Right Wing Nut House

The New York Times, one of the United Nations biggest cheerleaders, has an article today that reports on UN peacekeepers getting tough when carrying out their peacekeeping duties.

Given the problems and scandals in the Congo and Darfur with the Blue Helmets, does anyone else think that the timing of this article is just a little suspicious? Could the Times be doing the PR flacks at the UN a favor by pushing this flattering story of gallant UN peacekeepers battling against foes that want to break the peace?

No matter. Although not in the Times article, here are ways for UN Peacekeepers to get get tough with insurgents that continually try and upset the status quo.

1. Don’t say “please” when asking rebels to stop firing.

2. Move forces within 50 miles of insurgent activity. This will prove you mean business.

3. Relocate command headquarters from four star to three star hotel.

4. CHANGE THE COLORS OF UNIFORMS AND VEHICLES. ANYTHING BUT “ROBINS EGG” BLUE!

5. Remove all French and French trained troops from UN command. Replace with mannequins.

6. Put cardboard guns on turrets of APC’s. Better yet, put real guns on cardboard APC’s.

7. Put saltpeter in troops food and tell them to stay away from little boys and girls.

8. Take comfy chairs out of tanks.

9. Require commanders to take a course in how to be mean.

10. Require UN Security Council members who vote for peacekeepers to join them in the field. (The “Chickenhawk” argument)

At the very least, people may stop laughing at these guys if they follow my suggestions. Then again, maybe that’s the only thing they’ve go going for themselves.

Everyone likes clowns.