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12/23/2009
BOOBS, BIRTHERS, AND BIRCHERS

Oh, we’re meetin’ at the courthouse at eight o’clock tonight
You just walk in the door and take the first turn to the right
Be careful when you get there, we hate to be bereft
But we’re taking down the names of everybody turning left

Oh, we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society, help us fill the ranks
To get this movement started we need lots of tools and cranks

Now there’s no one that we’re certain the Kremlin doesn’t touch
We think that Westbrook Pegler doth protest a bit too much
We only hail the hero from whom we got our name
We’re not sure what he did but he’s our hero just the same.

(”John Birch Society” by Michael Brown)

Upon hearing that the John Birch Society was going to co-sponsor the Conservative Political Action Conference, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or put my fist through a wall.

The very first thing that came to mind was this hysterically funny Chad Mitchell Trio song from 1962 that captured the JBS perfectly:

A family favorite for more than 40 years, we never tire of singing it at reunions. “We’re Your Friendly, Liberal, Neighborhood Ku Klux Klan” was another CMT family favorite.

You’ll never recognize us, there’s a smile upon our face,
We’re changing all our dirty sheets and a-cleaning up the place.
Yep, since we got a lawyer, and a public relations man,
We’re your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Klu Klux Klan

Yes, we’re your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Klu Klux Klan
Ever since we got that lawyer and that public relations man.
“Course we did shoot one reporter, but he was just obscene,
and you can’t call us no filthy names. What does Anglo-Saxon mean?

As far as I know, the Kluxers have not as yet, been offered a booth in the exhibit hall, but you never know.

After laughing at the idea that responsible, mature, sane conservatives would invite into the mainstream this nest of kooks, crazies, and paranoid loons I then broke down in tears. The callousness of this move is unbelievable. Don’t these fools know what it took to wipe the stench of these freaks off of the conservative movement?

Why stop with the Birchers? Why not have a few seminars and panels on the birther issue? After all, news out of New York is that the birther convention went quite well last week:

Dear Friends:

Welcome to the Second National Conference on Barack Obama’s Missing Birth Certificate and College Records. Our meeting begins tomorrow in New York City! I am delighted to provide you with this second progress report.

[...]

3. Videotaping/Internet posting cancellation

Unfortunately, our plan to videotape the conference and post the proceedings on the network is stalled. We did not receive enough financial support to hire a professional videographer to tape the conference, so we have cancelled our reservation for a videographer. If late-in-the-day financial support still arrives, we will see if someone is available to tape. We can’t do more than the budget allows.

[...]

5. Obama: The Hawai’i Years

I had hoped we could finish editing our Hawai’i movie by early December but we are swamped with work and preparations for the conference. We will definitely show a rough cut of the movie on a laptop at the Conference and finish the film up for New Year’s.

The organizer and head honcho of this bunch is Andy Martin, perennial candidate for something or other, and an internet gadfly.

Mr. Martin, making a Quixotic run for the senate here in Illinois, claims his life story is “inspirational.” Indeed, it inspired me to almost lose my lunch. Careening wildly between right and left, the only constant in his life appears to be an overpowering ambition. In the end, it’s hard to tell whether he is sincerely nuts or has simply latched on to the birther movement for attention and a little cash.

No matter, this is a fellow that conservatives should embrace. After all, he’s only “asking questions” - like, where’s the “ribbon copy” of the birth certificate, Barry?

What I have asked Hawai’i officials to do is produce their original “ribbon” copy of Obama’s 1961 birth certificate. (For those of you not old enough to know what a “ribbon copy” is, ancient devices known as “typewriters” used “ribbons” to make impressions on paper. Cormac McCarthy’s original 1963 typewriter is about to be auctioned as an antique. The original copy of a document, i.e. the one which the typewriter ribbon actually touched, was known as the “ribbon copy.”)

Hawai’i officials have never released Obama’s ribbon copy of his birth certificate, despite many demands, lawsuits, etc. I am continuing my litigation for access. Because I am currently a candidate for U. S. Senator [www.AndyforUSSenator.com], I was unable to actively pursue the litigation in August-November, but we are gearing up to go back to Hawai’i to pry loose the original, 1961 document once funds are available.

Of course, if state officials ever released the “ribbon copy,” Martin and his ilk will probably want to see the actual typewriter ribbon on which the document was produced. You just can’t be too careful when you’ve got a reputation for truth and honesty.

Unlike some of Obama’s critics, I have been scrupulously honorable and honest in seeking only the truth about him, and trying to find only the facts about his past. Because of my passion for the truth and the facts, I seem to get under Obama’s skin, whereas his critics who float unsustainable theories are ignored. Obama wants to hide the truth; help us in our search for the facts.

Please help support these projects financially.

How can anyone resist someone so “scrupulously honorable and honest?”

I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Andy shows up at CPAC with his hand out, piping his story all around the venue while the conspiracists follow him like rats leaving a sinking ship.

The birthers are only the latest paranoids on the far right. The Birchers have them beat by nearly 50 years. In addition to accusing Eisenhower of being a “conscious agent” for the red menace, over the years, the JBS has topped that lunacy by seeing goblins in globalization, and Communists everywhere, not to mention firmly opposing teh gay, as was made evident in this meeting sponsored by the JBS earlier this year in Oklahoma City:

Among the items in the agenda, Kern said, was getting the public to view homosexuality as a matter of taste, like a preference for strawberry or vanilla ice cream. She quoted the text: “The masses should not be shocked and repelled by premature exposure to homosexual behavior itself.”

“You know,” Kern said. “I’ve done a lot of reading on this. I wish I could describe to you their behavior. I will not because I would be redder than this suit. It’s their behavior that we oppose.

“This theme of equality and freedom is the approach that the homosexuals are using today — totally perverting the true intention of what our Constitution meant. … The homosexuals get it — it’s a struggle between our religious freedoms and their right to do what they want to do.”

Around the banquet hall, Kern’s speech met with applause and calls of “Amen!” from a crowd stoked in a crucible of conspiracy and intrigue. For the whole day, the “Clouds Over America” conference, run and organized by the John Birch Society, held lecture after lecture Jan. 23 and 24 dedicated to explaining their various conspiracy-laden tenets. Here’s one — that a godless secret society, the Illuminati, has been battling against the founding of the United States of America and decent citizens to live in peaceful, worshipful freedom.

Kern called for a new “Great Awakening,” referring to a period of religious revivals from the 18th century considered precursor to the American Revolution.

“The solution is another Great Awakening, folks,” Kern said. “We need a spiritual revival, and that will only come if God’s people, especially you pastors, will stand in your pulpits and vocally preach the word of God and thus declare the Lord this sin, and preach it in love, only then does our nation have a chance of overcoming the scourge of AIDS, HIV and the devastating destruction that the homosexual lifestyle is bringing on your children and our grandchildren.”

The world is too complex to give these idiots a seat at the table. Let them rant on the internet. Let them spew on their tiny radio stations. Let them meet in the dark, exchange their secret handshakes, glance furtively over their shoulders for the government bogeyman, and run up their psychiatric bills.

People wonder why I think Glenn Beck is a dangerous clown. When you lie down with rabid dogs, people are going to think you’re one of them. Beck has spoken approvingly of the JBS on a number of occasions over the years, which only feeds the perception that his mindless meanderings about fascism coming to America with Woodrow Wilson’s presidency and other lunatic conspiracies are not aberrations but rather an entrenched part of his character.

But if you were to go to CPAC in February and take a poll, Beck would be wildly popular. I will never understand it, nor will I ever get used to it. A sizable segment of the right has lost its mind and embracing the John Birch Society is just one more indication that they are not going to find it anytime soon.

It would do no good to call for a boycott of CPAC. But I would hope that some principled activists and members of Congress would take that step. As for me, I will probably be covering the conference in some capacity but I already have my storyline:

We’ll teach you how to spot ‘em in the cities or the sticks
For even Jasper Junction is just full of Bolsheviks
The CIA’s subversive and so’s the FCC
There’s no one left but thee and we, and we’re not sure of thee

Oh, we’re the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society holding off the Reds
We’ll use our hand and hearts and if we must we’ll use our heads

By: Rick Moran at 10:20 am
17 Responses to “BOOBS, BIRTHERS, AND BIRCHERS”
  1. 1
    Papa Ray Said:
    10:43 am 

    Rick, nice going. Your way over moderate into the screaming, foaming at the mouth liberal camp.

    Who would care about the birchers? YOU? and a few more?

    They are not even a speck on the windshield and never were.

    Who would care about the birthers? YOU?

    They are even less than the birchers.

    Get a life and medication.

    Papa Ray
    West Texas

  2. 2
    michael reynolds Said:
    11:42 am 

    I would have thought Birchers couldn’t exist without Communists. I naively assumed it was a sort of symbiotic thing. But of course in the absence of actual Communists the Right simply imagined them. And poof: Commies! Best of all, a Negro Commie-in-Chief. Yay!

    I’m curious as to your take on percentages. What percentage do you think of self-identified conservatives are you or James Joyner or Douthat, and what percentage do you think are Birther/Bircher/Batshit?

  3. 3
    B.Poster Said:
    12:46 pm 

    The Birchers, Birthers, CPAC, and Glenn Beck have no real influence within the American political system. They never had and unlikely ever will. That is unless Democrats and Republicans really, really, manage to screw things up very, very badly. Even if this happened they still would be unlikely to ever gain any real influence, as someone else would simply step in to fill the gap left by the Democrats and the Republicans.

    It would be far better to focus on coming with constructive solutions to America’s problems and to focus on the people who real influence. Spending time focusing on CPAC, Birchers, Birthers, and Glenn Beck who have no real influence over public policy seems to me to be a waste of time.

  4. 4
    Surabaya Stew Said:
    1:06 pm 

    After the 50-odd years, the Birchers have been embraced by the GOP….Holy Sh*t! How can any moderate Republicans ever attend CPAC now? Oh, and does any sane person here still think Charles Johnson was over the top in leaving the Right?

  5. 5
    Anon Said:
    7:46 pm 

    Oh, please. The Birch Society is one of 100 “co-sponsors” of C-pac, meaning they gave a little money and will have a little booth there. Every civic event of this nature has its nutball booths, including every municipal street fair I’ve ever attended, yet no one says “Oh my God, Cleveland’s gone commie because the American Communist Party had a booth at their Autumn Days streetfest!” Give me a break. You’re engaging in the very hysteria and hyperbole that your posting is meant to criticize. No one is “embracing the John Birch Society,” as you say. I’ve read you for a long time. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes I don’t. But you’ve always been rational — until now. If you actually believe what you’ve written here, that the conservative movement has been taken over by “birthers” and other “paranoids” from the far right, you should by all means leave and join those reasoned, rational folks on the left. I count myself on the far right, and I’ve never met a birther and have barely heard of JBS. You should get out more often and meet some conservatives, rather than reading about them on the internet.

  6. 6
    funny man Said:
    8:07 pm 

    The illuminati-hm At least I had a good laugh. Don’t the Black Muslim also abstain from nuts because that is what white people lived on when they were living in a cage. And then the Mormons have secret underwear.
    Maybe they all have a point and it is something in the drinking water that makes people go kooky. Well, rethinking-maybe illuminati do make sense…

  7. 7
    Tom Paine Said:
    9:27 pm 

    The comments here track what I’ve seen elsewhere on the blogosphere:

    1) Far-right social-conservative tells reasonable conservative they’re making a mountain out of a molehill; that the JBS is really not that big a deal (in which case, I don’t understand why they would be invited?)

    2) Refer to reasonable conservative asking these questions as a screaming, foaming at the mouth liberal.

    I’m heartbroken that conservatism, or the hysteria that’s masquerading in its name, continues to careen off the rails.

    The question is who’s more reasonable and less emotional in these debates - is it the people comfortable with the JBS, or the people who aren’t? If your measure of a conservative is that they’re not hysterical enough, maybe it’s time for a new metric.

  8. 8
    funny man Said:
    9:37 pm 

    Tom,
    ‘I’m heartbroken that conservatism, or the hysteria that’s masquerading in its name, continues to careen off the rails.’
    Couldn’t agree more.
    What happened?
    I have looked at your website and there are some issues I would see differently. However, that is beyond the point. You, or Rick, at least make an effort for rational, coherent arguments. For whatever reasons that doesn’t seem to go over well.

  9. 9
    Tim Said:
    12:37 am 

    The Democratic party has for many years used a strategy of marginalizing their opponents by giving them a name meant to demean. They have characterized their opponents this way and then let the term go viral, as it gains strength through media mentions and Internet buzz. The word ‘birthers’ was designed for this purpose. Few people mention that a life-long Democratic politician first brought the question of the president’s place of birth to light. There has never been a legitimate, bonafide answer to the question. People who ask this question are not conspiracy theory nuts. They are being mischaracterized. Those who believe that the Bush administration blew up the twin towers have no basis for their claims. Those wondering about all the fuzzy evidence surrounding the birthplace question have a legitimate concern. Labeling them as ‘birthers’ is part of a strategy. Those who have adopted it may not even know that they are part of something resembling a conspiracy in technical terms more so than the people asking the birthplace questions.

  10. 10
    Richard bottoms Said:
    10:31 am 

    The Democratic party has for many years used a strategy of marginalizing their opponents by giving them a name meant to demean.

    So the John Birch Society isn’t a bunch of whack-job nuts?

  11. 11
    michael reynolds Said:
    11:55 am 

    Tim:

    I blame the communists. They’re everywhere, you know, everywhere! Quck, look under your bed!

  12. 12
    Mick Said:
    7:06 pm 

    you and all your idiot readers are clueless. Natural Born Citizen is born in the US of 2 Citizen ParentSSSSS.
    Unbelieveably you all have no interest in the Kryptonite
    of the Usurper.

  13. 13
    Rick Moran: Boobs, Birthers, and Birchers | NewsReal Blog Pinged With:
    7:24 pm 

    [...] Read the rest at Rick Moran’s RightWing Nut House. VN:F [1.7.9_1023]please wait…Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast) [...]

  14. 14
    Walt Said:
    8:12 pm 

    You seem to be raving. The John Birch Society is nothing, and it has not had any influence on anything since the 60’s. To bring up such a marginal group in such a grandiose way is worthy of The Daily Kos or The Huffington Post. Keith or Rachel would love to talk to you. Or, you could go work for Janet Napolitano and find those “man made disasters.” Let me me know when you have finished your round of shock treatments.

  15. 15
    Barry Cooper Said:
    6:06 pm 

    Hey asshole, suppression of dialogue is a feature of totalitarians, not liberals. If you had half a brain you would debate me, not delete me. But thinking is such hard work, isn’t it?

    Have a nice day!!!

  16. 16
    Eric Scheie Said:
    12:09 am 

    I have two ways of coping with this. One is to tell myself that the Birth/chers are not real conservatives because they represent only fringe. The second is simply to remind myself that if they are conservatives, I am not.

    Still, the either/or aspect is frustrating, because either they are conservatives or they are not, which means either I am a conservative or I am not.

    How much am I supposed to care about a label?

  17. 17
    Karenoid Said:
    3:59 pm 

    I know very little about JBS but have heard of them. Someone sent me this video the other day of JBS founder John Welch with portions of two speeches he made, one in 1955 at a dinner celebrating JBS” inception and one from another gathering in 1974.

    I think you would be interested in it as all the points he brought up regarding government is exactly what is happening in the country today.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lecAy-3Qtxk

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