Right Wing Nut House

So, the Democrats hate God. How do I know? I read it on the internet — at least, that portion of the internet that belongs to right wing crazies:

Are you a God hater? The Democrat party is for YOU, then. Bunch of godless paganistic freaks. I hate these people, yes I HATE these people. HATE, HATE, HATE.

Yes, ok — I get it. Video doesn’t lie. Democrats booed after they put the name of God back in their party platform. This is conclusive proof that the Democrats hate God.

But wait a minute. They were booing when they put Jerusalem as the capital of Israel back in that document. So the Democrats don’t hate God. They hate the Jews.

Actually, it would be more politically viable if they hated God. Jews donate a lot of money to the party and 3 out of 4 vote for the Democratic candidate. Then again, a lot of Americans like God a lot and showing that you hate him by booing when party leaders ram an amendment putting his name back in the platform would lose a lot of votes too.

Republicans, of course, don’t have this problem. They love God and pretty much like Jews. It’s sex they hate. Or women. Or women and sex. If the GOP wanted to take out the plank in their platform that opposes couples having sex, they would have booed that too. Well, they didn’t really have a plank like that in their platform. But we know the GOP hates contraceptives because if a woman takes them, she proves herself a slut and if there’s one thing Republicans hate, its sluts. And gays. And Mexicans. And the lazy poor. And transsexuals. And gender queers. And whatever other sexual identifiable group liberals want to add to the put upon class this week — maybe asexuals.

Now, hating Mexicans and gays basically loses you the gay and Mexican vote. But hating sex — this is a serious political miscalculation. Much like the Democrats who hate God, demonstrating that you hate sex could be a game changer in an election. Trust me, I know. I’m a top notch political analyst and I’m telling you, hating God and hating sex — well, it just doesn’t get any more politically stupid.

This is why I doubt the Democrats hate God. Nor do they hate the Jews. They may hate Israel and how mean they think they are to those pussycats in Hamas. But they don’t hate the Jews — I think. But Israel is full of Jews and the Israeli people have it in their head that Jerusalem is their capital. Who are Democrats to say that a sovereign people can’t decide where their capital should be?

How would Democrats like it if the Labor Party in Great Britain put a plank in their platform that said Washington, D.C. shouldn’t be the capital of the US anymore? Madness! Washington has been the capital since 1800. Well, Jerusalem has been the capital of Israel for 3,000 years. What does that say about the “reality based community” when they deny such a simple reality?

And I’m sure the GOP doesn’t hate sex, either. They may like it with the lights off and only in the missionary position — no dining room tables or kitchen counters for them — and only once or twice a month, and maybe with most of their clothes on. But I’m reasonably certain they don’t hate sex — as long as you do it to make babies and by no means have any fun while so engaged.

So what is it about God that so unnerved the Democrats that they first, took his name out of the platform, and then put him back in after Republicans began to make fun of them? I think it’s because God belief is so…so…Republican that the thought by these hyperpartisans that they would include anything so obviously traditional and conservative as belief in God in their platform that they temporarily lost their sanity and committed a political faux pas. No doubt the way party leaders shoved the addition of God down their throats by lying about a 2/3 majority voice vote also contributed to the booing and other manifestations of displeasure.

As we top notch political analysts are wont to say — it was “bad optics.”

The two sides can’t help it. Trapped as they are in their hatred for each other, and their self absorbed ideological cocoons, both sides are bound to create many situations where “bad optics” is the order of the day. They will deny they hate God, the Jews, sex, gays, Mexicans, and even Moooslims, but you and I know better. They are incapable of stepping outside themselves and viewing themselves as the rest of us see them; clueless, sorry ass partisans with a dissociative attachment to reality and a worldview glimpsed through a darkened prism of ideological fervor.