He’s baaaaack! Marvin Moonbat is in the House! (Go here for background on Marvin)

WHY DID ROVE STOP AT PLAME?

Well, I’m back.

The last time I wrote a column for my nutjob whacko neighbor Rick, a few of my friends found out about it and my anarchist cell put me on trial for consorting with the enemy. First, I didn’t know anarchists had trials what with them being against any sort of governmental institutions. Second, the punishment was, I thought, a little radical. Being forced to stand in front of a bunch of my friends and strip myself of all right wing influences by taking off my clothes and reading Noam Chomsky I thought went a little too far.

Anyway, Chloe and I decided that for the time being, I should cool it with the writing gig at the House. Instead, we concentrated on our studies and I’m proud to say, I now have a BA degree to my name. I’m not sure how my Anti-American Studies major is going to help me get a job but I’m not worrying about that right now. Chloe and I are off to the Amazon rain forest in a couple of weeks to study the rape of the environment and exploitation of indigenous peoples so I won’t have to get a job until at least September.

What convinced me to submit this article was my disgust with Karl Rove and the fact that he really blew it in outing that CIA agent. Why the hell did he stop there? Why couldn’t he have kept going and named a whole slew of covert agents? That way, everyone would know who is doing the dirty work for the corporate fascists who are running this country. It was really disappointing.

Oh I know we on the left are claiming it was treasonous to reveal the name of a CIA agent but c’mon! Who believes that? We’ve been against the CIA for decades! I remember one of my early childhood heroes was Philip Agee, the man who revealed the names of those CIA agents in Europe. My parents and their friends used to talk in glowing terms about how courageous he was and they laughed at how he really must have put a crimp in our intelligence gathering operations. Now that’s what I call “direct action.”

Isn’t it cool how were turning this “treason” bit around and tarring the wingnuts with it? I mean, you and I both know we could care less if something is treasonous or not. After all, one man’s treason is another man’s patriotism. Just ask Ward Churchill. But in order to get the sheep here in America mad at the repugnuts, we’re using the treason charge against Rove for revealing Valerie Plame’s name.

It’s f**king brilliant! I mean, if the public knew how much we really despised the CIA and wished that every single agent’s name were plastered all over the news, they might not think kindly of us. But by feigning outrage, we score big against Rove and his boss, President Chimpface.

The press, of course, is playing right into our hands. We knew they’d ignore the facts of the case in favor of going after Rove. We complain about the press a lot but when it comes to doing exactly what we need done in situations like this, they always come through. You’d almost believe that they were following a script written at Democratic party headquarters. Come to think of it…maybe we should get somebody to work on that right away.

At least this way, we’ll probably get rid of Rove. I only wish we could cook up something against Shrub. Maybe we could revive the National Guard stuff. Or the “Bush lied, people died” theme. One thing’s for sure, we’re going to keep pretty quiet about Iraq. Every time we open our mouths calling that effort a failure, it seems those idiot Iraqi’s do something stupid like hold successful elections or make progress toward a multi party democracy. Best to concentrate on other targets.

And of course we can’t talk about the economy anymore since that’s doing pretty well what with the steady growth and low unemployment. And it looks like we’ll have to lay low on the Bush is Hitler theme too since Dick Durbin gave all Hitler analogies a bad name with his Gitmo cracks. We’ll have to come up with something else. I thought his reference to Pol Pot showed some promise but really, who remembers that guy? It looks like we’ll be hard pressed to find some historical figure to replace Hitler when talking about Shrub. I’m not worried. We’ll come up with someone.

Well, I got to go. Chloe is busy meditating and praying to Gaia to keep us safe from the snakes in the rain forest. I don’t mind that so much but did she really need to bring that live rattler in the house to use as a sacrifice?