As we careen toward the blockbuster two hour finale, speculation in running rampant about how all the plot threads will eventually merge and tie themselves up into a nice, neat bow.
Of course, those of us familiar with the series know that no such thing will happen. The writers of the show treat the fans with a mixture of bemused contempt and haughty condescension. They believe that we have the memories of a fruit fly and are unable to recall details of what happened a couple of months ago. Ergo, the chances are about 100% that one or more major plot threads will simply disappear down the rabbit hole, victim of the writers maneuvering themselves into a corner and not being able to blow something up, kill someone off, or create some grand, revelatory moment that clears everything up.
No matter. We’ll still have fun anyway. And part of the fun is trying to figure out who lives, who dies, how the United States will be saved, and most important, the fate of Jack Bauer.
Leave your best, your craziest, your silliest speculation in the comments below (FSM readers email me at rick@rightwingnuthouse.com). Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll post the best of that speculation for all to see.
And then get set for tomorrow night’s blockbuster episode.
9:59 pm
Jack shoots his father who, in his last gasps, reveals that Jack sired Josh. Marilyn promises to make Jack forget all about Needle Nose.
Nadia and Little Ricky share a smooch after another slap-and-tickle session.
President Little Palmer remains brain dead but the country will not notice the difference.
Morris dies a hero’s death but Cloe still really misses Edgar.
11:47 pm
Will tonight be the night we find out Josh is Jack’s son or will it be next week?
6:25 am
I saw a promo over the weekend – it showed Josh running along a catwalk, apparently inside a structure and above a deep hole of some sort. The video cut to Jack running along with a gun. Are we about to have a “Josh, I am your father” moment from either Jack or Little Ricky?
10:21 am
Jack’s father will reveal to Jack that Josh is his son, Jack will kill his father, Audrey is history, the new head of CTU will be Tom. Wayne Palmer comes back to life and takes back the Presidency and nukes Russia.
10:57 am
Philip is Josh’s father. Marilyn is the slut – Lisa is too pathetic to be a slut. Little Ricky is working for Philip. Jack gets captured by the Russkies this year. Nadia is either killed or written out of the show – she’s pretty feeble anyway.
9:53 pm
I still contend that Audrey was in cahoots with the Chinese. They drugged her unmercfully so that they could drag Jack to get the circuit board for them. Remember the last episode of the season when they captured Jack, she was there and made some suspicious looking hand signals just before thery grabbed him.