Russian humor during the reign of communist thugs was extraordinarily funny. It seems that when people are oppressed, the quality of their jokes, not to mention the multiplication of targets, increases dramatically.

In a madhouse there was a propagandist highly praising the Soviet Authority. When he finished everyone applauded except for one man standing off to one side.

‘I’m not a lunatic, I’m the hospital attendant!’

There was a funny kind of fatalism in those old Russian jokes, a grudging acceptance of their lot in life:

What nationality were Adam and Eve?

Most certainly Russian! Only Russians can run about barefooted and bare assed, without a roof over their heads, where there is only one apple for two and nevertheless cry out that they are in paradise

Former Soviet leader Breznev was a particularly easy target.

Brezhnev called together a group of cosmonauts. ‘Comrades! The Americans have landed on the Moon. We here have consulted and have decided that you will go to the Sun!’

‘Be not afraid, comrades, the Party has thought of everything. You
will leave at night.’

But something horrible has happened to Russian humor; communism fell. In its place, the not quite democratic, mostly authoritarian Putin regime has sprung up and people are having a hard time adjusting, humor wise.

Witness this attempt at stand-up by the half-crazed leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party (Yep…that’s the name of the party) Vladimir Zhirinovsky. Vlad, to put it bluntly, is a lech. Judging by these remarks he made in reference to some rather mild criticism of the Russia-Ukraine gas deal uttered by US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, I don’t think I’d want to be a woman working in this guy’s office:

The fascistic pol attributed that “coarse anti-Russian statement” to Rice being “a single woman who has no children.”

“If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear,” Zhirinovsky ranted on. “Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied.

“Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men’s attention,” he added. “Such women are very rough. … They can be happy only when they are talked and written about everywhere: ‘Oh, Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian!’

One can almost see old Vlad drooling in satisfaction at the thought of Condi being passed around on a Russian army base.

Of course, the Soviet army had plenty of experience in such matters. In the immediate aftermath of their occupation of East Germany, it is estimated that upwards of 200,00 German women were brutally and systematically raped. Ostensibly, it was done in retaliation for the brutality exhibited by German soldiers during the occupation but it also bespeaks a coarseness of spirit and a lack of discipline on the part of the Red Army.

I’m sure Vladimir would have felt right at home with those fellows.

Not willing to keep his mouth shut, Comrade Zhirinovsky continued in a similar vein:

“Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. Everybody tries to part with such women as soon as possible. A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.”

Note that at the end, Vlad throws a sop to mothers-in-law probably because, given the housing shortage in Russia, he’s living with her.

So who is this guy?

Zhirinovsky has made no secret of his insanity in the past. Besides praising Hitler and encouraging the use of nuclear weapons, he has advocated Russia’s invasion and “reacquisition” of Alaska. To eradicate bird flu, he’s suggested arming every Russian and ordering them to shoot everything with feathers.

Oh well, we’ve got Pat Robertson, they’ve got Vladimir Zhirinovsky…