STUCK IN THE 70′S
I have a theory on why Senator Flip Flop is so popular with liberals in this country.
No, it’s not because he’s voted against every major weapons system that has protected and is still protecting this country over the last 20 years.
No, it’s not that he takes every opportunity to trash US foreign policy and, by extension, the values that the US stands for.
No, it’s not that he supports radical redistributive policies with regards to income.
No, it’s not because he speaks the language of “multiculturalism” and “diversity.”
And it certainly isn’t that he was a hero in that other “wrong war at the wrong time, in the wrong place…”
It’s because he’s so…RETRO!
His policies sure take me back to MY youth where sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll ruled! Maybe the libs are thinking that if Senator Flip Flop is elected, they’ll be able to rummage through their attics and pull out all those old clothes, dust off those wire rimmed glasses, and polish up those old go-go boots! Maybe they think that re-issuing “Johnathon Livingston Seagull” and “Love Story” is just around the corner.
Actually, I think liberals are getting pretty sick and tired of all this flag-waving, patriotic stuff. In Flip Flop’s view, showing love of country is just so….American. It’d be much better if we emulated some other country…France, let’s say…After all, Europeans are so blase about such matters. Besides, being pro-American offends many of our allies…even our enemies!
Senator Flip Flop would model his presidency after that other deep thinker, great humanitarian, and appeaser of dictators Jimmy Carter. Don’t you just long for those heady days of wage and price controls, sky-high interest rates, mile long gas lines at the pump, and total American impotency in foreign affairs? Ahh memories!
Senator Flip Flop’s worldview isn’t just pre 9/11; it’s pre 1980! For a man who said that the 1980’s represented a time of “moral darkness” you’d think that one of the first things he’d do as President is rename Reagan International Airport. Perhaps he could name it after one of his heroes, a man he described as the “George Washington of Viet Nam” Ho Chi Mihn. (I believe there already is an airport by that name. Since we wouldn’t want to contribute any more than necessary to international confusion perhaps he could get on the horn to the homicidal butchers of SE Asia and ask them to name their damn airport after some one else!)
As to Mr. Flip Flop’s character, we should ask the question does honesty REALLY count when it comes to character? After all, the Senator’s Democratic predecessor got along just fine being the worst prevaricator to ever hold the office of President. Besides, Flip Flop doesn’t lie, per se, he’s what one might call a “serial exaggerator.” His latest howler involves a 16 point deer he “almost” got on Cape Cod. For those not familiar with deer hunting, even seeing such a large buck is something akin to finding the white whale. He is a fantasist, a fabler, Baron Von Munchausen, Walter Mitty, and Foghorn Leghorn all rolled into one.
But don’t call him a liar.
What would a presidency be like under Senator Flip Flop? Unfortunately, Janis Joplin, Jimmie Hendrix, and Jerry Garcia are all dead so the music at the inauguration would be pretty thinned out…Maybe Michael Jackson could do some of his “Jackson 5″ greatest hits. That is, if he can stay out of jail.
Ya think?