Right Wing Nut House

After being mercilessly pummelled the last 2 days by lefty commenters for my ignorance, my closet authoritarianism, my slavish devotion to the cult of Bush, and other wild and wacky imaginings, I thought I’d get away from questions about burning Sunnis, “realist” foreign policy mavens, and the war to talk about something really important.

No, not Lebanon - although I promise a post later today about Nasty Nasrallah and his Merry Band of Cutthroats and their planned “open ended sit in” in Beirut. And no, I will not write today about My Beloveds since they don’t make news on this blog until Sunday. Writing about Pakistan is too depressing. And penning an essay on the weather - 10″ of snow that will need to be blown off the sidewalks in front of the homestead - smacks of self pity and no one wants to read about my aching back or chilled feet.

Today’s topic is the lifeblood of human civilization. One usually uses that term when referring to oil. And indeed, without cheap oil, the wheels of western industrialized civilization would come off and we’d live the way the Greenies intend; residing in “sustainable” mud huts, wearing rags for clothes, and bartering mouse meat for extravagances like ball point pens or nail files.

I am talking about the planet’s second most important commodity. With 400 billion cups drunk annually, coffee’s importance economically, culturally, and socially cannot be denied. Indeed, if oil greases the wheels of industrialized civilization then coffee surely lubricates its living, breathing, moving parts.

The history of coffee is weird. The reason for this is that homo sapiens have probably known of every edible plant, root, grass, and tuber on planet earth for more than 100,000 years. Agriculture - the planting and harvesting of crops - has been around for at least 10,000 years. And yet, the coffee bush escaped cultivation until around 1100 CE. Why this is so is a mystery. Poppies have been cultivated for at least 5,000 years. Marijuana even longer. It is amazing that the little bush, thought to have originated on the hillsides of Ethiopia, was not generally recognized for either its medicinal properties or the salutary effects the berries had on our constitutions.

In any event, there are several amusing anecdotes about the origin of coffee, including one widely told myth of a a sheep herder from Caffa, Ethopia named Kaldi who noticed how frisky his animals got after eating berries off of a particular bush. (And no, I’ve never seen a frisky sheep and have no desire to discover how Kaldi could tell either.)

Seems that Kaldi tried the berries and found himself getting rather frisky as well. This piqued the interest of Arab traders who took the bush back home. For three hundred years, Arabs had pretty much of a monopoly on coffee production, although isolated pockets of cultivation appeared in places like India as a result of stolen seedlings. In fact, it was a crime to transport the bush outside of Arabia.

It was probably the Turks who figured out how to dry the berries and roast them, then soaking them in water to make what we would consider coffee today. The first coffee shops appeared in Constantinople around 1475. The Turks, not knowing any better, added flavorings like anise and cardamom to their coffee - as if one could improve on the Almighty’s handiwork by arbitrarily adding flavorings not in God’s original recipe.

From Turkey, it was a simple matter to jump the Bosporus and land in Venice - the center of life and culture in Europe at the time. The first coffee shops opened there in 1645 and swept across Europe.

Early coffee shops were places of both debauchery and intellectually stimulating conversations. English coffee shops hosted the finest minds of the pre-enlightenment and can be credited in no small way with facilitating the spread of radical democratic ideas. Authorities tried several times to clamp down on these ideas by closing the coffee shops - as if one could stop a tidal wave by commanding the ocean to cease making waves.

Later, the French brought the berry to the New World, specifically their island holdings in the Caribbean where the rich, volcanic soil in places like Martinique produces some of the most flavorful and aromatic varieties in the world. Coffee appeared in Brazil in 1727 and by 1800, most of Central and South America was growing the bush.

Although I believe it sacrilege to add anything to coffee, I realize that I live in a world where coffee lovers come in various shades of latte, cappuccino, mocha, and espresso. So be it. Because the social history of coffee is one of felicity and accommodation in interpersonal relations, I will mention that it appears the first use of sugar in coffee was in the court of The Sun King, Louis XIV in 1713 while the use of milk or cream in the nectar seems to have been continuous since coffee’s discovery. Espresso was invented by the French but perfected by the Italians with the first commercial machine in use by the turn of the 20th century.

Why all the fuss? What is it about coffee that has captured so much of humanity and made it the drink of choice to be shared by friends, philosophers, philanderers, the high born, the low, and most especially, the middling classes?

To say, “It’s the caffeine, dummy” is too pat, too simple. While addictive, caffeine is by all reports a mild stimulant and not a danger to human health when taken in moderation. Of course, those of us who truly love coffee find nothing “moderate” about it. A pot in the morning with a taste in the afternoon and a satisfying after dinner indulgence is a daily routine.

But it is not the amount of coffee one drinks but rather the choice of bean as well as the careful preparation of the elixir that marks the casual coffee drinkers and separates him from the half crazed obsessives such as myself.

For every time of day there is a corresponding type of bean that, when prepared in the proper manner, can bring the sun out from behind the clouds and brighten the mood of anyone.

Mornings require a robust, but richly textured coffee. Most “house blends” seek to achieve this combination but rarely succeed. I rarely bother with blended beans because the quality tends to vary from pot to pot. Starbucks is a perfect example. Millstone also supplies uneven results. This is why for going on 40 years, I have enjoyed a canned coffee. But not just any canned coffee. Stewarts is a Chicago institution and until recently (the last 20 years) was unavailable in most stores. This is the most unique blended coffee I’ve ever had. And if you can keep it fresh, will deliver pot after pot of superbly sublime coffee.

Afternoons require something a little tamer, a taste both smooth and rich while going easy on the palate. Kenyan AA or Kona does nicely. Just about any good highland coffee from Central America will also fill the bill - although I find the Belize bean much the superior to any other from that region.

If you insist on drinking coffee before dinner, try an island coffee. Jamaican is smooth while not being too aromatic. I personally find coffee before dinner a hazard to the enjoyment of the meal. Best to keep the palate cleansed, preferably with water but any good Merlot or Chardonnay that doesn’t leave an aftertaste will do.

The same holds true for drinking coffee with dinner. Given the havoc that coffee can play with our sense of taste, unless you’re eating at Denny’s, wait until dessert.

Here your choices are unlimited. A strong, winey, and full bodied brew is my preference. Can’t get much better than Columbian but many prefer a good Arabica - especially if one is to indulge in dessert. Anything that can overwhelm the tastes of the recently concluded repast so that the coffee isn’t affected by some of the heavier flavors like onion or garlic is desired.

There are literally hundreds of varieties of coffee to choose from for any occasion. But keys to making good coffee are the same regardless of what your personal preferences are; freshness and uniform preparation.

I can’t tell you how to prepare coffee. The idiosyncratic nature of one’s taste buds require that you experiment to discover your own path to coffee Nirvana. If you’ve never paid much attention to how you prepare your coffee, chances are you are missing the full flavor potential of the bean. When experimenting, pay attention to how acidic the coffee is, its aroma, and how the body of the coffee is affected by the combination of more or less water or more or less coffee. When you find a combination that pleases you, stick with it and see if it’s what you had in mind.

As for freshness, here too there are arguments about the best way to keep the bean from going stale. All agree that placing the bean in a hermetically sealed glass or ceramic container is your best bet. When I open my canned coffee, I immediately place it in a glass jar with a lid that can keep the air out. I then place it in a cupboard to keep it away from sunlight, another factor in making coffee lose its freshness.

Some prefer to keep the coffee in the refrigerator. This is controversial due to the moisture that may form in your container. Others recommend freezing the bean. I have tried this and found the coffee nearly tasteless after thawing. For those who might have an interest in the subject, this site gives the pros and cons regarding coffee storage in a pretty straightforward manner.

Regardless of how you prepare it, what beans you use, when you drink it, or what you put into it to enhance its flavor, coffee has greased the skids of social interaction for more than 500 years. More than beer, more than wine or cola, coffee seems always to taste better when drunk in the company of others. It appears to have been placed on earth for the specific purpose of encouraging human beings to interact and enjoy the give and take of stimulating conversation.

For myself and I’m sure for many of you, the world would be a much different place without coffee. Poorer in spirit, I think. Less open, less interesting.

And, no doubt, a much sleepier world as well…