Right Wing Nut House



Filed under: Decision '08 — Rick Moran @ 7:55 am

This is getting so painful to watch that I just had to write this piece.

I would say to my good friends on the left guys, where in all that is good and holy did you people learn how to smear someone? Jesus, Lord you suck at it. Taken as a whole, your efforts are beyond pitiful. Amateurish, disorganized, barely a grade above schoolyard bullying and taunts. Sometimes, you’re not even that good.

In the interest of practicing the “new politics,” - which basically means if you smear someone, you’re only pre-empting a “right wing attack machine” effort that only distracts from the issues in this campaign and if the right smears anyone, they are racist pigs who deserve 5 years in a re-education camp - allow me to instruct you in proper smear etiquette as well as show you the ropes on how to make that smear a winner.

The trouble is, your efforts to date have been horribly childish and uncoordinated. Allow me to give you some pointers;

When attacking another candidate, please refrain from making fun of their physical characteristics like “yellow teeth” or, more broadly, trying to smear the candidate by criticizing him for being tortured while in service to his country, receiving disability pay as a result.

From a tactical standpoint, this is a total waste of good smear material. First, you didn’t say anything about McCain’s cancer - a smearariffic gaffe in that you should always go for the jugular. You could have put it this way:

“John McCain’s teeth are yellowed as a result of his chemotherapy treatment for skin cancer - a disease that will almost certainly kill him before his first term in office is over.”

A truly inspired smear would include the disability pay and the fact that the torture McCain had to endure was so severe he can’t raise his arms above his head. Perhaps you could have thrown something in about how such extreme pain shortens the lives of those who experience it and tie it into the cancer meme.

Get the idea? When smearing someone, creativity and a keen eye for detail is a must.

As an example of exactly the opposite of creativity and originality, there was the smear yesterday that was all over the lefty internet - McCain doesn’t care when the troops come home.

The tone of fake outrage was fine. The exaggerated anger and weeping for the poor families of servicemen and women who are suffering as a result of McCain’s callous remark was pretty good but you missed an opportunity to exploit a widow or two in there.

The real problem you have is that you took the whole thing out of context and the smear was easily debunked. Taking words that someone says and then not putting them in the proper context is so…so…Clintonesque, so 1990’s. This is the 21st century guys! The YouTube of what McCain actually said was all over the place before your smear had a chance to get rolling.

Now, if you’re going to smear someone by taking what they say out of context, the quote must be more extensive and much harder to debunk - like Obama’s “bitter” remarks in San Francisco. The guy went on for 5 minutes about the misguided yokels who cling to their guns and bibles while harboring racist thoughts about blacks and Hispanics. The right wing noise machine went gaga over those remarks and turned them into political dynamite because the explanation by Obama’s camp was almost as long as the quote itself.

See what I’m getting at? Since as you know the American people are a bunch of stupid sheep who need protecting and desire to be led around by the nose, the acronym KISS should be your guide (”Keep it simple, stupid”). All McCain had to do to debunk that pitiful effort yesterday was release a transcript of what he said, for God’s sake!

Now let’s look at a successful smear, shall we? The “Obama is a Muslim” smear is so perfect, it makes me weep to think about how elegant and perfectly logical it is. First, please note the sheer volume of noise on this one. Almost every right of center blogger has posted about it at one time or another. It doesn’t matter if they try to debunk it, it’s like they say about your name in public relations; as long as they spell it right, it’s free advertising. As long as the smear is mentioned, it doesn’t matter which way the writer goes on it.

Secondly, note how impossible it is to be proved wrong. The Obama camp can try and debunk the smear all they want, they only dig a deeper hole for themselves. That’s because every time they try, some Indonesian who knew Obama back when pops up and swears the guy worshipped in a mosque when he was 8 years old or something.

Does that make Obama a Muslim? OF COURSE NOT! But you’re not thinking like the right wing attack machine. What does “true” have to do with a political smear? While an element of truth should reside somewhere in the smear - Obama was in a Muslim country when he was a boy - the rest just follows logically.

You guys just don’t get it. Maybe I should write a book, would that help?

I fear that by the time you learn the true art of the political smear, it will be too late. You people will just continue with your completely childish, schoolyard taunts, making yourselves look utterly ridiculous while we smear merchants on the right continue on our merry way, making Obama so unpalatable a choice that if people do end up casting their ballot for him, they will gag when punching his name in the voting booth.

One thing I hadn’t considered that may be an impossible obstacle for you guys on the left to overcome is that the reason your smears are so childish is because of your arrested intellectual development. Now there may be a way around that but, for the life of me, I can’t think of anything that would help.

Take it from me, fellas. You have a long way to go…


  1. So McCain is being criticized for yellow teeth? And war injuries?

    Well, you know he’s bald too, with a really bad comb-over.

    Turnabout is fair play, so I present to you the top 10 inspired smears on the Obamas:

    10. Barry is a Muslim
    9. Barry is a closet America-hater
    8. BHO is a former drug user
    7. BHO is a current drug user
    6. BHO is a closet smoker
    5. BHO is a homosexual on the “down-low”
    4. BHO was actually born in Kenya (which nixes his presidential aspirations)
    3. BHO has a small penis
    2. Michelle Obama has massively wide hips (she’s still pretty hot, though)

    And the number one inspired smear against the Obama’s, which is sure to drive the MSM insane:

    1. The Obamas are niggardly (did you see their charitable contributions in 2002- $1000 charity on $260K in AGI; I gave more on less income, and I’m pretty cheap).

    BTW, four of these (1, 2, 6, and 8) are actually true.

    Comment by Michael B. — 6/12/2008 @ 10:55 am

  2. Actually, I don’t know, and don’t care if #3 is true.

    Comment by Michael B. — 6/12/2008 @ 10:56 am

  3. Rick,
    In this fake outrage on “he doesnt care for the troops”, you did not cover the most important part. His son Jimmy was deployed in Iraq for about 7 months and returned in February - so McCain does have the knowledge of how it is to have his own child serving in a war - not to mention the experience of having his father, grand father serve the country too.

    But it does tell us of how cynical and sinister the Democrat party is. I now know that Rahm Emmanuel is truly a Chicago thug.

    Comment by Nagarajan Sivakumar — 6/12/2008 @ 11:55 am

  4. When it comes to the blogosphere, there can be little doubt that the left is more energized and hard hitting than the right. They are whipping on McCain like a rented mule. His advanced age, forgetfulness, mental health and bad temperament are fair game in weaving a caricature of an angry old man, out of touch and too emotionally reactive to serve as President.

    If I were John McCain the smears of the left leaning blogs would not be nearly as troubling as to what’s happening on blogs that lean to the right. There is a growing resentment and dissatisfaction towards McCain coming from the right.

    Instead of reaching out to conservatives, he defies them with half witted initiatives like the cap and trade tax that would have been damaging to our national economy. Not one for details or analysis, McCain seldom weighs the potential cost and indirect consequences of his ideas.

    For example, his bill for immigration amnesty would have added trillions of dollars to entitlement costs that are already strangling our prosperity. He never bothered to estimate the costs. He was too busy cursing and blasting sincere opponents like Texas GOP Senator John Cornyn. During one of his famous outbursts, McCain told Cornyn “F**k you!” and called him “Chickensh*t.”

    Now the issue is back, Michelle Malkin notes: “straight from the campaign trail with Arnold “Move Left” Schwarzenegger, McCain has shed every last pretense that he “got the message” from grass-roots immigration enforcement proponents and is back to his full, open-borders shamnesty push. No surprise to any of you. But his complete regression back to the “comprehensive immigration reform” euphemism is a notable milestone.”

    McCain’s only hope was that Obamas negatives outweighed his own. This won’t work and the tipping point that pushes Obama forward will the realization among the majority of voters that McCain really is an angry old man, out of touch and too dangerously reactive to serve as President.

    Of course John McCain will never see these blogs, he recently admitted to being computer illiterate.

    Comment by DrKrbyLuv — 6/12/2008 @ 12:11 pm

  5. The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the - Web Reconnaissance for 06/12/2008 A short recon of what’s out there that might draw your attention, updated throughout the day…so check back often.

    Comment by David M — 6/12/2008 @ 12:44 pm

  6. Good post. It’s true. Nobody can wallow in the mud quite like conservatives bent on preserving their sense of entitlement. And Lord knows they’re good at it. Maybe it’s because liberals don’t have the killer instinct of gun-toting conservatives who’ve watched “Red Dawn” 1,000 times. The GOP/FOX News scorched earth policy of smearing Democrats is particularly effective for its unreliance on the truth and misplacement of context. Of course, it’s all for the sake of God’s candidate, right? A tip of the hat, then, to those amoral conservative smear merchants doing the Lord’s work!

    Comment by Barry — 6/13/2008 @ 7:07 am

  7. If there is any one thing the left has learned in the past 8 years, it is that quantity has a quality all its own. Bush has been hit with the “Bush Lied” attack for so long by so many that it pervades even our daily discourse. It does not matter that there is not one shred of evidence to the charge. It does not matter that the charge has been debunked time and again - from both sides of the aisle. It does not matter that prominent Democrats are equally guilty if the claim were true. It only matters that the crap slung by the smear stuck and that is consistent with what the Left truly wants - to control and manipulate the debate, no matter what the topic, no matter what the issue.

    Comment by SShiell — 6/13/2008 @ 7:37 am

  8. A really interesting, and logically compelling, entry.

    Thank you!

    Comment by Americaneocon — 6/14/2008 @ 8:50 am

  9. Great post. It brought a smile to my face. Please don’t give the left any pointers though. They may have an idiot savant who may be able to use this information to their advantage.

    Comment by vegas art guy — 6/15/2008 @ 10:16 pm

  10. Obama’s biological father is Muslim. Under Islamic law, he is Muslim. If he keeps calling himself Christian he’s apostate but still a Muslim.

    When he to school in Indonesia he registered as a Muslim and prayed before Allah, all on record (See LA times)


    I’m Christian. I believe he’s Christian but I grew up in Malaysia and legally he’s a Muslim.

    Comment by Ken W — 6/21/2008 @ 1:16 am

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