As many of you know, I am a blogger without a presidential candidate. Ever since I wrote that I believed John McCain was too old to be president, I have been precluded from giving voice to my support for any major candidate running for chief executive.
Sorry Jazz, I couldn’t consider Bob Barr. I think that the ascension of a libertarian to the office would be as disastrous as elevating Obama.
That said, many of you have rightly pointed out that I am entirely too negative on this blog and reading my posts on the presidential race is getting to be depressing. You wonder why I can’t write positive, uplifting posts about a candidate that I can get behind and support wholeheartedly. You question why I’m always coming down so hard on Obama and why I slap McCain around on a regular basis.
I hear you. As a writer, it’s easy to fall into a rut and reiterate the same points over and over again. How many times can I reveal Obama as the anti-Christ before you start groaning for relief? The same thing happens to commenters too. How many times can you call me a racist and not have it get old? There are only so many ways you can question my sanity, my intelligence, or the true nature of my ancestry.
Therefore, I have decided to temporarily endorse a candidate for president so that I can write positive, glowing blog posts which will advance the candidate’s attempt for high office.
There is little doubt that this candidate is qualified to be president. She has as much executive experience as Obama, is in much better condition than McCain, is prettier than Bob Barr, and has more common sense than Ralph Nader.
Ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States…My pet cat Snowball.
Have you ever seen such a vision of feline comeliness? Elegance oozes from every whisker. As far as agility and grace, she makes Obama look like an oaf. She is fearless, kind to grasshoppers, a terror to mice and rabbits, and possesses the innate intelligence and wisdom that this country so desperately needs.
Not qualified you say? Posh! There is as much evidence that she was born in the US and is not a naturalized American citizen as there is to prove the same of Obama. And while she has a little less experience in elected office than Obama, she makes up for that by having made herself queen of my house with all the attendant responsibilities that come with that title.
She is used to exercising authority as when she cuffs our aging Lothario Aramas for coming to close at feeding time. She has complete control of our borders in that any small, furry creature that dares try to enter illegally is summarily dealt with. Not much for due process, our Snowball.
Obama may be a better speaker, although a good argument can be made that when she speaks, she doesn’t meander off into platitudes and empty rhetoric. When Snowball deigns to vocalize her ideas, you know exactly what she is saying; “feed me,” “pet me,” “clean my litterbox you goof.”
A real straight shooter my girl is.
She is a natural politician. I swear you’d be hard pressed to understand what her position is on the economy, on Iraq, on the mortgage crisis, or any other issue – just like any other politicians. She flip flops naturally. And her fund raising ability is something to see. Who could resist that face?
I believe that Snowball, if she were on the ballot, would do very well in many red states and might even make inroads in places like New York and California where the population density of cats exceeds that of people. In short, not only might she be the best candidate, she might have a legitimate shot at throwing the race into the House of Representatives. At that point, all bets are off and anything can happen.
So I would urge you, my friends, to look at Snowball’s candidacy with the seriousness you might look at – oh, say Ralph Nader’s bid. The advantage there is that with Snowball as president, at least we’d know that meat would be on the menu.
I will, from time to time, post about Snowball’s ongoing candidacy just to break up the monotony of the campaign. I might point out that this nation has done worse in choosing a president; Carter, Buchanan, Grant, Hoover – Snowball has it all over them and then some.
If you want elegance, grace, beauty, courage, and that certain imperiousness that we love about our presidents, you can’t do better than support my Snowball for the office of President of the United States.
9:07 am
Beats being a yellow-dog democrat.
9:10 am
your other cat is named aramas?
Yep. He had two other male littermates that we called Athos and Porthos.
ed.
9:43 am
You have greatly disrespected Obama- he has a great deal in common with Snowball. They’re both pussies.
10:00 am
So you (like so many others) want a pussy for President? A fur ball must be cutting off Rick’s oxygen supply.
Snowball may be a cat but she ain’t no pussy. Squirrels, rabbits, moles, chipmunks, and mice have found that out the hard way.
ed.
10:04 am
Rick, I agree, from what i’ve seen so far Snowball appears to me to be the best cadidate out there.
10:13 am
Definitely worth considering. At the very least, I’m sure Snowball wouldn’t nominate any dogs for the Supreme Court.
Just FYI, the third Musketeer’s name was spelled “Aramis”, not “Aramas”.
~ A ~
P.S. I hope that photo doesn’t indicate that she’s in favor of legalizing pot.
I will change the spelling. And I’m afraid Snowball is in favor of legalizing pot for medicinal uses.
ed.
10:53 am
My cat would like to meet your cat. Drinks and dinner. No long term commitment.
10:55 am
Is she old enough? If so, I’m there! Although, my Sam the Wonder Cat who is 7.5 years old and weighs in at 26 pounds is a nicely cranky fellow with a great deal of intelligence. Maybe he could be v.p.? Or Defense Secretary? He might be good in Defense – my sister’s pit bull Zeus is TERRIFIED of Sam.
11:03 am
Can she kill rats? That’s my requirement!
12:25 pm
Snowball has the vote of my cats, and that’s a substantial block vote. Seeing that cats have a natural nurturing instinct, Snowball should appeal to women; however, being all white might a drawback. To remedy that, I propose Pumpkin, my all black female. Not only will it sexually balance the ticket, Pumpkin is self-sufficient—thereby appealing to the Libertarian crossover crowd—and she a ferocious hunter. I’ve seen her kill a rabbit, mole and lizard in one day; hence, she would appeal to the southern vote. As well, she still manages to sleep nearly 22 hours a day, demands I feed her though she’s capable of feeding herself, and is not above stilling food from the other cats: This will give her appeal for cross-over democrats. Her resume’ is available upon request.
A most worthwhile candidate to be sure. Compatibility is the key, however and we know how that goes!
ed.
12:27 pm
Addendum: I propose her as a running mate. And I meant to type “not above stealing” instead of “stilling.” Haste is the bane of web writing.
12:42 pm
Then how about my cat as Snowball’s running mate:
http://kikoshouse.blogspot.com/2008/06/sunday-naughty-kitty-blogging.html
1:22 pm
The only problem is Barr is not a libertarian. He is a dried up old neocon with a voting record nearly identical to both Osama and McWar.
1:56 pm
Rick,
An excellent idea! I would like to propose my cat Mr. Binx for Secretary of State. Mr. Binx is a purebred Russian Blue with a keen sense of humor and an appreciation of the good things in life. He is uberfriendly and a remarkably accurate judge of character. He vets (no pun intended) all visitors to our abode; passing those of good moral character but dealing harshly otherwise.
He would not usurp Snowballs’ duties or position since he is very used to being 2nd banana and very used to taking order from a female.
Just a thought for consideration.
Wramblin’ Wreck
Just what we need – a Russian speaking Sec of State! Excellent!
ed.
2:16 pm
MANY AMERICANS ARE MISSING THE BIG PICTURE
McCains tactics are to throw as much untruths out there as he possibly can in order to HIDE the big picture from America. Some Americans are so busy talking about the troops Obama did not visit in Germany for whatever reason, that they miss all the other visits he has done, both at Walter Reed and abroad…they are missing the “forest” because the trees are in the way and blocking their view.
An American Presidential candidate is being LOVED by the whole world and YET, McCain can use this to say that Obama has no experience in world politics…THE FUNNY THING is that some are SO IGNORANT that they can´t see BOTH McCain and BUSH jumping onto the Obama way of dealing with world, world leaders and worldly situations…the world is agreeing with OBAMA PEOPLE…of course those trees are in your line of vision YET AGAIN….just can´t see the forest can you???
McCain these past weeks has run a NON campaign of unreasonable attacks on NOTHING…..”AIR ATTACTS” with no substance or TRUTH….and yet there are those who listen and believe the HYPE and LIES….. WHY????
NOW PEOPLE, if McCain will lie and make up stuff right before your very EYES as a candidate…what will he do once he is the POTUS???? Will he become HONEST JOHN or will he be 10 times WORSE than the idiot you people voted for TWICE????
YOU CAN`T SEE THE FOREST BECAUSE THE TREES ARE IN THE WAY.
First – take your goddamn finger off the caps button. Second – might I suggest a de-programmer for your Obama obsession problem? Many work for free or for a nominal sum will rid you of this incredibly ignorant Obama love that has warped your judgment.
ed.
ed.
2:25 pm
what moral courage
Get stuffed you humorless twit.
ed.
2:28 pm
A dark diagnosis reaffirmed a commitment…
The fifth in a series of occasional articles examining the 2008 candidates for president. CHAPEL HIL…
2:37 pm
Greg (comment 15),
Take one day off politics and enjoy some levity for once. And if you can’t, then go f*ck yourself.
2:39 pm
Very McCainish NEO
Lets elect a computer illiterate Pres who will have to try to figure out how to type in the encryption nuke codes when the enemy is nuking us.
Lets elect another LIAR….
Lets elect a Pres who needs monthly CANCER check ups at age 72.
Lets elect someone who should be seeing a Psychologist for anger management.
Lets elect someone who does the silly adds we have seen the past few weeks.
Lets elect this silly, angry, foolish old man.
2:43 pm
The comments I am getting only helps to make my point. All this animosity and cursing. I might have to start to do some case studies on a couple of you.
3:46 pm
Ok. You win. I’m writing in the cat. Screw it.
4:46 pm
Good starting point but this is decidedly
nota feline of colour. Might we suggest something in a Siamese or Abyssnian mixed?5:19 pm
Sorry, Rick, but Rachel Lucas’s dog Sunny is my candidate this year. Your cat seems nice and all, but Sunny is one mean bitch and I like her platform.
http://rachellucas.com/index.php/2008/01/23/breaking-news-sunny-lucas-announces-her-candidacy-for-president/
8:03 pm
My soft-coated wheaton terrier (Boo Radley) should be VP. He is a total compassionate conservative, but tough on illegals (hates our gardener), thinks that we should drill more (for bones), understands trickle-down economics (more taxes means less steak bones), and promises that he would not eat Snowball (but I think his paws were crossed). A cat/dog ticket would rock the world!
8:19 pm
And that’s the last post of yours I ever read. Sorry, tired of your cutesy fluff about serious issues. So long.
Sheesh! Another humorless twit.
ed.
8:48 pm
Hey Rick, where’s the rest of your long piece on the Conservative movement? Me thinks you write a damn fine essay, but veer off the rails when you do satire.
9:10 pm
But does she meet the 35-year-old requirement?
As for throwing it to the House, I don’t know if you want to do that. The ‘Rats have an absolute majority of the state delegations, so that would just give it to Obama.
That reminds me, she would be tougher on the other side of the aisle than the current GOP “leadership”.
9:43 pm
Thing about McCain supporters is they know he’s a terrible choice yet are so scared of OB they support him anyways and pray for the best,Obama supporters are so deluded they actually do think he’s a worderful, amazing, rainbow and flowers, Obamalicous candidate.I’m less than impressed with the best the two parties could suggest.
10:47 pm
“You have greatly disrespected Obama- he has a great deal in common with Snowball. They’re both pussies.”
Great.
In all seriousness though, your cat looks like it has too much integrity to be President.
3:01 pm
Here’s a sure-thing for secdef or maybe State.
Obviously more defense oriented. Maybe national security advisor.
ed.
3:04 pm
Rick,
A couple more comments. First, it is obvious that some of the posters here have not left Kansas yet. Dreary humorless lives of black and white where anger reigns supreme. It is sad. The election of the POTUS is definitely one of the most important facets of American life but it need not be an all encompassing, teeth-clenching ulcer producing expierience. Levity helps all of us. ‘Nuff said.
Truly I do not know if my Russian Blue cat speaks russian. While he is a polyglot, as far as I know he only speaks cat-english to me and Japanese to other male cats invading his terrirory.
Another substantial benefit he could provide would be the introduction of the minimum daily recommended intake of cat hair for the entire White House staff and all visitors of state. He has a very special grade of fur that instantly jumps from the cat to whatever person is nearby. This cat hair is special in that it is tasty, soft and impossible to remove from most fabrics. Gormet flavored cat hair. Just the ticket for those formal Dinners of State.
Wramblin’ Wreck
1:18 pm
Hey, Wramblin Wreck, I am from Kansas and I’ll have you know we have many shades of grey and several shades of biege here! And sometimes I am just irritated, not angry, I’ll have you know. Since I cannot in good conscious vote for Obama and I have given up on McCain, a write-in campaign for Snowball sounds good to me!
8:49 am
I’ll vote for your cat, the more I think about the two contenders we have, the better Snowball sounds.
Seriously, as I stated, I don’t like McPain but I will not just not vote in case that lets Obama slip in. He must not get elected. I’m already having money problems and can’t afford to pay higher taxes, I’m drowning here folks.
8:30 am
[...] readers will recall that rather than choose either Obama or McCain as my candidate, I turned instead to my pet cat [...]