Here we are 5 days before the election and some of my fellow conservatives still seem to think it’s Halloween. On more than one conservative site today I’ve read what will happen if the Democrats take over Congress next Tuesday, an event that judging by the blood curdling horror stories being told around GOP campfires, will be a cross between a Freddy Krueger nightmare and Michael Meyers gore splattering killing spree.

C’mon people! Get a grip! How bad can it really get?

Impeachment? Hey, who knows? We may come to like it. Sure would be a hedge against writers block anyway. And just imagine all the chances to fisk columnists, lefty bloggers, inane lefty twits, conspiracy loons, and the rest of the liberal cuckoos who will be controlling the government by the time its all over. You don’t think they wouldn’t impeach both Bush and Cheney now, do you? After all, if you think it’s easy to sit back now and pontificate how noble you are for staying home on election day and “teaching the Republicans a lesson,” think how much fun it will be to write about the decapitation of the United States government! Now that’s history. Always gives us a feeling of importance when we write about the great events that change the world.

I can just imagine the White House bathroom jokes about President Pelosi. They’ll be all the rage this time next year.

Tax increases? Who needs money? My own personal belief is that money is the root of all evil and the less of it we have the better off we’ll be. Think of all the problems in society that could be solved if we had less money to spend. There would be less obesity because we’d have fewer dollars to waste on snack food - if potato chips are still legal anyway once the liberal nannies get through with picking through our national grocery basket to make sure we’re all eating right.

And less money would mean fewer movies to see at the theater or rent at the video store. This would have an enormously salutary effect on Hollywood as we may finally get rid of Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, and a few other deadbeat celebrities who would probably move out of the United States anyway to dodge the hefty tax increases their liberal friends in Congress would impose on their gigantic, overbloated incomes. If Bono can do it, anyone should be able to.

Don’t forget what having less disposable income would mean to Wal-Mart. Sales of that giant, union busting, small business devouring, employee health care denying monstrosity would plummet, its profits dropping like a brick falling from one of the few houses still being built under liberal Democratic stewardship of the economy.

As for the “War on Terror,” at least we’ll finally be able to drop the quotation marks that are placed around the term every time it appears in print. Now don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean that liberals are actually going to do something about terrorism, per se. We’ll see a lot more attention paid to Muslim “grievances” that’s for sure - like their grievance against our having life and breath on this planet.

But with liberals in charge, I’m sure we’ll start addressing those “root causes” of terrorism right quick. Poverty in the Middle East? Maybe we could come up with some kind of “Marshall Plan” for all those countries so fat and bloated with petro-dollars that their corrupt, kleptocratic royal families can’t spend it fast enough on drugs, white slaves, and other debauched extravagances. We shouldn’t ask them to spend their own money to pull their people out of poverty - not when the left is so desperate to spend our money on their behalf.

Oh…and a short note to Israel. Duck.

Of course, we’ll have to leave Iraq but Bush was ready to leave anyway so there won’t be such a big difference there - except I can’t wait to see the liberals dancing in the streets with the jihadis as the last American helicopter takes off from the multi-billion dollar unfinished American embassy and the left’s wet dream of reliving their glory days of Viet Nam comes true. That’s what it’s been about all along - recapturing the glory of youth in the protest era when sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll was more than just an advertising slogan for hedonism. Yes the sex is a little harder at our age and the drug we use is more likely to be Viagra than LSD (although there’s a combination I’m dying to try). But rock ‘n roll will always be rock ‘n roll - even if the arthritis in our knees keeps us from dancing quite the way we did the last time liberalism reigned supreme and it was cool to be anti-American.