It should be obvious by now that our liberal friends in Hollywood responsible for writing jokes for late night hosts, talk shows, and especially the Comedy Central icons John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are having a tremendous amount of difficulty coming up with nasty, belittling, supercilious bon mots to direct at Barack Obama – the same kind of material they routinely create to lampoon conservatives and Republicans.
Quite simply, they are stuck. They have writers block. They are caught between the rock of political correctness and the hard place of partisan hackery and don’t have a clue how to escape.
Joe Harwood of the New York Times defined their dilemma on Joe Scarborough’s show the other day after the host skewered the comedy writers for being wusses when it came to criticizing Democrats and Obama:
SCARBOROUGH: I just—I never want to hear anybody from ‘The Daily Show’ or any of these other shows ever saying again, ‘We speak truth to power.’ ‘Cause you know what they do? They speak truth to Republicans. Republicans are funny. They have been idiots and jackasses over the past seven years. But, please, don’t be subversive, because you’re not. Because you’re a hack. You’re a hack for the Democratic Party and you only tell jokes about one side. BRZEZINSKI: Joe—No, this is not about being in the tank.
SCARBOROUGH: They’re hacks!
BRZEZINSKI: You’re unbelievable!
HARWOOD: No. Well, but hold on a second. I don’t think they are hacks for the Democratic Party. People write about what’s funny to them. And the stuff that’s funny to them is, is the stuff that comes out of what they see that they want to make fun of from Republicans. That’s what—It’s in the same way that if you are a columnist or if you are a commentator, it’s much easier to whack the other side than to be sharp about your own side.
Harwood is an idiot. I have absolutely no trouble lampooning conservatives or Republicans for that matter. What it takes is something that most liberals in Hollywood simply don’t have.
One single independent brain cell in working order.
Beyond Harwood’s idiocy, how about Scarborough’s liberal co-host saying that the reason we don’t hear Obama jokes is because, well, there’s nothing funny about him:
BRZEZINSKI: But I really think you are missing a bigger problem here or challenge, however you want to put it, for comedy writers or for satirists, I hope I’m using the right word there. But my point is that there are layers of what’s politically correct and layers of what potentially could incite the wrong things. When have you a candidate who is black and who has a name people have made fun of and have bad information on the internet on, I think there are layers here that present really great challenges.
“Great challenges?” Are you fricking kidding me? Obama is a walking talking joke book waiting to happen. You could compile an encyclopedia of humor just about the size of his ears. His stick like frame should be made fun of early and often.
And oh my God what some classic comedians would have done with “Obama-worship.” Saturday Night Live’s skits only scratched the surface. There’s comedy gold in them thar worshipful minions that we have yet to see realized in any comedy format.
Plus, it should be obvious to anyone by now simply noting Obama’s reaction to The New Yorker cover that the man possesses the sense of humor of a Tapir. And the creepy way he talks about himself and his movement along with incidents like the “Obama Almost Presidential Seal” all should be supplying plenty of fodder for comedy writers without coming anywhere near any kind of line that would even hint at his race, or his name, or anything else.
Q.What’s the difference between Obama and Dumbo?A. Dumbo hasn’t flip flopped on FISA reform.
Or
Q. What’s the difference between Obama and a string bean?
A. A string bean isn’t a dangerous far left liberal who hangs around with radicals, crooks, and terrorists.
I know readers of this site can do better than that. And I’m prepared to put my money where my mouth is to prove it.
ANNOUNCING THE RIGHT WING NUTHOUSE OBAMA JOKEFEST!
That’s right. You can assist our liberal friends in Hollywood while breaking new ground in comedy history by coming up with jokes, humorous anecdotes, limericks, or one liners all directed towards the Democratic nominee for president Barack Obama.
SUBMISSIONS
Submissions can be in the form of written comments to this post as well as the official contest post I will be putting up later today. Or, I would actually prefer recorded jokes submitted as an attachment to an email. That’s because the best of the lot will be read or played on a special edition of The Rick Moran Show on Blog Talk Radio this coming Sunday at 6:00 PM Central Time.
PRIZES
First Prize – $25.00 Gift Card
Second Prize – $10.00 Gift Card
Third Place – $5 gift Card
DEADLINE
Deadline for entry is noon central time on Sunday.
Send sound files in MP3 or Windows Media audio format only. Attach to email sent to this address.
elvenstar522-at-AOL-dot-com.
8:32 am
Gift card from where? I mean, if it’s Amazon or something, that’s nice, but if it’s from Bed Bath and Beyond, I’m not wasting all the postage to mail you an .mp3 file.
VISA Gift card, I think.
ed.
10:57 am
A few Friday midday Barrister links…
"Apparently the healing is not complete." Clintonistas supporting McCain?"Guardian Moonbats discover environmentalism’s schrieking authoritarianism"Limousine Liberals: Gore and his gas-guzzlersHelp needed with Obama jokes.How is th…
11:05 am
What does Obama and Osama have in common?
They both have friends that have bombed the Pentigon.
11:08 am
Gift card? No thanks. Doubtless,by the time I’ve been determined the winner, Obama will have won and raised taxes to 25% on prizes of $25 or more.
11:54 am
Obama is proposing a Fairness in bowling bill. Nobody gets a 300 but then again nobody gets a 34 either.
Barack fuels his campaign on the recycled remains of all those he has thrown off his environmentally friendly bus.
How would you like to be on this guys VP list? Can you imagine having to be considered second fiddle to him. Carrot Top is about the only one I can think of to fill the role.
He has scrubbed his website of so many stories and postions that Microsoft is introducing cyber strength White out. Or is that racist? Should it be a black out? Hmm maybe just cyber neutralizer.
12:01 pm
Barack are you for or against gun ownership? Yes
Are you for or against NAFTA? Yes
Are you for or against the designated hitter? What’s that?
The guy is a living breathing contradiction and joke.
12:26 pm
Obama to accept nomination at Denver football stadium…
As the party faces questions over money problems for the convention, Democratic Party Chairman Howar…
12:50 pm
Barack and Michelle were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?”
Barack turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????”
Barack pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
Barack says, “What’s the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
Barack asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
Barack goes into the doctor’s office and said that his body hurt wherever he touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
Barack took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed, then he pushed his elbow and screamed even more. He pushed his knee and screamed; likewise he pushed his ankle and screamed. Everywhere he touched made him scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?
“Well, no” he said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.” [Ed: OK, this one needs a little editing]
A Russian, an American, and Barack were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
Barack said, “So what? I’m going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Barack replied, “I’m not stupid, you know. I’m going at night!”
Barack was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was his turn. He rolled the dice and he landed on Science & Nature. His question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
Barack thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
A friend was visiting Barack, who had acquired two new dogs, and was asked what their names were. Barack responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. His friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“HELLLOOOOOOO…...,” answered Barack. “They’re watch dogs!”
12:59 pm
Joel Stein has the same idea today:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-stein18-2008jul18,0,3819643.column
I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that Obama is not be the kind of person to be easily mocked. A commenter on Joel Stein’s blog got closest to it:
” Comics have gotten soft after eight years of Bush and before that eight years of Clinton, both of whom are self-satirizing. They don’t know how to deal with a semi-normal person like Obama.”
I would only add that the same can be said of John McCain. However, this entire notion is nonsense. Truly, if the nation needs to have jokes told about our leaders more than it needs transparency about their actions, its a sorry day in America.
1:05 pm
Q. How many angels can fit under Obama’s Bus?
A. There’s not enough angels.
3:27 pm
Life is truly circular. Barack pointedly asked to be allowed to devour his waffle. Just months later the waffle returned the favor.
6:52 pm
Obama Is So Pretty
Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn.
Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him.
Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size.
Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville.
Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he’s smart.
Obama is so pretty that he won’t ride in Ted Kennedy’s car.
Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store.
Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit.
Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka.
Obama is so pretty that he gives Edwin Edwards makeup tips.
Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless.
Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day.
Obama is so pretty that he should play the part of Maria in West Side Story.
Obama is so pretty that Michelle carried him over the threshhold.
Obama is so pretty that the Navy won’t name a submarine after him.
Obama is so pretty that he knows Victoria’s Secret.
Obama is so pretty that he won’t give Hillary Clinton his phone number.
10:00 pm
Glad to oblige.
http://assistantvillageidiot.blogspot.com/2008/07/humorlessness-ii.html
Barack Obama and a kangaroo walk into a bar and order arugula salads. The bartender says “We don’t serve arugula salads here.” Obama says “I can’t believe what I’m hearing! Did the civil rights movement mean nothing? It’s 2008, and a person of mixed race can’t be served in a bar open to the public? That’s racist, and the destructive politics of the past.”
————————————————————-
Barack Obama and a kangaroo walk into a bar and order arugula salads. “That’ll be $20 each,” says the bartender. Barack pats his pockets and the kangaroo pays. After a bit, the bartender says “You know, we don’t get many of your kind here.” Obama pulls a hand mic out of his pocket and goes off on a 10-minute rant about hope and change we can believe in. The kangaroo looks at him a long time and then says to the bartender “At these prices, you won’t be getting many more, either.”
—————————————————————————————
Barack Obama and a kangaroo walk into a bar and order arugula salads. The bartender says, “Hey, isn’t he from a foreign country?” Obama slams down his fist and says “You’re just showing your prejudices. That kangaroo was born in an American zoo, is completely native to this country, and his patriotism shouldn’t be questioned. And even if he was an immigrant, he would still have rights, because this is America.” The bartender says “I was talking to the kangaroo.”
————————————————————————————-
Barack Obama and a kangaroo are crossing the street to go into a bar to order arugula salads. Barack throws the kangaroo under a bus.
——————————————————————————————
Barack Obama walks into a French café with his daughter. The waiter says “Bonjour Monsieur et Mademoiselle.” Obama says, I’m sorry; I am embarrassed to be an American. My daughter and I don’t speak any French.” The waiter shrugs and says “That’s okay, I speak good English.”
——————————————————————————————————
Barack Obama and a group of lemmings walk into a bar to order an arugula salad. The bartender says “What are those things, rats?” Obama says “Those are my friends. I love them like my own family. I have more small donors than anyone else.” The bartender says “Okay, they can stay, but I can’t see why you’d want to spend your time with rats.” The lemmings, eyes shining, watch Obama eat his salad. He goes back to the bartender “You know, you’re right, they are a lot like rats. They’ve been around for years and I never noticed before. I’ve decided I can’t stand them.” The lemmings all nod and follow him out of the bar.
————————————————————————————————————
Barack Obama walks into a Dutch café with his daughter. The waiter says “Welkom Mijnheer en Meisje.” Obama says, “I’m sorry, I am embarrassed to be an American. My daughter and I don’t speak any Dutch.” The waiter shrugs and says “That’s okay, I speak good English.”
————————————————————————————————————-
Barack Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says “That’s a real nice one. Does he say anything?” Obama says “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” The bartender says to the parrot “That’s pretty good! Did it take long to teach him that?”
———————————————————————————————————-
Barack Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says “That’s a real nice one. Where’d you get him?” The parrot says “Chicago.”
——————————————————————————————————————
Barack Obama is about to walk into a bar when he sees an accident in the street. He pulls out his cell phone and dials 911. The dispatcher asks “What happened?” Obama says “I’m not sure, but it looks like a whole lot of lemmings threw themselves under a bus one at a time.”
——————————————————————————————————————-
Barack Obama walks into a Moldovan café with his daughter. The waiter says “Buna Dimineata, Domnule si Domnisoara.” Obama says, “I’m sorry, I am embarrassed to be an American. My daughter and I don’t speak any Moldovan.” The waiter shrugs and says “That’s okay, I speak good English.”
———————————————————————————————————-
Barack Obama walks into a bar with his daughters to order arugula salads. “I’m sorry,” says the bartender “but I can’t serve them here.” Barack goes ballistic “I can’t believe what I’m hearing! Did the civil rights movement mean nothing? It’s 2008, and a person of mixed race can’t be served in a bar open to the public? That’s racist, and the destructive politics of the past.” The bartender says “No no no! It’s not that. I can’t serve them because they’re underage.” Bill Clinton turns pale and quickly leaves the bar.
————————————————————————————————————
Barack Obama walks into an English pub with his daughter. The waiter says “Good afternoon, would you like arugula salads?” Obama says, I’m sorry, I am embarrassed to be an American. My daughter and I don’t speak any English.” The waiter nods “That’s what we’ve been telling you Yanks for years.”
————————————————————————————————————————
Barack Obama runs into a panhandler on the street. “Barry! My man Barry!” says the panhandler. “You were my best friend at Occi! I remember you used to get the most righteous weed. Have you got any now?” Obama looks at him narrowly. “That was in the past and it’s racist of you to bring it up now.” The panhandler looks puzzled. “Sorry Barry. I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to get you mad. Have you got any spare change?” Obama looks even more narrowly at him. “Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.” The panhandler looks at him funny. “So – no change?”
11:12 pm
President Barack Hussein Obama,LOL ROFL (slapping knee)(tearing up)(nealrly peed pants).
3:11 am
Law of unintended consequences, Rick. You’re demonstrating that it really is impossible to write a good joke about Obama.
The problem is one of definition. One has to know the person one is goofing on. There have to be a few handles you can grab onto. Obama’s identity hasn’t gelled because he’s an aspirational figure and a bit of a Rorschach test: you see a reflection of your own wishes. This is a problem as much (more actually) for opponents than supporters. It leaves one in the position of writing a joke not about the man but about what people imagine the man to be. The GOP is having the same problem in their attacks on Obama which all manage to be insulting to Obama supporters but never quite lay a glove on Obama.
Bush is incoherent, Gore was stiff, Dukakis was a soulless dweeb, Kerry was a drone, McCain is old. If the knock on Obama is that he’s too pretty, too popular and too good a speaker you guys are in for a long election season.
4:20 am
What could be more painful to watch than attempts at ‘humour’ from the Republicans? I would pay for my own one-way ticket to the neo-Manzanar/Ghraib/Gitmo just to make it all stop.
It’s like being back in grammar school, at the gymnasium, being forced to dance with the polio girl with crutches.
Why is no-one laughing?
“Q.What’s the difference between Obama and Dumbo?A. Dumbo hasn’t flip flopped on FISA reform.”
Here it is totally transparent. You are completely correct, another dickwad.
11:57 am
What do Obama “hope and change” schtick and Pamela Anderson’s..er..”assets” have in common ?
We know that both of them are fake and yet we cannot seem to get enough of them.
3:52 pm
Barack Obama dies and goes to heaven. He rings the doorbell at the pearly gates and an old man on crutches answers the door. The man says, “what can I do for you?”. Barack says, “I’m Barack Obama and I’ve come to go to heaven”. The man says, “well Barack, what have you accomplished in your life?”. Barack says, “I was president of the United States of America”. In disbelief the man says, “Really? How long?”. Barack says, “About 15 seconds”.