Right Wing Nut House

Have you ever gotten the feeling that your life is moving downhill so quickly that your usual habits of thought are lost in the rush to keep up with what must be done?

Ever since I took on additional responsibilities at American Thinker, my income has increased substantially but the time I used to spend reading, writing, and thinking has nearly disappeared. I used to take 4-5 hours a day perusing the latest news, opinion, and philosophical musings from the right and left, processing and absorbing the information, then trying to put everything in some kind of perspective in order to write about it. That time has disappeared and I am lucky if I can rush something on to the blog in a couple of hours - max.

The speed of life has outpaced my speed of thought. It is unsettling to write when you feel uncomfortable with how well you have reasoned something out or you worry whether you have missed some vital piece of information that would make your thoughts completely valid in the context with which you are analyzing a subject.

Rereading some stuff I’ve written over the last few months, I see where these doubts are justified. Some of my arguments have shallowed out. There’s less logic and more statements of putative fact. There is not enough questioning of underlying assumptions. And while not necessary, I see where I have eschewed balance at times and fallen into a more partisan, more ideological pattern of thinking.

Certainly not all of this is the result of less time and care taken in writing. There has been much to oppose when it comes to writing about the Obama administration and I have never pretended to be anything except what I am; a conservative who stands in opposition to liberal policies that I believe are inimical to personal liberty and our foundational constitutional principles. But the discomfort I feel about how I am opposing these policies remains. And I believe that the idea that time has telescoped my ability to thoroughly think through exactly what it is I want to write about while giving depth and nuance to my analysis is valid.

Perhaps I’m just a little slower on the uptake than many. More likely, my time management skills are lacking. Rather than spending 20 minutes on the ESPN website every day, maybe that time could be better spent somewhere else? Or maybe I should focus my efforts rather than trying to keep up with everything I would normally read and digest. I catch myself skimming a lot more - at which point I scowl to myself that I am probably missing some good bits. But the hands of the clock are inexorable and I am a slave to its movement.

I tried getting up an hour earlier every morning but my recent illness has shown me that I am running myself into the ground. The irony is that I am now making a solid middle class living on the web but can’t enjoy it, while I am finding it increasingly frustrating to contribute to this blog.

A speed reading course? Been there, done that. There is something so unsatisfying about Evelyn Wood’s methods that I only use them sparingly. I dote lovingly on good writing, savoring words as if they were morsels of the best steak I’ve ever had. I also enjoy pausing and turning over in my mind what an author has written in order to wring the last drop of understanding and intent out of each thought.

These may be luxuries I can no longer afford. But it is this process of understanding and discovery that makes writing about it worthwhile. Why sacrifice what I enjoy about the journey and concentrate only on the destination?

If I could make as much working half as much, I would. But I am at a point where I now realize that where I am in my career cannot continue indefinitely and I’m going to have to find another way. When I began writing on this site, I made no bones about the reason; I wanted to achieve a certain notoriety so that I could make a living writing on the web. That dream has become a reality.

And now that I’m there, I find it’s not all it was cracked up to be - at least the path I am on now. I don’t know what changes are going to be made but something is going to have to give. In time, I’m sure I’ll figure it out.