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12/12/2006
SOY IN THE BOY GIVES HIM CURLS LIKE A GIRL
CATEGORY: General

When I saw this in World Net Daily this morning, I knew it was a story made for the blogosphere:

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular…

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

have nothing against an occasional soy snack. Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you’re also getting substantial quantities of estrogens.

Estrogens are female hormones. If you’re a woman, you’re flooding your system with a substance it can’t handle in surplus. If you’re a man, you’re suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your “female side,” physically and mentally.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

The rest of the piece deals with other deleterious effects of soy products – cancer, obesity, leukemia, enlarged uterus, weak thyroid, heart problems, and infertility.

I’m waiting for the study which shows all these effects are reversed by cigarette smoking. That or living a dissolute lifestyle. Or maybe even taking a rabid interest in sports. The reason being, I was raised on soy milk myself and do not suffer any of the effects mentioned in the article. But I smoke, liked to party down in my youth, and have had a lifelong passion for baseball and football. I wonder if any of those activities saved my masculinity from a fate worse than death? The last time I looked, my penis was not stunted. On the contrary…

The only sexual confusion I have happens whenever I read the Kama Sutra (Zsu Zsu, being a practical woman, is able to cure my befuddlement quite easily).

I once had a crush on Melissa Etheridge. Does falling in love with a lesbian make me gay? Perhaps I should ask the author of this piece. James Putz, er Rutz is Chairman of something called the Megashift Ministries. What sounds like some kind of monster truck worship apparently refers to the fact that the world is changing fast – but not quite the way we’ve thought these last few years. From Rutz’s book:

This book is not about a theory, but a worldwide fact: a megashift now producing documented miracles that stagger belief, the most shocking being the resurrection of hundreds of people in 49 nations, mainly since 1990. A whole new era of humanity is upon us, plus a fresh new phase of Christianity with a dramatically new way of living.”

Also on the website is this jaw dropper:

“The world is rapidly becoming all Christian.” Christianity, not Islam is the worlds fastest growing religion. The “church” is exploding in growth by those who do not identify with Catholicism or Protestantism. The growth is so humongous that “There will be pockets of resistance and unforeseen breakthroughs,” writes Rutz. “By tomorrow, there will be 175,000 more Christians than there are today.” “Still, at the rate we’re growing now, to be comically precise, there would be more Christians than people by the autumn of 2032, about 8.2 billion”

Instead of worrying about beheading jihadis, all we really have to fear are masses of Christians running around raising up the dead and performing other miracles. After all, just suppose someone doesn’t want to be raised from the dead? Who really wants to be yanked back from the gates of heaven anyway? Color me a party pooper but if I was already enjoying my richly deserved rewards in the afterlife, I hardly think getting a call from a Rutzian Megashifter to come back to earth would improve my mood any.

Allah is inviting comment from the true believers:

Exit question: in which ways, if any, is soy being manipulated to facilitate the North American Union? Check out the export list. We’re softening them up across the border before the merger!

By: Rick Moran at 6:15 pm
14 Responses to “SOY IN THE BOY GIVES HIM CURLS LIKE A GIRL”
  1. 1
    Peejz Said:
    8:32 pm 

    I laughed so hard that I cried when I read the article…only to compose myself and have it happen all over again when I read the reactions from bloggers!

  2. 2
    Captain's Quarters Trackbacked With:
    8:45 pm 

    The Secretly Gay Crop

    Last month, I warned CQ readers about the reliability of World News Daily, a wire and pundit service that aims for conservative readers. In that case, their news report claimed that illegal immigrants committed as many as 12 murders a…

  3. 3
    j.d. Said:
    9:20 pm 

    Forgive me for coming late to the party, but this is a put-on, right?

  4. 4
    Foobarista Said:
    9:41 pm 

    You’re right – that story has absorbed all the linkbait in the known universe, and a few neighboring ones in the multiverse besides – at least for this week…

  5. 5
    clarice feldman Said:
    11:42 pm 

    caffeine, nicotine,alcohol and chocolate will correct any nutritional imbalance and block the bad affects of soy.

  6. 6
    Ron Beasley Said:
    11:47 pm 

    I saw this story on memeorandum this morning and wisely decided it was not worth a comment. Much to my amazement it remained on memeorandum all day, you were right it was real blogosphere fodder. My first thought was if this is true there should be no population in Japan. They have lived on soy for a very long time and should have all been gay decades ago. I travelled to Japan a couple of times a year in the 90s and they are not all gay.

  7. 7
    Doug Ross @ Journal Trackbacked With:
    6:01 am 

    What is the frequency, Keith?

    Keith Olbermann: “Some have accused me of being a latter-day Howard Beale…”

  8. 8
    the friendly grizzly Said:
    7:05 am 

    When I saw the name of the article’s author, Jim Rutz, I had to remind myself I was not reading The Onion, nor was it April 1st.

    I often wonder if the folks running WND aren’t bigger closet cases than J. Edgar Hoover or Roy Cohn.

  9. 9
    SGT Christopher Whitaker Said:
    7:11 am 

    Let it never be said that the Lefties have a monopoly on wierdness; we righties can get pretty wacky too. I suppose it’s a case that our wierdness is rarely as destructive as theirs and not even remotely as widespread.

  10. 10
    Chip Said:
    7:35 am 

    Perhaps so, Sarg, but there is much more weeping and gnashing of teeth coming out of the lefty blogosphere. They must be practicing. ;)

    Chip

  11. 11
    gregdn Said:
    9:50 am 

    WND is also the outlet that routinely interviews ‘terrorists’ in the ME. They perpetuated the ‘Terrorists want the Democrats to win’ thing back before the elections.

  12. 12
    billy@ballyhoo Said:
    9:54 am 

    Gay Russian

    1 shot vodka
    1 shot Kaluah
    soy milk

    ...word!

  13. 13
    Andy Said:
    11:11 am 

    Well, now I know why I wear my wife’s clothes on the weekends! j/k

  14. 14
    patrick Said:
    9:35 pm 

    I don’t know who falls for the kak that World Nut Daily puts out, well, daily; probably the same idiots that fall for the Nigerian 419 and penny-stock scams that I get in my email.
    They had a poll on their site some time ago; most of their readers believed that the universe was only 6000 years old. That should tell you something.

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