Right Wing Nut House

Kiefer_Sutherland_108504a
Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

God, I love this show!

Let’s get right to it, shall we?

SUMMARY

We learn how the Super Secret Nuclear Power Plant Override Meltdown Gadget works…or doesn’t. The idea that they could actually shut down the cooling system for a nuclear chain reaction from a remote location is, well…interesting. Good thing it couldn’t really happen. (Although I’ll bet some of the Islamofascist dingleberries are watching the show and going “MMMMMMMMMM…We got to get us one of THESE things! Maybe Abdul could pick one up for us when he stops at the hardware store to pick up some plutonium …”)

Audrey and Jack, in an effort to ID the American traitor working with the Islamofascist terrorists, head off to the firm that has the security tapes for the party where Audrey saw the guy.

Navi and Dina (sounds like a good title for a Fox sitcom) find out that young Behruzz has killed Takrit and is on the loose. Dina, hoping to save her son from the clutches of bad dad Navi, meets up with Behruzz and double crosses her own husband by urging the youngster to flee for his life. Enraged, Navi shoots Dina, but loses the two in traffic. He reports to his terrorist boss(not the mastermind) that the “job” isn’t done, at which time the boss (played by The Mummy star Andrew Vosloo) gives Novi until the end of the day to kill his own family.

Meanwhile, fat geek Edgar may have figured out a way to thwart the plans of the terrorist by doing a little remote hacking of the nuclear power plants himself. (Anyone else really, really, really worried that our nuke power plants can be hacked by any fat guy with a lap top?)

Richard is DEFINITELY not going to give his dad Secretary Heller a father’s day gift this year.

Erin…well, you’ve gotta feel sorry for her. She’s got the President on her back about this terrorist threat and her daughter picks this day of all days to have one of her “bad days.” Not to mention the dumbass doctors at the CTU clinic who almost kill the kid by dosing her with a drug she’s allergic too.

I’ve got to say, after a very rough start, I’m starting to admire Erin Driscoll…still don’t like her, though.

And how about this…the world is about to end and Paul cries on Heller’s shoulder that he “has a broken heart…” I have only one thing to say about that:

BWAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAA…Get a life you spineless, spoiled brat! Eight million people are about to die and this guy is worried about his own silly, stupid, insignificant L’amours …Kinda makes you wonder if he’s involved in all this somehow, doesn’t it?

Finally, poor Jack and Audrey just can’t catch a break. After finding the mystery traitor on the tapes at the security firm, the offices are invaded by a bunch of bloodthirsty, murderous thugs who, after killing both CTU and security company personnel, start gunning for Jack and Audrey. Then, out of ammo and with things looking their blackest, who should show up to pull Jack’s chestnuts out of the fire?

Tony Almeida!

BODY COUNT

After recalculating Jack’s body count from last week, here’s where we stand:

JACK: 18 dead, 1 gratuitous wounding, 1 viscous pistol whipping.
Show: 88 with 1 wounded (Dina)

Jack took out 5 terrorists in the shootout. Tony claims 2. (I thought I might start a whole separate category for Tony’s kills but somehow, I think he’s destined for greater things). The terrorists took out 5 at the security company.

PREDICTION

Maryann is NOT working for the terrorists. She’s either working for the CIA or some other super secret government organization. Why do they want to kill Jack? Could Jack, in his capacity as Assistant to the Secretary of Defense, have stumbled across some kind of nefarious scheme to undermine the government or worse, bilk the taxpayers? The key is that Maryann’s contact mentioned killing BOTH Jack and Audrey (both work in the SoD office).

Stay tuned.

LOOSE ENDS

Terrorists opened the security company’s garage door from the OUTSIDE. Let me ask you this, gentle readers…would you use a security company whose own offices aren’t even secure?

‘Nuff said.

Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

All I can say is I’m glad Jack is on our side!

After 5 relatively peaceful hours, Jack Bauer exploded across my 37″ HD TV (with Logitech 5.1 Surround Sound Speakers)in the most exciting 10 minutes of action-packed gore the show has seen in quite a while. So, let’s get right to the weekly feature everyone stops by to see…

THE BODY COUNT

Jack: 13 dead, I gratuitous wounding, 1 viscious pistol whipping
Show:76 (32 in train crash)

Jack accounted for 12 (I had to re-run the tape and count again because Jack was dropping ‘em faster than I could keep track.) Heller put down 2 while the Marines accounted for 8.

Lest anyone doubt my numbers, we know there were 16 terrorists inside the warehouse (CTU thermal scan info relayed to Jack by Erin) and 6 terrorists outside. In addition, we know that the American that Audrey saw at the Heritage Club dinner escaped. We also know they didn’t bring back any prisoners to CTU to be interrogated.

Beruzz accounted for the other kill with his creative use of the shovel.

SUMMARY

After Jack’s spectacular rescue of Secretary Heller and Audrey we meet Paul, Audrey’s estranged husband. Obviously, Audrey fell in love with the guys British accent because THERE”S NOTHING ELSE ABOUT THE GUY THAT WOULD CAUSE ANY WOMAN TO LOSE ANY SLEEP OVER! What a total zero. He takes the news of Audrey’s desire not to get back together rather well, stiff upper lip and all that. He seems the sort of guy that will fight for Audrey not because he loves her but because he thinks she’s his property.

Two major revelations from the show:

1. Maryann is a mole (duh). Couldn’t they have waited a few weeks, maybe show her pitching in and helping selflessly like Nina in season I? I’m still trying to find my jaw which is still on the floor after season I revelation that Nina was a mole. My guess is that the Islamofascist terrorists are NOT the ones ultimately behind this plot. Whoever Maryann is working for (probably rich white guys) are the villians.

2. The briefcase the terrorists crashed the train to steal contained a super-duper, hi-tech, souped up remote control device that allows one to take control of the atomic pile of any nuclear power plant in the United States. I have only one itsy, bitsy, little question about that…

HOW?

I mean, it sounds real neat. Sitting at home in front of your TV with a bag of potato chips, some dip, and your Nuclear Power Plant Remote Control Destructo Box. Give me one for Christams next year!

How do you think it works? I mean how in the name of all that is good and holy can it possibly work. There is no science (in this universe anyway) that would allow a remote device to influence in the slightest anything having to do with a nuclear power plant, much less the atomic pile. Even if you were in the same room as the pile, there is nothing that could influence it remotely. It sounds like something Wily E. Coyote would come up with to try and kill the roadrunner.

Oh well…I’ll bite and continue to suspend belief. After all, I watched “The China Syndrome” which was almost as laughable (don’t go there moonbats).

BAD DADS

What can you say about Mr. Araz? He acquiesces in the attempted murder of his own son. No choice? He’s certainly committed to the cause.

As for Behruzz, it’s a good thing he’s been in this country 5 years. The way he swung that shovel to kill Tarik before the scumbag could kill him shows that Behruzz picked up a little baseball skill along the way.

And what’s with my hero, Heller? Telling Curtis at CTU that it was okay to torture his own son? I don’t suppose he’s gonna get a father’s day present this year from Richard.

LOOSE ENDS

Leaving aside the Buck Rogers Anti-Proton Nuclear Power Plant Dissolvo Ray, anyone else think that the fanatical Islamic warrior that Jack pistol whipped gave up the info on where the Secretary was being held in the warehouse a little too easily? I mean, aren’t these guys ready to die for the cause?

And I was glad to see Secretary Heller was no worse for wear from his hostage experience, but isn’t it convenient that he had an extra suit of clothes to wear after his rescue? When he leaves the warehouse he’s wearing the orange jump suit. Then, in the conference room with Jack and Erin, he’s got a suit on (sans tie).

Maybe he has a closet in his limo.

UPDATE:

I watched the episode for the third time with Significant Otherhawk who got back into town from a family trip today and I realized that I had credited Jack with one more kill than he was due. I’ve changed the number for Jack and given our brave Marines credit for another kill.

Jack has killed 13 human beings in 6 hours…how does that guy sleep at night? No wonder he got addicted to heroin last season. (Note: Reminds me of Llyod Bridges in “Airplane“…”I picked a helluva week to stop sniffing glue…”)

Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

In last night’s episode, we learned the following:

Secretary Heller is a courageous guy. For the first time in living memory, a conservative politician is being portrayed in a positive light. Smart, brave, a loving father, a patriot…Heller embodies qualities that would normally be associated with the portrayal of a Kennedy or a liberal…

Which means, of course, that before he dies its gonna be revealed that he’s participated in some incredibly NASTY and EVIL stuff…Maybe.

Audrey is one strong woman. This would seem to be, on its face, an obvious statement. After all, she IS sleeping with Jack Bauer (the smell of death alone on that guy must make being in the same room with him much less the same bed an exercise in vomit control.) But its more than that. Most of us have never thought what we’d do in a hostage situation similar to Audreys. If I ever do find myself faced with what she’s facing, I would hope I’d have the strength of character to deny the terrorists their little spectacle.

Edgar is a total wimp. Fat computer geek Edgar (Chloe: “You’re a geek Edgar…But a good guy. Don’t ever change.”) Being under the thumb of uber-bitch Maryann is one thing. But for God’s sake, geek, don’t you realize you can now turn the tables on her? If you rat her out to Erin regarding her shenanigans, it’ll be the word of a temp against yours! (Edgar has obviously never played the game of hardball office politics before.)

Beruss Azaz has an Oedipus complex. Greek king Oedipus, who killed his father and married his mother, had nothing on poor teenage, angst-ridden, hormone riddled, Beruss. It remains to be seen whether the father or the mother is going to be the one that has to kill the kid and put him out of his misery. Whether that happens before Beruss rats out his hated father will have us all on the edge of our seats.

Summary

The story wasn’t advanced very much. Heller and Audrey tried to kill themselves by turning on the gas…didn’t work. Jack got out of his little problem with the police by having Erin vouch for him (Sheesh! Not even a thank you!) and ended up watching as
terrorist Hasson “martyred” himself when he discovered that CTU was on his tail. Not to worry. At Jack’s request, a thermal overlay on a satellite image reveals the terrorist hideout. The conservative Republican President (who so far is pretty much of a non-entity) orders a cruise missile strike on the compound where the Secretary is just about to go on trial and Audrey is waiting to die. Erin orders Jack out of the area. Fat chance. I can guarantee that Jack’s body count next week is gonna go up considerably as it appears Jack is about ready to storm the compound all by himself to rescue his love.

We still don’t know what the main terrorist plot involves. We know that the next phase of it is an internet attack of some kind (Audrey recognized an American traitor working with the terrorists). Expect more of the plot’s outlines to be revealed after Heller’s trial is interrupted next week.

Body Count

Jack: 1 gratuitous wounding; 2 kills
Show: 54

Loose End

Jack is held up by the police for, according to the show’s time, more than 15 minutes waiting for his car to be retrieved from the convenience store parking lot. And yet, it takes him less than 20 minutes to catch up with Hasson. Do the math. If Hasson is going 60 MPH and is 15 minutes ahead, plus the additional distance he was ahead before the police stopped him, Jack would have to travel at close to the speed of light to catch up with him (actually, I don’t want to do the math. I’m no good at math. This is an algebra problem. Any sophomore’s in High School wanna give me a hand?)

Stay tuned for next week’s exciting episode where Jack either rescues Audrey and dissolves into a puddle of slobbering, weeping, quivering hunk of man-flesh or witnesses her death that will turn him into an avenging angel, shaking the thunder from the sky…Don’t miss it!

Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

Van Helsing over at Moonbattery alerted me to this disturbing bit of news:

In perhaps the most appalling example of moonbattery ever to arise at the relatively courageous Fox, the network has agreed to pay for the sin of having dared to air a show featuring Muslim terrorists by distributing to its affiliates two propaganda pieces produced by the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), a fifth-column Islamist organization with terrorist links.

Who is CAIR? Professor of Mid East Studies at Harvard Daniel Pipes ticks off some interesting things that CAIR has been associated with over the last few years and tells us what’s wrong with an organization its spokesman Ibrahim Hooper describes as being “similar to a Muslim NAACP.”

For starters, it’s on the wrong side in the war on terrorism. One indication came in October 1998, when the group demanded the removal of a Los Angeles billboard describing Osama bin Laden as “the sworn enemy,” finding this depiction “offensive to Muslims.”

In 2001, CAIR denied his culpability for the Sept. 11 massacre, saying only that “if [note the "if"] Osama bin Laden was behind it, we condemn him by name.” (Only in December was CAIR finally embarrassed into acknowledging his role.)

CAIR consistently defends other militant Islamic terrorists too. The conviction of the perpetrators of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing it deemed “a travesty of justice.” The conviction of Omar Abdel Rahman, the blind sheikh who planned to blow up New York City landmarks, it called a “hate crime.” The extradition order for suspected Hamas terrorist Mousa Abu Marook it labeled “anti-Islamic” and “anti-American.”

Not surprisingly, CAIR also backs those who finance terrorism. When President Bush closed the Holy Land Foundation in December for collecting money he said was “used to support the Hamas terror organization,” CAIR decried his action as “unjust” and “disturbing.”

So not only is CAIR an apologist for terrorists, they’re a fundraising arm for one of the most murderous and lethal group of thugs in the world, Hamas.

Van Helsing gives us his take:

Although Fox is leaving it up to their affiliates when and even whether they will run the CAIR pieces, the fact that they feel the need to negotiate with these villains will send a chill up any sane person’s spine. It is the equivalent of agreeing to distribute SS propaganda during World War II.

Spot on. I sincerely hope the Fox affiliate here in Chicago refuses to air this claptrap. After all, Jack Bauer has enough on his plate already. It’d be a pity if we had to let him loose on his erstwhile employers for supporting the very thing he’s fighting against.

Kiefer_Sutherland_108504a
Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

SUMMARY

When last we left our hero, Jack was in hot pursuit of terrorist Khaleel Hasson who had kidnapped Andrew Paige, computer hacker, friend of Chloe, and innocent bystander who happened to get a look at a terrorist internet code. Jack follows Hasson to a deserted part of the road and, after Hasson’s thugs torture Paige to make sure he doesn’t really know anything, make ready to kill him. Jack is torn. He MUST follow Hasson but Paige is about to be sent to that big hacker spot in the sky. Jack takes the easy way out (for him). After all, why pass up a good chance to get some target rounds off at some low-life terrorists. Jack shoots and kills the thugs before they can kill poor Andrew. He then picks up Hasson’s car and continues the chase.

Meanwhile, back at CTU a couple of interesting developments; we’re introduced to Maryann, a worthy successor to Sherry Palmer as uber-bitchy, backstabbing, blackmailing, lowlife femme fatale. And Araon turns out to have a daughter suffering from schizophrenia…with consequences that will certainly be developed later as Araon is using her position at CTU to interfere in a local law enforcement matter involving the poor girl. Finally, Chloe “The bitch with the heart of gold,” is feverishly helping Jack, trying to set up satellite coverage so they don’t lose track of Hasson in the canyons and hills outside of LA.

Then there’s the bizarro Araz family. After cutsie little Debbie followed Beruss to the warehouse where Secretary of Defense Heller is being held (and where he will shortly go on trial for “Crimes against humanity”…ATTN MOONBATS: IT’S A TV SHOW, NITWITS!)mommie Araz calls Debbie and invites her over for some tea. After ascertaining that Debbie didn’t tell anyone about the warehouse, mommie tells Beruss to “take care of the problem.” Beruss, torn between his raging hormones and obeying his parents, opts for the hormones and tries to hustle Debbie out the door. There’s only one small problem; Debbie can’t walk on account of she’s been poisoned by mommie dearest. She soon also can’t breathe cause she’s dead. Beruss, resentment clearly on his face, restrains himself from committing matricide.

Meanwhile, because the satellite coverage is slow to develop, Jack must find a way to delay Hasson from going into the canyons. He gets his opportunity when Hasson stops at a convenience store for…what? Maybe some gum Arabic. Anyway, Jack does what any red-blooded American would do in this situation.

He pretends to hold up the convenience store.

This is why I love Jack Bauer…he’s always thinking “outside the box; except on this one, Jack isn’t only outside the box, he’s outside the room. Anyway, it works. Jack flees with Hasson as hostage and lets him out. Chloe gets the satellite coverage and just in time, Aron discovers she’s working with Jack. Aron has Cloe arrested and wants Jack brought in until she hears a phone call between Hasson and Omar that indicates Hasson is on his way to where Heller is being held.

This doesn’t help Jack very much because he robbed that convenience store, remember. Well, the cops don’t forget either. The night ends with Jack captured by cops while still in pursuit of Hasson.

BODY COUNT

Jack: 1 gratuitous wounding; 2 kills
Show: 53

SPECULATION

How will Maryann gum up the works? Like many liberal Democrats, Maryann is more concerned with her career than national security. She may even sell her soul to the terrorists if she thinks it will be beneficial to herself.

Secretary Heller ain’t no Chickenhawk! He’s killed two terrorists in an escape attempt already. Expect that when he’s beheaded (and folks, the writings on the wall on this one) he’ll try and make some grandiose, ultra patriotic gesture.

Jack will rescue Audrey. (Duh)

Chloe will not be arrested…maybe. Fat computer geek Edgar is now under the thumb of Maryann because she overheard Edgar helping Chloe. Great plot twist potential here.

Beruss will turn on his family. (Duh #2)

LOOSE END

Since when are black ski masks standard issue equipment for CTU field agents? Jack just happened to have one when he went in to rob the convenience store? Now that’s what I call convenience…

Stay tuned for next weeks installment of the “Chronicles of Jack” or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Islamofacist Terrorists.”

Kiefer_Sutherland_108504a
Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

Terrorists derail train! Suitcase stolen! Average American family not so average! Jack in love! Secretary of Defense kidnapped along with his daughter, Jack’s squeeze! Body count for show at 45!

Just a typical two hour period in the life of our heroes at CTU. Below is a brief synopsis, some comments, and some speculation.

SUMMARY

A terrorist attack on a train all to steal a suitcase. A Turkish (not mid-east) plot to kidnap the Secretary of Defense Heller (played well by veteran character actor William Devane) who Jack works for now (gone from field ops at CTU for more than a year)also ends up nabbing Audrey Heller, the Secretary’s daughter who, though separated from her husband, is playing a little slap and tickle with ‘ole Jack.

While at CTU to brief the new Bureaucrat in Chief Aron Driscoll, Jack, realizes that the terrorist attack on the train is not the main target. The terrorist suspect brought to CTU headquarters isn’t talking so Jack takes matters into his own hands (as usual), busts into the interrogation room, shoots the terrorist in the knee(ouch!) and wrings the information out of him about the Secretary’s impending kidnapping. Also, probable internet attack is discovered…the hacker who discovers it (played by Lukas Haas of “Mars Attacks” and “Witness” fame) finds everybody at his office dead and goes on the run. Being a friend of super anal retentive bitch Chloe, Jack’s old administrative assistant (Jack: “How are you Chloe? Chloe: “Not perfect but OK.”), hacker Andrew Paige calls Chloe and tells her about the killings. Jack, who should have been arrested for shooting the terrorist, agrees to meet Paige at LA’s Union Station. Overheard by a terrorist, Paige is kidnapped and Jack, who’s been temporarily re-instated so that he can find Audrey and save her, is hot on the terrorists trail, following him and hoping that Paige’s kidnapper will lead him to his lost love.

SOME CHARACTERS:

The Araz Family: Mommy, daddy and teenage lovestruck son. Been in country 5 years. ALL are in on the plot (ultimate plot not yet revealed)

Richard Heller: Secretary Heller’s moonbat son. Heller was at Richard’s house when he was kidnapped trying to talk him out of speaking at an anti-war demonstration. Secretary Heller got off best line of the night; “Spare me the 6th grade Michael Moore logic…”

Edgar: Fat computer geek at CTU with photographic memory.

Aron Driscoll: Successor to Tony who we assume is still in jail, she’s a hard assed bureaucratic bitch with no discernible redeeming qualities. (I speculate she’s going to be killed off shortly). She fired Jack for being an addict (maybe).

Tomas Sharik: Turkish terrorist who blew up train. Might know more about ultimate plot.

Omar: So far mysterious terrorist in charge of holding the Secretary and Audrey. Probably NOT the mastermind.

Debbie: Lovestruck girl that Araz kid Beruss has been seeing. Followed him to terrorist hideout. Chance for a quick termination of relationship (not to mention her life functions)…say, about 100%.

LOOSE END

At CTU, Jack busts into interrogation room by cold cocking a guard, using his code card, and then PUNCHES A CODE INTO PANEL! Now, Jack’s been gone for more than a year…maybe the writers want to explain how the hell he still had a valid code to enter the interrogation room?

BODY COUNT

Jack: One gratuitous wounding.
Show to date: 45. including 32 on the train.

SPECULATION:

Who are the Araz family? We know they’re connected to Omar but they obviously have a larger role to play. My guess is, that when the major attack is revealed, they’ll be hip deep in it.

Richard Heller…terrorist dupe or a guy who REALLY hates his father? Could be surprise bad guy down the road. Right now, he looks innocent…sorta.

Who’s the mole? When Paige called Chloe to tell her about a possible internet attack, she was ordered by Driscoll to fob it off to the FBI. Paige’s office was then targeted by the terrorists. That means that Chloe, Driscoll, or someone at the FBI is a mole working for the terrorists. Stay tuned for THAT one.

Stay tuned for update tomorrow…same JACK time…same JACK channel.

UPDATE:

For all of you real fans of “24″…you’ve got to check out “24 Weblog.” Links to other sites, links to some great articles, as well as links to some spoilers, this is a GREAT site. Check it out.

Kiefer Sutherland
Originally uploaded by elvenstar522.

JACK IS BACK!In just seven days, Jack Bauer and all the guys and gals at CTU will once again be faced with a situation where they’ll get to do a lot of cool things like:

Kill people. A lot of people.
Start and end some kind of love affair
Endure family crisis while taking time out to save the planet
Did I mention that a lot of people are going to die?

All of this in the space of 24 hours.

Those of you who regularly visit here know that I NEVER do any posts about ANYTHING on TV not related to politics. But “24″ is different. This is without a doubt, the most addictive show in the history of TV. Maybe it’s something they flash across the screen at a McLuhan like level, a la the flash images of popcorn that movie owners in the 1960’s would place within the body of a film to try and get moviegoers to head out to the lobby and buy some refreshments.

I’ll be blogging the series every morning after the previous evenings episode. We’ll try and keep track of the following:

1. Jack’s body count. There has never been such a murderous thug…albeit with a heart of gold…as Jack Bauer. He makes all Mafioso ever portrayed look like teenage interns at a Christian summer camp. But he’s all American…and he’s absolutely relentless in pursuit.

2. Plot twists. Who’s gonna be the mole? Which bad guy is really working for CTU? How is Jack gonna get out of THIS one? Join the fun…and the speculation!

3. Inconsistencies. Try as they might, the screenwriters always manage to have several inconsistencies in the plot, the storyline, or the characters. We’ll highlight them as they come along.

4. Did I mention Jack’s body count?

Bookmark this site! And come along for the ride! I’ll be looking for other “24″ sites as the season progresses. And if you’re gonna be blogging “24″ let me know.