidel in ways we have difficulty comprehending because of the deprived vicious bloody nature of the acts-and also dedicated to driving the jews into the sea.
I can see writing a love poem to a husband, a fiance, a daughter, a son, even an ex-boyfriend—but this? It takes the cake.
10:24 am
as much as i detest bad poetry, i’m gonna have to go with billmon on this one…let me explain it this way: “if a hizbollah rocket hits the ground but doesn’t kill anyone, does it matter if it was actually launched?”
10:35 am
My comment on these yahoo’s:
Silence is also a comment!
10:46 am
Who wins this contest?
Hmmm. The Real vs. The Surreal. Now that’s a toss-up if I ever saw one.
Hmmm. Poetry vs. Doggerel. Wow, that’s a close one.
Hmmm. The IDF vs. Hizbullah. Gee, I wouldn’t even hazard a guess.
Hmmm. The Right vs. The Left. Um, let’s flip a coin.
Who wins this contest? I wouldn’t give a squirt of ant urine for any contest. Who wins this war?
Scantily clad, the Reality Football Cheerleaders scamper out onto the field to lead the world in a cheer.
“Ready? O
Gimme a D!”
D!
“Gimme a U!”
U!
“Gimme an H!”
H!
“What’s it spell?”
DUH!
11:02 am
I have no idea why the OK! I typed came out as a picture link, but it sure ruined the rhythm of the Reality Football Cheerleaders chant.
11:32 am
I have to vote for Cecilia for pure barf-worthiness.
Seriously, I’m queasy.
11:58 am
Thier all so good, do I have to choose?
12:04 pm
[...] Rightwing Nuthouse is having a Hezbollah Cheerleader Competition, and that’s where I came across the following open letter to Hezbollah. It was written by a Berkeley grad student, Cecilia Lucas, who fancies herself a “committed non-violence advocate”. Yet she is a great admirer of the terrorists of Hezbollah – enough so that she has publicly posted her love poem for all to read and comment upon. [...]
12:09 pm
Oh..Cecilia…you’re breaking my heart….
I feel so sorry for your parents coughing up their savings for this kind of education.
Maybe she will grow up one day and become a soccer mom…but for now…can someone get Cecilia a date…or at least Imodium?
12:20 pm
RAH, RAH, HEZBOLLAH!
Rick Moran rates left-wing cheerleaders for Hezbollah….
12:31 pm
The Deadliest Israeli Air Strike Yet (Video)
It happened today in the southern Lebanon village of Qana:
Israeli missiles hit several buildings in a southern Lebanon village as people slept Sunday, killing at least 56, most of them children, in the deadliest attack in 19 days of fighting.
Israeli…
1:13 pm
Your deliberate oversight of Leftist Icon Juan “Ahmadinejad Is Just Misunderstood” Cole is extremely malicious and hopefully actionable. Professor Cole has termed the Israelis “profoundly evil and possibly insane”, so when it comes to being a Jew-hating liberal champion of the progressive netroots movement, he should not have to endure slights of ommision from the likes of you.
1:15 pm
Dear Mr. Nasralloh,
I am writing you this letter,
and I hope that you will read it so you know.
My breasts begin to quiver ,
And I tremble and I shiver
Every time I hear the freedom rockets blow
Although I’m just another Berkeley grad student,
I thought I would write and tell you so-o-o Oh.
You made me love you,
I didn’t want to do it,I didn’t want to do it.
You made me love you,
You’re killing Jews,go to it.You’re killing Jews,go to it.
I don’t care who you kill,
I just know you’re rigt
As far as I’m concerned,
the Jews start all the fights
You know you made me love you.
Cecilia’s song
1:34 pm
It’s no contest…Cecillia Lucas wins by a country mile although I’m uncertain which country. I was, unfortunately, unable to finish the entire poem since spewing coffee all over your monitor can apparently cause a short circuit. In fact, I knocked out the entire east wing of the house.
Never read Cecillia Lucas with anything, particularly liquid, in your mouth.
1:57 pm
And now the hezies and Hamasies are attacking UN headquarters in Beruit and Gaza. Boy,as much as I enjoy watching it, I do have mixed emotions about it.
Seems like the right reaction for the wrong reasons. It shows how stupid these people really are. The UN has been its biggest supporter for two generations. Whats next? “Hey Mo’ your nose is to big. Take this knife and fix it”. ?
2:18 pm
Hezbo supporters in Beirut are attacking UN building waving yellow Hezbo flags and the commie red ones with sickle and hammer.
I bet lots of people in the media have a hard time to choose which side to root for…
3:09 pm
I just (re-)read all of Billmon’s pieces on the current Israel/Hezbollah confict and do not see a hint of cheerleading for Hezbolla. There are even clear unequivocal statements about Hezbolla war crimes. I see a political argument, not a military argument. It’s not an %100 convincing argument, but at least it’s argued in a concise readable manner. The political argument is that the Israelis are headed for a serious net political loss in this conflict.
There is not much reason to project anti-semitic motives, either; the first paragraph of one of the postings in the series makes a clear statement, quote:
I’ve felt many emotions about the Israelis before. I’ve admired them for their accomplishments—building a flourishing state out of almost nothing. I’ve hated them for their systematic dispossession of the Palestinians—even as they smugly congratulated themselves for being the Middle East’s only “democracy.” I’ve pitied them for the cruel fate history inflicted on the Jewish diaspora, respected them for their boldness and daring, honored them for their cultural and intellectual achievements. But the one thing I’ve never felt, at least up until now, is contempt.
You can read that as anti-semitic or not (I read not), but at least it’s clear.
4:04 pm
Why does this remind me of The Producers? If one were to attempt to write the most tasteless rant on the Israeli-terrorist war there would be people in the audience who would cheer. Seriously folks, you couldn’t make this stuff up.
Imagine for a moment in 1942 some college student writing a love sonnet to Tojo or Himmler. What a world1
5:21 pm
Cecilia Lucas by a country mile in the vein of:
“It was a dark and stormy night…”
Signed,
Snoopy
5:57 pm
Ms. Lucas remind me of a brain dead college student in your typical ivy leage college, spending all Mom and Dad’s hard earned money on crap like this.
!
I can only pray when she finally grows up and has children of her own if the people just trying to defend themselves tell women and children they need to evacuate and she doesn’t love her child enough to get them out of the way, well I just don’t understand how you wouldn’t take a chance getting the heck outta dodge, even if as cnn and lsm claims they were scared to get on the roads.
There are other places to go that don’t have rocket launchers in the basement or bombs stored in civilian area. WHY don’t they realize they are being used.
7:31 pm
Billmon posted a loser, but Cecilia got her own parody recording at BrainSurgeryWithSpoons!
What a maroon! “Oh my sweet Hizbollah, rank with the gore of slaughtered babes, you glare at me murderously, and warm the depths of my G-spot…”
7:52 pm
Hezbollah,
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, with a passion that can only be achieved after injecting oneself with the finest of black tar heroin…
8:35 pm
The clear winner is Billmon, not only for the ignorance of the post you cited, but for his anti-Israel screeds going back – well, who knows how far. Billmon based his support in 2003 for Howard Dean on the basis of Dean’s tough talk against Israel – bonus hypocrisy points for Dean, in that he know uses anti-Semitism as a stick to beat the Iraqi Prime Minister with.
Peas in a pod, Dean and Billmon…
8:43 pm
The Left loves old fashioned imperialists. The kind that takes territory and runs oppressive governments.
One can come to no other conclusion.
8:46 pm
Sunday Funnies
image courtesy of faithmouse
I’m out of town, so the links are gonna be a few days old. I prepared this on Thursday and Friday.
The Skwib has the Carnival of Satire.
The Kag Report has carnival of comedy.
Potfry intercepts a phone call from…
9:12 pm
Everyone who read Cecelia Lucas’ “poem”, and wants to wash the bad taste out of their mouths:
Read http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/
1:22 pm
Cecilia Lucas Made Me Lose My Lunch
That an idiot like Cecilia Lucas can even muster enough brain cells to get up in the morning, much less go about her daily activities like writing love poems to Hambollah, is a veritable miracle in my book. After reading her non.sonnet.make.me.puke.al…
9:54 pm
I’m content for Israel to win this war against Hizbullah one apartment building fulla kids at a time. Sooner or later it’s mission accomplished, right? After all, Israel has a right to protect itself from the most insidious terrorists of all—the ones who disguise themselves as children. Little bastids!
2:15 am
How many must we kill to get them to like us?
9:30 am
Conservatives are well aware that the most insidious of all terrorists are the ones cunningly disguised as children. The wise cons who post here know that the best pre-emptive warfare involves attacks on terrorists before they actually grow up and become terrorists.
If only lefties could understand that claiming you do not target children while regularly obliterating buildings containing children does not make you a liar per se. You are only guilty of being a bad shot.
9:06 pm
Always refreshing to hear some more ranting from the mysterious land of wingnuttia! It continually amazes me the crap you folks (wingnuts)can talk yourselves into believing.
10:56 pm
Here from Billmon, who had the courtesy to link you; back to the poisoned gin!
9:37 am
Heh. Israel is winning. Just look out for the incoming rockets.
12:30 pm
As usual, if one criticises Israel, one is anti-semetic.
If one criticises the Pope, is one anti-Catholic? Maybe, maybe not.
If one criticises Bres. Bush, is one anti-Baptist?
Logic is sadly absent, when no criticism is allowed.
1:38 pm
Israel is putting itself at a distinct disadvantage by not coming up with a snappy title for it’s current campaign. May I suggest –
Operation Infanticide.
4:45 pm
I have been trying to select the most nutty assertions on both sides for some time now.
So far, among the Israel-firsters, my favorite is the “Pallywood” faction. That is to say, the people who seriously argue that a canny Palestinian media operation is controlling the argument in the US media.
As the late Walter Kauffmanm once said. “this isn’t right. It isn’t even wrong.” When you read stuff like this, you know the whole train has jumped the tracks.
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