Right Wing Nut House

With just three weeks left in the series (the last week will be a two hour spectacular), the final confrontations are taking shape, the sides are firming up, and we can now indulge ourselves in some intelligent speculation about how this thing is going to shake out.

THE GOOD GUYS

Martha

Emotional, unbalanced, maybe a little drugged up, but I’m pretty sure she will play the most important role in the upcoming confrontation with Jellyfish. She is as close to the edge of sanity as possible without being measured for a straight jacket. What might she do to stop her husband? Chew on that for a while but if I were the Secret Service, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near a gun.

Secretary of Defense Heller

…Is dead. Probably. Don’t bet the house on it.

Audrey

Out of action. Since she’s going to be in the CTU infirmary, when Henderson makes his inevitable escape attempt she may have to endure one more hostage situation.

Granny Hayes

Fully on the right side now that Jack has the recording. Still cannot trust any of her people. Watch for her and Bill to utilize CTU resources to help Chloe.

Bill

Will probably end up giving us what we all crave - a closed fist smackdown of Miles.

Chloe

Will do her geek thing. Will end up falling in love and marrying the Travelling Salesman, who it turns out, loves being tasered by anally retentive geek women.

Jack

Your guess is as good as mine. Since the writers have never allowed the shadowy groups behind all the series plots to be captured, Jack’s ultimate confrontation will probably be with Henderson who could be released from CTU custody by orders of the President as early as next week.

BAD GUYS

Logan

Will die. Bet the House on it.

Henderson

After being released from custody, he will realize that since Jack has the recording, the jig is up and he will attempt to flee the country.

Agent Stone Face

Aaron will reappear briefly to take care of him so that Logan will be vulnerable to an assassin.

Miles

Will turn into a weasel, but not before tattling on Granny Hayes to the President who will then try to replace her.

Mr. Big & Co.

Will get away scott free.

Feel free to add your own speculation in the comments. On Sunday, I will start my “24 till 24″ posts where the best, the funniest, and the most intelligent speculation from comments made below will be highlighted.

SUMMARY

Per Granny Hayes warning, Chloe is frantically getting her gear together so that she can escape before CTU agents swarm Bill’s house. Sneaking out the back door just in time, Chloe makes her way to a motel bar where, because of the curfew, the Karaoke contest has been cancelled but it still appears to be happy hour.

Back at Bill’s, the agents knock on the door demanding entrance. Bill tries his best to muss himself up to make it look like he had been sleeping but the best he could do is move one hair out of place. The CTU agents politely violate Buchanan’s constitutional rights and search his house looking for Chloe. Finding evidence that Bill’s desktop was used to hack into CTU, Bill refuses to talk to the Homeland Security flunkies and demands to speak to Granny. And when Granny agrees, Miles bureaucratic antennae emerges from his head like Ray Walston’s feelers in My Favorite Martian. You can almost see the wheels turning in the lickspittle’s head as his suspicions are heightened about Hayes.

At the bar, Chloe gets Granny to download the passenger manifest from Flight #520. After calling Jack (who is still in the luggage compartment) with the good news, she cross references the info and discovers one passenger who has a possible connection to Henderson. Passing along that information as well as where the Air Marshall is located, Jack makes his way into the cabin, sits next to the Air Marshall, and dispatches him quite nicely with a vicious elbow to the face. Ever the gentleman, Jack gives the unconscious Marshall a pillow to rest his head on.

Jack uses subterfuge in luring his suspect back into the galley so that he can interrogate him. Subduing the businessman with ease, Jack crawls back into the luggage compartment with the German as easily as a spider retreats to a corner of his web.

At the ranch, Martha is beginning to fall of the edge of the sanity cliff. She demands that Agent Stone Face get her some drugs to assuage the psychic pain of her discovery about Logan’s treachery. Stymied there, she calls Mike who obediently comes to her side only to become perplexed when Martha almost lets the cat out of the bag about The Plot. Confused, Mike sees the President and once again, Jellyfish weaves a tissue of convincing lies - well, mostly convincing. Mike is starting to put two and two together and is becoming very concerned.

Logan calls Mr. Big who informs his underling that Jack Bauer must be found and caught. Duh. For all the conversations between Logan and Mr. Big, we have precious little information about him and perhaps the ultimate and unrevealed part of the plot.

In the belly of the plane, Jack interrogates the German as the truth begins to dawn on him; just because someone worked for Omicron doesn’t make them a bad guy. Jack’s fruitless search for the tape takes on a tinge of desperation as the plane makes a slow turn and heads for home.

Chloe, who is in the process of double checking her info on the German businessman with customs, is hit on by the drunk Travelling Salesman. You will recall the Chloe has already had her self-allotted sex for the month having bedded down CTU analyst Spencer during the show’s first hour so she appears not to be interested in the slobbering drunk’s advances. One would think that offers like this don’t come along very often so perhaps she’ll change her mind at some point.

On the plane, things have taken a turn for the worse as the crew discovers the unconscious Air Marshall which causes the Captain to make the dash for home. Realizing there is only one place that Jack could be hiding, the Air Marshall gets the Captain to de-pressurize the luggage compartment. As air begins to hiss out of the compartment, Jack asks Chloe to put him through to the cockpit.

At the ranch, Mike brings Martha her pills and after re-interrogating her, appears to have reached some kind of decision…almost. Either he can’t quite believe his suspicions or is waiting for more evidence before jumping off the Logan team.

Meanwhile, Chloe calls Jack and tells him that the German is not the guy he’s looking for since the timeline for Meyer’s boarding the aircraft doesn’t add up if he indeed met up with Henderson to take the tape. Back at square one, Jack now concentrates on getting air into the luggage hold. Chloe gets Granny to use her CTU pull and is able to put Jack through to the Captain.

The Captain is, to say the least, skeptical. He can’t get past the fact that Jack attacked the Air Marshall and took his gun. Good for him. I wouldn’t let Jack out if I were him either. He hangs up on Jack as the air continues to hiss out of the compartment.

But Jack doesn’t give up easily. Going to the aileron panel in the luggage compartment (No. Do not ask how he knew where it was. That way lies madness), Jack removes the Styrofoam ceiling, takes his belt, wraps it around the control lines, and pulls down very hard.

Immediately, the plane noses over and begins to dive. Jack tells the Captain he will bring the plane down unless he opens the door to the cabin. In what has to be the greatest kneecapping of Jack’s career, the Captain complies.

Chloe, puts the Travelling Salesman on ice, saving him perhaps for later, by tasering the poor guy. One wonders what other toys Chloe uses when engaging in foreplay.

At the ranch, Logan informs Mr. Big that Jack is indeed on Flight #520 and that he’s hijacked it in order to get his hands on the tape. Mr. Big orders Logan to have the plane land and take Jack into custody. Another useless phone call except to give Mr. Big face time.

Meanwhile, at CTU, Bill does the perp walk much to the delight of Miles whose insufferablility quotient rises by the hour. Bill chops him down to size in one of the more satisfying exchanges of the year:

MILES: What is Bauer doing on Flight #520?

BILL: You have no idea what you’re doing, you little ass-kisser.

Give that man a standing ovation.

But Miles’ deviousness will not be denied. After he finds out that Granny is going to do a “soft” interrogation of Bill (questioning why she brought Buchanan back to CTU in the first place rather than have the agents on site do the questioning), Miles does what bureaucrats are most adept at; he stabs Granny in the back by running to Mike Novik and tries to undermine her authority. Mike listens impatiently to the twerp, dismissing his concerns out of hand by, in effect, saying “I don’t have time for this crap now.” I would say the chances that Miles gets in direct contact with the President are as close to 100% as you can get on this show.

In holding room #1, Granny tells Bill that she’s out on a limb now and that Jack has got to get that evidence of Logan’s complicity or she will abandon the cause. And when Logan calls to get an update on Flight 520, Granny is barely able to cover up her suspicions that the President of the United States is a murdering crook. But she hasn’t jumped completely - not yet.

At the bar, Chloe zaps the Travelling Salesman again (he appears to like it) and discovers who Henderson’s true accomplice is; the copilot, who was a last minute replacement. The Captain, hearing about the switch from Jack and confirming it with the clueless copilot, tries to pull the old “I’ve got a cramp in my leg” trick in order to open the door and let Jack in but his cockpit mate doesn’t fall for it. He cold cocks the Captain but not before he succeeds in opening the cockpit door.

Jack rushes in and corners the man he has just broken every civil aviation rule in the book to capture. Realizing he is the only one who can fly the plane (We think. Do not put it past Jack to have 1000 hours of sim time on a 737.) Jack holds off on adding the copilot to his body count. And, as the music swells triumphantly, Jack takes the incriminating tape from Henderson’s accomplice. He calls Chloe who is almost moved to tears with relief. Bauer tells the copilot “You’re going to land this plane or I’m going to put a bullet in your head,” which makes one think that Jack can indeed, fly a commercial jetliner.

Martha, now in a drug induced stupor, calls Jellyfish and whines about how far apart they’ve gotten. Logan tells her that she’s been “one click away from a nervous breakdown for the last three years” and that he can’t count on her anymore. As Martha descends into her own personal hell, Mr. Big calls.

He informs Logan that Jack has the tape and that now he has no option: The plane carrying Jack, the tape, and more than 50 innocent people must be shot down. Otherwise, says Mr. Big, “You go to prison for treason and murder.”

BODY COUNT

The Grim Reaper took the night off, resting up for next week as Jack may have to wade through a lot of blood in order to reach his ultimate objective; Henderson.

JACK: 30

SHOW: 184

Don’t forget to leave you best speculation about upcoming episodes in the comments. The best, the funniest, and the most outrageous will be included in my Sunday post “24 Till 24.”

That thud you heard about halfway through last night’s show was the simultaneous sound of my jaw hitting the floor and the other shoe in this gargantuan plot dropping out of the clear blue sky. The stage is set for a thrilling final 4 hours as we now know that Jack’s ultimate target is not President Logan but rather a shadowy group of men whose power play for oil in Central Asia may or not be their ultimate goal.

And Logan? He’s no more in charge of this conspiracy than my pet cat Aramas. He’s a cutout, a cardboard stick figure being used by the cabal of…what are they? Commodities traders? Stock jobbers? They appear to be a group of GenX business school grads who have somehow convinced the upper echelons of the United States government to go along with their plot. Appearing much too soft to be ex-military or CIA, it could be that the creator of the show Joel Surnow has taken all this talk of “corporate fascism” to heart and is positing a scenario where these guys have wormed their way into government by using Henderson and his contacts at DoD in order to get the ball rolling. When and how Logan came into the plot (their leader Graham mentioned they had been working 18 months on the plan) could mean that even Marwan, last year’s baddie, may be partly their creation and the shootdown of Air Force I that brought Logan to power might be attributed to them.

Even Jack is beginning to suspect the truth when, after Heller falls on his sword, he confronts Henderson asking, “What happened to you?” Jack thinks it’s Henderson’s lust for power but is it?. Whatever it is, Jack thinks it much more than simple, misguided patriotism.

If this is indeed all about oil, I will be very disappointed. Although, by the time the last episode airs it may seem more important what with the cost of gas about to top $3 a gallon on the way up to God knows where. Maybe we’ll feel a little differently then.

SUMMARY

As Jack attends to Audrey’s profusely bleeding arm, the Secretary of Defense calls and wants to know what happened. Jack, much too polite to say “I told you so” to his former boss and father of the love of his life, nevertheless makes it clear that he feels Heller “betrayed” him by locking him in a storeroom to rot. Heller tells Jack that he must get that tape back or all is lost, a sentiment for which Jack is once again too polite to say “duh.” In the end, Jack hangs up on the third most powerful man in government.

Jack then makes a call to Bill and is surprised and delighted to find that Chloe is with him. He tells her that he needs her to hack CTU’s satellite feeds so that they can track Buckaroo Banzai’s car.

After telling Jack that she’ll get right on it, a precious bit of by-play between Chloe and Bill reminds us why we love Chloe to death:

CHLOE: If we’re going to do extensive satellite tracking, I’m going to need more than my laptop. I’m going to have to network onto your computer even though it is kind of pathetic. And I need you to get that screen to work for me.

BILL: Alright.

CHLOE: I hope you don’t mind me bossing you around but technically, I don’t work for you anymore.

BILL: (wearily) It’s alright Chloe.

When Chloe first showed up at Bill’s house, I started to think that maybe the easy-going Bill would be the perfect love match for the manic Chloe. However, after listening to that exchange, the truth began to dawn on me; the only possible love match for Chloe would be Darth Vader. And even old Darth would be left speechless at times.

After hacking into the satellite feed, Chloe finds Buckaroo’s car and tells Jack who has put Audrey into the stolen police car (that no one in the entire state of California seems very interested in finding) and gone in hot pursuit of his former colleague. Audrey worries that Banzai will destroy the tape. Not to worry says a knowing Jack. Henderson will need that tape for insurance.

Indeed he does as Buckaroo’s call to Logan demonstrates. Logan, all oily and smarmy, asks Banzai why he hasn’t destroyed the tape. When Henderson says he needs the tape for insurance, Logan gets all huffy but to no avail. Buckaroo Banzai is the smartest crook on the show and knows exactly what the score is. He realizes that once the op is over, he’s toast, a fact that’s confirmed later when Logan speaks to Mr. Big.

Thanks to Chloe’s superior geek skills, Jack catches up to Banzai and runs him off the road. Henderson takes cover in a barn and after a short firefight, Jack corners the bastard and takes him into custody. Unfortunately, Henderson has outfoxed Jack once again, handing off the tape to a confederate prior to his capture. What follows turns out to be one of the more brutal, wrenching scenes all year.

Henderson informs Jack that unless he’s allowed to leave, he’ll have his men who have been following Secretary Heller in a helicopter make Audrey an orphan. Calling Heller to confirm this, Jack makes it clear that he’s about to let Henderson go when the Secretary, proving our high opinion of his courage, tells Jack that he won’t be a pawn to be used by Logan and Henderson. We’re not quite sure what he means until he asks Jack to tell Audrey that he loves her. Then, not quite believing our eyes, Heller drives his car deliberately over a cliff and into a lake where, upside down, the car begins to sink.

The agony expressed in Audrey’s wailing “Oh no!” and Jack’s rage at Henderson explodes in one of the more dramatic confrontations of the year:

JACK: How could you do this? This isn’t about you doing what is best for the country. This is about your greed for power. You are responsible for killing ex-President David Palmer and the Secretary of Defense, two real patriots. DAMN YOU! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

Almost everyone he loves and respects has been killed. Tony, Michelle, Palmer, Edgar, and now Secretary Heller, all victims of this insane plot. His outburst at Henderson had a flavor of desperation, as if he wouldn’t be able to take much more pain and suffering. His pistol whipping of Banzai was pure emotional release.

Logan calls Graham to update him. Mr. Big is a geeky looking fellow with weird glasses and horrible taste in clothes. The actor who plays him, Paul McCrane, also portrayed the playful astronaut Pete Conrad in HBO’s excellent series From the Earth to the Moon as well as Dr. Romano on ER. And while we really haven’t seen enough of him yet, he doesn’t strike me as much of a heavy (although Romano was a real SOB at times).

Mr. Big plays Logan like a harp. He congratulates him on handling the many crisis that popped up during the day including the news confirming earlier speculation that Walt Cummings did not commit suicide but was murdered. Logan grovels by thanking Mr. Big for recognizing his hard work. Meantime, Mr. Big tells Logan to shut Martha up because she’s getting close to the truth. Logan promises to take care of Martha just like he took care of Aaron Pierce who may have been written out of the show, dead or alive.

This is because we are told, when Martha asks, that Aaron has been “transferred.” Martha ain’t buying it and neither do we. That’s when the antithesis of the heroic Pierce, traitorous Agent Adams, leads Martha to where she thinks her husband is but turns out to be a prison. Adams locks the door, trapping poor Martha and deepening the mystery of Aaron’s disappearance.

Back at the barn, Jack finds out that Buckaroo doesn’t have the tape on him and asks Chloe to look into the possibility of a handoff between Henderson and a confederate. Sure enough, Chloe spots where it occurred and informs Jack that the car with the tape is headed back to Van Nuys, eventually going to the very same airport where Jack had just come from. After telling Chloe to call Curtis to come and take custody of Banzai, Audrey demands that Jack go after that tape else her father would have died in vain. Dubious but left with little choice, Jack once again gets into his invisible police car, leaving Audrey with Buckaroo Banzai and a gun.

At CTU, Miles, puffed up like the bureaucratic peacock that he is, informs Granny Hayes that the transfer of authority to DHS is complete…and it was done with 2 hours to spare! Holy Jesus let us hope that the real bureaucrats at DHS were not used as a model for Miles. Just as Miles is congratulating himself, the security dunces realize (after about 45 minutes) that Chloe has flown the coop. In reviewing the security tape, they discover that Sweet Sherry let Chloe go which results in Sherry being taken into custody. Hearing this, Miles realizes that Chloe will probably try and help Jack which sends him off to a computer to try and track back to where Chloe is obviously hacking into the system.

Granny’s confrontation with Sherry is painful. The obviously disturbed young sweety tells a curious Hayes about Chloe’s revelation that Logan is behind the day’s events. Seeing the wheels spinning in Granny’s head, we begin to root for the woman to put two and two together and come up with the truth.

At the ranch, Martha is starting to go nutzo again until Charles pays her a visit. It is unclear to me whether Logan really loves her or is just manipulating her feelings. Whatever the truth of the matter, Logan spills the whole sordid mess to Martha who recoils in anger and disgust. Once again, Logan trots out that last refuge of scoundrels; patriotism. He committed all these evil deeds “for the country.” Martha is sickened by his faux love for America telling him that she not only can’t forgive his treachery, but that she hates him to boot. Nevertheless, she will keep her mouth shut, a promise that somehow I don’t believe will last beyond the doorway. Watch for Martha and Mike to team up to battle the conspiracy from the inside with Granny Hayes and Chloe running the technical end of things and Jack as the sharp end of the stick.

After getting assurances from Logan that Martha is “taken care of,” Mr. Big gives us a tantalizing two minutes of background, telling us that the plot has been in the works for 18 months and that no “deal” he’s ever been involved in didn’t appear to be going south at the 11th hour. Does this make him an investment banker? A takeover specialist for Bear Stearns? We also find out that he’s doing all this for his kids which again points back to oil but at this point, could mean anything.

Back at the barn, Henderson tries a little psy-ops on Audrey which is not a good idea considering the fact that 1) she’s lost a lot of blood, 2) lost her father, and 3) is losing her mind. Not falling for Banzai’s Jedi mind tricks, Audrey bides her time - something she is running out of. For when Chloe calls Jack and tells him that Henderson’s 4th crew of baddies is on the way to the barn, Jack realizes that he won’t be there to take them out so he calls Audrey and tells her to scram. Watching the helicopter with Banzai’s men in it set down next to the barn, Audrey realizes she’s got to go; but not before she makes an effort to off Henderson herself. This is something she is incapable of doing being a civilized human being.

After being freed by his crew, Buckaroo orders his 3 men to search the barn and kill Audrey. Unable to get out the back door, Audrey starts looking for a hiding place when bless my soul if Curtis isn’t already in perfect position to ambush one more of Henderson’s endless supply of bad guys. The TAC team routinely takes out all three terrorists and takes Henderson into custody. Being informed of this, Jack has Curtis go back to CTU and get Audrey the medical attention she should have had an hour ago and also try and protect Henderson from Logan’s stooges who are certainly firmly embedded at CTU.

Jack tells Curtis this from his perch at the airport where he sees what turns out to be a diplomatic charter about to take off to an unknown destination. He knows the tape is on that plane just as he knows what he has to do to get it. Jack sneaks past the heavy security by hiding on top of a fuel truck. Once again, Jack calls on Chloe to work some geek magic as he desperately needs the passenger manifest in order to figure out who might have the tape. Chloe sounds dubious given that she has to get past a State Department firewall but starts to give it her best shot.

And then things start to go south. Miles has a Eureaka! moment when he finally figures out how Chloe has been accessing the system. He finds out that Chloe has been at Bill’s all this time and a TAC team is dispatched to pick her up.

But Granny Hayes is starting to put it all together and realizes that she can’t trust anyone at CTU which means she may very well need Chloe to help. She calls the surprised Bill and tells him to get Chloe out of there before the TAC team arrives. Chloe refuses realizing how important that passenger list is to Jack.

At the airport, Jack sees his opening and takes it. Pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, he pretends he’s a baggage handler loading the plane. Grabbing two bags from a passing baggage cart (pity the poor owner of those bags who inadvertently is helping to save the American Republic) Jack meanders onto the plane and hides in the unpressurized baggage compartment. Jack will have to get out of there before the plane hits 10,000 feet or he’ll suffocate from lack of oxygen. But he’s not thinking about that now. The important thing is that he’s on the plane and his quarry is in sight.

BODY COUNT

3 more of Henderson’s men bite the dust. Jack was shut out. Is Heller really dead? We’ll give it a week.

JACK: 30

SHOW: 184

SPECULATION

Is Miles a good witch, or a bad witch? Is he more loyal to the bureaucracy or will he turn out to be loyal to Granny Hayes? Miles has been drawn so broadly as a bureaucratic caricature, I don’t think personal loyalty enters into his calculations. He may not be working directly for Logan, but once he sees Granny going off the reservation, he’ll call the President personally in order to get credit for turning Granny in.

UPDATE

Don’t forget to visit Blogs4Bauer for the best 24 summaries and updates around.

Oil.

Can’t live with it. Can’t live without it. And with levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rising with still uncertain effects (if any) on our future climate, oil as a modern culprit for most of the evils in the world makes trying to secure reliable access to it almost an apologetic exercise.

In the interest of oil, we kowtow to some pretty nasty governments and nasty people who ordinarily we would be looking to isolate and condemn. Saudi Arabia and Venezuela are perfect examples of governments run by kleptocratic despots who we dare not offend by pointing out too many of their shortcomings lest the spigots be dialed back a bit and the price of petroleum skyrocket.

For it isn’t only access to the commodity that’s important, it’s how much it costs us to buy. Oil is not only the lifeblood of industrialized civilization, cheap oil is the difference in capitalist democracies between good economies and bad economies. This singular fact has caused governments over the years (including our own) to seek influence and even control over the governments that are blessed by luck and geography in having the stuff. Bad economies are not healthy for a leader’s political career. Just ask Jimmy Carter.

But is that all oil is? A commodity for which nations fight for control in an endless game of move and countermove? Obviously no. Cheap, plentiful oil is the difference between life and death for millions. Not enough oil to harvest the crops and get them to market? Not enough oil or ruinously expensive fuel for heat in winter?

These are not made-up scenarios. The tiny disruption in supply in 1979 due to the Iranian revolution which resulted in a 3% shortfall and economic chaos ensued. Panic caused gas lines with people topping off their tanks because no one was sure there would be oil tomorrow. Tens of thousands of Americans were laid off when companies that depended on oil to stay open were forced to close their doors.

Now imagine a crisis with a 15% shortfall in supply. Far fetched? In Iran, a madman has his fingers wrapped around the jugular of the west because President Ahmadinejad controls the Straits of Hormuz through which a significant portion of the world’s oil sails every day. All this holocaust denier need do is close his fingers and the economic calamity would be upon us in a matter of weeks.

The ultimate question then as it relates to last night’s thrilling episode: Are Logan’s actions justifiable under any circumstances? Logan has taken pre-emptive action to secure America’s supply of oil for the foreseeable future in spite of the fact that there is no present crisis in the supply or availability of oil. Logan sold nerve gas to terrorists, acquiesced in the killing of a former President, caused the deaths of numerous other innocents just so that he could invoke the military terms of a treaty that would allow American troops (and we assume American oil companies) access to the largely undeveloped oil fields of central Asia.

If Logan or any President committed such heinous acts under those circumstances, they would be impeached. But suppose there was a crisis of supply or access? Would we see Logan’s actions in a different light? I daresay a President who was faced with such a catastrophe and did nothing to address the needs of the American people might also find himself on trial.

In the midst of the oil crisis of ‘79, the Soviets invaded Afghanistan, figuring correctly that America and the west were distracted. One of President Carter’s sanctions for the Soviet’s misbehavior was preventing the sale of wheat to Russia. Our domestic left (and American farmers) went ballistic. How dare we deny food to hungry people! But couldn’t a similar question be asked of oil producing nations? In the end, is oil just a commodity like gold or silver? Or is it something more? Is it ever worth going to war over? Destabilizing governments for? Killing for?

Moral questions with no easy answers…

SUMMARY

We find Jack and Wayne Palmer in a parking lot as a car pulls up. It’s Bill whose character hasn’t been getting much face time lately which is probably why the writers stuck him in there without warning. For a show that’s supposed to be in “real time,” not seeing Jack call Bill and ask him to meet was a little burp in the continuity universe. Not too jarring, but still, an annoyance.

After dropping off Wayne (and we assume the dead bank manager Carl bleeding all over the backseat of Jack’s car) Audrey calls to inform Jack that Secretary Heller has landed and to please hurry. Greeting her mystified father, Audrey wonders if the Secretary’s bodyguards can be trusted. Given the way the show is going, I don’t trust anyone who isn’t signed through next year.

Jack pulls up and, after getting Heller away from his bodyguards, plays the incriminating tape. Realizing immediately the significance of Jack’s evidence, the Secretary wants to confront Logan. Leaving the hangar where he, Jack, and Audrey were discussing the tape, Heller re-enters with his bodyguards, walks up to Jack, and in the best tradition of his office, chops Jack in the throat sending the surprised agent to the ground where he is immediately restrained by Heller’s bodyguards. It turns out that our man Heller has determined that revelations regarding the President’s dealings with terrorists and murderers would be too much for the American people to bear not to mention the “damage” to the office of President.

Not mentioned by Heller is that the American people are a helluva lot tougher than elitists like the Defense Secretary think and that the unanswered question regarding Logan would be “How much more damage can be done to the office that hasn’t been done already?” Besides, if the office can survive a Nixon or a Clinton, it can certainly survive a Logan. That said, I’m sure there are some of you who might even agree with Heller’s actions in restraining both Jack and Audrey while trying to get Logan to do the right thing and resign. But Jack is right. Logan cannot be trusted and Heller was only going to make himself a target.

Any bets on when Heller goes to that great big Pentagon in the sky? I say as soon as next week when Logan will start tying up loose ends.

At the ranch, Logan and Buckaroo Banzai discuss the turn of events that has resulted in Jack escaping from the bank with the tape. Logan assures Buckaroo that once CTU finds out where Jack is, he’ll pass along the info so that the incriminating tape can be recovered.

Back at CTU, Miles hatches a plan to trap Chloe using Sweet Sherry to pass false information to her about the hunt for Jack. When Chloe tries to get in touch with Audrey, Miles traces the call to the airport where Jack and his love are now being held. This guy Heller isn’t much of a father. Last year, he gave CTU the go ahead to shoot truth serum into his son and this year, he has his bullyboys manacle poor Audrey to a pole in a storage room.

No Father’s Day presents this year, I guess.

Granny Hayes tells Logan that CTU has pinpointed Jack’s location at which point the President orders CTU to stand down, that he will send in the military. Confused, Granny calls Mike Novak which destroys about half the current conspiracy theories on the web. Novak, he tells us, was busy doing “other things” which is why we haven’t seen him for 3 episodes. When Granny tells Mike about being pulled off the Jack Op, Novak calls the man in charge of martial law in Los Angeles, General Warren. When queried about the Jack Op, Warren confesses his ignorance. Mike doesn’t stop there. He sees the Veep who tries to reassure him of Logan’s intentions. Now completely in the dark, Mike takes his questions directly to the President.

The tissue of lies told by Logan to Mike, to his wife later, to the Veep, to Granny at CTU, and to everyone else is a house of cards. All it will take for the whole rotten edifice to come tumbling down will be exposing one of those lies. Mike suspects he’s having smoke blown his direction but does nothing, not believing for an instant Logan’s resurrection of the Chinese gambit as a reason for using “covert ops” to capture Jack. And Logan does his usual brush-off of “I am the President. Don’t second guess me” which perplexes Mike even more.

Logan eagerly calls Henderson and tells him where Jack and the tape can be found. Buckaroo boards a helicopter (black of course) with another half dozen men, found via his endless supply of traitors, mercs, killers, and thugs. Jack has been methodically working his way through Henderson’s private army the last few episodes and one wonders if Banzai will ever run out of accomplices.

Back at CTU, Chloe realizes too late that she’s been trapped. She’s apprehended by clueless CTU security who seem to have dropped the ridiculous red shirts they were wearing in favor of more traditional white. Then again, it is spring…

In the holding room, Miles gloats over Chloe who can’t bring herself to tell the truth about what’s going on. However, proving herself every bit the field agent, she uses her geek charms (and some sleight of hand) to relieve Miles of his key card that she uses immediately to try and make her getaway. Confronted in the hallway by Sweet Sherry who is about to turn her in, Chloe begs for understanding. Failing that, she tries a little blackmail, telling Sherry that if she’s caught and it turns out Jack is innocent, she will recommend a psyche test for her. Probably administered by Dr. Feelgood, I would hesitate too if someone told me I was going to be up for a psyche test at CTU. The blackmail works and Chloe makes her escape.

Heller calls Logan and acts like the cat who swallowed the canary. Logan feigns ignorance even after the Secretary says “I think you know exactly what this is about.” Realizing he’s about to be exposed, Logan calls Buckaroo and orders him to get the tape otherwise he’s toast. Thus, one of the more interesting meetings of the entire series is about to take place.

Seeing Heller arrive, Nutzo Martha’s political antennae is fully extended. Something is wrong, she asks Aaron? And here, we get the slightest hint that Martha and Aaron may have played a little slap and tickle in the past when, asking Aaron to tell her what’s going on, she sidles up very close to the Secret Service agent and says in a low, throaty voice, “You can trust me. You know that.” Aaron promises to meet her out at the stables shortly. We are not surprised that when she gets out there, Aaron is nowhere to be seen, a victim of knowing too much.

Meanwhile, the confrontation between Logan and Heller, superbly staged and acted, gets underway with Heller accusing and Logan denying. Finally realizing that Heller has the goods, Logan tries to justify his crimes:

LOGAN: How dare you sit there and judge me. Until you sit in my chair, you have no idea what you’re talking about.

HELLER: Your chair is not a throne, Charles.

LOGAN: I am protecting the interests of our country.

HELLER: You mean oil…

LOGAN: (Shouting) Yes! YES! This country needs energy more than you or anyone in this gridlocked government cares to admit. We’ll see how you judge me when the cost of oil goes up to $100 a barrel and the people who put me in office can’t afford to heat their homes or run their cars.

HELLER: And you think that justifies the blood on your hands?

No answer from the former Jellyfish now a simply pathetic excuse for an American President.

Heller demands Logan’s resignation by morning. He has no choice but to agree. And as an extra measure of security, Heller demands that Vice President Gardener be present when the document is signed.

Chloe, after waltzing out of the top-secret, highly secured CTU headquarters and driving away in her own car, shows up at Bill’s front door like a lost little girl. Bill welcomes the waif into what appears to be a home worth a cool quarter mil, not bad for government work. The two get busy trying to get back up to speed on the rapidly developing chain of events.

What with Henderson and his goons on their way and Jack realizing that Logan couldn’t be trusted any further than he could throw him, Bauer figures out a way to use the steam pipe to melt the plastic restraints off of his hands. Freeing himself with a series of painful grunts (which means you or I would be screaming at the top of our lungs as our wrists were seared), Jack cold cocks one guard and surprises the other (from whom he retakes possession of the precious tape). Jack is about ready to escape when the dreaded black helicopter makes its ominous appearance and opens up on the Secretary’s bodyguard and Bauer.

A terrific firefight ensues with Jack taking down two thugs even before they can disembark from the copter. The bodyguard proves his metal by taking down two thugs himself before meeting the fate of all those who try to help Jack in gunfights. As a denouement to the battle, Jack takes careful aim and blows up a gas truck taking out the last of Henderson’s 3rd crew. Henderson himself has snuck into the hangar where poor Audrey has been stuck waiting for Jack.

Another excellently done confrontation this time between Jack and his nemeses Henderson. Buckaroo has Audrey under the gun and Jack tries appealing to the better angels of his nature:

JACK: Let her go, Christopher!

HENDERSON: After I have the recording.

JACK: Why are you doing this? Why are you protecting Logan?

HENDERSON: I’m protecting something far more important than Charles Logan.

JACK: What?

HENDERSON: The integrity of our government.

JACK: Our government has no integrity. Not when someone like Charles Logan occupies the Presidency.

Do we have another clue here? “I’m protecting something far more important than Charles Logan.”

COULD HENDERSON ACTUALLY BE WORKING FOR AN AGENCY TRYING TO “STING” THE PRESIDENT? Or was it simply Henderson’s way of saying that he’s a patriot?

Anything is possible.

Jack eventually relents in giving the tape to Henderson but not before Buckeroo slashes poor Audrey in an artery in her arm thus putting her on the death watch. Jack has 15 minutes or its back to being an oil driller and having to put up with 15 year old Derek and his stacked but clueless mom. To forestall that horrible prospect, Jack applies a tourniquet to Audrey’s profusely bleeding arm.

Henderson calls Logan with the good news about the tape just as the President was about to sign his resignation. Then, in front of the Vice President, Logan fires Heller. But Heller isn’t done. He spills the plot while a fascinated and thoroughly perplexed Vice President Gardener looks on. Does he believe Heller? Let’s hope he’s not as dumb as most Vice Presidents.

Heller is escorted out of the Presidential compound but one gets the distinct feeling he will be back and that he will thoroughly enjoy his second visit.

BODY COUNT

Six thugs are done in. One good guy bites the dust. Jack had a fun night as he got to blow up a gas truck and kill 4 bad guys.

JACK: 30

SHOW: 181

SPECULATION

Aaron’s disappearance is troubling. Only Martha knew he was going to be out there. Is Martha part of the plot or does she have her own ax to grind?

Why is martial law still in effect? This, plus a few other nagging questions leads me to believe that one more shoe is going to drop on this plot before the season is over.

UPDATE

Don’t forget to visit Blogs4Bauer for the best 24 commentary around.

You now have permission to pick your jaw up off the floor. We have official confirmation that Logan is indeed, an evil mastermind whose wishy-washy spinelessness has been an act that has fooled us for more than a year.

The subtlety of actor Gregory Itzin’s performance has been nothing short of brilliant. We have seen flashes of the “mastermind Logan” throughout the year. I have commented many times in the past that Logan only grows a pair when the crisis starts to affect him personally or politically. It is then that he digs in his heels and becomes decisive. Witness his insistence that the Summit with President Suburov go forward despite the terrorist threat. It seemed out of character at the time but, in light of Logan’s transformation, makes sense. The President kept the plan on track and in this, he was decisive - even going so far as to risk the life of his wife by not recalling the Suburov motorcade that he knew was going to be ambushed.

The question uppermost in everyone’s mind is why? Logan tells Henderson that the “plan” was to make America “safer and stronger” while protecting our interests. Sounds like a megalomaniac’s idea of an America under dictatorship. I hope everyone caught the fact that during his press statement, Logan did not rescind martial law despite the terrorist threat being now over. Does this presage one more attempt to frighten the American people into accepting his one man rule by initiating a terrorist attack? Or will the rest of the show become simply a political pot boiler as Jack races to take down the President? Somehow, I have faith that the writers won’t take the remaining 7 episodes to simply dethrone Logan and will have a couple of more satisfying twists that will keep us watching until the last minute of the last hour.

A word about Audrey. My Mole-O-Meter ticked considerably upward this week with regards to her association with the bad guys. At the very end of the episode, when Jack told her he had the tape, did you catch the faintest, the most fleeting sense of panic crossing her face when she asked Jack if he had listened to the tape? Was it my imagination? Or will Audrey break our hearts by revealing that she too, succumbed to the siren song of faux patriotism offered by either Henderson or Logan and will, at some point in the future, reveal a betrayal so shocking, that Jack will see no reason to go on living?

Probably not. At least that last part. Kieffer Sutherland has signed on to play Jack Bauer for three more years. Unless, of course, the announcement of Sutherland’s signing is itself a ploy and they have every intention of killing Jack off for real at the end of the show…

I really gotta get a grip here. This show does strange things to your mind.

SUMMARY

We discover that Evelyn, who was wounded at the shootout with Henderson’s boys at the plant, made a tape of Logan talking to Henderson about the Palmer assassination just that morning. What we do not discover is 1) Why Evelyn would tape the President in the first place, 2) How Evelyn could tape the phone call of a man whose communications are protected by a billion dollars worth of equipment and an army of technicians.

Maybe she listened in on a hall extension

(Note: Must be over 40 years old to get that joke).

After finding out that Evelyn took the precaution of placing the recording of the incriminating call in a safety deposit box at her friendly neighborhood bank, Jack and Wayne realize that they must get off the streets what with all the military patrols in the area. They pull into a motel so that they can treat the bleeding Evelyn who appears not to be hurt seriously. After getting a room, Wayne informs Jack that the bank’s night manager’s number was “listed” and that his house wasn’t far from the motel. (For the skeptical among you, I refer you to your local yellow pages where you can easily find your branch manager’s address and phone simply by looking under “Bank Robbers: Parts and Services”).

After leaving Evelyn to bleed in peace and quiet, Jack and Wayne head for the bank manager’s home.

At the ranch, Logan and Buckaroo Banzai have another heart to heart with Logan bemoaning the fact that everything “spiralled out of control once you (Banzai) decided to kill Palmer.” Buckaroo assures Logan that he has all the hospitals under surveillance and it would be only a matter of time before Evelyn showed up.

At CTU, Grandma Hayes (whose character is becoming more and more sympathetic as each week passes) and her oily assistant Miles receive word from the President himself that they must issue a warrant for Jack’s arrest. Logan tells Granny that “new evidence” has come to light proving that Jack was involved in Palmer’s assassination. Troubled but obedient, Granny issues the warrant just after Jack calls Audrey giving her the bad news about Logan and asks her to call her father so that the evidence of the President’s treason can be turned over to someone in the government.

Jack’s choice of Secretary Heller is a good one. Not only has Heller proved himself in combat (he offed two terrorists during his escape last year) but he also got off what has to be the best one line in the history of the show. Responding to his anti-military moonbat son who was spouting some leftist claptrap last year, Heller looked his kid right in the eye and said “Spare me the 6th grade Michael Moore logic…”

Got that right, dog.

Audrey, being only half geek (on her mother’s side), realizes she needs the services of Chloe in order to help Jack so she brings her up to speed on the plot. Seeing the warrant out for Jack’s arrest, Audrey says “It’s started” as if the previous 18 hours were nothing more than a prelude, a walk in the summer sun. If so, storm clouds are starting to gather and it’s beginning to get very dark.

Slimeball Miles reasons correctly that if they want to capture Jack, best keep track of his girlfriend. He has DHS flunkies attach a tracking device to Audrey’s car so they can follow her, hoping she will lead them straight to Jack.

Calling her father who is airborne, Audrey asks the Secretary to stop off in Los Angeles. Heller, realizing something is up, agrees to divert the plane to Van Nuys where Audrey is now on her way for the rendezvous. Heller, played by veteran actor William Devane, is a stand-up guy, a real straight shooter and if he turns out to be involved in this plot, I will eat my Official Jack Bower Boxer Shorts.

Jack and Wayne break into the bank manager’s house with ease, raising legitimate questions about whether Jack is actually a cat burglar on the side. After threatening both Carl the manager and his wife (a move that elicits a raised eyebrow from Wayne who had never seen Jack in action before) the trio start for the bank to pick up Evelyn’s evidence.

Eight year old Amy has her mother’s blood all over her hands and the entire night has just become too much for the little one. As she breaks down and starts to cry, that strangest and most compelling instinct of human mothers - their ability to hear their child crying even when unconscious or asleep - kicks in and Evelyn rises unsteadily to her feet, trying to answer this powerful call of nature. Alas, blood loss and trauma have taken their toll and she collapses, hitting her head on a table which knocks her unconscious. Amy, not knowing any better, calls 911 and gives her name thus assuring Henderson will pay them a visit.

Logan and the Veep have an interesting conversation about the “executive warrant” (?) issued for Jack. It may be my imagination but did anyone else notice that the Vice President has suddenly become a much more sympathetic character? Perhaps it was the revelation that he is not involved in the plot which has colored our perception but it just seemed that he has lost whatever menace that he had prior to last week and now appears to be on the side of the angels.

Watching her husband giving his statement on TV about the end of the crisis, Martha thinks that she has been too hard on him and offers praise for the President’s handling of the multiple crisis to Aaron. Agent Pierce, realizing things are far from over, let’s on that he is “battle worn” - a perfect descriptive for how many of us feel at this point. Pierce then calls Jack to tell him that there’s an arrest warrant out for him, a development that Jack takes a helluva lot better than I would have if I were in his shoes. Pierce asks Jack if there’s anything he can do and our hero gives the agent advice that all of Jack friends should take to heart: “Keep your eyes open and watch your back.”

Avoiding military patrols by making their way to the bank on foot, the trio of Jack, Wayne, and Carl enter the building and, after giving Jack the codes for breaking into the vault, Carl recognizes Wayne who spills the beans about what they’re up to. Carl should have kept his mouth shut, not realizing perhaps that almost all innocent bystanders who offer to help Jack end up wishing they hadn’t.

Meanwhile, Audrey stops at a gas station and calls Chloe who instructs her in the finer points of how to use CTU’s Magic Walkie Talkie that allows you not only to communicate with anyone in the world at any time, anywhere, but can also sniff out electronic tracking devices that just happened to be attached to your car. Ditching the tracker by placing it on a truck, Audrey speeds off to Van Nuys.

At the bank, Jack retrieves the incriminating tape that proves Logan’s involvement in the plot. The hard part over, Jack makes ready to leave but…too late! Buckeroo’s thugs have the bank surrounded. That’s because Henderson, informed of little Amy’s 911 call, shows up at the motel, offs the two EMT’s treating Evelyn, and was able to get woman to give up where Jack was.

Although pretty horrible to contemplate, it’s hard to imagine Henderson leaving either Evelyn or 8 year old Amy alive to tell any tales.

Back at CTU, Miles has tasked a satellite to find Audrey, a feat of legerdemain easily accomplished, not easily explained. Discovering this thanks to Sweet Sherry’s heads-up, Chloe goes into the server room to corrupt the data and prevent the satellite from tracking Audrey’s car. As the signal fades to black, Miles knows it can only be Chloe and races to the server room. Not finding her there, he sees her coming out of the women’s bathroom and initiates this classic bit of Chloe:

MILES: What are you doing?

CHLOE: What?

MILES: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CHLOE: Are you kidding? If you really want the details, I’ll write you a report.

One gets the feeling that she would, in fact, enjoy writing such a report. Miles, of course, is defeated again, becoming something of a running bureaucratic joke.

Back at the bank, realizing his options are extremely limited, Jack decides the only way out is to get some help. He has Carl trip the alarm deliberately which brings a couple of squads of LA’s finest roaring into the bank parking lot at which point Henderson orders his men to take out the cops lest they get their hands on that precious tape. This is exactly what Jack was counting on, hoping not only to get in a little target practice but also use the diversion of the cop/bad guy fire fight to make his escape.

A terrific gun fight erupts on the peaceful street with Jack being able to get two of Buckeroo’s henchmen while sidling away from the gun battle and toward a cop car whose occupants have met an unfortunate end. All seems to be going fairly well for Buckeroo’s boys - that is, until the army shows up. Several APC’s take up a blocking position and open fire with their 50 cals turning what was an even battle between the police and the thugs into a slaughter.

With bullets flying everywhere, poor Carl takes one for the team before being hurled into the police car and with Jack at the wheel, they speed away from the bloody scene. On the phone with Audrey, Jack finds out where to go and starts toward Van Nuys airport to meet Audrey, Secretary Heller, and the potential showdown with Logan.

BODY COUNT

Two EMT’s make their last call. Two cops go down in the line of duty. Five thugs go down with Jack accounting for two of them. Carl shoulda stayed in bed.

JACK: 26

SHOW: 174

SPECULATION

Are we headed for a civil war? As Secretary of Defense, Heller could be in a position to command some troops, especially if he is able to convince some of the Joint Chiefs to back him. Logan, as CIC, also could count on the loyalty of some troops.

What happens if Logan doesn’t want to leave? Farfetched of course. But it would certainly raise some interesting possibilities, wouldn’t it?

UPDATE

My friends at Blogs4Bauer as usual, have the best liveblogging, Tivo blogging, as well as the best speculation in the industry. Check out who they discovered to be “mole of the week.”

CAPTAIN RENAULT: Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects. (Casablanca, 1942)

I don’t read them much anymore, but there was a time I was huge fan of the mystery novel. G.K. Chesterson’s Father Brown novels were particular favorites but Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler were also on my summer reading list. And no, I am not the type that goes to the end of the novel first and peeks to see whodunnit although there were times that the temptation became almost overwhelming. This was especially true immediately after discovering that your own prime suspect either gets killed off or proves to be innocent. After having invested so much emotional capital in one suspect, to have him or her killed off 50 pages from the end of the book was maddening.

Nevertheless, I wanted to wait for that absolutely delicious moment when Father Brown or Marlowe revealed all, tying up the loose ends and fingering the killer. The thrill wasn’t necessarily in finding out who the killer was but in following the sheer, brute logic used by the detective to unmask him. There is something enormously satisfying in reading or listening to a good dialectic. And a good mystery writer will be able to get to the emotional core of a reader by taking him on a journey through the thought processes that leads to the exposure of the bad guy.

Television and film don’t lend themselves to such “Eureka!” moments because we can see too much of what’s going on. For instance, with one or two exceptions, Agatha Christie’s novels did not translate well to the silver screen. Christie and most other mystery novelists rely on intimacy with the reader to build suspense, something that is rarely possible in film (although I thought The Orient Express worked quite well because of the constricted space - the train - where the action took place).

The revelation in last night’s episode that President Jellyfish himself is the monster behind it all proved to be the shock of the year. Lots of good misdirection by the writers in previous episodes as well as some great acting by Gregory Itzin made the moment work as well as almost any similar moment I can recall. Perhaps the revelation that Kevin Spacey’s character in Usual Suspects was actually the legendary Kaiser Sozsa rivalled it in the theater. But one would be hard pressed to think of a more shocking moment on TV in recent memory.

So now, after 18 episodes, Jack and CTU (what’s left of them) realize who and what they are up against. The race is on to save American democracy. And I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have on the frontlines than Jack Bauer.

SUMMARY

Where’s Jack? The final explosion that ripped through the gas distribution center had Jack and Bierko perilously close to the flames and falling debris. Did Jack make it? Or, is Chloe going to have to strap on a pair of six shooters and battle the terrorists in Jack’s place?

That image alone is enough to get the terrorists to surrender.

Then, through the swirling smoke and back-lit gas works, a figure emerges carrying someone. It’s Jack and he has Bierko slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Dropping the terrorist on the ground at Curtis’s feet like a trophy buck from a deer hunt, Jack screams into Bierko’s face trying to wake him. The terrorist is either too injured or too terrified to answer so Jack orders him transferred to CTU medical so that he can be patched up for his little session to come with Richard and his little black bag of truth serum.

In the meantime, Jack is doing some thinking. He figures Henderson, the poor misguided patriot that he is, would never kill 200,000 of his fellow citizens. Hence, since his ex-friend was protecting someone big and important (so big he allowed his wife to get shot in the thigh by Jack in fear of revealing the name) Jack reasons that the plot extends into the highest reaches of the United States government. In his conversation with Bill about this turn of events, Jack lets on that he’s scared.

If Jack is scared, it’s time to pack up the wife and kids and move to Montana to join a survivalist cult.

Back at CTU, Grandma Hayes gets an earful from Vice President Strangelove who wonders what the hold-up is with the Homeland Security takeover of the Counter Terrorism Unit. Granny’s bureaucratic antennae is fully extended, realizing as she does it is going to be hard to justify the coup d’etat if Bill puts up a stink. Enter her slimy assistant Miles who comes up with the perfect CYA instrument - a letter, signed by Audrey, implicating Bill in all sorts of incompetence regarding the day’s events. The elegance of the ass covering plan reveals why some people are born to be bureacrats and most others are birthed as human beings.

Informed that Wayne and Aaron eluded the trap set by his men, Henderson decides it’s time for Plan B - kidnapping the 8 year old daughter of Evelyn, the First Lady’s assistant who, we are informed by Wayne, was President Palmer’s source for information coming out of the Executive Branch. Confronting Evelyn, Wayne tries to get her to reveal what she knows. Alas, Evelyn wants her daughter rescued before she’ll talk (cue Jack in the wings).

Jack understands perfectly, having made worse deals with terrorists, and agrees to go after the little girl. He tells Wayne to meet him at an old barn near the Presidential retreat.

The coup at CTU by DHS is carried out with ruthless efficiency. All that’s left to do in order to cover all the bases is to get the CYA document with Audrey’s signature on it. For this, Miles takes it upon himself to convince Audrey of the practicality of the matter. When Audrey balks and gets ready to leave, Miles congratulates on her loyalty and then, quite casually, raises what the slimeball thinks is his piece de resistance :

MILES: Oh…just to confirm; as on-site liaison for DoD, you participated in today’s decision making process?

AUDREY: What’s your point?

MILES: Serious mistakes were made here today that resulted in the loss of American lives. It would be a shame to see the taint of CTU’s mismanagement spread to your agency (pregnant pause)…or your career. By signing this, you isolate the fallout from today’s events to Bill Buchanan and CTU…where it belongs.

AUDREY: (Walks deliberately over to Miles and leans over) I’m proud of what we did here today. The people at CTU are heroes including Bill Buchanan. This takeover is completely unwarranted. And I won’t help you justify it.

The crestfallen reaction of Miles was priceless. It’s the second time he’s been forced to retreat like a beaten dog, the other incident involving Chloe and Sweet Sherry. Let’s hope he makes a habit of it.

No sooner had Needlenose stood up to the bureaucratic bully than Jack calls and tells her that he needs a satellite tasked to help in the rescue operation involving the kidnapped girl. Audrey realizes right away that she needs Chloe’s super-geek skills in the matter and also sees that the only way she can do that is by signing the CYA document and bargaining for Chloe’s services.

Swallowing her pride, she makes the deal with Granny regarding Chloe. The confrontation with Bill (and slimeball Miles being insufferably smug in giving Bill the news) is painful but necessary. She nearly has to kidnap Chloe who has her own strong feelings about loyalty in order to help. Chloe at times seems like a little lost girl, running up to Bill to ask him what’s going on and needing reassurance that everything is going to be alright. It would be a very attractive trait - if she wasn’t such a bitch the other 99% of the time.

When Henderson calls Evelyn to set up the exchange - information implicating the real villain for her daughter - Jack is listening in and gets Chloe to give him satellite coverage of the killing field. Jack is once again going to have to wade through a river of gore to achieve his immediate objective; save the little girl and capture his nemesis Henderson.

Wayne, perhaps not realizing what he’s letting himself in for, volunteers to help Jack in his mission. Bauer tries to dissuade him:

WAYNE: I was a Marine, Jack.

JACK: I know that Wayne. And you never saw combat. There’s a big difference between training to kill someone and actually having to do it. I can’t put you in harm’s way out of respect for your brother. Your family needs you now.

WAYNE: (Quietly) These are the people who killed my brother, Jack. They shot a bullet right through his neck and then he died in my arms. Put yourself in my position. Could you just walk away.

JACK: No.

WAYNE: Neither can I. I’m coming with you.

And so Wayne, not realizing that most of Jack’s partners end up wishing they hadn’t gone with him, teams up with Jack to get the little girl back and unearth the plot threatening the United States.

Downloading an infrared satellite image of the kill zone to Jack’s PDA shows 10 targets. After offing two bad guys, Jack sends Wayne on an end run to take out a guard so that he can make it to a tower and take out a sniper.

Wayne makes it to the kill point but perhaps because he can’t shoot the terrorist in the back, waits until he turns around before plugging him twice. Let’s hope Wayne loses that hesitancy if he and Jack are going to be teamed up again. Next time he won’t be so lucky.

After Jack takes care of the sniper, Evelyn shows up and demands her daughter from Henderson. The unsuspecting traitor then finds out just how much trouble he’s in when, after the mother-daughter reunion, Jack opens fire taking down two while Wayne, in perfect flanking position, takes out two more. Seeing the jig is up, Henderson starts to take off in Evelyn’s car, slamming into one of his own men while making his escape. Jack and Wayne fire wildly at the fleeing SUV but once again, Henderson lives to see another day.

Jack races over to find Evelyn slightly wounded. He orders Evelyn to live up to her agreement and tell him about the Vice President’s involvement. Evelyn looks at Jack with horror; the Vice President had nothing to do with all this…

Then…who?

Speeding away from Jack, Henderson is on the phone apologizing to Mr. Big, the man in charge of the entire operation. The peremptory tones and authoritative voice telling Henderson to get the job done is unfamiliar and yet…

And yet the voice betrays the speaker as someone used to giving commands and having them obeyed. The conversation between the two traitors is ending. We see the back of Mr. Big. He is in shadow. As the camera slowly pans left, the face starts to come into view - the hooded eyes, high forehead, look familiar but…but it can’t be. For the briefest of moments, the mind recoils in denial not quite believing what they eyes are telling it.

But there’s no mistake. It is President Logan. And the look on his face and body language showing a commanding presence and determination reveal the man to be a consummate actor. He has had everyone fooled. And now the race is on to foil whatever ex-President Jellyfish’s plot turns out to be.

BODY COUNT

Jack takes down 5 traitors while Wayne accounts for 3. And you can add hit and run homicide to Henderson’s list of crimes.

JACK: 24

SHOW: 164

SPECULATION

Does Logan actually believe he can take over the government of the United States and establish a dictatorship? If so, he must have one more terrorist attack up his sleeve that will devastate the country and have people begging him to take on dictatorial powers. Will it be a nuke? More bio-terror? How about starting a war?

Have some fun in the comments…

UPDATE

As usual, for the best liveblogging, snarky commentary, photoshop magic, and general Jack Bauer mayhem, click on Blogs4Bauer and keep scrolling.

UPDATE II

It’s 10:00 AM and no one has speculated on the obvious reason for Logan’s transformation.

Don’t you people watch soap operas? Obviously, Logan is suffering from a split personality. His wimpy side doesn’t know what his Orwellian side is doing which would explain everything.

The only drawback to that theory is his wife. But given she’s nutzo herself, maybe she couldn’t see it in him.

C’mon…did you really think Audrey was working with the terrorists?

In truth, I am not 100% convinced of her innocence - more like 98.7%. She never did adequately explain her little slap and tickle session with Walt Cummings. And have you people forgotten Nina Meyers already? You may recall that Nina was fingered as the mole halfway through Season I only to wriggle off the hook through some manipulation of the records.

Then there’s Henderson. If, as we all suspect, Vice President Strangelove is the point man for some kind of plot to take over the government, there is still Henderson’s computer hard drive formatted to be read by DoD servers. And please note that Bierko, in his conversation about Wayne Palmer with Henderson, called him “sir.” This would seem to indicate that Henderson, with his extensive contacts at DoD, is running the terrorist operation. The ultimate question is going to be who does Henderson report to? This entire day has been a Henderson operation from start to finish and a large part of it is personal - a desire to exact revenge on Jack for ruining his CTU career.

Jack finally recognized this after breaking Collette. Henderson tried to frame him for Palmer’s assassination. He has targeted and killed his friends. And the Audrey ploy almost worked except that Henderson didn’t count on Jack’s supple (some would say paranoid) mind. The permutations within permutations of the plot have Jack running around like a lab rat looking for the cheese. But Jack is now fully engaged in this battle of wits. And it appears to me anyway that this has gone far beyond any kind of call to duty by Jack and, like Henderson, his pursuit of the bad guys has gotten very personal.

It’s Henderson vs. Jack with the future freedom of the United States hanging in the balance. The Greeks would kill them both off at the end. Let’s see what Fox comes up with.

SUMMARY

Collette’s apparent revelation that Audrey is involved in the day’s events spurs CTU into a frenzy of activity. Chloe starts looking for a Cummings/Henderson/Audrey connection while Bill takes Ms. Needlenose into custody. As Dr. Feelgood prepares his little black bag full of truth serum cocktails, Grandma Hayes is eager to get her first official torture session underway. Jack warns Collette, using just the right mix of menace and sexual titillation, sidling up to the hottie and saying in a low, threatening whisper “If you are lying to me, I’m going to make this the worst day of your life.” I think Collette actually enjoyed it.

With Collette’s immunity deal signed, sealed, and delivered, making the terrorist covergirl untouchable, Bill argues against shooting up Audrey and gets off the best line of the night: “We can torture our own people but we can’t torture a criminal?”

Bill has worked for the government long enough to know that this is precisely the kind of bureaucratic logic that has made our country what it is today.

Speaking of bureaucrats, Miles warns Grandma Hayes of the consequences to her ample posterior if things go south and she is accused of inaction in the case of Audrey. Jack warns her of the consequences of torturing the Secretary of Defense’s daughter which, if Audrey is innocent, could also be hazardous to Granny’s bureaucratic derriere. Instead of making a decision, Granny punts. She tells Jack he can go ahead and question Audrey but that Agent Burke should standby to administer his medicine.

Meanwhile, the terrorists are busy. Getting around martial law restrictions, Bierko’s boys stage a fight in an alley which draws the attention of two of LA’s finest who are subsequently killed allowing the terrorists to use their black and white as an escort for the truck carrying the nerve gas.

Chloe finds a pretty damning piece of info regarding Audrey, Walt, a motel in Tennessee, and a night of passion that has Chloe all apologetic thinking the revelation cuts Jack to the quick. But Jack is in full terrorist hunting mode and is determined to get to the bottom of the charge against Audrey. He seems unfazed by the revelation and heads for the holding room where he must face Audrey, his past, and all the demons that have conspired to keep the two apart.

The confrontation was deliciously done. Jack, a menacing presence skulking in the shadows. Audrey, looking at Jack fearfully but not without trust. The questions fall like a series of trip hammer blows. Did you know Henderson? Did you know Collette? Did you know Walt Cummings?

Audrey, slightly confused, still trusting, answers quietly and forcefully. No, she didn’t know Henderson or Collette. Cummings? Oh…that Walt Cummings. When Jack catches Audrey in the lie about the motel he doesn’t seem hurt or even resigned to Audrey’s guilt. He almost appears triumphant as he opens the file with the information about the Audrey/Walt tryst and asks her about it.

Her stuttering, fumbling response has Jack pouncing cat quick on his prey. She tries to wriggle free but Jack verbally corners her. “How could I be hurt? I was dead!” he shouts in her face. Audrey appeals to his feelings about her but Jack will have none of it. Kicking the table out of the way, Audrey is exposed to the full fury of Jack’s fanatical determination to find the truth of the matter. Backing her against the wall, menacing his former lover as he would any low-life terrorist unlucky enough to cross his path, Jack grips Audrey’s throat and starts to squeeze.

Her muffled protestations of innocence are at first, lost on Jack. But suddenly, looking into her eyes, searching her face for the Ultimate Truth, something passes between them - a recognition that they still love each other. In the crucible of crisis that is both personal and professional for each of them, it is fitting that they rediscover their feelings for one another while Jack is almost choking the life out of her.

Making a snap decision on her innocence, Jack announces that the interrogation is over. Granny Hayes has other ideas and sics Richard on Audrey. The clueless security guards fall victim to Jack’s interference but Richard tasers Jack into submission and Audrey is led away, piteously asking Jack and Bill to intercede.

In an effort to save Audrey from having her nervous system turned into jelly, Jack and Chloe try to hunt up connections between Collette and Henderson. Only then will Granny relent in her interrogation of Audrey.

Back at the ranch, Agent Piece begins to get worried about Wayne Palmer. The dead ex-President’s brother is late and Aaron decides to go looking for him when he finds out that Wayne was cleared through the initial checkpoint 30 minutes ago.

We meet Fat Geek Edgar’s replacement, Sweet Sherry who apparently was sexually harrassed by Miles a few years back. I’m sorry, but does anyone else think that the idea of that chipmunk Miles sexually harassing anything except perhaps the office rubber plant a little farfetched? The uber-bureaucrat is determined to make Sherry’s life miserable until Chloe, who was informed of Miles’ bad boy behavior, confronts the slimeball and tells him to get lost or she’ll report him to division. The cur retreats with his tail between his legs.

As I speculated last week, the terrorist target is indeed a gas distribution center. Confidently breaking in to the lightly guarded facility (I hope to God DHS was watching the show), Bierko saunters into the control room and orders that the pressure in the gas lines be lowered to 50% so that the nerve toxin can be delivered with all its deadly potency intact. As the terrified employee does the terrorist’s bidding, I was wondering why Bierko needed the schematics and access codes (to what?) if he was going to use an employee to help him deliver the gas. Could it be there is another target that the terrorists have already settled on?

Aaron finds Wayne wandering in the wilderness and as they make their way back to the President brother’s car, they come under attack. An RPG round detonates close to Wayne who is either dead or knocked unconscious. Aaron skeddaddles probably without whatever proof Wayne was going to give him about further skulduggery in the executive branch.

Chloe, using some geek legerdemain, discovers 8 calls between Collette and Henderson over the last few months. Since the terrorist pin up girl denied knowing him, Jack has his proof that Collette has been lying thus negating her presidential immunity. Telling Bill to retroactively get permission to interrogate Collette (sort of like getting a FISA warrant but without the sanctimonious posturing from civil liberties absolutists) Jack bursts into the holding room where Miss Terrorist centerfold is quietly awaiting her release. Cold cocking the US Marshall assigned to guard her, Jack skips the foreplay and dives right in to the meat of the matter.

Pulling his gun and pointing it at her head, he first gets confirmation from the squirming hottie that Henderson had indeed told her to use Audrey’s name as a contact at DoD. Pulling the hammer back with a satisfying click, he then inquires about the target. Realizing, as all terrorists do when Jack has the gun trained 2 inches from their skull that he is absolutely dead serious about killing them when he counts to 3, Collette spills the beans about the target being an unknown gas distribution center. The problem is that there are several to choose from so while Bill and Chloe try to find the exact target, Jack, Curtis and the CTU TAC team jump in a helicopter and take off.

Before leaving, Jack rescues Audrey from Richard’s tender ministrations. Just in time? There is a nagging feeling in the back of my head that Audrey may still be holding something back. Regardless, Audrey forgives Jack for the torture and the two have an affecting scene together as they tenderly kiss and make up.

Sweet Sherry, a Chem major at Cal-Tech, realizes that they should be looking for a distribution center where the pressure is being reduced. After discovering the specific target, Bill thanks her and as he brushes past her he gives her shoulder a familiar squeeze. We are now faced with the horrible conclusion that Miles was indeed telling the truth. The rubber plant was the target of his affections, not Sherry. Sweety complains that it was “wrong” for Bill to touch her like that. Chloe gives her a look that only Chloe could give, a mixture of wonder and disgust.

Sherry’s sexual problems will have to wait for the conclusion to this, the most exciting episode of the season. Racing the clock, CTU TAC hovers over the roof of the gas company and rappelles down. As the gang makes their way into the control room and their rendezvous with the elusive Bierko, a ferocious firefight breaks out. Seeing the meter fall to 50% pressure, Bierko releases the gas and tries to make his escape. After offing the last terrorist, Jack is informed by the frightened gas company employee that he can stop the gas by blowing up the main line that is conveniently located directly down the hall from the control room rather than where it should be which is the other side of the complex.

Chloe informs Jack that he has less than a minute to blow the line or its curtains for Burbank. Setting a 30 second timer, Jack, Curtis, and everyone else runs for their lives. Jack’s escape after the gas lines start to detonate is as good as action TV gets. A series of explosions rip through the plant with Jack only a couple of steps ahead of them. The immediate danger over, Jack glimpses Bierko making his escape and informs Curtis he’s going after him. Catching up with the terrorist, the two antagonists struggle while buildings all around them are exploding. The last we see is Jack getting in the car with Bierko subdued and a titanic blast covering the car in flame and debris.

BODY COUNT

After taking the night off last week, the Grim Reaper came back refreshed and determined to make up for lost time.

Bierko’s bums bop two cops. A guard at the gate is history. Two gas company employees meet their maker. The total from the firefight in the control room is grisly; two TAC teamers go down but our boys send 5 terrorists to hell. Jack has his best night of the year so far accounting for four souls faithfully departed.

JACK: 19

SHOW: 155

SPECULATION

Much chatter on the boards about DHS being the ultimate bad guys in the plot. Somehow, that just doesn’t compute for me. The Homeland Security folks seem too preoccupied with their little turf war at CTU to be involved in some kind of grand strategy.

I’d be interested to hear everyone’s thoughts on that.

UPDATE

Make sure to check out the excellent round-ups, summaries, and speculation threads at Blogs4Bauer including an update on a casualty that I missed from last night’s show; one very dead fire hydrant.

UPDATE II

For some reason, the blog is resolving into gibberish when I use Internet Explorer. I don’t know if it’s just me or if the problem can be seen by readers.

If you can’t read part or all of the post, please drop me a line. I have a feeling it has to do with the slow loading of the PJ Media ads in the right sidebar.

The turf war shaping up between the bureaucrats at CTU and the Department of Homeland Security in the show may seem petty and even a little bizarre, what with 19 cannisters of nerve gas about to be released on an unsuspecting public. But the fact that such maneuvering takes place even in real life illustrates just one of the reasons the intelligence services of the United States are so dysfunctional.

The 9/11 Commission found numerous examples of jealous bureaucrats at the FBI and the CIA guarding their turf not against terrorists but against each other. Even within those organizations, there was friction between counter-terrorism and law enforcement (here and overseas) as the CIA lost track of several of the 9/11 terrorists and then failed to put them on a domestic watch list. FBI agents in Minneapolis and Phoenix pleaded with their superiors on numerous occasions to take note of terrorists at flight schools. Instead of paying heed, Washington had the local offices of the FBI agents in question try and stifle the investigations by making life difficult for the agents.

This behavior can be explained only in the context of “channels” that careerists at the nation’s intelligence agencies are slaves to. Only by following procedure and not “rocking the boat” can one advance. This attitude punishes originality, faults thinking outside the box, and penalizes independent action.

This is not to say that most employees at our intelligence agencies aren’t dedicated, patriotic, hard working public servants, many of whom place their lives on the line for our country. What it indicates is a sick culture, a working atmosphere that rewards playing it safe and rarely punishes mistakes no matter how large.

Former Director of Central Intelligence George Tenet may have been the most spectacularly unsuccessful DCIA in history, missing as he did 9/11, Saddam’s lack of WMD, downplaying Iraqi ties to al Qaeda (which we are now finding out were much more extensive than the CIA said they were), and underestimating the Iranian nuclear program. Instead of being fired, President Bush allowed him to retire and then gave him a Congressional Gold Medal.

Is it any wonder our intel services need an overhaul?

As for as the CTU-DHS war, one need only look at what Congressional investigators have pointed out was the mistake of folding FEMA into DHS and the subsequent problems with Katrina assistance. A case can be made that FEMA should never have assumed the role of disaster nanny in the first place. But the fact that states had come to rely on the agency as a first responder (even though that was never its mission) only points up the consequences of DHS turf building.

The DHS representative has let on that she doesn’t plan on taking over CTU completely until the crisis is over. That won’t stop her or her assistant Miles from probably making a hash of CTU’s efforts to stop the terrorists. Muscling in on someone else’s turf is a time honored tradition in bureaucracies - even when the stakes are so high.

SUMMARY

We discover that the woman in the hotel room who promised Bierko the schematics is one Collette Stenger, described as an “International Intelligence Broker.” I’d love to see her business card: “Serving the terrorist community since 1999…” After one last leer at her mystery lover, she leaves the hotel to meet Bierko after informing lover boy that she will be at the airport in 45 minutes.

At the ranch, Vice President Strangelove asks Jellyfish if he has any second thoughts about declaring martial law. He does, especially after Martha works him over one last time trying to get him to change his mind. Too late - Logan appears before the cameras and announces a “curfew” for Los Angeles starting immediately. The press sees through the fiction and even Fox News is calling it martial law. The negative reaction has Jellyfish outraged as his political foes are “debating” whether or not the action is legal. I wonder which party the writers are talking about when we have some politicians trying to score political points with the nation under attack? Duh.

Whether you believe martial law was necessary is not the point. Debate later. Even impeach later. For the immediate crisis, swallow your doubts and keep your yap shut, especially when you don’t have the information that the President does. Of course, we can see that martial law is a ploy by Strangelove but the bitching politicians don’t know that. Best for the country if everyone holds their fire until the crisis is over, then go ballistic if you want to.

At CTU, Grandma Hayes shows up with her sleazeball assistant Miles (who played the gay guy that Bruce Willis used and then murdered in The Jackal). Miles immediately endears himself to all of us when he casually orders Chloe to set up a workstation for him where Fat Geek Edgar used to sit. The look Chloe gave him would have melted the CTU mainframe.

Agent Pierce (who finally has a decent role after 5 years of faithful service both to the executive branch of government and Fox television) gets a call from Wayne Palmer who asks to meet the agent clandestinely. Wayne has obviously uncovered some more information from his dead brothers computer files and needs to tell someone. Why Pierce? Evidently the writers needed some way to get Aaron involved in the plot and this seemed as good as an excuse as any.

Jellyfish is getting antsy about the political fallout from his rather draconian security measures but Strangelove assures him that “I’m in control of the situation.” Mike’s ears prick up at that announcement although one wonders why he should be surprised. It’s becoming pretty clear that President Jellyfish will soon be supplanted by the Vice President either through some kind of trickery or maybe even assassination.

Collette shows up at Bierko’s terrorist hideout and shows that she has dealt with many a murderous thug in the past by handing over the schematics only after getting her money. It appeared that Bierko was torn about whether or not to kill her. The fact that the email confirmation showed that she received $10 million for the information made it bad business to off the dark haired beauty.

We discover that the plans are for a “distribution center” with the target a residential area. There is only one possible explanation: The terrorists are going to flood the gas lines with nerve gas. And as Sue pointed out to me, the fact that martial law has been declared means that everybody will be at home, thus raising the body count dramatically.

Could such an attack succeed in real life? I’d be interested if someone could figure out how many parts per million would get into a household from 18 cannisters of nerve gas and whether it would be enough to kill 200,000 people. Remember, not everyone has a gas appliance so you would have to figure that the nerve toxin would have to hit something like 75,000 homes.

Meanwhile, CTU is on the trail of Collette thanks to some geek magic by Chloe who hacked Henderson’s hard drive to find her name. Jack and Curtis take a TAC team to the hotel only to find Collette’s lover Tio who, although appearing to be Italian (and with an Italian sounding name), actually works for German intelligence. Tio refuses to help Jack having spent 6 months undercover bedding down the gorgeous intelligence broker in order to uncover her networks. The fact that it was a two month job evidently has not crossed the minds of Tio’s clueless superiors.

Jack tries to tell the love struck spy what’s at stake:

JACK: If we don’t find Bierko, hundreds of thousands of people will die here today. That is more important than your “pre-emptive” operation.

TIO: It is not a question of importance. It’s a question of different agendas. Your job is to save American lives. Mine, German lives. You’re asking me to betray my duty to my country. Ask yourself what you would do in my position.

JACK: You better start asking yourself what you would do in mine. (Leading him away) Let’s go.

TIO: I’m here with the permission of your government! You can’t touch me!

JACK: Riiiiiiight.

After telling Curtis to take a hike, Jack gets down to business telling the German agent that he will give the NSA’s “wet list” of terrorists around the world if he helps CTU get Collette. Tio eagerly agrees (perhaps hoping that he will be sent on another plum assignment where he gets to screw some terrorist babe). After a little tomfoolery, Chloe gets her keycard back from Miles and hacks the NSA database through a backdoor and downloads the wet list to Jack’s PDA. Tio, Jack, and Curtis head to the airport to meet Collette.

Back at the ranch, Wayne is stopped at a checkpoint and is cleared through only after Strangelove and his assistant give the okay. The fact that Wayne is later run off the road by men intent on killing him reveals that either Strangelove himself or his assistant is working for the traitors at the Department of Defense. Wayne barely survives and runs off into the night with his would be assassins in hot pursuit.

After getting caught red handed by Miles, Chloe informs Bill and Grandma Hayes that she gave Jack one of the most classified secrets of the American government. Why? “Because Jack wanted it.” Bill goes ballistic and poor Chloe for once is rendered speechless. Grandma gives the okay to continue the operation reluctantly and only because Collette has arrived at the airport. Once identified, the woman is expertly captured by the TAC team and like all terrorist small fry, knows the drill perfectly; she asks for immunity from Jack who, given any other context, would be considered soft on crime so many times he has granted immunity to terrorists.

Tio tries to download the wet list into the German intelligence files but instead, hears a strange voice coming from the device: “This card will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Good luck, fool.” Jack is nice enough to call Tio immediately after the meltdown and assure him that he will help “rebuild his investigation.” Who wouldn’t given the fringe benefits.

In exchange for immunity, Collette can offer only the name of her contact who sold her the schematics. The person works at the Department of Defense. And we discover that it is not a “he” but a “she.”

Were you surprised she blurted out the name Audrey Raines? I must confess that I was indeed shocked, the first real slam-bang jolt of the season. The obvious question would be is it, in fact, true? Can Audrey really be the traitor?

The idea that she could be bought is nonsense. But working with Vice President Gardener and the other traitors thinking that she was doing the right thing? Not impossible. Improbable, yes. But don’t worry, Jack will beat it out of her I’m sure.

BODY COUNT

The Grim Reaper took the night off.

UPDATE Long time House reader Hector informs me that Grandma Hayes mentioned that 56 CTU employees bit the dust in the nerve gas attack. Since I only used the figure 55 (given by Bill) we will add one more to the show’s blood total.

JACK: 15

SHOW: 143

SPECULATION

Is Gardener the main man in the conspiracy or is there someone behind him? Is Gardener involved at all? Could it be Gardener’s assistant acting as a mole and the Vice President just an innocent boob?

If Audrey is involved, might not her father also be a player? And if Audrey is not involved, why set her up? Are the traitors trying to throw Jack off the scent? Collette must realize that if she’s lying about Audrey, her immunity deal is kaput. If that’s the case, then even Collette has been misdirected for purposes unclear at this point.

Or, Audrey is a terrorist loving, traitorous bitch. Which is it fans?

UPDATE

First, make sure you stop by Blogs4Bauer and catch up on all the news, speculation, and funnies from last night’s show.

Then come back here and let ‘er rip in the comments about whether or not you think Audrey is really a traitor.

And what’s with Michelle Malkin? I’m surprised to see Michelle have time for anything outside of taking care of her family and writing so the fact that she has now confessed an obsession with Prison Break comes as something of a shock. But the real shocker is her taunting of Jack Bauer. Has she no clue of the consequences of dissing Jack? Those two losers from Prison Break would make a fine midday snack for Jack who, if Michelle is unaware, is an equal opportunity torturer, administering pain in equally large doses to women and men.

Standing up to moonbats is one thing. Standing up to Jack…?

She’s braver than I thought.

“The irony is that he comes back to life, and everyone around him dies.”
(Howard Gordon, Executive Producer of 24)

Oh how the classical literary giants of the past would have loved the show this year!

The Greek playwright Sophocles would have especially enjoyed the irony mentioned above by Mr. Gordon. After all, in Sophocles’ case, how much more ironic can you get than having your main character be abandoned as an infant, later meet his own father in combat and kill him, and then marry his wife, your own mother?

Oedipus put out his own eyes as penance for his sins. In the case of our doomed CTU comrades, they paid the ultimate price for angering the Gods. Edgar and the Fat Hobbit were guilty of transgressing against their friends. Edgar not only dismissed the signs of a threat but sent Kerri to her death. And Lin’s sins were best summed up by the CTU guard Harry who had to share in the Fat Hobbit’s fate, representing as he did the failures of CTU security to keep the terrorist out of the building in the first place:

We’re all going to die because you were embarrassed?

In Tony’s case, his will to live had been sucked out of him by the death of Michelle thus making his death a sure sign that fate rules the affairs of men. The Greeks, a practical and thoughtful people, were absolutely convinced of this, going so far as to give the fates names - Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos - and assigning each a specific role in determining the outcomes of our lives. Clotho was the spinner of fate and hung around a person’s entire lifetime constantly spinning the threads of one’s existence., Lachesis was the drawer of lots and Atropos represented the inevitable end to life. One can see immediately where our three heroes were influenced by one or more of these goddesses.

Tony also chose the path of vengeance which, as the Greeks teach us, inevitably leads to one’s own destruction.

There is also the entirely Christian theme of redemption in the death of Lin which made his passing a more heroic and uplifting event than if say, Kim’s boyfriend Barry had made that sacrifice.

Of course I’m reading way too much into this. But I still find it fascinating that almost 3000 years after Homer’s death, writers are still using the dramatic devices in storytelling that proved so successful even back then. It’s a part of our western tradition and should be celebrated whenever possible.

SUMMARY

The sit-rep is grim. CTU headquarters is a vast, silent morgue as dozens of friends and colleagues lie dead from the nerve gas attack. The small pockets of survivors are in a state of shock, especially Chloe who can’t take her eyes off her dead friend Edgar. She moans about how she “treated him like crap - all day.”

No one has the heart to tell her that she treated Edgar like crap every day - but we knew that, didn’t we?

When Jack fails to snap Chloe out of it, Barry volunteers his services as a clinical psychologist to give it a shot, telling Chloe to ” find her breath.” Jack allows the shrink to make the attempt to bring Chloe back so that she can help a situation that is getting worse by the minute.

That’s because Tony continues his miraculous recovery from death’s door and, after applying a choke hold to the Doctor that saved his life, makes his way into the room where Dr. Feelgood, Agent Richard Burke, is still shooting Henderson up with truth serum in order to get the ex-CTU agent to divulge where the terrorist mastermind Bierko is with those cannisters of nerve gas. Grabbing Burke’s gun, Tony seems beyond reason - until Jack gets on the intercom pleading with Tony to forgo his vengeance at least until they have a chance to interrogate Henderson. Tony, in one of the greatest lines he’s ever delivered, says to Jack through clenched teeth, “Hurry up.”

At the ranch, the President, who is apparently under some kind of spell cast by Vice President Strangelove, agrees to go ahead with martial law after talking to Karen Hayes, an apparently turf conscious bureaucrat at the Department of Homeland Security. Grandma Hayes informs the President that most of CTU is down and that she is going over there to take charge. This elicits another argument between Strangelove and Jellyfish with the Veep convincing the President once again that martial law is necessary.

We find Bierko the terrorist planning his masterpiece as the “new target” is going to be a big one. He orders all the rest of the cannisters moved to the site. In the teaser for next week’s episode we learn that “200,000 people” are at risk which means they’re not going hit a Lakers game. And it’s past rush hour so hitting the subway system is out. I wonder if Centex is water soluble? Can they put it in the water supply?

Back at CTU, Barry is making no progress with Chloe who is still a basket case. In a move sure to endear him to Porn Star Kimmy, Jack informs the shrink that THERE’S NO TIME for the rather clinical way the Clinical Psychologist is working with Chloe. To prove his point, he applies the Jack Bauer Death Grip to Barry’s throat which seems to wake Chloe out of her stupor.

While difficult to ascertain, I believe I saw Kim’s eyebrow twitch when Jack was choking her lover which means that Ms. Cuthbert has added a third facial expression to her acting repertoire, the other two being a come hither smile and her famous teenage pout face that she used to such great effect when trying to get Chase to quit CTU in season 3.

Things start going from bad, to worse, to “Jack Bauer Time” when the seals on the doors start to degrade thanks to a corrosive agent in the nerve gas. Chloe, back on the job and fully engaged, informs Jack that she can clear the nerve gas if only she could get the air conditioners to work, the unit being blocked by an insidious program we saw the terrorist setting up before he released the nerve gas last week. Since it would take too long to get an HVAC repairman out to headquarters, Jack takes it upon himself to squirm his way through the air ducts to a place where he can break into the room where the computer running the program is and disable it. Alas, incompetent bureaucrats are everywhere as a grate that was not on Chloe’s schematics due to a clerical error, prevents Jack from reaching the computer. He is forced to retreat back to his make-shift airlock and breathe uncontaminated air.

We also heard the first mention this entire season that the gas is deadly if absorbed by the skin but Jack assures us that he won’t be exposed long enough for that to happen.

Wha? Oh…never mind.

Meanwhile, Chloe is back to her old self:

KIM: Is there anything we can do from here?

CHLOE: No. We just have to wait. There’s nothing we can do to get your dad out any faster.

KIM: Don’t talk down to me Chloe.

BARRY: Listen. We’re in a crisis situation here, OK? Tempers are bound to flare. Let’s just everybody breathe.

CHLOE: What’s with you and breathing? Is that your answer to everything?

A few moments later, after Jack has gotten back into his airlock, Chloe recognizes that he should have taken longer to dump the threatening computer program:

BARRY: What’s it mean that he finished so quickly?

CHLOE: I don’t know.

BARRY: Well, it could be a good thing, right?

CHLOE: Could be a good thing. Could be a bad thing. That’s what “I - Don’t - Know” means.

Gotta love her!

After Chloe explains to Jack how the only way they can now be saved is if the Fat Hobbit sacrifices himself by opening his sanctuary to the contaminated air and racing up the stairs to the room where the computer is, Jack realizes he must ask Lin to die.

The Hobbit takes the news like a good little soldier but Harry, his companion in the holding room, is just a low-paid security guard and balks a bit. Harry should know by now that security guards at CTU have a life expectancy of about 3 weeks as they always seem to get whacked by moles or infiltrators when all they’re doing is going about their business of being totally oblivious to what’s going on.

With the seals on the doors minutes from disappearing, Harry has an affecting scene as he says goodbye to his little girl. Bravely, Lin takes a deep breath and sprints up the stairs to the computer room, disables the program, and runs back to his now contaminated room where both he and Harry can do nothing but hold their breath as long as possible.

Jack assures them both that he will inform their families of their heroism, says goodbye, and thanks them. Harry takes a breath first and starts to celebrate when nothing immediately happens. We know better. After he keels over, Lin takes the fatal breath and dies horribly.

Television doesn’t get much better than that.

This may be something of a transformational moment for Jack as he appears now to have taken on the role of avenging angel rather than superpatriot. Look for Bauer to start exacting revenge on the terrorists for everything they’ve done this day starting with Henderson.

Saying goodbye awkwardly to Kim who still wants nothing to do with him, Jack orders Barry to drive out of the city without stopping for anything. We know what that means. With the city about to erupt in panic thanks to the coming declaration of martial law, Kim will once again find herself in mortal peril.

Maybe the writers can find a coyote or perhaps even a wolf to threaten Kimmy. My own preference would be a mutant grey squirrel that eats human flesh and has a taste for clinical psychologists.

Meanwhile, President Jellyfish, like an Alka-Seltzer in hot water, begins to dissolve right before our eyes. Discussing with Martha the reasons he agrees with Vice President Strangelove’s martial law scenario, the Spineless One begins to melt like the wicked witch of the west after having water thrown on her:

MARTHA: He is not the President…YOU ARE!

LOGAN: I am doing this because it’s the right thing to do. (The shot of Logan’s hands on the desk betray the fact that he is not at all convinced it is the correct course of action).

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I really don’t. David’s assassination, the nerve gas, the murder of those hostages….Walt Cumming’s betrayal (begins to cry) and you…I almost lost you. I didn’t lose you, did I?

MARTHA: No, Charles…

So much for talking the wimp out of turning the country over to the military industrial complex.

We are then introduced to a gorgeous terrorist woman trying to get more schematics for Bierko, this time on their new target. Don’t know much about her except she is one hot mama and will definitely get any man, anywhere to do anything she asks.

Grandma Hayes of DHS is on her way over to CTU with a shadowy figure who may prove to be Jack’s next bureaucratic foil. He may also be associated with the terrorists although it’s too soon to tell. But it would not be surprising to have someone at Homeland Security on the payroll of international terrorists.

Hell…I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case in real life.

For Tony, the end of the road has been reached. Seeing that Henderson won’t wake up before Jack can reach him, Tony loads up a syringe with an extra lethal dose of truth serum and prepares to stab Henderson in the heart with the drug (”as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart’s shell upon it.”.) But being at heart a nice guy, he realizes he cannot do it.

Being a bad guy, Henderson has no such qualms. He grapples with Tony and ends up stabbing the taciturn series regular in the chest. As Henderson makes his escape, Jack bursts in just in time to find Tony on the floor and cradle his friend in his arms, feeling the life ebb out of him. And Bauer weeps. One by one, his friends are being taken from him. It is no longer his duty and responsibility to capture the terrorists. It is now his quest. Will it consume him like Ahab’s quest consumed the Captain of the Pequod?

This year…nothing is impossible.

BODY COUNT

Lin and Harry are heroes. Bill updates us with his estimate of 55 dead CTU employees. Since we already counted 12, that means we add 43 to the show’s total.

And since Jack asked Lin and Harry to die, we are going to credit Mr. Bauer with two more kills.

JACK: 15

SHOW: 142

PIE-IN-THE-SKY SPECULATION

Could this be the last year for Jack Bauer? With all of his friends dying off, the speculation on whether or not Jack will be killed off this year was ratcheted up a notch with this eye opening quote from Executive Producer Howard Gordon in today’s New York Times:

The actual death of Jack is where Mr. Gordon said he would like the series to end, whenever that may be. “He’s a tragic character, and tragedy ends in death,” he said.

UPDATE

Blogs4Bauer readers had the dead pool for this week spot on with McGill and Tony finishing one, two. Make sure you check out the site for some great summaries too.

HENDERSON: Damnit Jack! I’m not trying to protect myself, I’m trying to protect the country.

JACK: What do you mean?

HENDERSON: You don’t want to know what I know. You get me to talk and you’ll just be opening Pandora’s Box.

Like a finely woven tapestry, the plot threads on 24 are usually beautifully conceived and intricately sewn, a combination of subtle characterization and innocuous circumstance that has the writers trying to pull the wool over our eyes while at the same time placing nagging questions in the back of our minds that more often than not bear fruit later on in the show.

Sometimes, these questions go unanswered which can be enormously unsatisfying and forces us to curse the writers when they paint themselves into a corner and are forced to dead end the thread. But then there are times when the threads merge into a seamless whole and a large chunk of the plot is revealed.

Such was the case last night when Henderson warned Jack about opening Pandora’s Box by trying to elicit the truth of his involvement in the plot followed almost immediately by the introduction of Vice President Hal Gardener whose plan for preemptive martial law - unsanctioned by Congress and with no time limit - along with the past hints of Department of Defense perfidy could mean that the ultimate goal which had terrorists and American government officials working together may be an attempt to establish a military dictatorship in the United States.

This theme is nothing new in Hollywood. Ever since the excellent film Seven Days in May (based on the equally excellent novel by Fletcher Knebel & Charles W. Bailey II) was released in 1964, the takeover of the government by right wing militaristic fanatics has been a staple of Hollywood political pot boilers. Apparently, left wingers are much too warm and fuzzy (not to mention addle-brained and angst-ridden) to try anything like attempting to establish a dictatorship in our republic. Besides, a left-wing coup would be too boring to make into a film. First, it would take too long for them to explain why they’re doing it. Secondly, watching so many self-righteous, flatulent, bloviators would cause the audience to leave 15 minutes into the showing of the film.

Since a left-wing plot is out, that leaves the military and the shadowy “military-industrial complex.” While there actually is an MIC, it may surprise you to know there are just as many liberal Democrats in it as there are conservative Republicans. The people who make up the dozens of Committees and Boards that propose policy alternatives, recommend weapons systems, intelligence reforms, budget priorities, and a whole host of responsibilities at the Departments of State and Defense also sit on the Boards of Directors of major defense contractors as well as fill out the ranks of Presidential appointees - both Democrat and Republican - in the national security establishment.

They are a small group of mostly white men who are extremely influential in formulating our defense and foreign policy. But coup plotters? Please give me a break.

Of course, this doesn’t stop Hollywood from fantasizing and making their nightmares come to life. And in the case of 24, we also have current left wing fantasies about the Bush Administration and their attempt to destroy America. How the Bushies are going to do this requires your complete suspension of reality as well as a healthy dose of conspiracy nuttiness. But if a United States Congressman - Cynthia McKinney - can accuse the President of knowing in advance about the attacks on 9/11, anything is possible I suppose.

So if I were a conservative, I wouldn’t be too upset by all of this. After all, it’s just a TV show, isn’t it?

NOTE: This week, we start a new category in our updates. From here on out, every time Jack or CTU violates the Constitutional rights of someone, we will make a note of it. This was suggested to me by a an emailer who thought it might be educational to count up the number of times Jack threw the Constitution out the window to get the job done.

At least, it should start some debate in the comments section, no?

SUMMARY

Bill saunters down to the CTU clinic to see how Tony is doing. Being warned by the doctor not to reveal to Tony that his beloved Michelle is dead, Bill informs him that Palmer is dead and that Jack was set up to take the fall. Tony looks pretty good for having a car bomb go off 5 feet away from where he was cradling Michelle’s body - just a small facial bandage to hide some second degree burns on one side. I’m sure Tony was pleased when he realized he still had all his hair and that his Brooks Brothers button-down shirt was still intact despite the proximity of the explosion.

At the site of the assassination attempt, Nutzo Martha and the Suburovs are wandering around in the open, dazed but none the worse for wear. Maybe the Secret Service was using the three as bait to see if there were any more terrorists in the area who wanted to kill them. Martha mumbles to Aaron that Jellyfish knew about the attack and didn’t stop the motorcade. Since everyone thinks she’s crazy, Aaron looks at her like…well, like she’s crazy.

As we predicted, the boyfriend of Jenny, the Fat Hobbit’s sister, has called the terrorists and told them he has Lin’s CTU key card. We assume he found the number in the yellow pages under “Terrorists, Foreign and Domestic.” The Hobbit places a call to Jenny asking for the card back which she is more than willing to do until she learns that the boyfriend is going to get $20,000 for the little piece of plastic.

At the ranch, President Jellyfish has one of his frequent bouts of self recrimination that serves the purpose of making us hate him even more as well as causing us to come close to vomiting, so much the weasel that he is. Even Novik is getting sick of having to hold this guy’s hand. Maybe the terrorists can find a way to drop a little nerve gas in the President’s coffee or something.

After his lucky escape from certain death, Jack is on Buckaroo Banzai’s trail thanks to Chloe waving her magic geek wand and coming up with an address she hacked from Henderson’s office PC. As Jack heads over the turncoat’s house, Curtis finds some schematics on one of the dead would-be assassins that point to another attack within the hour. A computer search is initiated trying to match the plans to buildings in Los Angeles.

Tony, realizing that people are tip-toeing around the subject of Michelle’s condition, drinks from the grotto at Lourdes and, less than 8 hours after having a bomb go off on top of him and being on the critical list, makes a miraculous recovery and walks over to a computer to google up Michelle’s name on the CTU website. Finding out she is dead, Tony returns to bed but we’ve seen enough to know that he will be on his feet shortly and feeling well enough to help catch the terrorists. Maybe they’ll strap him to a board and stand him up in the conference room.

Logan lies through his teeth to the Russian President about what he knew about the nerve gas and when he knew it. President Suburov, only partially convinced that Jellyfish is innocent, agrees under the terms of the treaty to allow CTU access to Russian intel where the guys discover that Vlad Bierko is the name of the terrorist who is giving them so much trouble today. This thread bears watching as it would be very bad if Suburov discovered that Jellyfish is lying.

Back at CTU, Edgar gets a match on the schematics taken from the dead terrorist. It’s a hospital and while they begin an evacuation, Curtis races over with a TAC team. The hospital security chief assures Curtis he has everything covered except he forgets to mention that the terrorists have much better schematics of the hospital than he does - Bierko finds an “unguarded” secret entrance to the sub-basement. The terrorist is discovered but not before he places the cannister of nerve gas next to the ventilation system. Curtis corners him and takes him out while the hazmat crew races against time to defuse the cannister.

Meanwhile, Jack has reached Buckaroo’s house where his loyal wife, Mrs. Banzai is surprised to see Jack alive. Pulling a gun on the housewife, Jack tries to make the disbelieving Miriam believe that her husband is not only a rotten lover but a lying traitor as well. With Chloe’s help, he finds a “shadow hard drive” on Henderson’s computer that contains what appears to be telephone numbers used by the terrorists to communicate. Refusing to give him the password, Jack appears to be torn about the prospect of torturing the woman to get the information. Deciding against it for the moment, Miriam is placed in quite an awkward position when her husband comes home only to have Jack waylay him and start the interrogation.

Buckaroo won’t talk which gives Jack the opportunity to partake in a little target practice with Mrs. Banzai’s thigh. Perfect shot, dead center where he was aiming. Jack informs Buckaroo that the next round will put his former best friend’s wife in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Of course, Jack won’t do that even when Henderson refuses to cooperate. Jack asks CTU to set up the holding room and rig it for “medical interrogation.”

At the hospital, the CTU klutzes finally think of searching the dead terrorist after about five minutes and find the timer for the cannister on him. Realizing that THERE”S NO TIME(!), Curtis races to the containment truck and just in time deposits the load of nerve gas in the bin while the cannister goes off harmlessly.

And then the moment that many of us have been waiting for: Kim shows up at CTU.

All grown up (sleeping with your therapist is a sure sign of maturity). Kimmy has had a rough journey these last two years what with playing a porn star in The Girl Next Door and other forgettable roles. Now she’s back where she belongs. The only thing missing is the cougar.

Audrey’s telling the young woman that her father is still alive taxes Ms. Cuthbert’s acting abilities to the limit, the news eliciting both facial expressions she is able to make. Unfortunately, she does not bare her midriff in this scene which is a pity since her navel is more interesting to watch than her acting.

No matter. We’ll get to see plenty of Kimmy later I’m sure - both her bare midriff and her lack of emotional depth as an actress.

The other shoe of the conspiracy drops as Vice President Strangelove (Hal Gardener) enters the picture. Strangelove wants to declare martial law for the greater LA area despite the fact that no one knows anything about the nerve gas threat. The scene was interesting first because it showed the latent dictatorial tendencies in President Jellyfish and second, who’d ever think that Mike Novik was a civil libertarian?

In the Field Ops room at CTU, Jack and Kim come face to face.

JACK: The most painful thing I’ve ever been through was having to walk away from you. Even more painful than losing your mother. But it was the only way to make sure you’d be safe.

KIM: I buried you…

JACK: I know…

KIM: You know, there’s something wrong with people like you. You can’t hold on to anything. Chase couldn’t either. He tried for a while then he was gone just like you. And now you’re back. And I’m supposed to…(sniff, sniff). I’m happy you’re alive. I am. But I can’t give you what you want right now.

Kimmy has a lot of experience saying that last line. She tells the director that every day.

Jenny’s boyfriend meanwhile, discovers what happens when you negotiate with terrorists as he and the Fat Hobbit’s sister are killed. After expertly altering the key card, the terrorist calmly walks into CTU where the dumbest guards in Christendom man the outer doors.

In a case of life imitating art, recent revelations about security holes at the Homeland Security building are nothing compared to the nincompoops who are stationed to guard to CTU building. First, they don’t search the magic briefcase (which soon will double in size to accommodate the nerve gas cannister). Second, they don’t recognize the boss? Absolutely no Christmas bonuses for these idiots.

In a move that will prove interesting later, Bill pays another visit to Tony and informs him that Henderson is their only lead at this point. Since Tony and Buckaroo are moved into the same room when the nerve gas attack occurs, look for some interesting fireworks before that situation resolves itself.

Dr. Feelgood primes Henderson for interrogation but he refuses to talk. Jack has Richard administer the truth serum which it is assumed will either kill him or make him talk. As the serum begins to course its way through his body, every siren, horn and klaxon in the place goes off at once as the Fat Hobbit finally tells Bill about the missing key card after learning of his sister’s execution style death. Edgar, checking to see where Kerri is, finds her body in the basement which will prove to be his undoing.

The terrorist tries to make his escape. He kills a guard and takes his radio. Realizing this, Jack and Bill trick the terrorist into thinking the search is moving away from him. Confronting the cornered terrorist, Jack finally gets to use his gun on a bad guy but being out of practice, it takes him two shots to bring him down. When Jack discovers the schematics to CTU’s ventilation system on the terrorist, the gang realizes they better get the heck out of there quick. Too late! The cannister starts spewing, people start dying, and Chloe (who as we all know does not work well under pressure) finally figures out that the safest place to be for all is the conference room.

With colleagues collapsing and dying all around them, the little group that includes Bill, Jack, Chloe, Kimmy and her therapist, and Audrey seal themselves into the conference room. As they all watch in horror, Edgar staggers up from the basement and, with Chloe looking on, dies in front of all of us.

“Farewell and adieu, you sweet Spanish ladies…”

BODY COUNT

Curtis gets the hospital terrorist. Jenny and Boyfriend are executed. Kerri is knifed in the back. One CTU guard is retired. Jack is back in the kill column. Plus, I counted 12 CTU personnel going down including Edgar. That number may change (probably upward) if we get something more definitive.

JACK: 13

SHOW: 79

CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS VIOLATED

1. Chloe hacks Henderson’s PC without a warrant.

2. Henderson was not read his rights.

3. He is being tortured (are you kidding?)

4. Jack broke in to the Henderson home illegally.

5. He searches the home without a warrant.

6. He shoots Miriam to get Henderson to talk.

If there are any more, I’d like to see them in the comments.

“I’ll live to see you - all of you - hung from the highest yardarm in the British fleet.”
(Captain William Bligh from the 1935 version of Mutiny on the Bounty)

It’s mutiny I tell you, mutiny!

With Curtis doing his best imitation of Fletcher Christian, the gang at CTU does what it has to do to prevent the assassination of the Suburovs and the President’s wife.

But were they right?

The thing about mutinies - whether they be on the high seas or in the offices of a government counter-terrorism unit - is that there are two sides to every insurrection. There is much to be said against usurping the authority of the person in charge in a crisis situation just as there is a good case to be made that the Fat Hobbit cracked under the stress of the moment. In the case of the HMS Bounty, the British Navy sent a frigate to fetch back the mutineers in Tahiti where they had settled after making a new home for themselves. Most of the crew who took part in the revolt got away but 10 crewmen were hauled back to England, tried in an Admiralty Court, and three were found guilty and hung. Bligh himself was court martialed (after returning to England following an heroic 1500 mile voyage with 18 crewmen in a raft) and was eventually acquitted.

In CTU’s case, McGill’s abrasiveness and his myopia that prevented him from seeing the threat to the motorcade was exacerbated by his recognition that several members of his staff were doing something behind his back. It could be argued that he brought the conspiracy on himself by ordering Jack back to CTU headquarters but remember, he was acting under President Jellyfish’s orders. In short, the CTU conspiracy was probably necessary but I doubt a jury would see it that way. The gang should have swallowed their doubts and played ball with the Hobbit. He was the only one with the big picture and for all they knew, was doing the right thing. At the very least, they never gave him the benefit of that doubt which made their effort to overthrow him seem more about personality than it actually was.

If I were Audrey, Fat Geek Edgar, Chloe, and Curtis, I’d get myself a crackerjack lawyer and be prepared for the worst. Unless they can prove that the Fat Hobbit was as loony as a June bug when they relieved him, they may live to regret their little re-enactment of Mutiny on the Bounty.

SUMMARY

When last we left the quivering mass of jello who passes himself off as President of the United States, he was making a deal with the terrorists not to release the nerve gas on American soil in exchange for passing along the route of the Russian President’s motorcade. Being enormously pleased with himself at his cave in to the jihadists, Jellyfish speculates how they can turn the assassination of the Russian President into a political plus.

That is, until he finds out that Nutzo Martha took it upon herself to try and make her husband do the right thing by climbing into the limo with the Suburovs. Furious, he calls his wife and orders her out of the car. Martha, despite her fear, hangs in there, still believing that somewhere in that pusillanimous pile of dog crap and silly putty, a President is aching to get out.

Can’t wait for their first face to face moment when she gets back to the ranch. I feel another “Chief Brody moment” coming on. Only this time, I hope she closes her fist when she hits him.

Back at CTU, Audrey widens the conspiracy against the Hobbit by pulling Fat Geek Edgar into it. While Audrey and Chloe try to hack Omicron’s mainframe in order to insert a cover story for Jack so he can see Henderson, the lovestruck Edgar returns to his station to cover for Chloe.

The Hobbit, in the meantime, continues his descent into Mount Doom, breathing fire and snorting like an oliphant. He fires a cute girl who was just doing her job (and who also may be another mole) and threatens to sack Edgar because he sticks up for her. Noticing the absence of Chloe, he starts his search for the missing strawberries .

Jack enters Omicron using his fake identity expertly inserted by Chloe who employs some of her renowned geek magic. He is there to see an old friend, Chris Henderson. I’m informed by one of my expert commenters JPD that Henderson was a character in Season 1 who was accused by Jack of selling secrets to defense contractors. We know from past experience that once a bad guy, always a bad guy so we’re prepared to hate Henderson even if he is played by one of the greatest characters ever invented, Buckaroo Banzai. A scientist, rockstar, and humanitarian Banzai (played by Peter Weller) was also the star of his own comic book and had a fan club “The Blue Blazer Irregulars.”

Gotta love him.

Jack makes it into Omicron and, after getting Audrey to help him get rid of Henderson’s receptionist (whose shirt was just a little too tight, don’t ya think? ) creeps into the office only to have Buckaroo Banzai taser him into unconsciousness.

How did Buckeroo know that it was Jack coming to see him? By Jove, someone must have called and told him! Indeed, after doing a song and dance with Jack, pretending to help him, Mr. Banzai locks Jack in a bunker with a very large bomb. As he is leaving the bunker, he is on the phone with a female whose voice is slightly distorted so that we can’t ID her? Is it Kerri, the woman fired by the Hobbit? Is it - dare I say it - Audrey? Please recall that the chip Nathanson gave to Jack before he died was formatted to be read only by DoD hardrives. And who works for DoD?

The daughter of the Secretary of Defense, Jack’s former lover, and the woman with the ugliest nose in Christendom, Audrey Raines.

The Hobbit’s troubles start to mount as Fat Geek Edgar illegally wiretaps the terrorists and discovers that they’re about to attack the motorcade. (The terrorists are in this country and have every right to an expectation of privacy. Intercepting their plans to kill 35 people and start an international incident that might lead to a world war takes second place to protecting their constitutional rights, even if they are foreigners. Do I make myself clear?)

Dismissing the report in his maniacal focus on finding the nerve gas, the Hobbit starts to worry Curtis. And the CTU agent, being a man of action, starts to look at Lynn not as a cute, chubby little Shireling but more like a cave troll who is out of control.

Waylaying Curtis in the hallway, Audrey starts a typical watercooler conversation with the burly agent…you know, let’s overthrow the tyrant Lynn and bring back Bill who is still languishing in exile in the holding room. Curtis promises to think about “Section 112″ (which all Star Trek fans are familiar with as the club that Enterprise doctors hold over their captains when they start to go off the rails) while Audrey goes to plot the denouement to the conspiracy - hacking the Fat Hobbit’s computer account to warn the Secret Service about the imminent attack on the motorcade.

Back at the ranch, Jellyfish has finally dissolved after accepting the fact that Martha is probably toast. And in a scene straight out of Woodward and Bernstein’s The Final Days which tells the story of the last hours of the Nixon Presidency, Logan asks Novik to kneel with him and pray. Nixon did the same thing with Kissinger when he was trying to find the strength to leave the White House. In the case of Jellyfish, the moment came off stilted and out of character, especially for Mike.

At CTU, the unfolding drama of the coup d’etat reaches a peak as the Hobbit finds out what Audrey, Chloe, and Fat Geek Edgar are trying to do behind his back. His triumph in finding the strawberries is shortlived. Arresting the two CTU employees and ordering Audrey out of the building, Lynn suddenly finds his authority evaporating faster than a brace of conies at dinner time when Curtis refuses to comply:

HOBBIT: (To the guards) Why are you hesitating? I gave you and order. NOW DO IT!

GUARD: (Looks at Lynn. Looks at Curtis. Back at Lynn.)

GUARD: (To Curtis) What would you like me to do Mr. Manning?

HOBBIT: What?

CURTIS: Lynn McGill, I’m relieving you under the Capacity Clause of Section 112.

HOBBIT: You will do no such thing.

CURTIS: Take him away.

HOBBIT: You can’t do that! (To guard) He can’t do that. Don’t touch me! This is an unjustifiable usurpation of my authority, you hear me? We’re in the middle of a crisis. (Being led away) There are going to be repercussions! Everyone involved is going to face prosecution!

Being released from custody, Bill takes charge immediately. After reinstating the possible mole Kerri, he informs the Secret Service and the President of the plot on the motorcade. Just in time, Agent Pierce gets the word and orders the motorcade to turn around. Too late! The terrorists attack and despite a direct hit by an RPG, anti-tank missile, the limo and its occupants survive. With Aaron’s help, the attack is thwarted but only just barely. One wonders what Martha and the Suburovs are thinking at this point. Look for the Russian President to put two and two together and blame Jellyfish anyway.

After leaving Jack to die in the bunker, Buckaroo stupidly forgot to lock up the root cellar. What’s that? No root cellar in a top secret, secured bunker? When has that ever stopped our hero?

Of course Jack survives which is very bad news for Henderson who soon will feel the extent of Jack’s wrath.

And Bierko the terrorist calls Jellyfish and tells him once again, that America is on the terrorist’s clock. And time is ticking away.

BODY COUNT

Jack was shut out this week but, good news! I counted 10 dead at the mall but Jack was kind enough to inform us that the actual death toll was 11 so add one more there. Plus, the terrorists took out 2 cops and 2 SS men while Aaron shot one terrorist and immolated the other.

JACK: 12

SHOW: 61

UPDATE

More good news! When what commenter Chris informs us was an anti-tank missile (not an RPG) hits the limo, the Secret Service driver disintegrates! Add one more to the show’s body count.

Also, check out Bogs for Bauer for their brand new Carnival of Bauer featuring the best 24 posts from around the blogosphere.