Right Wing Nut House

There is a fine line between being clueless and being just plain stupid. The difference can be calculated based on several criteria, usually subjective but also a mathematical sliding scale I call “The Clueless Quotient.”

For instance, Air Force football coach Fisher DeBerry exhibited unbelievable stupidity this past week when he said during an interview that the school needed to recruit more speedy players and that there was a dearth of minority athletes in the football program. When asked what relevance that had to football, DeBerry said “”African-American kids can run very well. That doesn’t mean that Caucasian kids and other descents can’t run, but it’s very obvious to me that they run extremely well.” (HT: Steve Anastasoff )

Forget for a moment that what DeBerry said was true statistically. Forget that what he said is true by observation. Forget that what he said is true according to the record books. DeBerry exhibited incredible stupidity because he forgot that the racialists and their PC allies in the media would give him such a hard time because in their cuckoo la la land, there might be a way the statement could be twisted to mean that the only thing black kids can do is run or some such nonsense.

So DeBerry being stupid rather than clueless gets a Clueless Quotient (CQ) of 2 out of a possible 10. On the other hand, our Cluebat of the Week is given collectively to the Toronto School Board who banned Halloween celebrations in classrooms because they may offend Wiccans:

“Many recently arrived students in our schools share absolutely none of the background cultural knowledge that is necessary to view ‘trick or treating,’ the commercialization of death, the Christian sexist demonization of pagan religious beliefs, as ‘fun,’ ” says the memo.

It gets better:

The memo goes on to remind teachers that, “Halloween is a religious day of significance for Wiccans and therefore should be treated respectfully.”

For other students, “food products that are marketed heavily during the Halloween period” may conflict with dietary habits that children know from home. An alternative to eating sweets in class would be to “write health warnings for all Halloween candies.”

The memo also warns teachers that “some students have had first-hand traumatic experiences of violence that make talking about death, ghosts, etc. extremely alienating.”

(HT: Bill Martin)

I’m sure you can tell the difference between the stupidity exhibited by Coach DeBerry and the total cluelessness exhibited by the Toronto School Board. I’d give them a CQ of 10 but that just wouldn’t do justice to the utter inanity of not only writing the memo but also discussing the idea in the first place. True, total cluelessness.

Why not play along and assign your own CQ to the fantastic posts below that make up this week’s Carnival? Perhaps some of you that are more scientifically inclined could improve upon the CQ by adding gradations and subtleties so that we can all get a truly accurate picture of cluelessness from each and every cluebat out there.

“There are only two ways by which to rise in this world, either by one’s own industry or by the stupidity of others.”
(Jean de la Bruyere )

Hey Jean! I see you’ve met Bill Clinton.
(Me)
********************************************************************************
Pat Curley smacks Mama Sheehan around for her continuing efforts to extend her moment in the sun. This time she’s protesting the 2,000 American death in Iraq. Pat has pictures that show exactly what 2000 dead Americans look like.

Orac is spanking a young lady who wrote a most clueless screed about how classroom education is bunkum. Would it surprise you to learn that the young lady is a Journalism student who wants to learn “the journalistic writing style…??”

Kender (Posting at The Wide Awakes) shows how the European Union’s claims to be so generous with foreign development aid are a crock.

Van Helsing ventures into cluebat Transylvania (San Francisco) and flashes a crucifix at Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle who exhibits the kind of bigoted cluelessness only a liberal could.

Here’s some great satire by Mr. Right: “A Halloween Calvacade of Horrors.”

Those preternatural pachyderms at Elephants in Academia have the absolute latest on Cluebat Hall of Famer Ted Kennedy and his asinine reaction to the Libby indictment.

Don Surber is talking about er…sex. Metrosexuals that is. And a new animal called “ubersexuals.” Oooh…gimmie some!

The last I heard, our intrepid Carnival Pin-Up Girl Pamela was in the Bahamas watching as hurricane Wilma started to make her life interesting. But she found time to post about the cluelessness of the MSM and their miasma regarding the 2,000 casualty of the Iraq war.

I love it when people are politically incorrect. And Fred Fry gets about as un-PC as you can get with his post on poverty and the fallacy that poor people can’t afford a picture ID so that voter fraud can be prevented.

The Palmetto Pundit alerts us to a change of schedule for Mother Sheehan and her “die in” that at one time was a “tie in.” Sure sign of moonbattiness is an inability to make up one’s mind.

Random 10 is keeping track of the latest idiocy from John Edwards. This time, the coiffed one is at Madison Square Garden talking about “the poor.”

Iris Blog brings us some jaw dropping stuff from the AP in a post that says it all: “AP Sets Record for Most Bias Crammed into Smallest Space.” Tough record to break.

The Nose on Your Face actually gives us a real story this week. It’s about the most clueless criminal in history whose love for NBA great Larry Byrd knows no bounds. Of course, they give the story that special spin that only the guys at TNYF can give it.

More fun at a new Carnival entrant “The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles.” Great stuff!

Jimmie K has a Michael Totten piece about banning piggybanks in Great Britain. Says Jimmie; “…stop condescending to minorities, and put the piggy banks back.” Yes please.

Two Dogs tears apart my home state moonbat Senator Barak Obama so you don’t have to. And this guy is the future of the Democratic Party? Yikes!

AJ at The Strata-Sphere has more school board tomfoolery this time from Florida and how one school district dealt with a request from terrorist supporting CAIR regarding including a Moslem religious holiday.

Justin of the blog The View from the Cheap Seats has the story of some cluelessness of a local politician and an accusation of conflict of interest…that isn’t.

You’ve heard of liberal guilt? Well Ze’ev of Israel Perspectives has “The Misplaced Jewish Guilt Syndrome.”

Adams Blog has a bizarre bit of cluelessness on the part of an auto dealer who apparently doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

Finally, I take the UN to task for burying an important piece of evidence in the Hariri assassination investigation that implicates the Palestinians in the murder.

NOTE: My email has been kind of screwy this week for some reason. If you sent me an entry and it’s not included, send it to me again and I’ll put it in.

Calling all bloggers!

You have until tonight at 11:00 PM to get your entries in for this week’s Carnival of the Clueless.

Last week’s Carnival was the best yet with 29 entries from both the right and left side of the political spectrum hammering those individuals and groups among us who are truly clueless.

Here’s what we’re looking for:

Each week, I’ll be calling for posts that highlight the total stupidity of a public figure or organization – either left or right – that demonstrates that special kind of cluelessness that only someone’s mother could defend…and maybe not even their mothers!

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Whether it’s the latest from Bill Maher or the Reverend Dobson, it doesn’t matter. I will post ALL ENTRIES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENTS EXPRESSED OR NOT..

You can enter by emailing me, leaving a link in the comments section, or by using the handy, easy to use form at Conservative Cat.

As regular readers of the Carnival know, I generally use this space at the start of the Carnival to highlight who I believe to be “Cluebat of the Week.” I was all set this week to name Syrian President Bashar al Assad for the honor thanks to his part in what has to be considered the most botched “conspiracy” in world history.

Think about this for a minute: More people probably knew about and participated in the assassination of Lebanese nationalist Rafiq Hariri than are going to vote for Harriet Miers for Supreme Court Justice. There was Assad, of course and his brother in law, Assef Shawkat. Then there was apparently most of the Syrian President’s cabinet. And there was Syrian intelligence that, according to the Mehlis report, used the sovereign state of Lebanon as its personal, brutish playground for more than a quarter century.

But that was only Syrian involvement. Syrian-siding Lebanese turncoats were also in on the plot. There were 4 high ranking Generals who have been implicated as well as radical islamists. Even the clueless puppet President of Lebanon Emile Lahoud was kept abreast of developments.

This was the dumbest conspiracy ever. Dumber than trying to sell arms for hostages. Dumber than using wadded up duct tape to prop open an access door at the Watergate in order to bug the Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. It was even dumber than sending thugs to the homes of women you’ve bedded down in the past to threaten them with physical harm if they opened their mouths about it.

But Assad has to take a backseat this week to the clueless antics of my pet cat Snowball.

Now Snowy is a beautiful girl, still just a baby at 14 weeks but nevertheless, a demon. She is the kitty from hell. She is Snowball the Destroyer, Snowball the Terrible, Snowball the Merciless. Since moving in, she has chewed through $70 set of headphones, shredded the cord to a floor fan, and gnawed into a pair of Ferragamo sandals.

But her latest caper is what she is being honored for; she clawed her way through the wire on my broadband connection box. And she was doing it while I was busy trying to keep the cord to my brand new $90 set of headphones away from her.

I thought I was clever. I thought I was outsmarting her. But while I believed she was sitting at my feet waiting for the headphone cord to come within her kitty grasp, she was actually sort of absent mindedly batting the cord to my broadband connection back and forth like a metronome, idly passing the time until my attention was elsewhere and she could go after her main target. Of course, her razor sharp claws were ripping the insulation off the broadband box wire as easily as they shred my skin whenever I pick her up to move her off our bed. The amazing thing is it only took her a couple of hours on Friday to accomplish what the Democratic Underground, the Kos Kids, and Oliver Willis could only dream; she kicked me off the internet.

The young ladies at Comcast service center who gave me another connector box thought it was cute. I wanted to slug them. Let them live with this devil’s familiar for a few weeks and those laughs will turn to heretical thoughts of selling the clueless animal to Mr. Lee’s Chinese take out down the street to be turned into soup a la Snowball.

So for deviltry above and beyond the call of any kitty I know, Snowball gets the nod as Cluebat of The Week. And as you peruse the Carnival entires below, I’m sure you’ll find your own candidate whose cluelessness will shock you, entertain you, and perhaps even bring a smile to your face.

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.
(Edward Abbey)

Spot on, Eddie! I see you’re a Cubs fan.
(Me)
******************************************************************************
Ferdy the Cat gives a spirited defense of his species and their utility as blog fodder as he angrily responds to a Toronto Mail article dissing blogs that use cat pictures and stories as filler. Now what kind of a blogger would shamelessly use their cat for “humor and whimsy?”

Adding a little international flavor this week is Angry in the Great White North with this bit of idiocy from north of the border. It seems that Canadian correction officials want to house a transgender inmate at a woman’s prison - this after moving him/her from a male prison and (here’s the clueless part) paying for his sex change operation!

Superhero (Boy! Does she look good in tights or what?) Pamela at Atlas Shrugs fisks Wesley Clark, grinding him into talcum powder for his clueless comments on Iraq.

Update on Don Surber’s campaign for “King of the Cotillion:” Um…know any good concession speeches? But Don concedes nothing in this great post on political correctness in Great Britain.

After a too long hiatus from the Carnival, the Palmetto Pundit is back and piling on cluebat Madonna. Says PP: “I’m having trouble imagining a scenario in which my parental skills could be improved by turning to Madonna for advice and guidance…” Um…yeah.

AJ at The Strata-Sphere has that clueless gadfly Larry Johnson, former CIA agent and Plame defender, dead to rights. Johnson once left me a comment on a Plame post reminding me that he “knows the people who killed drug kingpin Pablo Escobar.” Yeah? Impress me some more, Larry.

Miriam made the mistake of listening to NPR while they interviewed the clueless member of an Iranian rock band who wrote a song about Guantanamo. The mental image conjured up when thinking of what the group’s female back-up singers might look like makes me wonder how anyone can take them seriously.

Raven take aim at Cluebat Hall of Fame nominee Joe Wilson and fires off a few choice barbs at his contention that he’s actually a hero for lying through his teeth about his trip to Niger.

Here’s your weekly dose of satire from our dynamic duo of The Nose on Your Face and Mr. Right. It is suggested that you not be drinking any carbonated beverages when reading these two masters of the genre. TNOYF has “Top 10 PETA Comics” while Mr. Right brings us “Ronnie Earle Indicts Much of Texas on Conspiracy Charges .”

And while you’re in the mood for funny, check on Kender’s post comparing Vampires and Werewolves with the left and the ACLU. Classic Kender.

Tinkerty Tonk goes after the anti-war meme “Who would Jesus Bomb?” and wonders if the clueless lefties have ever met a Christian.

Josh Cohen is rightly up in arms over a little Republican hypocrisy regarding pornography and how it is defined. Whenever a politician starts talking about “protecting the children” grab your wallet and an extra copy of the constitution to protect them from the ravages of clueless legislators.

Those pain dealing pachyderms at Academic Elephants review Barbara Boxer’s new novel about Washington and dole out punishment requisite to the crime. Wonder which character Boxer sees herself as? I doubt whether she included a clueless, stumbling, bumbling Senator in the book.

Fred Fry correctly diagnoses the idiocy behind striking down the Georgia voter ID law. To compare the law to a poll tax is pure politics, as Fred points out. What gets me is that you can’t buy booze in Georgia unless you have an ID. But you can vote? Something is wrong there.

Blogbud Maryhunter has the skinny on the rapidly-fading-from-view Cindy Sheehan’s fallout with the possible Democratic nominee for President in 2008 Hillary Clinton. Very soon we’re going to get to the point that Democrats are going to welcome a non-endorsement from Mother Sheehan.

Cao of Cao’s blog (pronounced “key”) has the perfect cartoon for your weekend pleasure; a cluebat and a terrorist.

Regular House reader Bill Martin from the town with the great name of Thunder Bay, Ontario links us with this piece of more cluelessness from Canadian correction authorities. This time it involves publishing floor plans for prisons on the internet - in full view of the inmates who may be interested in the best way to escape their incarceration.

More fisking of the Canadian justice system, this time from the North American Patriot. Wonder Woman has some head scratching examples which show that we’re not the only ones who have idiots dispensing punishment to criminals.

Dan Melson is positively speechless about the cluelessness of California bureaucrats as he wrestles with provisions of that state’s Megan Law.

The Headmistress at Common Room has a hilarious take on one of the most curious stories ever published; AP’s take on Karl Rove’s garage.

Pat Curely links to a comparison between Gore and Hillary and make some salient points about Gore’s viability and qualifications.

Matt Johnston has a thoughtful article on the DC schools and the cluelessness of officials who cave in to special interest groups at the first sign of trouble.

Iris Blog successfully debunks the idea - pushed most notably by Timothy Noah of Slate - that Dame Margaret Thatcher is now opposing the United States in the Iraq war.

Is there any group more clueless than Neo-Nazis? Orac has the lowdown on the group’s demonstration in Toledo recently and the riot that ensued.

Different River blogs about the House passing liability protection for gun manufacturers. Perhaps the tide against gun regulation is turning as this bill will keep the trial lawyers from destroying the gun industry in America.

Finally, here’s my take on the cluebats in Syria who planned the Hariri assassination

Calling all bloggers!

You have until tonight at 11:00 PM to get your entries in for this week’s Carnival of the Clueless.

Last week’s Carnival was the best yet with 29 entries from both the right and left side of the political spectrum hammering those individuals and groups among us who are truly clueless.

Here’s what we’re looking for:

Each week, I’ll be calling for posts that highlight the total stupidity of a public figure or organization – either left or right – that demonstrates that special kind of cluelessness that only someone’s mother could defend…and maybe not even their mothers!

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Whether it’s the latest from Bill Maher or the Reverend Dobson, it doesn’t matter. I will post ALL ENTRIES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENTS EXPRESSED OR NOT..

You can enter by emailing me, leaving a link in the comments section, or by using the handy, easy to use form at Conservative Cat.

This week’s Carnival features all sorts of cluebats for your reading pleasure. But by far and away, the award for Cluebat of the Week must go the Nobel Peace Prize Committee for their selection of Mohamed ElBaradei as recipient of this year’s Peace Prize.

It’s not enough that the selection committee has exhibited this kind of cluelessness in years passed. I actually thought they had reached a low point in 2001 when they nominated the most cynical and corrupt UN Secretary General in history Kofi Anan. Unfortunately, they followed that bit of idiocy with the nomination in 2002 of Cluebat Hall of Famer James Earl Carter. A former US President and current best friends with terrorists and thuggish dictators worldwide, Carter has become the planet’s number one busybody as he flits from hot spot to hot spot to sternly lecture pro-democratic forces about upsetting sensitive dictators like Hugo Chavez in Venezuela or Zimbabwe strongman Robert Mugabe by challenging the results of their rigged elections.

Other “peace activists” who received the selection committee’s blessing have been baby killer Yassar Arafat and former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbechev who received the peace prize the same year (1990) that 10,000 Soviet citizens languished in lunatic asylums not because they were mentally ill but because they disagreed with him.

Not content to nominate thugs and their apologists for the prize, the committee also has a website that has a children’s game called “The Peace Doves Game” where children are encouraged to disarm the world of nuclear weapons. In one of those chillingly surreal images that only liberals can come up with, the “peace doves” have rockets strapped to their backs (along with an olive branch in their beaks) and look more like eagles as they swoop down from space and disarm the 8 “so-called” nuclear powers.

IAEA doesn’t have a children’s game on their website but they do have a page called “The DG’s Corner” where the praises of nuclear enabler ElBaradei are sung. This is the same fella that turned a blind eye while A.Q. Khan and his Traveling Black Market Nuclear Technology Medicine Show made the circuit of terrorist states like Libya, Iran, and North Korea selling sensitive knowledge and hardware to the likes of Ghaddafi and Kim Jong Il. And would someone please explain to me why more than 10 years after Saddam was supposed to be disarmed he was allowed to keep - under the auspices of the IAEA - 500 tons of yellowcake uranium that the Iraqis were just waiting for ElBeradei and his clueless crew to turn their backs for five minutes so that they could reconstitute their nuclear program?

So…for cluelessness above and beyond the call of nature, the Nobel Peace Prize selection committee gets the nod as Cluebat of the Week.

So why not browse through the selections below of other clueless nincompoops? You won’t be disappointed!

“The bite of conscience, like the bite of a dog into a stone, is a stupidity.”
(Friedrich Nietzsche)

Hey Freddie! Any ideas why anyone takes anything you say seriously?
(Me)
***************************************************************************************

Those prattling pachyderms at Academic Elephants have a marvelous post up about the Department of Defense v Academia when it comes to military recruitment. Turns out the liberals can’t have their cake and eat it too.

Go ahead and read The Maryhunter’s hilarious take on the ElBaradei Peace Prize. Afterwards, see an old Buster Keaton flick that features the Keystone Cops for a more serious discussion of the selection.

A.J. from The Strata-Sphere writes about Governor Blanco’s continued cluelessness in the aftermath of Katrina. Can’t those poor people in Louisiana recall her before there’s nothing left to save?

Thank God for Orac! I read the piece by Deepak Chopra and didn’t quite have the inclination to fisk its many idiocies. Orac saves us all the trouble by doing a first class hose job on the clueless doctor.

Blogbud Jay at the ever popular Stop The ACLU has an interesting take on an Oregon law outlawing live sex acts that was declared unconstitutional. Good news for flashers…bad news for constitutionalists.

Ferdy the Cat snarls and hisses at Nicholas Hoffman whose post at HuffPo was a mish mash of lies, half truths and out and out falsehoods on the reproductive right. Serious stuff from a seriously talented cat.

Thomas Bowler has a thoughtful take on the what some are saying the Democrats have to do to win at the polls. I doubt whether they can afford to get rid of the moonbats - too much money at stake.

Raven has a crackerjack article about the UN wanting to take over management of the internets. I can just see my email ending up in Katmandu.

More ElBaradei nonsense from The Slayer. Van Helsing doesn’t pull any punches in the title: “Nobel Prize Awarded for Helping Terrorists Get Nukes.” Uh-yup.

Kender is back! The blogosphere’s most petulant scold is on to Kos and his clueless cohorts who wanted to destroy the moderate Democrat Leadership Council. The only problem is that Kos & Co. have no ideas of their own. And the DLC’s plan for “victory” in Iraq is a joke.

Pat Curley is tracking George Monbiot’s (moonbat?) fatally flawed study of how religion is bad for society. First rate analysis along with some devastating responses by Pat to one of the more curious efforts by the left to discredit religiosity.

Mark Coffey has a well written take on the Harold Pinter Nobel Prize. I happen to disagree with Mark’s conclusion that Pinter doesn’t deserve the prize but I heartily agree with his sentiments about the man.

Don Surber bemoans the fading of Senator Robert Byrd who has recently had some “senior” moments. That said, make sure you vote for Don as he is in the running for King of the Cotillion. I’ll send you a bouquet if you win, Don.

Tony B. from More than Loans points out some real stupidity on the part of Frank Lautenberg who continues to beat the dead horse of Dick Cheney’s Haliburton stock involvement.

Here’s a little satire for your enjoyment from two of our Carnival regulars. First, The Nose on your Face gives us an update on “Doogie Howser, IED.” Then Mr. Right gives us the scoop on George Bush’s newest war - the War against the Smurfs.

And to round out your satirical serenade, how about a little Howard Dean with your coffee? Conservathink has him dead to rights.

Cao of Cao’s Blog (pronounced “key”) rushes to the defense of Laura Bush who was criticized this past week for her remarks about opponents of the Miers nomination. One classy lady defending another…

The lovely Pamela at Atlas Shrugs (check out her profile at PJ Media) writes about God, man, natural disasters, and the clueless mullahs who think they know Him.

Neil Phines at the interesting site Et Tu Bloge (wonder how he got the Latin translation for “blog?”) has some very good analysis on the recent German elections as well as France and Germany as economic models. Did Schroeder really say that?

New Blog Alert! Ruy Diaz of Western Resistance has some words of wisdom from the hemisphere’s second most charming murderous thug, Hugo (The Laughing Goat) Chavez. With Castro getting older, looks like Chavez is about to move up in the “Dictators American Lefty’s Fawn Over” sweepstakes.

Angry in the Great White North shows us why Wesley Clark should go back to whatever he was doing and leave politics and policy to the grown ups.

Kurt at Fly at Night has a little local cluelessnss for us as he relates the adventures of County Supervisor who had a meltdown in front of his constituents. Whenever a an agent for confiscatory entity like government starts comparing people to the KKK, I can’t help but giggle a little.

Ezzie of Serendez Blog fisks the Guardian article that quoted a Palestinian saying that George Bush told him that God requested he free the Iraqis. Even when reporting the correction from BBC, the Guardian can’t quite restrain itself from sticking their knife into the President.

Will Franklin is blogging social security. Now before your eyes glaze over consider the excellent points Mr. Franklin makes in this post and then come back and tell me that all of the political nonsense going on in DC is more important than this one single issue.

I love it when politicians get caught being hypocrites. Alex C. of Pstupidonymous has the skinny on Speaker of the Pennsylvania House and his trip to the schoolhouse to read to the kiddies.

Jimmie K takes the MSM to task for their failure to call a spade a spade in the war against terror. It is just mind boggling that the media has so much of a problem acknowledging Islamic terrorists. One wonders if they were Christian would they have a similar unease.

Finally, guess who was in Sweden making viscously anti-American remarks? I take down Al Gore here.

Calling all bloggers!

You have until tonight at 11:00 PM to get your entries in for this week’s Carnival of the Clueless.

Last week’s Carnival was the best yet with 33 entries from both the right and left side of the political spectrum hammering those individuals and groups among us who are truly clueless.

Here’s what we’re looking for:

Each week, I’ll be calling for posts that highlight the total stupidity of a public figure or organization – either left or right – that demonstrates that special kind of cluelessness that only someone’s mother could defend…and maybe not even their mothers!

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Whether it’s the latest from Bill Maher or the Reverend Dobson, it doesn’t matter. I will post ALL ENTRIES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENTS EXPRESSED OR NOT..

You can enter by emailing me, leaving a link in the comments section, or by using the handy, easy to use form at Conservative Cat.

Regular visitors to this site will have perhaps been chagrined to discover that the last week or so, there has been a dearth of political blogging at the House. Instead, I have written extensively on the titanic struggle between two different socks - er, Sox that is - and a children’s game that most modern Americans look upon with a haughty disdain as a passion more suited for wheezing old-timers and clueless kids who are unaware that football in fact, is now king in America.

I’m speaking of my 45 year love affair with the game of baseball.

The Miers nomination, Bill Bennett’s comments about race and crime, the DeLay indictment(s), and other more worthy subjects have taken a backseat to what my good friend The Maryhunter has called while he’s guesting on TJ’s excellent NIF Blog, my “obsession” with baseball. I plead guilty as charged. While I generally have many other passions - history, space, reading, writing, cats, and coffee - it is sports and in particular baseball that takes up much of my free time and engages my interest.

I know it is silly. I realize for a grown man to memorize a baseball batter’s average with runners in scoring position (RISP) or a pitcher’s strikeouts to walks ratio borders on the irrational. And this obsession recently has not been helping either my links or my traffic for this blog.

But I don’t care. And for this obsession with my Chicago White Sox - my beloveds - I am forced to name myself, Rick Moran, as Cluebat of the Week.

To the overwhelming majority of you who despise baseball, I know this comes as very good news. Even though some prominent conservatives are huge baseball fans - George Will and George Bush come immediately to mind - I realize that the right wing in America has abandoned this one tradition that, as James Earl Jones playing the Salingeresque Terry Mann in the baseball fable Field of Dreams points out, is “the one constant” through all the years of struggle and upheaval which has kept America together:

And they’ll watch the game and it’ll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again.

It should go without saying that a game that has insisted on maintaining an anti-trust exemption and fights fiercely to keep control of both the number and location of franchises is anti-competitive and anti-free market, attributes that make baseball a very un-conservative pastime. And the morally reprehensible behavior by athletes that at times has been winked at or even condoned by the league does not recommend the game as a good example of American morality.

Nevertheless, my cluelessness about the importance of baseball as compared to some of the stories and individuals covered in this week’s Carnival should be seen in the context of my love for a truly remarkable American game where “the mystic chords of memory” bind us in inexplicable and mysterious ways to our fathers, our grandfathers, and their grandfathers before them. Baseball is memory. And despite all, it will remain for me a touchstone to my youth and a source of pleasure for as long as I endure on this earth.

” When you come to a fork in the road….Take it “
(Yogi Berra)

“Hey Yogi! You’ve analyzed the Democratic Party platform perfectly!”
(Me)
**********************************************************************
Don Surber leads off this “diamond” edition of the Carnival with some rational and cogent thoughts on how conservatives should be opposing Robert Byrd in his re-election bid for the Senate. Don’t play the race card says Don. Agreed, but you gotta admit Jeff Goldstein’s “brief conversations with Senator Robert Byrd’s (D-WV) Grand Kleagle hood” is one of the funniest bits on the net.

Wonder Woman does a great job fisking an anti-American flash presentation on the history of our relationship with Saddam Hussein. How the left always ends up on the wrong side of history is a source of continuing fascination with me.

Josh Cohen skewers the MSM for celebrity obsession at the expense of reporting real news. Given the vapidity of thought and cluelessness of most celebrities when it comes to politics, I heartily agree.

Two Dogs has some…ahem, interesting thoughts on Bill Bennett’s comments regarding race and crime as well as a message for the moonbats: Meany: “I know that you have a masters degree in 15th Century poetry, Moonbeam, but that doesn’t mean that you are smart, that means that you are a dumbass.” Hee.

An arts center in Atlanta named for the late Gangsta Rapper Tupac Shakur? Mensa Barbie has the skinny and a thought on where the arts may have diverged from the dominant culture.

Pat Curley has an interesting article on why many Americans still believe that Saddam was responsible for 9/11 which gives the lie to Al Gore’s oft repeated claims of the Bush Administration promoting the idea.

Jay at Stop the ACLU has a question for the “rights” group about why it’s bad to print pictures of a prostitutes Johns in the newspaper but alright to print pictures of terrorists being abused by Americans.

Omigod…Beth has a live one. A commenter actually believed that her post for White Trash Wednesday featuring the sometimes catty, usually trashy, and always clueless Beulah Mae was written by a real person! And you won’t believe the IP address either.

Ferdy the Cat says we should be cautious when reading stories on the internet. First, see if the story comes from an accredited journalist. Ferdy: “If it doesn’t, then it may be distorted or fabricated. If it does, then it may be distorted or fabricated.” One smart cat, that Ferdy…

Carnival Superhero, the lovely Pamela of Atlas Shrugs gives us the horrifying news that the UN’s Nuclear “watchdog” Mohamed ElBaradei (some watchdog!) is up for the Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe while they’re at it they could give a humanitarian award to Saddam Hussein.

Rachel at the excellent blog Tinkerty Tonk has some thoughts on the panting moonbats who see ABC’s Drama Commander in Chief as paving the way for Hillary in ‘08. Are we “smart enough” to elect a woman President? Rachel: “Geez, if it weren’t for Geena Davis, I’d never have considered such a new-fangled notion. What’ll they think of next?” Yup.

Here’s your weekly dose of excellent satire from two of our Carnival regulars. First, The Nose on your Face has the mystery of the arresting officer’s missing hand at the Cindy Sheehan media circus during the anti-war demonstration. This one as well as Mr. Satire’s take on some Garrison Keillor hypocrisy are both laugh out loud funny as well as being unsafe for work.

AJ at The Strata-Sphere has some truly shocking revelations about a probable source for global warming that shoots holes in the luddite arguments about climate change.

Van Helsing is tracking moonbat Donald Sutherland and his recent breakdown in public over how America is doomed! Doomed I tell you. Says the slayer: “The same to you Donald, and to the rest of the infantile group-thinking zillionaire traitors who make up the Hollywood Left.” Uh-huh.

More on Sutherland from Duncan Avatar who reminds us all of what actors actually do as opposed to who they really are: “Remember folks, Donald only plays intelligent human beings on television, doesn’t mean he himself is intelligent.” As I former actor, I can attest to the truthfullness of that statement.

Matt Barr has some fascinating thoughts on an ad campaign in Florida regarding new laws about guns and victims rights that are designed to keep clueless criminals from making a mockery of the law.

Cao (pronounced “key”) has everything you want to know about the University of Oklahoma cluebat who could very well have been America’s very first suicide bomber. We can only hope that any imitators are equally clueless about high explosives. Great post, Blogmama.

Not to be outdone, The Maryhunter reminds us all why Cindy Sheehan is a c**t. While Maryhunter doesn’t use that perjorative, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a most apt description of this clueless slimeball. Great job, TMH.

Mike Huckabee for President has more on Al Gore’s rant of a speech given in moonbat heaven, San Francisco, about how America is in D-A-N-G-E-R. After quoting how Dan Rather was “forced out by the White House (????)” clueless Al quotes Dandy Dan by saying that “V news has been “dumbed down and tarted up.” As Blue State Republican says “DAN RATHER? He quotes Dan Rather?”

Orac is mad at Bill O’Reilly and for good reason. O’Reilly evidently needs some remedial work in history not to mention some common sense and a decent sense of when to keep his mouth shut. Other than that, I can’t think of a thing wrong with him.

Dan Melson at Searchlight Crusade brings us the story of an air traffic controller in Las Vegas that made a huge, potentially catastrophic mistake.

The Prowling Pachyderms from Elephants in Academia have fleshed out a story about a Kansas State “Cultural Conference” where one of the topics will be “The Secret Lives of Conservatives.” One of the subtopics is “sexual dysfunction in conservatives.” Hey moonbats! Speak for yourselves!

Jimmie K has some truly clueless news about the CIA’s Porter Goss not convening a special committee to look into the abject failures of our intelligence service with regard to 9/11, WMD, etc. etc. etc… Goss evidently gave into pressure from the agency about how it would “lower morale.” Better to get rid of incompetents rather than hurt the spooks feelings, I should think.

Finally, I criticize the stupidity of the Boston Red Sox in Game 1 of the Division Series against my beloved White Sox.

This “Better Late than Never” edition of the Carnival was truly a joy to put together this week. After all, every major institution in the United States of America - the government, the press, religious leaders - all proved that they have the collective I.Q. of a marmoset. Rarely has so much stupidity been evinced by so many in so short amount of time. This is reflected in the fact that we have a very few repeat posts from our cluebashing bloggers so that the entire panoply of cluelessness can be presented for your reading pleasure.

It’s very hard to pick the #1 Cluebat of the Week given the range and diversity of our clueless candidates. If I were forced to choose, however, it would have to be a collective award, given to the nearly 100,000 of our fellow citizens who came to Washington this week, all to get in line to be cannon fodder for terrorists. At least, that would be the practical effect of their policy prescriptions if we were to listen to them. Thankfully, they are only moonbats so we can safely ignore them. But they certainly were a colorful lot, weren’t they? For a moment, it took me back to my youthful days as a Viet Nam War protester.

The big difference I suppose is that while my friends and I really did hate the war, we had other perfectly legitimate reasons to protest; not the least of which were the protest babes who usually made up more than 50% of any anti-war crowd back in those days. Crudely put, there simply was no better place to get laid than at a protest march. And the primo drugs that were available also made marching with the moonbats a very attractive activity.

So for both nostalgic and aesthetic reasons, the “Moonbats on Parade” in Washington will be named Cluebat of the Week. And if you take a few minutes to read just a few of the posts below, maybe you’ll find something or someone that brings a tear to your eye and a lump in your throat like this past weekend’s demonstration did for me.

“Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match”
(Karl Kraus, Austrian poet and playwright)

“Yeah, right Karl. But what about a hurricane?”
(Me)
***************************************************************************

Mark Coffey’s Weekly Jackass is noted cartoonist and ignoramus Ted Rall, who has called charity givers “suckers.” Rall certainly knows how to highlight the compassionate side of liberalism.

Fred Fry is mad at President Clinton and has a few choice words on what the former Molester-in-Chief can do with his unwanted tax cuts. It’s tax deductible too!

The Headmistress at the Common Room doesn’t believe in corporal punishment for her homeschoolers I’m sure. But she’s mad enough to cane news reporters whose reporting from New Orleans was a travesty of journalism.

Giacomo at Joust the Facts tells us about some breathtaking cluelessness evinced by of all people, the Dalai Lama. We have just GOT to get the Lama and Osama together in the same room!

Below the Beltway goes dumpster diving to find European reaction to Hurricane Katrina to be just a little too hysterical.

Those personable pachyderms from Academic Elephants shake their trunk at Cluebat Hall of Famer John Kerry whose comments at Brown University about the Bush Administration are fisked right smartly.

Angry in the Great White North comes down hard on Mother Sheehan for her complaint that she has to share TV time with unimportant things like hurricanes and such.

Two Dogs rips into a few of his commenters who need some remedial civics instruction as well as more than half a brain.

More on Kerry from our bud The Maryhunter who reminds us that John Kerry was in Viet Nam. You didn’t know that?

Pat Curley shows Mother Sheehan to be even more of a hypocrite than we knew as he’s got a photo of her body guards carrying guns. I wonder who she’s blowing kisses to?

Cao at Cao’s Blog exorcises her own personal islamofascist demon who has been tormenting her for a while. And after reading this, if you’re still prone to the siren song of tolerance when it comes to these thugs, I suggest you adopt one yourself. Just make sure to keep sharp objects away from them.

Here’s some satire to go with your afternoon tea. Mr. Right has “Angry Protesters Demand US out of US Now!”

Mike Huckabee for President sends us a link to this Alan Dershowitz piece in HuffPo on why President Bush is so dangerous. Can you believe it’s because humans are living longer, more productive lives today?

Jimmie K at But that’s Just my Opinion throws the words about the global warming hoax of Tony Blair right into the faces of the clueless greenies who should be in anguish at this point.

Our satirical friends at The Nose on your Face have done it again with their take on the “Stuck on Stupid” quote from General Honore. Like Mr. Gump says “Stupid is as stupid does.”

Speaking of stupid, the folks at ROFA Six blog present us with this piece of flummoxry from a nursing home employee who wants $9 million for…well, read it and weep.

Van Helsing fires a silver bullet at Ted Turner - “The Mouth from the South” - for his clueless pronouncements about the benevolent and peace loving North Koreans.

Beth at MVRWC has a few choice words about the controversy over a 14 year old girl being expelled from a Christian School because her parents were lesbians. Beth is begging for a membership in the NAACP.

Please go to Atlas Shrugs and see Carnival Golden Girl Pamela’s post on Ted Kennedy volunteering to plug the levees in New Orleans all by himself. The picture of Kennedy being airlifted underneath a Huey is priceless…as is the picture of Pamela in a Supergirl outfit. Woot!

Rachel at the new (to me) blog Tinkerty Tonk has a jaw-dropping post about Katie Couric and her shameless exploitation of tragedy. Good writing and a nice looking site!

B-Right and Early quotes Senator Chuck Shumer about how independent minded Democrats are when compared to Republicans. Wha? Who? WTF? Jim does a good job making Chuckie look totally clueless.

Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality shows how Georgia Governor Perdue singlehandedly created a gas crisis in his home state. Like Kevin Bacon’s character in Animal House during the Homecoming parade riot; “Remain Calm! All is well!”

Tom Bowler from the excellent blog Libertarian Leanings highlights some head scratching comments from moonbat extraordinaire Cynthia McKinney.

Wonder Woman at North American Patriot has an eye-opener about Google searches and George Bush. This from the folks that think that Neo Nazi websites are news aggregators but that Little Green Footballs is not.

My blogbud Jay at Stop theACLU has some recent perfidy by the “rights” organization regarding the Boy Scouts and homosexuals.

How about the Ferris Buehler of the Congresss, the Sausage King of Washington, that log rolling, pork barrelling Alaskan King Crab Don Young and his comments about critics of government spending? Here are the Reaganites Unite with the forearm shiver that leaves him bloody and bleeding.

Bullwinkle at Random Numbers has some thoughts on “Hillary Clinton look-alike” Joan Baez and the aging troubador’s pronouncements on the nature of war.

Finally, here’s my post on Katrina coverage “When ‘That’s the way it is’ Isn’t.”

A thousand pardons to all of you who are wondering where the Carnival is this week.

The Carnival has fallen victim to events ocurring in my real life…which is to say the time necessary to devote to doing it and doing it well has vanished during the middle of the week. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday will be very, very busy for the forseeable future. This is why…

THE CARNIVAL IS MOVING!

That’s right. As of tomorrow, the Carnival’s permanent home will move to Fridays of every week. Since I have Friday’s off, it will make it possible for me to devote the time necessary to make the Carnival a worthwhile read. This also means that the deadline for submissions will change as well to Thursday at 10:00 PM Eastern.

Again, my apologies for the confusion this week but I can promise that this move will work out for the best in the end.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, the 15th edition of the Carnival of the Clueless will be delayed until tomorrow.

I was unexpectedly called into work this morning and rather than trying to finish when I get home later this evening, I’ll just publish first thing in the morning on Wednesday.

I can promise a a passel of cluelessness so make sure you stop in and visit first thing in the morning.