Cubs LF Alfonso Soriano (2-14, 5 SO’s) sits glumly in the dugout following the North Sider’s 5-1 loss eliminating them from the playoffs – until next year, of course.

Well what the hell did you expect? They’re the Cubs fer crissakes!

The Chicago Cubs once again lived down to all expectations, getting swept by the Arizona Diamondbacks in the Division Championship Series 3-0 while establishing new records for post season futility. The Cubbies lost to AZ 5-1 last night, demonstrating that you can indeed play baseball while sleepwalking – a novel strategy employed by manager Lou Pinnella in lieu of actually sending a team onto the field that would resemble a Major League ballclub.

Of course, every time the Cubs lose a series in the post season, it’s a new record. This is the advantage of being in sole possession of the old record, and the one before that, and before that, and before that…

Obviously preferring nice round numbers, the Cubs will enter next season boasting an even 100 years of failure. One wonders if the North Siders will ever tire of such spectacular ineptness given that their fans may be starting to get a little antsy. A chorus of boos rained down on Wrigley Field when the last out was made in the game last night – an almost unheard of occurrence at this shrine to mediocrity. In the past, Cubs fans would have simply shrugged their shoulders and walked out of the ballpark dreaming of next year.

But it could be that Cub boosters are tired of the jokes, tired of the razzing, and tired of the fact that one of the biggest media conglomerates on the planet – the Tribune Company – can’t buy, beg, or steal the players and organization necessary to bring a championship ballclub to the North Side.

Perhaps realizing the 100 year honeymoon is over, the Trib is trying to sell the team. Maybe the new owners will figure out that even the masochistic Cub fans have had enough and will settle for nothing except an end to their agony.

As for this latest collapse, the Cubbies played three games in which Houdini would have been proud. They were, for all practical purposes, invisible. Five runs scored in three games with their top three hitters – Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez – going a combined 6-38 with zero runs batted in. Ramirez was especially awful going 0-12 with 5 strikeouts. Throwing out the ceremonial first ball, Ernie Banks at age 76 could probably have done better. The rest of them were equally awful, as the Cubbies hit .194 as a team.

I would say to my friends who are Cubs fans, look on the bright side; at least the team didn’t tease you with visions of victory this time around. They were never in the series to begin with. This time out, there were no crazy plays or costly errors to ruin your off season. The Cubs lost the old fashioned way; they stunk up the joint.

And so, another season ends on the North Side without a championship. But even the most diehard of Cubs fans have got to start questioning their sanity much less their allegiance to this team. The Cubs are beyond curses, beyond bad luck and have entered the realm of physics where the random interactions of atomic particles at the subatomic level is the only explanation for their continued failure. Amidst the scurrying of muons and gluons and quarks, there must be some as yet unamed particle (the cubuon?) that flits about, destroying the order of the universe and prevents the Cubs from winning a World Series.

Or maybe they need another right handed power hitter…