It was a time of darkness and turmoil in the Empire.

Emboldened by scandal and a never ending war, the Rebel Alliance threatened the Empire’s hold on several key star systems.

Imperial Governors from across the galaxy met in the old capitol to be feted and stroked by minions of his Majesty, the Emperor. They were anxious lest they lose the privileges and prerogatives vouchsafed them by their dark lord, Darth Vader.

Fearing a revolt (and in an effort to stiffen their spines), the evil Lord reminded the Empire’s apparatchiks of the weaknesses in the Alliance:

At the core, we are dealing with two parties that have fundamentally different views on national security,” Rove said. “Republicans have a post-9/11 worldview and many Democrats have a pre-9/11 worldview. That doesn’t make them unpatriotic—not at all. But it does make them wrong—deeply and profoundly and consistently wrong.”

The Governors put up a brave front, applauding in all the right places but still worried about the outcome of the coming battle.

Meanwhile, the Ewoks protested violently against the intimations of the Evil One that the soft, furry creatures were incapable of fighting a serious war.

“We’ll show that Blue Meany how strong we can be,” they cried.

The Ewok Headman gathered his people in a circle around the fire and issued a call to battle:

“Karl Rove only has a White House job and a security clearance because President Bush has refused to keep his promise to fire anyone involved in revealing the identity of an undercover CIA operative,” Dean said in a statement. Dean added: “The truth is, Karl Rove breached our national security for partisan gain and that is both unpatriotic and wrong.”

Representatives of the Rebel Alliance who were present at the Ewok gathering saw through the Headman’s bluster and were deeply troubled. The Ewoks wanted to fight with spears and rocks while Imperial Storm Troopers had Star Destroyers and Blaster Rifles.

Back at the Imperial Palace, a representative of the Trade Federation, Mehlmik the Magnificent, tried to buck up the flagging spirits of the Governors by hinting that he would be ruthless toward those who would corrupt the Empire:

The issue of ethics was left to Ken Mehlman, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, who in his own tough-worded attacks on Democrats to the committee condemned Republicans implicated in any scandals. Mr. Mehlman, however, sought – as part of what has been a Republican strategy this week – to blame Democrats as well for the investigations now swirling around Congress.

“Public service is a sacred trust – and we cannot allow it to be sullied by anyone, Republican or Democrat,” he said. “As Republican chairman, I am proud of my party and loyal to our members. But if Republicans are guilty of illegal or inappropriate behavior, they should pay the price and suffer the consequences.”

Would the Evil Lord conquer the Ewoks and defeat the Rebel Alliance? His strategy appeared to be simplicity personified:

In a speech that drew several bursts of strong applause, Mr. Rove criticized Democrats for their opposition to tax cuts and for what he called “mean-spirited” attacks on Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr., Mr. Bush’s Supreme Court nominee. And he left little doubt that in 2006 – as in both nationwide elections since the Sept. 11 attacks – he was intent on making national security the pre-eminent issue.

As the Governors left the palace, they seem buoyed by Vader’s words as well as a recognition that things were not as bad as they seemed:

RNC members said privately they are particularly concerned about holding on to their party’s long-sought, narrow edge in state legislatures. The GOP now enjoys a majority in 20 state legislatures, compared to 19 for the Democrats, with the remaining 10 split 50-50 between the two parties.

After regional breakfast sessions yesterday morning, the mood of many members improved, with several saying they were buoyed to hear from fellow state chairmen how few congressional seats seem threatened by the Abramoff scandal, at least at this point.

As Vader left for his audience with the Emperor, he was gripped with a sudden feeling of unease. He knew that somewhere out there, Obi Wan Kenobi was waiting for him, hoping he would slip up so that he could run his light saber through his putrid heart and destroy him.

“The force is strong in that one,” Vader muttered.

The Evil One vowed not to let his thoughts about Obi Wan cloud his judgment. He must have all his wits about him if he is to face the Alliance and defeat their designs to overthrow the Empire and bring peace to the galaxy.