An abbreviated Carnival this week thanks to my laziness and and general blog ennui which has gotten in the way of promoting the event properly. For that, I apologize to my regular submitters. Also, it would probably help if I got back to a set day for the Carnival and then stick to it. However, this would necessitate a level of ambition and energy that, at the moment, is lacking. In short, I’ve developed a simple formula for my life as it is right now; if it gets in the way of nappy time, faggettabouit!

Since I’ve already nominated myself once for Cluebat of the Week, doing so again would prove the old adage “trying too hard for a laugh” although goodness knows I deserve it. And surprisingly, the list of usual cluebats who could be counted on for some total outrageousness were busy doing other things this week. This proves that the Hall of Famers now have to work extra hard to get noticed by our sharp-eyed cadre of bloggers who scour the internet to bring you the best of the worst in clueless behavior.

While we generally frown on group awards for the Carnival, this week we’ll make an exception in awarding the coveted Cluebat of the Week to the Mainstream Press. Glenn Reyonolds wrote today “Katrina taught the media that if they all swarmed Bush at once they could do harm even if—as turned out to be the case—much of what they reported was outright false.” Truer words have rarely been uttered by the Blogfadda. It’s the worst I’ve seen since Nixon. Within the past week, we’ve seen the MSM wrap up their coverage of one of the biggest non-events in American history with the story of Dick Cheney’s hunting accident trailing off into nothingness (a sure sign there was nothing there in the first place.) No grand wrap ups. No penetrating think pieces on “What it all Means.” The press simply stopped, almost as if on cue, in covering a story they couldn’t get enough of for two weeks.

Then there was the Iraq Civil War that wasn’t. Clearly there was serious sectarian violence following the destruction of the Samarra Shrine. But the breathless reporting from the media – very little of it first hand and, as I pointed out here, some of it surely driven by al Qaeda in Iraq propaganda cadres fanning out and spreading rumors – was so over the top as to approach the comedic. On the very day that most of the authorities in Iraq declared the worst of the violence over and lifted the curfew, a New York Times editorial warned of the probability of civil war between Sunni and Shia Muslims. There appeared to be a concerted effort to make the event Bush’s “Tet Offensive” which refers to the slaughter of Viet Cong irregulars during the 1968 Vietnamese New Year attacks on every province in the South. The American army dealt the Cong a blow from which it never recovered but the media twisted it into a defeat. It appeared something similar was happening with the destruction of the Shrine.

Then, if you woke up and looked at what the number one story in the MSM was today you could be forgiven if you believed you had fallen asleep last September and failed to arise until this morning because the story was exactly the same. Bush was briefed about the severity of Katrina prior to landfall. We knew this. The response by the federal government was slow and ineffective. We knew this. Bush was told the levees would probably be overtopped causing massive flooding. We knew this. Bush said on September 1, two days after the hurricane, that no one expected the levees to be breached. We knew this. There is a difference between “overtopping” and “breaching” a levee. We knew this.

The only “news” about every single aspect of this story is that it was caught on tape. That, plus the media obviously didn’t think the American people were sufficiently outraged at the time they first reported all of this. So by treating this as positively new information, the media believes they can get additional mileage out of the destruction of a major American city by an Act of God. As I said today, no word on similar briefings given even earlier to the disaster tag team of Blanco-Nagin by the same Director of the National Hurricane Center, Dr. Mayfield who begged them to evacuate New Orleans on Saturday.

With Bush’s poll numbers plummeting – even among Republicans – it is pretty clear that the media smells blood in the water and will, from here until the mid terms, make it their personal quest to see that Democrats take over the Congress so that the expected impeachment hearings against the President can start almost immediately.

For this surreal kind of cluelessness, the MSM is the winner of the Carnival’s Cluebat of the Week. Check out the rest of the entries for our usual jaw dropping idiocy brought to you by some of the best and brightest on the web. Ladies and Gentlemen: Start your Clicking!

“Stupidity is without anxiety.”
(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Yo Johann! Does that mean all those Hollywood liberals aren’t sweating the Oscars?
(Me)

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Fausta has the latest from Hugo Chavez who is so clueless that if he didn’t exist as the perfect Castro clone, someone would have to invent him. Check out the formerly bad hair one’s new digs – looks very nice and not a split end to be found.

Fred Fry gives us an interesting lesson in port etiquette, pointing out it is impolite to diss the UAE while we have the Saudis guest hosting ports out west. My beef over this always had much less to do with security and much more to do with the pinheads in the White House who dumped this on the party, the Congress, and the American people causing needless damage to their political street cred.

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam had an interesting dinner date with Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro. I don’t want to give anything away but what happened after the lights went out was reminiscent of some scenes from Brokeback Mountain. Read it all for some out loud laughs.

On a much more serious note, Cao of Cao’s Blog is one of the only people on the web who covered the Afghan prison riots. Cluelessness abounds here from the Afghan authorities all the way to the US State Department. This is the first installment. Here’s the second update. And here’s the an interview with American patriot Jack Idema being held in the prison and under constant threat of death.

The Finnish Canadian blogger at Sixteen Volts has a fascinating post looking at past newstories to glean perspective on the present.

Jack Cluth has a picture of the world’s fattest cat and it’s clueless slave who apparently doesn’t realize that the obese feline will probably die before its time.

The much more svelte and smarter cat Ferdy sends us this piece about my home state governor whose name no one can pronounce and whose ideas about how to create jobs no one can fathom.

The lovely Pamela takes us to the surreal Islamic paradise of Iran where executions are carried out by the fine art of hanging.

Kender is rappin’ some ‘toons and jivin’ the MSM for their cowardly lion act regarding the publishing of the Mohamed-ahmed-ding-dongs.

Beth takes apart another blogger who shall remain nameless since she apparently has the litigation bug if you cross her. Well…Beth crosses her. And slices her. And dices her. And puts her in a blender and makes a Pina Colada out of her. Classic takedown of the clueless.

Josh Cohen has been eating at Taco Bell for ten years (and he’s still alive?). The kind of cluelessness he found at the drive through should make all of us check our orders before we drive away.

Adam wonders what the Democrats are complaining about in the statehouse in Idaho. They whine about being “bullied” by Republicans – who control a whopping 80% of the seats. Maybe they should be complaining about being too closely identified with Hillary Clinton.

Those Pixie-like Pachyderms from Elephants in Academia are tiptoeing through Kofi Anans disastrous Sudan leadership that has failed miserably in the Security Council. Get. A. Clue.

DL at Bacon Bits has an eyebrow raiser about the effect of trees on the environment and how that seems to have thrown a monkey wrench into the plans of the eco-theists (tree huggers).

Pat Curley, who has been all over the comparison between donations made to Republicans and Democrats to sleazeball Abramoff (to the point that he got a nice mention in NRO) has some more Democratic cluelessness on the issue.

Orac has the jaw dropper of the day: FLASH! From Iran, we get the news that the lovable cartoon characters of Tom and Jerry are not the innocent, fun loving cat and mouse we’ve always been led to believe. Instead, they are a dark, menacing plot of the Joooos.

Mark Coffey does an admirable job taking down one of the “rising stars of the lefty blogosphere” (Hotline Blogometer) Glenn Greenwald’s whose shallow, incoherent screeds against Bush and the Republicans have become easy targets of late.

Bill Teach has more on the ports imbroglio with “Republicans Gone Wild.” There may be nothing more nauseating than clueless politicians pontificating on stuff they know absolutely nothing about.

What’s going on in Canada? If you ask Wonder Woman, not much that is good. She points us to this frightening story of someone being denied medical care in Quebec because they couldn’t speak French.

Okay…we’re back.
Did you miss me?
Aw, C’mon! It’s only been a week!
Jeez…even us Carnival folk need a vacation now and again.
And no, the site was not hacked by some wild-eyed bloodthirsty jihadist.
It was simply a matter of my ISP going wacky on me.
So I’m sorry for not doing the Carnival last week.
Do you forgive me?
If not, go here and put a sock in it.

We’ve got a huge variety of cluebats for your reading pleasure this week. Some old, some new, some borrowed, some definitely blue. I mean, how would you feel if everyone was pointing a finger at you and laughing? I know I’d be pretty depressed about the whole thing. Come to think about it…I’ve been on that side of the fence quite often. Like when I lost my swim suit in high school when I was swimming the 400. I swam nearly 300 yards with my swim suit around my ankles.

You can bet that the next race I swam that suit was tied so tight it almost strangled my small intestine.

So maybe I should ask people to have pity on these cluebats. Maybe we should show a little empathy and understanding. Maybe we should apply a little “live and let live.” Maybe we should give them a great big collective pat on the back and say “Fagettiboutit, pal. We all make mistakes.”...

DON’T BE DAFT!

“Of all follies there is none greater than wanting to make the world a better place.”
(Moliere)

“Holy Moley! You could be Chairman of the Democratic Pary!
(Me)

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Beth at MVRWC returns to the Carnival with a vengeance as she takes on Andrew Sullivan and slaps the former blogger around for his loony Cheney bashing.

Holy Aho gives us an update on the planned draft dodger memorial in Canada. She has an artist’s rendering of the proposed statue that made me laugh when I saw it.

Speaking of laughing, Pat Curley has the Cheney story entirely in pictures. This should have received wider distribution among blogs – it’s that good.

Our lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs has a some thoughts on the recent out of control Muslims rioting over the toon caper while highlighting the total cluelessness of a San Francisco (where else?) Supervisor who doesn’t think that the US needs a military.

Those Presidential Pachyderms at Elephants in Academia have a little President’s Day present of Cluebat Hall of Famer Jimmy Carter.

Speaking of the worst ex-President in history, Miriam has “9 Things I Hate About Jimmy Carter.” I’m sure she could have found a few more if she tried.

Ferdy the Cat is thinking extremely deep thoughts this week (methinks someone slipped some ginseng in his cheeseballs) about moral relativism regarding Iran and Israel. We all know that this kind of thinking is unusual for cats, the creatures being much more linear in their thinking usually…as in “Feed Me! Pet Me! Clean my Litterbox, fool!”

Fred Frey asks some prescient questions of Muslims about the Mohamed cartoons.

AJ Strata skewers the idiot judge that approved the ACLU lawsuit granting them access to details of the NSA intercept program.

Here’s your dose of Carnival satire from the usual suspects:

Mr. Right has the skinny on the long anticipated “Bush purge.”

Buckley F. Williams strips Willy Nelson of his cowboy charter for writing a song about gay cowboys.

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam was protesting the “bloodthirsty” Dick Cheney with a rather unique idea.

“Bitter the jest when satire comes too near truth and leaves a sharp sting behind it.”
(Publius Cornelius Tacitus)

Kender just can’t watch Bryant Gumbel after the clueless one complained about a “lack of color” at the Olympics. Well Jee-Suz Bryant! Whaddya expect with all that snow on the ground?

Jack Cluth has some pretty funny thoughts on the similarities between Enron and al Qaeda.

Jay at Stop the ACLU is calling for a special counsel to investigate the so-called rights group. About time.

Bob at Either Orr knows exactly what Dana Milbanks was doing dressed up in that ridiculous hunting outfit when he appeared on Olberman’s show.

Batya is saddened by the state of affairs in Israel and how some clueless folk just can’t see the danger.

DL at TMH Bacon Bits calls out Hillary Clinton for some of her more clueless recent comments.

The Gajin Biker goes after Robert Wright’s clueless op-ed in the New York Times about the cartoon jihad. Never cross someone with a Samurai sword in their hand.

Iris Blog brings us up to date on the world’s first legitimately elected terrorist government and shows how the cluelessness of some people about their intentions can be hazardous to a lot of people’s health.

Josh Cohen asks Ann Coulter to stop being so helpful to the conservative cause.

Mark Coffey has the “Stupidest Column of the Year.” Since it was written by Richard Cohen I’d say that’s spot on.

More commentary from Philomathean who reminds us of the timeless adage followed by Cohen and others of his ilk; ignorance is bliss.

XYBA writes about the incredible cluelessness at the University of Washington who want to deny WW II hero Pappy Boyington his rightful place as an American hero.

David Porter asks “Are Realtors going to become extinct?” (I think David took a wrong turn at Poughkeepsie and ended up at this Carnival rather than the Carnival of the Capitalists.)

Finally, here’s my piece on a story that got little attention this week. IAEA head Mohamed ElBaradei is backing down on sanctions for Iran.

This week’s Carnival of the Clueless has been cancelled.

I realize what a disappointment this is to many of you, especially the bloggers who so generously contribute their posts. However, after working on this week’s Carnival for more than 2 hours, clicking on “Save,” and then watching as all that work disappeared into the ether when my site went down for the second time today was just a little too much to bear.

The Carnival of the Clueless will reappear at its regularly scheduled time next week. That is to say, it might appear Monday, more likely Tuesday, and maybe even Wednesday.

UPDATE:

Just received a long email from my hosting company apologizing for the down time today. They’re moving me to another server because they say the problem is due to “a suspected bug discovered in the current build of MYSQL that is running on our dual processor servers.”

Yadayadayada…Fat lot of good that does me. This is the third time I’ve lost a post. I guess I gotta start learning to “Save” my stuff more often.

My Zsu Zsu watches the Game Show Network late at night. She says it helps her get to sleep but truthfully, I don’t see how that’s possible. There is something mesmerizing about game shows that some Madison Avenue flunkie figured out nearly 60 years ago, almost like watching a bad skin flick but without the “redeeming social value.”

If you get a chance, you simply must watch some of the ancient and honorable game shows from the 1950’s that are rebroadcast on GSN after midnight. Beat the Clock is one of my favorites. Ordinary New York (or occasionally New Jersey) couples are forced to accomplish the most challenging but unremarkable tasks in so many seconds. There’s just something riveting about watching a man trying to deflect ping pong balls into a small pail with his hands tied behind him by thrusting his stomach into the path of the balls thrown by his wife. Or a woman catching marbles in her mouth thrown by her husband, knee walking across the studio floor, and having to spit them into a paper cup (no Styrofoam back then).

This was one of the highest rated prime time shows of its day.

Without a doubt, however, the greatest game show ever invented was What’s My Line? The half hour show was a mainstay on network television for 17 years and featured panelists who had to guess the occupation of ordinary people by asking a series of questions that could only be answered “yes” or “no.” The panel featured the lovely actress Arlene Francis, Broadway columnist for the old New York Post Dorothy Killgallen, and one of the founding editors of Random House Bennet Cerf. The banter by the panel was witty and literate – almost like a televised Algonquin Round Table while some of the occupations they had to guess were hilarious. For example, a “lumber herder” shepherded logs from streams and lakes in the north woods and directed them to the shore where trucks would take the to the mill.

But the highlight of every show was a “Mystery Guest” where the panelists would have to put on these ridiculously huge black blindfolds so they couldn’t see the celebrity sitting with the host. The mystery guest would try everything to trick the panelists. Men would use falsetto voices to try and make the panelists believe they were a woman and so forth.

At any rate, what got me thinking about the show was this recent flap about the Mohammed caricatures and how the Islamic fanatics are using it to force a clash of civilizations with a west. Can you imagine an episode of What’s my Line that would feature one of these suicidal jihadists as a Mystery Guest pitted against the witty, urbane, liberal panelists? Imagine some of the questions:

Is your line of work considered dangerous?
Do you have to wear any special equipment to do your job?
Is this something I could do with the proper training?

I’m sure you could come up with your own questions. The point being, the panelists could ask a hundred questions and still not be able to guess our jihadist’s occupation. It is so far beyond our capacity to understand a mind that would consider it a proper response to a mildly offensive cartoon to burn an embassy or behead an infidel that the Mystery Guest may as well be from another planet. At bottom, that is what this “Cartoon Intifada” is all about. While the controversy is being driven by men who know exactly what they’re doing, the poor schmucks who are held in thrall of the holy men’s message don’t have a clue. They have no more idea what freedom of speech means than most of us have of quantum mechanics.

This is a special kind of cluelessness; a closing off of independent thought. And until we get around that and are able to penetrate the wall the separates Muslims from the modern world, there will be many more intifadas with the exact same results.

Stupidity always accompanies evil. Or evil, stupidity.
(Louise Bogan)

Got that right, dog!
(Me)

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Adam Graham has a first class post on the book Prayers for the Assassin by Robert Ferringo in which he takes apart the premise – an Islamic takeover of much of America – in expert fashion. Fascinating read.

Orac weighs in on the Cartoon Caper by responding to an unsolicited email from a Muslim who seems a little peeved. Orac’s sensible response is a lesson to us all.

Jack Cluth has a few choice words for the rioters in the streets of Arabia. Good to see many lefties on the side of the angles on this issue.

Dan Meslon has a thorough, thought provoking look at abortion. He covers every angle – political, legal, and moral – and has some interesting conclusions.

In case you were unaware, there is real momentum building in Washington to look into the case of missing Iraqi WMD’s being sent to Syria and maybe even Iran. Our lovely Carnival Pin-Up girl Pamela has the latest and skewers the Democrats for ignoring the issue.

Two Dogs reprints part of a study showing black spending habits. Wildly politically incorrect but since it was written by a black person, one must take it for what it is – a wake up call that will go unheeded.

Raven returns to the Carnival with a post on the clueless UN and how John Bolton has his hands full even trying some basic reforms – like members showing up on time for Security Council meetings.

Have Alta Vista open in another window because those Pompadoured Pachyderms at Elephants in Academia are blogging a French website that is full of la chauve-souris de la lune.

Van Helsing proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that a leftist, is a leftist no matter what country he’s from.

Is there anyone uglier than Janis Karpinski? Tony B. doesn’t think so. I think he’s right.

Resistence is Futile presents “What the left is thinking.” I thought the post would be much shorter.

AJ Strata is imploring the clueless Democrats to carry through on their threat to run on a platform of impeaching Bush.

The lovely Mensa Barbie puts the Palestinian elections in perspective, calling for a cut off of funds to the murderous terrorists in Hamas. Yes please.

The equally lovely Wonder Woman wonders what the Arabic word for “irony” is when looking at some of the clueless statements from Muslims over the cartoon imbroglio.

Here it is! Your weekly fix of Carnival satire from our stable of excellent writers!

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam is in Cuba casting a baleful eye at Gitmo.

Mr. Right has a hilarious series of pictures entitled “The Democrat Family Album.”

Welcome newbie Potfry who writes of the frantic search by Arabs for a Danish flag to burn.

Buckley F. Williams presents “Top 9 Signs Your Religion May Not Be So Peaceful.”

I tried my hand at satire this week with “CRAZED ISLAMISTS TORCH NORSE EMBASSIES: PAYBACK FOR “THE 13TH WARRIOR”

Sixteen Volts brings us “The Wisdom of Feminism.”

Kender has penned some “Songs for the Fatwa.” How about “House of Zarqawi’s Son.”

“Praise undeserved, is satire in disguise”. (Alexander Pope)

Miriam wonders what the difference is between Hamas and Fatah. Not too damn much.

Cao brings to our attention a Mr. Richard Erlich, a journalist who has set out to deliberately lie in order to damage the cause of Jack Idema.

DL at TMH Bacon Bits writes about Cluebat Hall of Famer Jesse Jackson’s impeachment speech. I suspect we’ll be seeing a lot more of these over the next few months.

Jay at Stop the ACLU has the jaw dropper of the day as the so called rights group is defending protesters who desecrate military funerals.

Jeffrey Strain has a smorgasbord of links following cluebats who are clueless about money.

Bill Karl wonders where liberals will go now that Canada has gone to the Tories. Just don’t send them here. We’ve got enough moonbats of our own to worry about, thank you.

Mark Coffey has the skinny on Cluebat Hall of Famer John Kerry and his attempt to lead the troops in an 11th hour filibuster against Alito.

I was all set to write up this week’s Carnival, following my usual routine of brewing a pot of freshly ground Italian Roast coffee and carefully placing two packs of Basic 100 cigarettes next to my Dave Brubeck-Thelonius Monk Jazz Essentials CD case when it hit me: What would Jack Bauer do in some of these situations?

Since Jack is not clueless about anything , this theme will supply what this Carnival has been sorely lacking since its inception; an answer to the obvious question of what else could have been done that would have taken these cluebats off the clueless list.

As Jack has been known to say from time to time, “There are always alternatives.” For this edition of the Carnival then, in addition to highlighting each entrant’s article, an addendum will be added: What Would Jack Bauer Do? (WWJBD?)

At the very least, Jack will be able to teach these morons a thing or two about courage. And loyalty. And perhaps a few novel ways to torture someone.

“Better get busy Jack. From the looks of this week’s Carnival, you’ve got a lot of work to do.”
(Me)

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Wonder Woman has a real jaw dropper about a nearby institution housing some of Canada’s worst violent criminals under the most minimal security imaginable.

WWJBD? First, Jack would bitchslap the authorities responsible. Then he would break into the prison and pose as a violent criminal in order to keep an eye on the thugs. Many would disappear under mysterious circumstances.

Mark Coffey brings us Senator Kerry’s naked political calculations in his Shang-Ri-La effort to filibuster Judge Alito.

WWJBD? Nothing. Jack doesn’t get in the way of people when they are self-destructing.

XYBA has researched the Restorative Justice Concept (used by the Judge in Vermont to sentence a child rapist to 60 days in jail) and wonders just how clueless one has to be to believe in it.

WWJBD? The only “restorative justice” Jack believes in is the kind where a terrorist is “restored” to Allah.

AJ Strata takes the LA Times to task for some completely clueless editorializing about how the Republicans mythologize the 1960’s for their own political benefit.

WWJBD? Jack doesn’t read newspapers. He hooks himself up to the CTU Mainframe every morning and downloads all the information he needs directly into his cerebellum.

Fred Fry on John Kerry’s planned run for the Presidency: “To bad for Kerry that the majority of those wishing for him to run, are those who plan to vote against him.” Yep.

WWJBD? Jack usually doesn’t care who’s President as long as they let him keep his gun and kill terrorists. Jack will make an exception in Kerry’s case.

Miriam proves that you can tell an author’s age simply by studying how he describes his characters.

WWJBD? Jack is like the old folks in Cocoon: “It’s a place where we never grow old and we’ll never die.”

DL at TMH Bacon Bits begs the Democrats to filibuster Alito.

WWJBD? Jack never begs. Using reverse psychology, Jack will announce that anyone who votes to filibuster Alito will get a bullet in the knee. “When I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish that you felt this good again. ”

Atlas Shrugs has a photo gallery of some of the most vicious thugs embracing and swapping spit.

WWJBD? One look at the lovely Pamela and Jack would quit CTU, marry her, and settle down in Connecticut commuting every day to New York city where he works as a rare book seller.

Fausta joins the Carnival this week with a post on Castro’s response to our “democracy crawl” that’s visible to most of downtown Havana in the windows of our our consulate.

WWJBD? First, Jack would fix up Fausta’s hair real nice. Second, Jack would have taken care of the commie thug a long time ago.

Minh-Duc has some choice words for the Bush Administration and their plans to cut off funding for Iraq reconstruction.

WWJBD? Notwithstanding his loyalty to the President, Jack would march into the oval office and bash George and Rummy’s heads together to knock some sense into them. As for Condi, Jack doesn’t torture women but may think about dislocating a few of her fingers to get the Secretary to reconsider.

Mensa Barbie rounds up coverage of Mother Sheehan and her love fest with “The Laughing Goat” Hugo Chavez.

WWJBD? Jack would have tried to slap some sense into Sheehan months ago. As for Chavez: “We didn’t bring this crisis on ourselves, but we’ll be the ones to settle it. This is a dirty business and we have to get our hands dirty to clean it up!

Don Surber takes a hard look at GOP Senate candidate John Raese and the fact that he should be calling himself a “West Virfloridaginian” considering his housing situation.

WWJBD? Since Jack can be in two places at the same time, he would have no problems.

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam had a blind date with… Well, you’ll have to figure it out. But it was a very important Democratic Senator who drinks Old Grandad – to excess!

WWJBD? Jack, an Old Grandad fan himself, has informed me that he stopped drinking the stuff the minute he heard this guy was drinking the same thing. I told him that wasn’t necessary as the gentleman’s second favorite drink was a “Bloody Mary Jo.”

Buckley F. Williams tells us about the 17 year old boy who won the right to wear a skirt to school.

WWJBD? Jack would embrace the boy and then teach him how to hunt and shoot as well as the best pressure points to use when trying to elicit information from a terrorist suspect. Overcome with an excess of testosterone, the boy would throw away the skirt and start beating up jocks.

Cao continues her coverage of the Jack Idema story highlighting the response of President Karzai to terrorists.

WWJBD? Jack Idema is Jack Bauer’s long lost twin brother. Bauer goes to Afghanistan, frees Idema, and they both tear a bloody swath through SW Asia killing every terrorist they can find.

Van Helsing congratulates Hugh Hewitt for his expert takedown of Cluebat of the Week Joel Stein whose remarks about not respecting the troops enraged not a few of us.

WWJBD? Jack often uses The Slayer to help him with those hard to kill terrorists – the ones like Marwan who seem to have supernatural abilities that help them to escape capture. Jack ignores Klein who he sees correctly as a pimple not worth popping.

Giacomo tells us what he’s doing about a clueless Nike ad that shows 7 year old kids climbing a ladder to dunk a basketball.

WWJBD? Jack doesn’t wear Nike’s to begin with. Everyone knows he wears Keds high tops. Secondly, Jack would kidnap the marketing director for Nike and torture him until the cluebat took the ad off the air.

Kender writes about Lying Leftists and the Lying Lies they Lie.

WWJBD? Jack and Kender make the rounds of Hollywood parties with 10 feet of copper wire, a bucket of water, and a car battery as they try and jolt some sense into the cluebats. Jack doesn’t like liars.

Orac comments on the picture of a pro-choice pregnant woman whose body painting proves how truly clueless she really is.

WWJBD? Since Jack was immaculately conceived, he has no position on abortion.

Adam tries to knock some sense into a clueless lefty who is agitating for an Alito filibuster despite the reality that the GOP has enough votes to confirm him.

WWJBD? Jack gets Chloe to hack the cluebat’s website and place Ronald Reagan quotes in the sidebar.

Kurt at Fly By Night has the details on a communities efforts to rid themselves of some local cluebats who have royally screwed up government.

WWJBD? Jack lets his gun do all his talking.

Those pouncing pachyderms at Elephants in Academia wonder aloud at the cluelessness of the Pentagon press corps.

WWJBD? Jack would drug the coffee of all reporters at the Pentagon making them sleep through their deadline. While they were unconscious, he would steal their hairspray and blue “power ties” so they would be unable to appear on TV.

Holly Aho has the scoop on some cluelessness in the State of Minnesota government who can’t seem to figure out what they should be doing with an illegally collected tax on smokers.

WWJBD? Jack is actually a smoker but THERE’S NO TIME to light up when he’s saving the country from terrorists.

Tom Bowler talks about an apparent Democratic exemption to the ethics rules in Congress.

WWJBD? Jack has a very strict code of ethics: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”

Dangerous Dan has some thoughts on a clueless poster at Huffpo who sees the mad mullahs in Iran as soft, furry, Ewok like creatures who wouldn’t harm the hair on your head.

WWJBD? Jack wouldn’t wait until the mullahs went nuclear. “You have no idea how far I’m willing to go to acquire your cooperation.”

Jack Cluth tells us about a Hooters opening in Waco that was picketed by the Christian right.

WWJBD? Jack doesn’t mind Hooters as long as they let him bring his gun into the bar.

Beej at the blog Kiss my Sass has some advice for John Kerry yodeling his way to supporting the Alito filibuster.

WWJBD? Jack hates yodeling and would probably have detonated a bomb on Kerry’s ski slope in Davos in order to start an avalanche.

Finally, here’s my post on the Dems de-evolving into a Quivering Pile of Goo.

WWJBD? Nothing. Jack knows I can handle things like this myself.

This week’s Carnival features some exceptionally clueless clodhoppers from the worlds of politics, entertainment, crime and punishment, and as always, government bureaucracy. And trying to pick one special numbskull for the coveted title “Cluebat of the Week” was really tough, a task as difficult as that faced by the judges at the Golden Globe nominations who obviously let the pressure get to them as they lost their minds and named Brokeback Mountain Best Dramatic Film.

Not only did the judges make a mistake by not putting the film in the proper category (“Film Least Likely to Excite Straight, Heterosexual Males”) but the poor dears also jumped the shark by naming Ang Lee as Best Director. I hope they gave it to him for his work on The Incredible Hulk which was a true date movie and not for Brokeback which was suitable only if you were going out on a date with with the ghost of Liberace or Paula Abdul. With Liberace’s ghost you get certain advantages like only having to buy one popcorn as well being able to hog all the Jujubes. And of course, if you’re with Paula in a dark place, you probably won’t get a chance to watch much of the movie although there are ancillary benefits there as well…like not watching much of the movie.

The usual suspects are well represented this week what with John Kerry, Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, and the Democratic party featured prominently. And we also feature your odd terrorist, rapist, and other bad guys who have displayed not only a cluelessness about being able to tell the difference between good and evil but also a flair for saying the stupidest things when a microphone is thrust in front of their face. Double your pleasure, double your fun.

But this week’s winner is an American albeit a liberal so we can say he’s evil just to piss them off. Actually, he’s not really evil, but clueless? I report – you decide:

George W. Bush’s delivery of the State of the Union address will take place on Tuesday, January 31, a little more than a week from now. It is my strong belief that every single Democrat present in the House chamber for the speech should, at a predetermined moment, stand up and walk out. No yelling. No heated words. Every Democrat should simply stand silently and leave.

Crazy, I know. Crazy, and possibly the best idea ever put before a body of Democrats since the New Deal.

The above comes to us via the blog Truthout that features more loons per square column inch than can be found in a copy of Palmer’s Guide to North American Water Birds. The author, one William Rivers Pitt, isn’t intentionally trying to destroy the Democratic party but his suggestion, published in one of the left’s most read on line publications, would have that effect. For those of us on the right, all we can do is pray that the clueless dems take the Pitts up on his cuckoo idea and act like two year olds who’ve had their blankee taken away from them. The resulting electoral landslide for Republicans later this year may in fact prove to be the best thing that could happen for the left; they may wake up and put grown ups in charge of their party instead of spoiled little kids like Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean.

Just a thought.

And here are 29 more thoughts on the totally clueless among us. Keep on clickin’!

“Stupidity often saves a man from going mad.”
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

“Hey Ollie! It’s too bad that bit of advice came too late for Harry Belefonte.
(Me)

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Since I stiffed Kender last week by failing to include his entry, the mad Scotsman gets top billing this week. Here my blogbud takes the left to task for their complaints about not finding WMD in Iraq.

Josh Cohen gives Ford Motor Company what for regarding their credit policies among other things. As if the cluebats don’t have enough problems…

Good to see Van Helsing in the Carnival again! This time, the slayer goes after Jimmy Carter for his weasel words regarding “so-called terrorists.” Understandable since he was a “so-called President.”

Cao has a literate piece about the granddaughter of the Atomic Traitors, the Rosenbergs, suing the NSA for spying. Man…she’s ugly as well as being dumb.

Bill Teach is keeping an eye on the tin foil hat wearing Congressman John Conyers who has reconvened his 3 ring conspiracy circus in the basement of a House office building.

Those pinata pounding pachyderms at Elephants in Academia are going after foreign cluebat Hugo Chavez and his plans for private companies who do business in Venezuela. Must read.

Adam Graham has an interesting look at abortion and how it has impacted the Democratic party.

Our Carnival’s fearless Finn (who resides in Canada) from Sixteen Volts has a great article about the left’s fascination with pseudo scientific pursuits like homeopathy and other “alternative” medicines.

Jay Stephenson has the goods on the judge who gave a teacher/rapist a suspended sentence despite a lot of evidence that pointed to this cluebat doing serious time.

Here’s our Carnival satire section for those who like their politics funny and thought provoking:

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam visits Argentina for some cosmetic surgery. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Buckley F. Williams has a hilarious piece on Ray Nagin’s racism.

Bloggoddess Pamela doesn’t need plastic surgery but she hits a home run with this bit about the two cows that I guarantee will have you ROTFLYAO.

Mr. Right has the real story about how sunspots blocked Karl Rove’s mind control ray briefly last week.

“I’ll publish, right or wrong: / Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.” – Lord Byron.

Palmetto Pundit has a Ted Kennedy piece that shows why maybe the Senator from Cuckoo Land should start taking Alzheimer’s medication.

Jimmie K. is feeling sorry for the people of Washington state because they have to put up with one of the most clueless Senators around, Pat Murray.

The lovely Mensa Barbie has some ideas on how to deal with the clueless countries who are hindering us from prosecuting the War on Terror to its fullest.

Tom Bowler has the skinny on the link-up between Kerry and Kos and what it might mean for the Democratic party.

Jack Cluth writes about the poetry lesson given to us by al Qaeda’s #2 Ayman al-Zawahiri. Maybe there is a limerick in their somewhere…

Common Folk Using Common Sense has a jaw dropping piece about Atlanta’s mayor complaining about the disappearing ghetto.

As usual, Don Surber comes through with an uproarious bit of cluelessness on the part of local bureaucrats who this time abused a state program by using a benefit for a different purpose than intended.

DL at TMH Bacon Bits outlines the stare decisis argument on aborton and skewers Michael Kinsey for his ignorance.

Bill Karl has a good analysis of the impact the Alito hearings will have on the Democrats.

Is there anyone more clueless on the planet than President Ahmadinejad of Iran? Orac doesn’t think so and shows us why.

Mark Coffey has “lost his bananas” over Harry Belefonte’s stupidity and comes up with the best comeback I’ve seen in a while to the Bushitler crowd: “the mere fact that people within a state can call it fascist and totalitarian is the best proof that it is no such thing…”

AJ Strata wants an intervention for Democrats who seem to be following the far left off of a cliff.

Fred Fry has some thoughts about the cluelessness of people who constantly say that Islam has been “hijacked.”

XYBA writes about the sad cluelessness of a father for what his son became – American Taliban John Lindh’s father begging for clemency for his traitorous offspring.

How litigious of a society have we become? Wonder Woman highlights parents who evidently can’t say no to their children when it comes to breakfast cereal.

Finally, here’s my piece on Cluebat of the Week William Rivers Pitt’s “Walk out” idea for next week’s SOTU speech.

Okay…So? I’m late with the Carnival this week. Sue and I have the Iranian Flu – it’s led by an irrational cough, fed by a religious fever, and it feels like I have a nuke hidden in my brain. It also wants to “wipe me off the map” as well.

Pretty weak, I know, but what the hell do you expect? I’m sick goddammit!

Besides, I had an impossible job trying to decide who to name as Cluebat of the Week. The nominations were coming fast and furious:

• Ted Kennedy. With space on this blog at a premium, I would use half my bandwidth to describe the utter and complete fool Kennedy made of himself this week. For numerous examples, see the posts below.

• How about the entire Democratic contingent on the Senate Judiciary Committee?

• Iranian President Muhamar Ahmadinejad for denying that the Holocaust occurred. And for saying that the West is on its last legs. And for setting his beard on fire. (I made that last bit up but it sounds like something he would do).

• The New York Times for its clueless coverage of several national issues including the Alito hearings.

• Harry Belefonte for cozying up to that dirty necked galoot Hugo Chavez and saying that George Bush was the “world’s biggest terrorist.”

And on and on. I have three or four more but the winner going away this week is Russian Liberal and Democratic Party leader Vladimir Zhirinovsky. Vlad The Impaler had this to say in response to some mild criticism by Condi Rice of the recent Russian-Ukraine gas deal:

“If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear,” Zhirinovsky ranted on. “Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied.

“Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men’s attention,” he added. “Such women are very rough. … They can be happy only when they are talked and written about everywhere.”

Russians are known for their rather earthy humor but suggesting that our Secretary of State become whatever the Russian version of a camp follower is goes a little beyond the pale.

The State Department (usually as clueless as old Vlad) actually said they wouldn’t dignify the comment with a response. Well, Jee-zus guys, what the hell could they say? “Thanks for the suggestion but the Secretary has a full schedule and declines the gracious offer of male companionship from several dozen husky Speznatz commandos.”

So for not only incredible cluelessness but for exhibiting very bad manners, Vladimir Zhirinovsky is awarded the coveted Cluebat of the Week.

Go ahead and check out the rest. Just pick and click to your heart’s content.

“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
(Dame Edith Sitwell)

Hey Edith! I see you watched the Alito hearings on C-Span.
(Me)

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Mensa Barbie has a story illustrating the meaning of “Good Karma.” Or, just dumb luck depending on one’s point of view and religious beliefs.

From the “Why didn’t I have homework like this when I was in school” Department, XYBA has the goodies on a high school class that has the best damn teacher in the world…or, a lecherous creep depending on your religious beliefs.

Wonder Woman shows why Iranian President Ahmadinejad is either a crazy anti-semite or a prophet heralding the coming of the 12th Imam, depending on your point of view and religious beliefs. (Okay…enough of the gratuitous religion bashing. I’m starting to sound like a bleeding liberal).

Don Surber has an object lesson in what happens when people use chicken wings as weapons of mass destruction.

Two Dogs shows what happens when a million people caught up in religious ecstasy meet up with clueless authorities.

Mark Coffey has it! “The Absolute Worst Poem of 2006.”

Zantor speaks for all of us, taking down nosy hairdressers for their total cluelessness.

Our “It” girl Pamela is under attack (of a sort) from the fairy princess of the blogosphere, Jamie Wolcott, whose limp wristed attack on our intrepid bloggoddess reminds one of how very catty emasculated men can be and that “limp” describes other, smaller parts of his anatomy that Wolcott flails away at nightly while looking in a mirror.

Here’s your weekly menu of Carnival satire from our stable of ribald wits and delicious ironists.

Giacomo blogging at The Right Place presents the “Top Five Follow-up Questions Sen. Schumer will ask Judge Alito.”

Buckley F. Williams (whose piece on Jack Bauer is just too good) entertains us with the “Top 9 Statements That Would Make Ted Kennedy Cry.”

Our favorite hippie chick Peace Moonbeam is leading an army of liberation for PETA.

Mamacita has a road map (a la Mapquest) on “How to Get to the Supreme Court.”

Bill Karl has a great piece on Brokeback Mountain reviews by Democrats.

Alex helps Ted Kennedy write a children’s book.

Make sure you visit these sites often for some of the best satire on the web.

Doug at Below the Beltway has some local cluelessness from the Maryland legislature who wants to outlaw free markets.

Only Mr. Right can do justice to this bit of lunacy from Ted Kennedy. He used a quote from a satirical piece in Prospect Magazine to criticize Judge Alito. One more reason Ted was an inaugural member of the Cluebat Hall of Fame.

Orac covers Pat Robertson’s apology for revealing his conversation with the Almighty. Apparently, it was too late to prevent the Israelis from hurling a few lightening bolts of their own at the clueless reverend’s wallet.

In a similar vein, Jack Cluth pegs Robertson’s donor base; “When you see yourself as sitting atop the theological food chain, nothing else really matters, does it?” Yep.

Dan Melson has reasons why he’ll never join the Libertarian Party.

Tom Bowler sees the Democrats on the Judiciary Committee pining for Perry Mason…or maybe some other towering legal intellect on a par with Joe Biden – like Bugs Bunny.

Jimmie K. takes the Europeans to task for their utter cluelessnes in the face of radioactive mullahs in Iran.

Those pistol packing pachyderms at Elephants in Academia take a few well aimed shots at Duke University for inviting the terrorist kissing, ex-calypso crooner Harry Belefonte to their MLK Day celebration.

AJ Strata has your global warming debunking post for the day.

Different River shows why going green can sometimes lead to showing the true colors of eco-nuts; they’re so full of it their eyes are brown.

Jerry Monaco has an interesting take on the Iraq War; “Here, all along I thought that the official line was that we had to stop Saddam Hussein from disobeying the orders from his masters in Washington.” Toldjya it was different.

Sixteen Volts per Minute takes on the “fat acceptance movement.” Move over Jesse Jackson (or rather, your better stand up ‘cause their ain’t enough room) you got company.

Josh Cohen’s enlightening piece on taking quotes out of context is a must read.

Cao writes about the controversy over John Murtha’s purple hearts.

Jay wants to Stop the ACLU from continuing to support Hamas. This puts their suit to prevent the NSA from listening in on their conversations with these terrorists in just a little bit different light, yes?

Dangerous Dan takes on the myth of conservative media bias.

Miriam skewers James Frey, the writer who made up large parts of his autobiography, and notes some other serial liars who have penned biographies.

Mayor Marion Barry would be a Cluebat Hall of Famer by now if he ever got to the major leagues. Matt Johnston shows why.

Bergbikr at TMH Bacon Bits has some fun with the news that plants are putting out a helluva lot of methane.

Adam discovered a gig at a writer’s job bank that any blogger would find…er, shall we say, insulting.

Finally, here’s my piece on Vladimir Zhirinovsky and his rant against Condi Rice.

Until late Sunday evening, this week’s contest for Cluebat of the Week was a runaway.

Pat Robertson has been a frequent entrant for Carnival participants since we started. The man seems to have a terminal case of foot in mouth disease which would be harmless if his flights of rhetorical fancy were confined to matters religious. Alas, the good Reverend has, on occasion, allowed thoughts to spill out of his nominally empty head regarding politics and international affairs. And since the prism he views the world through is colored by a thundering old testament like faith in a God who smacks people down on a regular basis for being bad, what we usually end up having is that volatile mix of gasoline and nitroglycerin – politics and religion. The results are predictable.

By saying that the stricken Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was punished by God for dividing the Holy Land should have been simply ignored by the press and public, given Robertson’s minuscule TV audience and (despite the left’s claim that he is in “Karl Rove’s Rolodex”) less than zero impact on national politics. But who can blame the press when here in the 21st century, we have someone who believes so fervently in this ancient, angry God who hurls lightening bolts at humans who displease Him – or Robertson himself which makes one wonder if the former Presidential candidate can’t tell the difference.

Robertson’s insensitivity would normally have allowed him to walk away with Cluebat of the Week except late on Sunday, his cluelessness was surpassed in a big way by Carnival Hall of Famer Ted Kennedy.

It seems that the Senator from Chappaquiddick got a hold of a bottle first thing in the morning and, at a breakfast roundtable, made this jaw dropping statement about Judge Alito:

“This nominee was influenced by the Goldwater presidency,” he said. “The Goldwater battles of those times were the battles against the civil rights laws.” Only then did Kennedy acknowledge that “Judge Alito at that time was 14 years old.”

It is gratifying to see Teddy live down to his reputation. For more than 40 years he has been making it up as he goes along and getting away with it because his name is Kennedy. What is remarkable, of course, is that while he emulates his Presidential brother in matters of the flesh, he couldn’t hold a candle to JFK when it comes to expressing himself. Not to be unkind, but the youngest Kennedy is one of the more incoherent members of the Senate. Unless one of his cadre of wordsmiths writes something down for him to say, he is a lost sheep, a bumbling, fumbling, mumbling, bundle of incomplete sentences, dangling participles, disjointed non-sequitors, and frequent double negatives. The Washington press corps covers this up by filling in the incomplete sentences and tidying up his modifiers so that they actually have something to quote. Otherwise, if they quoted him verbatim, he would sound like a stuttering three year old rather than a United States Senator.

So for demonstrating the kind of incoherence and idiocy we’ve come to know and love here at the Carnival, Ted Kennedy is the Carnival’s Cluebat of the Week.

We have some great posts as usual. Just keep clicking.

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.”
(Voltaire)

“Mais oui, mon ami! And the only way to contemplate stupidity is to listen the Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee grilling Judge Alito.
(Me)

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Miriam recognizes the supreme irony contained in the title of Stephen Spielberg’s Munich. The more I read about this movie, the less I want to see it.

Cao at Cao’s Blog fisks one of her tormentors, a Transylvanian named “Soj” who is as clueless as they come.

Look who’s stonewalling now? DJ at Bacon Bits fills in the details of the New York Times stiffing their public editor over the NSA intercept story.

Michael Hussey (“Disaffiliates – Think Twice” is a great name for a blog) enlightens us about the ancient and dishonorable Industrial Workers of the World, or “Wobblies” as they have been nicknamed since the turn of the 20th century. I didn’t even know they still existed.

The Wonder Years Blog takes Veep Cheney to task for his clueless speech at a Harley Plant where, instead of talking about economic gains under Bush, he talked up the war.

Ilkka Kokkarinen is a Finnish-Canadian with an excellent blog “Sixteen Volts Per Minute.” Check out his takedown of Finnish Stalinists – it’s worth your time.

The Headmistress is “gabberflasted” at TV coverage of the tragic mine disaster in West Virginia and sternly lectures the press. Maybe a good rap on the knuckles with a ruler would be more efficacious, ma’am.

Tom Bowler has some interesting thoughts about the recent revelation that Saddam trained 8,000 terrorists in the years leading up to 9/11, something yet to be commented on by anyone in the MSM. I guess documents, pictures, and testimony regarding the terror training camps just isn’t enough proof. After all, they may have been tourists at a fantasy camp.

Wonderwoman gives us more idiocy from our friends north of the border who want to cure alcoholics by giving them…alchohol. Now that’s a great idea. And when you read what the clueless medical director says about people who are getting the free booze, you will want to spit. BTW - 17 people died as a result of this program. I guess that’s one way to solve addiction problems.

Minh-Duc returns to the Carnival with a vengeance. Read his take down of Spielberg’s Munich. First class stuff.

Josh Cohen has a gut churning post about an insurance company that refuses to pay for an anesthesiologist during a colonoscopy. Yeah…bad pun but read the damn thing, willya?

I saw this post by Iris floating around the blogosphere last week. They make the case that clueless doctors may have contributed to Prime Minister Sharon’s stroke. On such cluelessness does history turn… (NOTE: See update below)

The Carnival is attracting quite a stable of side-splitting satirists. Here’s your weekly dose of giggles and guffaws from our masters of the craft:

Mr. Right has “College Journalism Exam with Answer Key!”

The totally clueless Peace Moonbeam has a very happy New Year.

Buckley F. Williams brings us DC’s Mayor Marion Barry and “Crack Is Crack… I Want My Groceries Back.”

Check out those sites for some of the best political satire you can find on the right!

Blog goddess and Carnival Pin Up Girl Pamela at Atlas Shrugs looks in askance at the recent gathering of former defense and foreign policy experts who came to the White House to “advise” the President on Iraq. What advice Robert McNamara – the architect of our victory in Viet Nam – could give is the real head scratcher for me.

The equally lovely Mensa Barbie gives us the lowdown on a billboard from the Middle East that asks drivers to obey the law and law enforcement officials. Yep, I guess they better if they know what’s good for them.

Don Surber has a laugh out loud bit of cluelessness about local health inspectors in a small town whose stupidity ended up costing the town a great bakery.

Mark Coffey has Part II of “None Dare Call it Treason” which isn’t exactly true because Mark not only calls a spade a spade, but is confirmed in his naming Cindy Sheehan “Jackass of the Year.”

Duncan Avatar has some French cluelessness that was all over Drudge last week about the performance artists who took his art just a wee bit too seriously. Duncan wonders what would happen if he tried the same thing.

AJ Strata is laughing at the idiot Democrats and their “Now you see him now you don’t anti-Alito witness. Quoth AJ on the Dems new motto: “We Deserve to be Trod Upon” Yep.

The always entertaining and sometimes infuriating Jack Cluth has a real doozy as his “Dumbass of the Week. Hypocrisy knows no ideology or political party.

Ferdy the Cat has some serious and sobering thoughts about the Ariel Sharon and the Intifada. Plenty of cluelessness to go around in some respects. ” I suspect we’ll find that it does more good to build a hospital in Gaza than it does to blow up civilians in Tel Aviv,” saith Ferdy. They don’t call him the smartest cat with his own blog for nothin’.

Banished almost to the foot of the class for handing in their homework late, those pokey pachyderms at Elephants in Academia has the skinny on some local moonbats and their effort to impeach the President of the United States. Tilting at windmills in Madison, WI is a required course.

Jay wants to Stop the ACLU from succeeding in calling off the leak investigation by the Department of Justice into the NSA intercept leak. What a bunch of whiners.

The folks at Different River have an article on the tax benefits of living together rather than being married. Alas, those of us who live in sin already were aware of this little quirk in our tax code.

Finally, here’s my post on Pat Robertson and his soulmate President Ahmadinejad from Iran who both seem to be stuck on stupid.

UPDATE

Barak of Iris Blog points out that indeed, the folks at that fine site scooped the world on the incompetence of Sharon’s doctors contributing to the Israeli Prime Minister’s stroke. Here’s a story that Drudge has been carrying all day confirming that.

Not the first time those guys have beaten the MSM to a story…probably won’t be the last!

It was a long year for the cluebats of the world.

As we have proven conclusively, stupidity and cluelessness know no limitations with respect to age, gender, sexual preference (or lack thereof), race, creed, political beliefs, or national boundaries. Face it. There is no hope that idiocy will suddenly disappear from the world so that the rest of us could live in peace, secure in the belief that the loons, goons, and dirty necked galoots would simply go away and leave us alone.

We’re stuck with the louts and there’s nothing we can do about it.

All that being said, our lives would certainly be less interesting without them. And the best way to combat the philistines is to laugh at them or better yet, shine the light of truth on their pomposity, their arrogance, and their sheer, breathtaking, jaw dropping pretentiousness. Pointing a finger and laughing at Iranian President Ahmadinehjad for his anti-semitic idiocy must be only a part of the battle; revealing him to be the dangerous thug that he truly is should be where the real war must be fought and won.

Who’s up for the coveted crown of “Cluebat of the Year?” In the end, I’m sure most of you would agree that there are two major candidates; that nutty professor Ward Churchill and Peace Mom Cindy Sheehan. Each have exhibited those special qualities of cluelessness that cause most of us to tear our hair out in frustration that someone just doesn’t grab them by the shoulders and shake them till their brains are jiggled into a more efficacious place – like a pickle jar in some out of the way curio shop. Failing that, someplace where their limited gray matter, generating as it does such strident lunacy, would garner little attention.

In the end, I had to pick Ward Churchill. Even many on the left have condemned this rogue’s insensitivity and dishonesty. It’s a depressing thought but it appears that Churchill will have more staying power with the press and the hard left than poor Mrs. Sheehan who already is suffering the indignity that all flash-in-the-pan lefty celebrities eventually come to; being ignored. When only 10 people showed up in Spain for her “protest” at the US embassy, the writing was on the wall for the “Madonna” of the peace movement. Like a dirty washrag, she has been tossed aside by her friends on the left once the kleig lights were turned off and the media – still looking for a “catalyst” for the anti-war movement – realized that she was a false prophet.

Don’t worry, they’ll find someone else soon enough.

But Churchill will soldier on. It appears that he will always have a ready made audience on college campuses. And as long as there are lickspittles like Bill Maher wanting to cash in on Churchill’s outrageous points of view and dishonest scholarship, we’ll be stuck with him. Not a pleasant thought, that. But then, as long as the loon is around, I guarantee he’s going to give us plenty to write about.

So for cluelessness above and beyond the ordinary, Ward Churchill has been named the Carnival of the Clueless “Cluebat of the Year.”

This week, several other bloggers have posted their own ideas on who should have finished on top. And we have the usual assortment of head shakers for your reading pleasure. Start clicking and enjoy!

“The wise understand by themselves; fools follow the reports of others”
(Old Tibetan proverb)

I wonder if they get the New York Times in Lhasa?
(Me)

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Mark Coffey has named his “Jackass of the Year.” As Mark correctly points out, “Indeed, it is more as a symbol than a person” that Cindy Sheehan makes his final cut.

From the other side of the political spectrum, Jack Cluth gives us his”Dumba** of the Year.” And I guarantee that both right and left will agree on his choice. Make sure you peruse all of his top ten – true battiness!

Meanwhile, Buckley F. Williams gives his “Person of the Year” to Cluebat Hall of Fame member Ted Kennedy. A good choice for any year.

Jay’s Stop the ACLU (now ranked a cool #14 in the ecosphere) has some good news about a defeat for the suicidal cluebats at the so-called rights group.

Orac has a neat new look to his blog. He still can take down the pseudo-science moonbats with the best of them.

Nice to see Giacomo back participating in the Carnival and he has the perfect clueless subject; Markos Moulitsas, AKA Kos whose interview in Newsweek raised a few eyebrows…as well as some hackles.

Jimmie K has the picture and story for the New Year. A British woman has married a dolphin. No, that is not a misprint. If it were a joke, I wouldn’t even bother but if you read the story, you find out she’s dead serious.

Miriam has a very interesting and thoughtful take on the NSA intercept program.

Soccer Dad goes for the gold and gives a good fisking to…Mr. Fisk!

Adam puts in his two cents on the “Kilt Controversy” that broke out when a student wanted to wear a kilt to “honor his heritage” and a the clueless principal told him he was causing a “disturbance.”

Ferdy the Cat doles out some feline common sense about the NSA website and the cookies it was using to track users. My guess would be that Ferdy prefers cheese to cookies but I may be mistaken.

Frugal Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Warehouse - that’s the interesting name of the blog – has an old post on disaster preparedness and personal responsibility. Nice writing on an important subject.

Josh Cohen brings us a real jaw dropper on how the federal government is going to help us comply with new rules governing digital TV. Also check out Josh’s post on a kid who was suspended for speaking Spanish in school.

Don Surber has a new look to his site also gives NRO’s Jonah Goldberg a right smart fisking for some clueless commentary on the MSM. Also check out Don’s post on the latest idiocy from the ACLU.

Once More Into The Breach brings us news of Maryland Democrats clueless ideas on healthcare and taxes. Xyba has chosen well.

The lovely and talented Mensa Barbie shows us some media cluelessness that may have escaped your attention.

Matt Johnston slices and dices Kathleen Parker whose clueless rant against bloggers in Townhall generated not a little bit of anger.

Here are your belly laughs for today. Our growing cadre of excellent Carnival satirists will amuse, enlighten, and cause whatever you happen to be drinking to come up through the nose if you’re not careful.

Buckely F. Williams presents ” Farrakhan Garners “Cat Fancy” Honors, Among Others.”

Mr. Right returns to the Carnival with an informative post if you got one of these creatures for Christmas: “The Proper Care and Feeding of Moonbats.”

Conservathink has a match made in heaven: “Dr. Germ and Mrs. Anthrax to wed in quiet civil ceremony.”

And finally, Peace Moonbeam Chronicles gives us a rundown on her Christmas holidays.

Great satire brought to you by The Carnival’s satirists in residence!

Those prescient pachyderms at Elephants in Academia grace us with this post that ended up being linked by James Taranto’s “Best of the Web” and details the cluelessness of the kid who lied about DHS paying him a visit for taking Mao’s Little Red Book out of the library.

The folks at Different River have two excellent articles. The first is a takedown of Carl Levin and his clueless take on the Constitution. Next, they give us a “pox on all your houses” rant against the law in California banning the sale of violent videos. Good thinking. Great writing.

Cao of Cao’s Blog continues her crusade to bring to light the story of Jack Idema and how he was railroaded into prison by both the US and Afghan governments. This post is the second part of an article about a writer who has been spreading some pretty vicious lies about Idema. The first part is here.

AJ at The Strata-Sphere has an update on the FISA war and the paranoid cluelessness of the left.

Mean ole Meany is at his curmudgeonly best in this post about Americans complaining about rebuilding efforts after Katrina. Meany says “Buy a backbone people.” which is good advice any time.

Kender has a new feature on his site: “Liberal Hypocrites and Idiots.” Sort of like a Carnival of the Clueless but with great big sharp teeth and a bigger brain.

The Maryhunter gives us an update on the cluelessness of the UN in dispensing aid to tsunami victims.

The Paperboy has some work-related cluelessness in his post on “New Year’s Anti-Resolutions.”

Finally, here’s my take on MSNBC’s Craig Crawford and his comparison of President Bush to Jack Bauer of 24 fame.

The Carnival of the Clueless will take a break this holiday week but will be back with all of its usual insanity next week, January 2, 2006. Deadline for entry will be Sunday, January 1 at 12:00 midnight.

Last week’s Carnival was the best yet with 34 entries from both the right and left side of the political spectrum hammering those individuals and groups among us who are truly clueless.

You can enter by emailing me, leaving a link in the comments section, or by using the handy, easy to use form at Conservative Cat.