Right Wing Nut House

Citing bad play calling by Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid, Senator Arlen Specter (Busybody-PA) has threatened to convene a hearing of his Judiciary Subcommittee to investigate why the coach called a “PRO RIGHT Z-CRASH 38 SWEEP TRAP” instead of a “PRO LEFT 32 BLAST” on 4th and 2 in the third quarter of last Sunday’s game.

Shaking with anger, Specter said an investigation was called for because “any idiot” could see that the Packers had flooded the strong side, rolling up the safety’s and overlapping a linebacker while shooting the gaps with their D-linemen.

“I threw my beer at the TV screen I was so mad,” said the 75-year old Senator.

Specter also announced that he may hold hearings into the Terrel Owens affair to discover whether or not the penalties meted out to the controversial wide receiver for his extraordinarily stupid actions constituted a violation of anti-trust laws.

“What good is it if I have this subcommittee and can’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong every once in a while?” Specter asked.

Specter says that he is concerned that football teams are not as responsive to input from fans - or from Congress for that matter - as they should be.

“Football teams are becoming entirely too independent. Play calling such as we saw on Sunday is the direct result of Coach Reid ignoring input from knowledgeable fans like me and I think an investigation is called for,” the Senator said.

Specter would neither confirm or deny a report that he telephoned the stadium on Sunday and demanded to be put through to the offensive coordinator Brad Childress. A telephone operator at the stadium has been quoted as saying that immediately following the unsuccessful attempt on 4th down, someone she described as “a real loon” and identifying himself as a Senator from Pennsylvania called the stadium switchboard demanding to be placed in contact with Coordinator Childress.

“He was sputtering about how bad the call was,” said the operator who wished to remain anonymous. “I connected him to the concession stand under the north end zone,” she giggled.

A spokesman for Sportservice, Inc., owner of the concession stand, said that an employee has been disciplined for taking the call and impersonating the offensive coordinator. He reportedly told the Senator to “go climb a tree” when Specter complained about the 4th down call.

A source in Specter’s office has said that the Senator is also interested in investigating other calls made by Reid during the game, especially the play in the 1st quarter where it was 4th and less than a yard on Philly’s own 28 yard line and…