Right Wing Nut House

It’s a lazy Sunday here at the House. Winter’s grip is still vise-like in the Midwest, but if I open my door, I can hear the satisfying crrrack of stitched horsehide striking green ash - a sure sign that Spring is, if not around the corner, at least within tobacco spitting distance .

My World Champion White Sox are trying to get the kinks out of a lineup and pitching staff that will once again vie for the title while the Cubs… The Cubs??? Well, it is almost Opening Day and the best that can be said is that the Cubs are still undefeated in the regular season. The Northsiders are presently going through their annual fantasy camp, pretending they are a major league team with a shot at making the playoffs while giving their long suffering (and completely clueless) fans hope that this will be the year that the curse of the billy goat will be lifted and the national leaguers will win the World Series.

Perhaps they should start wishing for something more realistic. Like a Republican mayor of Chicago.

Be that as it may, I thought it would be a nice idea to give my readers something to do while they were visiting besides being subjected to one more tiresome, tedious rant against lefty lickspittles, government waste, bloodthirsty jihadists, or the usual fiddle faddle about the endlessly fascinating but maddening game of politics.

How about another kind of game? Great! Let’s play “Who Said It?” Simply guess who said the following quotes. To make it real easy, I’ve made it a multiple choice game so be careful of trick answers.

* Look. While Domenech’s violations were blatant, it is status quo for the conservative movement. Quite frankly, intellectual dishonesty is what these people do for a living (there are entire organizations dedicated to documenting and rebutting their ooze). Whether it’s cooking the books on environmental data, changing their stories to suit a new set of facts, or just straight up and up lying, cheating, and stealing, the conservative cause is simply a fraud.

a) Oliver (“Like Sh*t to Shineola”) Willis
b) a homeless street lunatic
c) a baby marmoset passing gas
d) all of the above

Okay…so I started you off with an easy one. If you guessed “d” grab yourself a cookie and celebrate.

* Yes we do have Michael Moore, and when did he ever suggest blacks are genetically inferior to whites (Republican David Duke), that Supreme Court justices should be assassinated (Republican Ann Coulter), and when was he ever indicted (Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff, Scooter Libby, and oh so many more)?He hasn’t, because Michael Moore is someone conservatives simply disagree with, and that makes him per se hateful. Kind of like the Dixie Chicks, except they have boobs too, which makes it an even bigger crime in Republican circles that they have opinions.

a) John Aravosis
b) Michael Moore’s roll of belly fat
c) The lint in Oliver Willis’ navel
d) John Aravosis’ lesbian lover

Obviously, the answer is once again “d” because everyone knows that if someone is going to tell as many lies as Mr. Trichinosis does about politics, they will lie about anything, including their real gender and who actually writes the twaddle that appears on their blog.

* I blame the illegal (but not immoral)immigrants no more for coming to this great nation than I would blame first grade children for becoming addicted to Heroin that a drug dealer (who stands across the street from their school)methodically sells to them every day.The Republicans and some Democrats who are for this present immigration bill have become that drug dealer while they themselves have also become addicted to the money from corporations and the hate that can get them their votes.

a) a 3 year old boy
b) a 5 year old girl
c) one million chimpanzees scribbling on pieces of paper
d) a typical Democrat commenting at The Democrat Daily Blog

This was your first trick question and I hope you said “b” although if you said “d” you would have been given credit for a valid comparison. (Note: It would have taken far less than one million chimps to produce that kind of idiocy).

* The President is a political maestro. When his poll numbers are down, he walks on stage, gets behind the podium, raises his baton, and conducts away. The media follows his tempo, his song. No, no, the violins are much too sad! Stop the chorus of sorrow! Drums, drums, we need more war drums! Bring the oboe forward, haven’t you heard Iran is going nuclear, we need something more foreboding! And the spellbound media plays along, altering its performance to appease the maestro. It is at its core a merciless, orchestrated assault on truth. The performance always has the same ending: a stabilizing of a ratings free-fall, then a two or three point uptick in Bush’s approval ratings that is then lauded as the resurgence of a “popular” President.

a) The Brother From Another Planet
b) Leonard Bernstein
c) Daily Kos writer Georgia 10
d) Yankee Doodle Dandy

If you guessed “a” you would be absolutely correct. No one on planet earth could actually believe that 1) the media is manipulated by Bush, and 2) that anyone would read such overly dramatic, hyperbolic claptrap.

* I don’t believe bush is a religious man at all. He’s a man who exploits the tragedy of others for profit, and that has been the story of him since day 1, and will be forever more.
There are no religious people behind that aggressive war, behind that roman fervor of the angry crowd; bush is entirely secular, selfish, greedy, and fastidiously ignorant. He has proven time and again, a gullible killer, and his grave will aways be remembered for the hundred thousand he killed in his great leap forward.

a) A commenter at the Democratic Underground
b) A commenter at the Democratic Underground
c) A commenter at the Democratic Underground
d) Are you kidding? I’ll give you 3 guesses and the first two don’t count.

How did you do? Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? I guess I didn’t figure in the predictability factor when dealing with the leftwing idiocies…