Right Wing Nut House

With all the talk lately of closing the terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo, I had a scathingly brilliant idea.

Look…Jimmy Carter, Nancy Pelosi, Amnesty International, and a host of other moonbats are calling on President Bush to shut down Gitmo and, in Representative Pelosi’s words, “give us a clean slate with the muslim world.” I’ve got a better idea. Why not turn it into a high class resort? Instead of torture, we could be having the detainees given full body massages by a bevy of gorgeous masseuses. Instead of “waterboarding” we could offer the terrorists surfboard lessons. And instead of defiling the Koran, we could offer a full service Islamic library with wi-fi access to all those terrorist websites. Maybe we could even have a web designer on staff to spice up those sites and give ‘em a little pizzazz, a little “ooomph.”

Maybe we could make it so attractive a place that al Qaeda recruits would be clamoring to get in. Just think of the possibilities:

There are places that inspire the soul. Places where your every need is anticipated, and every mood finds fulfillment. Places like Gitmo by the Sea. For holidays, honeymoons or romantic getaways, or just taking a short break from Jihad, book a secluded retreat in one of Gitmo’s intimate cottages. Holy Warriors, suicide bombers, and other guests might prefer rooms in the lodge or a private villa, with fine dining close at hand. The lodge overlooks Guantanamo Bay and each villa and cottage, tucked away among the trees for privacy, has a water view. Gitmo is a wonderful setting for weddings or Cell meetings to plan that next special attack, or a deeply satisfying respite from the everyday world. Come, luxuriate, and satisfy your soul.

That may be overdoing it a bit, but hey! Those jihadists seem to be a pretty picky bunch. Besides, we’re trying to sell what amounts to a prison here for God’s sake. We have to take some liberties.

I’ll tell you this…If this doesn’t “give us a clean slate” with the Muslim world, I don’t know what will. Then again, I doubt if this will satisfy our domestic and international moonbats. They’ll probably complain that the rooms are too small or the food isn’t first class, or maybe that the temperature of the pool is too cold.

Why not? They probably do the same thing at the resorts they visit…