Right Wing Nut House



Filed under: Middle East, Politics — Rick Moran @ 7:09 am

Dear Senator Harry,

Just thought I’d write you a quick letter and fill you in on all the goings on here in the Middle East. My trip has sure sparked a bit of outrage from those bozos at the White House, eh? Sure is funny to see the Chimp in Chief getting riled up about my visit with “Bashy” Bashar. I call him that because of all those jokes he makes about what he’s going to do to some of those politicians in Lebanon if they pass a bill sitting the International Tribunal that will try the murderers of Rafiq Hariri. In fact, Bashy repeated for me the best joke he ever told. It was to Hariri himself and he told it about 2 weeks before someone lit up a car bomb and the poor guy just happened to accidentally get in the way of it.

Anyway, Bashy tells me that Hariri was sitting right where I was sitting - right a across from him and the Lebanese was being stubborn about allowing Bashy’s good buddy, President Lahoud of Lebanon, to illegally extend his term in office until 2007. Anyway, Bashy gets this dreamy look on his face and says that he told Hariri that if he didn’t change his mind about supporting the extension, he would “break Lebanon over your head.”

Well, he laughed and then I laughed and then our translators laughed and before you knew it, we were all laughing and carrying on like maniacs - especially Bashy who seemed to relish retelling the joke. I don’t know where the world gets the idea that President Assad is some kind of thug. He was very engaging and very accomodating. And the way he explained this Lebanon thing actually makes some sense - from his point of view.

He thinks that the US and France are meddling in Lebanese affairs, strongly supporting Prime Minister Siniora when Hezbullah only wants “justice.” Sort of like migrant workers in California except they don’t walk around armed to the teeth and threaten to kill westerners. But I can see the parrallels, can’t you? It made me think that maybe we’re riding the wrong horse in this Lebanese mess. Perhaps we should be a little more supportive of the legitimate aspirations of Hezbullah. All they seem to want is veto power over what the government decides. That doesn’t seem too much to ask - especially if it will bring peace to that country.

And even though I reiterated American support for his government when I met with Lebanese parliamentary leader Said Hariri on Monday, I told him in no uncertain terms that we Democrats believe that “”The road to solving Lebanon’s problems passes through Damascus,” which I’m sure pleased my buddy Bashy in Syria. He’d like nothing better than to get back into the game in Lebanon and help bring peace and stability to that country after having been so rudely kicked out by the Lebanese people. I tell you, Harry, some people and their manners . . .

Anyway, you may have seen me wearing a scarf over my head when I went to the Mosque in Syria today. I actually didn’t want to wear it since I just had my hair done before I left on the trip but these scary looking guys told me that if I didn’t wear it, it would be a tremendous insult since they consider women little more than slaves and covering my head is the least I can do to not offend them. Well, you know me, Harry. I only want to offend Republicans and conservatives. Everyone else, you should just “go with the flow” and do what you’re told. It wasn’t too bad really. Only a couple of the guys wanted to cut off my head for not covering my face up too. Oh well. You can’t please everyone all the time. . .

By the way, I’ve got to tell you about my trip to Israel. It was so interesting. I never realized how many Jews there were in Israel. Oh, I knew the government was Jewish and all but I thought it was like the way Jews control the government in the United States - as well as all the banks, the movie industry, television, newspapers, and big corporations.

But I was truly amazed! Everywhere you look when you’re in Israel, you see Jews. Jews, Jews, Jews. I mean, no wonder the Arabs are so mad at them. I think a solution to the Israeli-Palestinian problem would be fewer Jews in Israel. That would make the Arabs less mad and lead to peace. That’s my two cents anyway.

Well, I’m off to go shopping. Those crazy Muslims are making me wear the head scarf again. My hair is a mess but no one seems to care. When I get back, we’ll sit down and plan our next moves to change American foreign policy to make the world like us again.

As for my next trip, I hear Iran is lovely this time of year . . .


  1. Pretty good satire Rick. You do need to mention the fact that plenty of Republicans have gone to Syria without drawing a White House rebuke.

    Comment by gregdn — 4/4/2007 @ 8:32 am

  2. Actually the White House did crictize them - albeit by saying that anyone who goes over there isn’t being helpful.

    But then again - those Republicans were not the titular head of the Democratic party nor the highest ranking Democrat in government.

    At least that’s the way the Syrians are spinning the visit. They’ve ignored the Republicans and concentrated exclusively on Pelosi’s “breakthrough” visit which, of course, gives a legitimacy to the thugs in Damascus they sorely need.

    I am all for talking to Syria in a regional or international forum. But bi-lateral talks with a nation in the process of gobbling up its tiny neighbor, killing and murdering people who disagree with it in that country while trying to foment a civil war should be off the table.

    Once the Hariri Tribunal gets going and the extent of Syrian involvement in the dozens of murders in Lebanon over the last two years becomes clear, Syria will be a pariah state anyway and Pelosi’s visit will be seen in retrospect as stupid and counterproductive.

    Comment by Rick Moran — 4/4/2007 @ 8:39 am

  3. (Sorry, I seem to be having trouble with posting today. I’ll try again. I hope I haven’t been banned, I can’t work out why that would be. I don’t think I’ve been insulting, sworn, gone off topic or spammed. And we know that you wouldn’t ban someone just because you disagreed with them. You’re just not that sort of person.)

    That’s about as good a piece of writing as the “What if Gore had won in 2000″ thing from FDl the other day. You do realise that, don’t you?

    ” I think a solution to the Israeli-Palestinian problem would be fewer Jews in Israel. That would make the Arabs less mad and lead to peace. ”


    Honestly, how would you feel if someone wrote a similar piece about someone you admire, suggesting that they thought that maybe if we had less Blacks in America we would have less murders. Answer, you would condemn them.

    Comment by Drongo — 4/4/2007 @ 9:23 am

  4. …Syria will be a pariah state anyway and Pelosi’s visit will be seen in retrospect as stupid and counterproductive.

    History never holds Democrats properly accountable for their transgressions. If it did, the Democratic party would have disappeared after the Civil War. The Dominatrix of the House engaging in some absurd foreign policy antic will hardly warrant a footnote.

    Comment by Sirius Familiaris — 4/4/2007 @ 9:39 am

  5. When Laura Bush visited the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem, she wore — you guessed it — a head scarf. She did the same at the Dome of the Rock mosque. Was she “donning the garb of America’s enemies”? Did she “disgust” the president’s allies?

    When the First Lady visited the Vatican, she wore — wait for it — a head scarf. Apparently, it’s still required of women visitors to the Vatican. Is the right prepared to bash Roman Catholicism for having the same traditional rules as mosques in the Middle East?

    For that matter, Pelosi’s own faith, Roman Catholicism, required women to wear veils in church until Vatican II — which took place when she was in her mid-twenties. We have all seen photographs of Karen Hughes and Condi Rice with scarves wrapped around their heads hijab-style while visiting the Middle East.

    And, since you’re all such good christianists, perhaps you should go back an re-read the good book, to wit:

    1 Corinthians 11:5,6

    “But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
    For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.”

    Wow, righties who are biblically illiterate. A report has been filed with Ayatollahs Dobson and Fallwell.

    Please, keep it up. It’s fun watching bipeds who lack frontal lobes and opposable thumbs show how user-friendly computers are nowadays.

    Comment by TCinLA — 4/4/2007 @ 10:51 am

  6. I was waiting for the first lefty to make an idiot of themselves by proving they never read what I wrote.

    Do I criticize Pelosi for wearing a scarf? Not even implicitly. As I make absolutely crystal clear, it is the fanatics who should be criticized for insisting she wear one.

    Oh - and just for the record.

    I doubt whether anyone at the Vatican would have whipped the first lady for not wearing a veil as they do in Tehran.

    Comment by Rick Moran — 4/4/2007 @ 11:52 am

  7. Really excellent satire. I have been looking around the right wing blogs for possible commentors with an opposing point of view to visit a new site my younger brother and I just started to further him along in in Poli-Sci studies at school.

    I left the following comments on our site, but they hardly seem thoughtful and entertaining compared with your piece:

    Trolling around the right-wing blogs today, I found the picture of Nancy Pelosi in Syria heading up every single one them, along with such titles as “Traitor,” “National Disgrace,” “Left-Wing Moonbats in the Middle East.” Though I usually just watch, amused with how outraged these right-wingers get with every step the Speaker takes, today I broke down and had to respond.

    When did diplomacy become a crazy-left wing idea? On the 4 Right Wing Wackos site, I found the following blog entry:

    “I mean, on one hand, this is just further proof that the Democrat/American Communist Party is the party of abject surrender. Nothing says “WE LOVE TERRORISTS” like going to a terrorist supporting country and fellating the pencil-necked leader.On the other hand, if she keeps this behavior up, after she is converted to Islam, she’ll be wearing a burkah and beaten when she speaks out of turn, so that could be a good thing. But only if she stays over there.I wonder, how much would we have to pay Syria to keep Pelosi?”

    Is there anyone left in this country who believes that the Bush Administration has not utterly failed our country in the Foreign Policy department? Pat Buchanan said it, James Baker said it: talking to our enemies does not make things worse, and it has the potential to make things better. Ronald Reagan maintained an open dialogue with the Soviets all throughout the Cold War.

    Attacking Pelosi for doing what needs to be done, what W hasn’t had the balls to do -simply because she is a democrat and they don’t like democrats- is anti-American.

    Many of the right-wingers say that she is undermining the president’s authority. What authority? The president is the lamest of ducks. Democrats, Republicans and people around the world are just marking the days until that parasite leaves the Oval Office. Two more years before the United States can begin undoing the damage. One Mississippi, two Mississippi…

    How can you fault Pelosi for not wanting to wait two more years to get this country back on track?

    Comment by Mercurial Minnow — 4/4/2007 @ 2:44 pm

  8. Right Wing Nuthouse indeed! Count me in friend. This satire was outstanding. I popped over from Townhall.com (gregmc.townhall.com) through a link here and a link there and here I am.

    Something that so many of these leftist tools who posted their comments fail to recognize is that this one visit by doped up on anti-psycho-meds-Nancy is not the only problem. It’s her history of far, far, far, far left wing activities and votes. It’s the culmination of all of her and her cohorts BS. Yeah… some RHINOS screw the pooch here and there but they don’t stand for everything that is anti-American. Marxism in particular.

    Comment by gregmc — 4/4/2007 @ 4:53 pm

  9. So Rick, I have a question: Quoting you is against your commenting policy?

    Comment by milo — 4/5/2007 @ 9:40 am

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