I know what you’re going to say: “C’mon, Moran. Paris Hilton? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No. I mean it. Even though she has a Nordic ski jump for a nose. Despite the fact she is witless, talentless, shameless, and outrageously puerile. And notwithstanding her most redeeming quality is a limitless, ravenous, hunger for having her picture taken.
I like her. I like anorexic blonds who constantly look as if they are coming off a 3 day rave and in desperate need of some more XTC. I like the fact she feels duty bound to share every inch of her rather ordinary body with billions of people on a daily basis. Here’s Paris getting out of the car flashing a smile. There’s Paris getting out of a car flashing cleavage with just a hint of a nipple carefully placed in view. And is that Paris getting out of a car flashing something perhaps a little more personal, more private (for most of us)?
She reminds me of the most popular girl in high school – one of the cool kids. Always dressed in the latest fashions. Make-up, hair, lipstick always model perfect. Except, she’s not in high school anymore. She’s a 26 year old woman, born into a kind of wealth none of us can fathom. Pampered, spoiled, doted upon – given everything, not having to work for anything.
And suddenly, adulthood and there is nothing you can do to kill the boredom except party hearty and screw like a rabbit. Hey! Why not make a career out of that? Not partying and screwing but making a reality panorama out of my whole boring, repetitive life. Create a multi-media conglomerate out of my partying and screwing and the press won’t be able to get enough of it. Buy some nice looking friends. Hit the trendiest spots in town. And make sure to act outrageously in order to have some copy to go with the titillating pictures. Why the press will be forced to cover it. America will demand it.
And cover it they have. To the nth degree, they have covered the partying, the drunkenness, the drugs, the succession of boyfriends, girlfriends, and probably assorted animals, various mechanical devices, and party dolls. (Note: Paris herself turned down the honor of having her stick-like form transmuted into a sex doll. It is said that the idea “freaked her out.”)
And now that reality panorama has gotten very real indeed. Life isn’t one big party. Actions have consequences. “Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys” means that even Jackie Paper has to grow up and face the music. And a 26 year old fully grown woman cries for her mother as they drag her ass back to jail where it should have never left in the first place.
Yes I like Paris Hilton – as I like watching NASCAR at Talladega, waiting for the inevitable crash along the back straight coming out of the high speed turn. Someone’s overheated tires just can’t get a good enough grip and down into the slot his careening car goes wreaking havoc and mayhem. Only a miracle (and spectacularly good drivers) keeps catastrophe at bay.
Paris is not a good driver. She was dumb enough to drive drunk and then crazy enough to drive on a suspended license, getting stopped twice. Did she not know that her very celebrity made her an easy target for the cops? Or was this tempting of fate part of the show. After all, a little legal trouble is always good for a headline or two.
Except the judge in this case took a rather dim view of being included in the Hilton Saga and clapped the woman in irons, sending her off to jail. Now she cries for her mother and is scared witless of mixing with people she wouldn’t dream of taking a second look at in public.
This ultimately is what really scares her. What if I’m just as ordinary, untalented, and, God forbid, boring as all the rest of the common people of the earth? What will I do with myself if I discover that there is absolutely nothing “special” about me, that everything I am, or known as, is manufactured out of whole cloth – as unreal and ephemeral as the ghostly shadow of my image that flickers so often across the media landscape of America, giving notoriety but little else?
She is perfectly safe in jail. There is no chance that any harm will come to her. She will be kept in a special cell reserved for celebrities. Yes jail is a very, very bad place to be. But the law has had its way with her and for good or ill, it is time for her to pay the piper for her transgressions.
Jules Crittendon thinks we should feel sorry for her:
I feel bad for her. How can you look at anyone piteously sobbing on her way to jail and not feel bad for her, when her crime is not sticking a knife in someone, raping someone’s grandmother, holding anyone up at gunpoint or stealing their life’s savings, but essentially failing to figure out that the rules apply to her. Sort of like how I feel bad for the trainwrecks that are Britney and Lindsay, who are more specifically victims of adults who felt they had to share their little darling’s talent with the world, maybe wanted to live vicariously through their little darling’s accomplishments and make a pile off their darling little asses.Anyway, drunk driving kills, she did the crime, she has to do the time. Life just got a whole lot simpler than Paris Hilton probably ever expected.
Of course we feel bad for her. Or do we, Ed?
Pardon me for injecting a little conservative thought into all of this, but I have very little sympathy for Ms. Hilton. She has had all of the advantages possible in society, and has shown herself contemptuous to any sense of responsibility. The screaming and crying jag in court only came after she had thrown away her chances to get lenient treatment by lying and evading responsibility for her actions.[...]
Paris Hilton is no child. She’s twenty-six years old. She has all the money she needs to hire the best lawyers to represent her. For that matter, she had all the money she needed to hire a driver after her license got suspended. Not too many of us have those kinds of resources, but she does, and she decided to flout the law and her probation anyway.
I lean more toward the Ed Morrissey school of thought on the issue. But we can still feel compassion for the poor woman whose emotional growth has obviously been stunted, appearing to have the maturity of a 16 year old little girl.
Can we also hope that 23 days in jail will help this individual grow up and get a life? A real life with a sense of responsibility to herself and the rest of us? That is probably too much to ask. But if the old saw “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” has any meaning at all, I would suggest that Paris Hilton write that adage in big, black letters and place it on the wall over her prison bunk.
UPDATE
Allah captures the gravity of the situation perfectly:
Are constant medical attention and round-the-clock police protection enough to preserve this delicate flower? Or will the thought of being away from the media for 20+ days cause her to wilt? All men have their breaking point, my friends. An anxious world waits and wonders.
2:04 pm
The Sheriff is an avid Scientologist who has a history of pampering celebs—including giving Mel Gibson a uniform and special “Reserve†status—perhaps to pursue his “religion’s†Hollyweird agenda.
Whoever said Hollyweird is “a Sargasso of the Imagination†[Nathaniel West?] could not have foreseen how deep into the Tar Pits of the Soul this LA Basin of squalid hype and nepotism has oozed. Hilton is a symptom of a city gone terribly wrong.
3:38 pm
The exact opposite of Paris is Liesel Pritzker (she also uses the last name of ‘Matthews’ in movies). Her family owns the Hyatt chain of hotel. Not only is she worth more then Paris (like about $500 million), but she seems more down to earth. As muuch as you can be with that kind of money! She’s a talent actress (‘Little Princess’ nad Harrison Ford’s daughter in ‘Air Force One’) and from what I’ve read a student who has lived in the dorms at Columbia. Also, according to Wikipedia, attends the French Culinary Institute in NY. According to my wife its not easy to get into that place. Just shows that having loads of money doesn’t mean you’re going to become a spoiled b*tch like Paris.
Oh and Liesel is much more lovely as well. She looks…normal and not plastic!
4:21 pm
Celebrities in Smaller Doses, Please!...
Sad day for privacy when Artistry was removed from imagery… Now a sea of paparazzi feed hundreds of daily publications…Wise words of Rick Moran…...
4:55 pm
mullah cimoc say paris hilton the good and the courage. him not run away, but go to jail. this calld the charcter. she the beautifuyl and the natural and having so many baby in future to be good wife and mother. but lesbian ameriki and lesbian ameriki mans hating her for natural the beauty and normal liking the boy.
ameriki so wicked and hate the woman unless she killing the baby and liking the lesbian.
in waziristan this not happen. father him not allow anyone hurting him daughter. taking the “special measure”. but ameriki so tame now. no respect for self.
in waziristan whole clan attacking this wicked judge and destroy, and also destry him entire family, to include even the second cousin. and burn with fire. and all grave of ancestor destroy and give bone for dog.
hypocrite liar ameriki say him “free” the womans but in true..ameriki woman the whore with LBT (low back tattoo) and hate husband.
so soon all ameriki need make freedom and destroy controlling of usa by masters in tel aviv through spy in white house and pentagon.
for him true and good info: stop1984Now@yahoo.com
5:21 pm
Speaking of high school—have you heard the saying: “Show business is like high school with money?” Paris has been in high school all her life! Most of the “Paris hate” is plain old envy!
Ted
6:32 pm
Poor little victimized Paris, eh? Gimme a break. Let her sit and stew and cry and get depressed. Compassion? Fuggetaboutit.
What is even more appalling is no sense of outrage at the parents who, by spoiling and enabling their daughter, created this
spectacle. It’s sad, sick and deserves our contempt.
7:05 pm
I Am Paris Hilton…
In Los Angeles a judge ordered Paris Hilton to come before him and just like those Roman slaves in Spartacus, I, along with millions of Americans, cry out, “I am Paris Hilton!”...
3:51 pm
Sunday Evening Links…
Sopranos. I can’t watch – haven’t caught up with the season yet. Disgusting people, but great television. Don’t tell me what happens, but I’ll probably hear somewhere anyway.Napoleon’s battle sword at auction.Want a simpler way of life? Go for it,...
5:14 am
I wonder what would have happened if Paris had killed herself or attempted to kill herself? I don’t wish that on any parent, and after all, she is someone’s daughter. However, I suspect that in the event of a failed suicide attempt:
1. Media shocked into stunned silence for 0.000023 seconds
2. Media immediately goes back in time 0.000023 seconds to make up for lost coverage
3. Media increases coverage (it’s actually possible, since research has shown that Mr. Enoch Salifu of Tamale, Ghana, West Africa has never heard of Paris Hilton)
4. Media fires microscopic cameras by high speed air gun directly into Paris’ head, thereby allowing unrestricted 24-hour coverage (to be broadcast on the space channel…get it? The space channel! Cause her head is, you know, empty…and like, oh forget it).
If, and God forbid (I really mean that, this is only a stupid comment on a blog for Pete’s sake) she does kill herself, the inevitable reaction would be:
1. Media devotes 100% of resources to the funeral. Seriously. Not a single image and/or sound recording device will be devoted to any other event on the planet (or the solar system).
2. 4 days after non-stop coverage, Media interest dissapears to absolute zero. Historians note that the word Paris and Hilton will not be found together in any record for 1,244 years, until the Governer of the state of New New Mexico, Paris Hilton, announces her candidacy for the 3252 US Presidential elections.
4:53 pm
How many people end up in the slammer and think about suicide when the rainbow is enuf? And cry their eyes out in despair because no one likes them anymore?
How many of them get to plead to go home to mommy, and the local jailer says. “awright, you poor thing.”
How many of us get to go to a special medical unit and get given free drugs (
) so that we can get some “sleep?”
Puh-leeze.
11:12 pm
I like Paris also. She’s a blonde waif with a touch of cluelessness that is quite likeable.
The judge was dead wrong with the sentence. Paris should be in rehab and her parents should be doing hard time for child abuse. Her mother makes me want to vomit.
10:20 pm
I too, am ashamed to admit that I rather like Paris. She is kind of cute…. (not beautiful, but cute.)If she were a normal gal, say, the cashier at my local grocery store, I could probably work up a bit of a letch for her.
That having been said, I do feel a bit sorry for her on a couple levels. Firstly, she seems to be unswervingly stupid. Secondly, as rich as she is, finding a competent Attorney should not have been anything resembling a challenge. (perhaps one that could have actually convinced her to keep her pie hole shut in front of the Judge.)
I guess I find all this puzzling, and think that her celeb status, personal ignorance and poor representation has made a mountain out of a mole hill.
Violating your probation conditions for a DUI??? Trust me… You are not even a fair sized minnow in the probation pond. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
For me at least, all it took was being forthright, contrite, and no trying to BS a Lady Judge with a highly calibrated BS detector. Did I have to go back to Jail?... NO. Did I get the “I better not see your ass back in my Courtroom again, or you are TOAST” look?... Damn right, I did
So… while I, like many others, find amusement in the plight of Paris, and her spoiled, over-sexed, vacuous and charmingly meretricious ways… I do think she got the shaft… pun intended.