Right Wing Nut House

2/21/2005

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 7:04 pm

As you may or may not already be aware, members of the Watcher’s Council hold a vote every week on what they consider to be the most link-worthy pieces of writing around… per the Watcher’s instructions, I am submitting one of my own posts for consideration in the upcoming nominations process.
Here is the most recent winning council post, here is the most recent winning non-council post, here is the list of results for the latest vote, and here is the initial posting of all the nominees that were voted on.

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 9:15 am

A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school.

However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child’s classroom before a teacher noticed and shoo’ed him outside, closing the door behind him.

The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head and said, “Don’t feel bad fella’….they won’t let ME in either.”

HT: Joe Evans

2/19/2005

OSAMA’S REWARD

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 10:30 am

This comes to us via Powerline today:

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, “This is not what you promised me.”

The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

2/16/2005

“USS KILLER RABBIT”

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 9:31 am

What’s next? The “USS Chicken Hawk?”

WASHINGTON (NNS) — The Navy will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine Jimmy Carter on Saturday, Feb. 19, during an 11 a.m. EST ceremony at Naval Submarine Base New London, Groton, Conn.

The attack submarine Jimmy Carter honors the 39th president of the United States.

This is really embarrassing. It’s like the Russians naming an Alcoholic Rehabilitation clinic after Boris Yeltsin. It’d be like the French naming an Aircraft Carrier ” The Courageous.”

I can see our enemies quaking in their boots now…

“Look out! Here comes the Jimmy Carter! HIDE YOUR RABBITS! HIDE YOUR RABBITS!”

Arguably the worst President of the 20th Century, (some would say the worst in 100 years) Jimmy Carter has distinguished himself since being unceremoniously kicked out of office by coddling dictators like Castro, enabling tyrants like Chavez, and acting as cheerleader for some of the most murderous cutthroats of the age including Yassar Arafat, Kim Jung Il, and Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

Carter’s term in office was marked by one the strangest episodes in the history of the Presidency. It involved a swamp rabbit, a canoe, and our brave President wielding a paddle as a weapon.

Here’s how Carter’s former Press Secretary Jody Powell recalled the incident:

… the President volunteered the information that while fishing in a pond on his farm he had sighted a large animal swimming toward him. Upon closer inspection, the animal turned out to be a rabbit. Not one of your cutesy, Easter Bunny-type rabbits, but one of those big splay-footed things that we called swamp rabbits when I was growing up.

The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk. The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits. He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.

The President then evidently shooed the critter away from his boat with a paddle. The scene was captured on film by a White House photographer.

This was the most aggressive action ever taken by the Carter Presidency. Some speculated that if the rabbit had continued its attack, Carter would have backed down.

And we’re naming a nuclear powered attack boat after this guy?

2/15/2005

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 5:59 am

As you may or may not already be aware, members of the Watcher’s Council hold a vote every week on what they consider to be the most link-worthy pieces of writing around… per the Watcher’s instructions, I am submitting one of my own posts for consideration in the upcoming nominations process.
Here is the most recent winning council post, here is the most recent winning non-council post, here is the list of results for the latest vote, and here is the initial posting of all the nominees that were voted on.

2/13/2005

WELCOME TO THE HOUSE!

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 1:06 am

Well it’s about time.

All those months on blogger with a site that looked like a cross between my grandmother’s attic and a liberal’s idea of goverment; cluttered and not very organized.

No more!

Today we strike a blow for good, clean blogging.

Clean lines.
Clean colors
Clean fonts
Clean art
Clean FUN!

All of this, of course, will not lead to clean living or a clean mind. Therefore, it is my intention to tell it like it is in as straightforward a manner as possible.

With a little wry humor that will make you think
With a little history thrown in to give you perspective
With a little knowledge that will sway your opinion

The picture that graces the head of this site is of the notorious London insane asylum “Bedlam” (yes, that’s where the word comes from). Provocative, yes? I knew you’d like it!

So, welcome to the House! And come back often.

2/12/2005

WE’RE MOVING!

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 6:09 am

Right Wingnuthouse is moving!

Yes…we’re finally getting off blogger and having the site hosted. Consequently, there’ will be no posts until Monday morning as I’ll be working hard this weekend to get the site ready.

While our web address will change, I can promise you that the same looniness will prevail! You’ll still be able to follow the adventures of Jack Bauer and the CTU gang of “24.” And Marvin Moonbat will still give his weekly Friday rants (if he can find his way to the new site. Sometimes, I wonder about Marvin…)

And I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who are regular readers and commenters. I hope you follow me over to the new site:

Rightwing Nuthouse.com!

2/11/2005

MARVIN MUSINGS

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 6:07 am

This being Friday, it’s once again time for my neighbor Marvin Moonbat to give his take on things from the left side of the political spectrum.

WHY IRAQ IS EXACTLY LIKE VIET NAM ONLY WORSE
(By Marvin Moonbat)

Well, my bags are packed and I’m ready to go. As soon as our Chimp in Chief announces the reinstatement of the draft, I’m outa here. Canada maybe. Or Australia. My girlfriend Chloe wants us to go to the mountains of Bolivia and live off the land using only our hands and our wits. I said that’s out. First off, they only have one TV station (WGN out of Chicago). And the way I look at it, any country that isn’t civilized enough to carry MTV 2 (You know, the good MTV station that still plays videos and not that other one that only shows the reality shows and stupid interviews with hip-hop drag queens) isn’t worth living in.

Secondly, they don’t speak English! Chloe says I’m too Eurocentric (I think I know what that means) but I don’t care. I nearly flunked Spanish in high school and I would hate the idea of having to order pizza in Spanish. (UPDATE: Chloe tells me there’s only one Pizza Hut in Cochabamba and they don’t deliver. That cuts it.)

Anyway, I’m history when the draft comes back. And believe me it’s going to. Why? Because Bushitler and the neocons are going to need plenty of bodies when they begin invading the other countries of the middle east for their oil.

Which brings me to our subject for today. Here are my top three reasons why Iraq is exactly like Viet Nam only much, much worse.

1. Oil

What’s that you say? There’s no oil in Viet Nam? This may be true, although according to the CIA World Fact Book there are some offshore deposits. What I mean is, you have to use your brain to make the connection.

Look, I’ll make it easy on you; when I say oil, you think “Pepsi-Cola.” The reason we sent millions of soldiers to Viet Nam and sacrificed 55,000 American lives was so that Tricky Dick Nixon’s buddies at Pepsi Cola would have new customers. The evidence is overwhelming. Ask anybody who was there and they’ll tell you. There was no Coca-Cola in Nam! It was Cola Imperialism that drove American foreign policy. Just like in Iraq. Only this time it’s oil. And Yoo-hoo.

One of the Smirking Chimp’s bigger contributors is the CEO of Cadbury, the people who make Yoo-hoo. The Iraq war is as much about bringing the chocolate flavored beverage to the middle east as anything else. Why there’s even talk of Cadbury introducing a hollow chocolate “Mohammed” to go along with it’s Santa Claus and Easter Bunny products. Should be a big seller.

2. Quagmire

Face it, we’re stuck in Iraq. Just like we were stuck in Viet Nam.

Some wingnuts have asked me “Well, what do you want us to do, cut and run?” My answer is yes. A little humiliation is just what this country needs. Besides, we deserve it. I’d really like to see the United States brought down a peg or two. It would be enormously satisfying.

Why, just the other day I was watching C-Span and I heard this great speech by someone who I’ve never heard of before. His name is Ward Churchill and he’s a teacher at Colorado State. He’s an Indian so he knows what he’s talking about. He says that the attacks on 9/11 were our own damn fault and besides, we had it coming because of our imperialsims and all. He really made a lot of sense to me.

What really made me think he knew what he was talking about is when he compared our Liar in Chief to Hitler and the neocons to the nazis. Boy, is he smart! I’m going to see if we can’t get him to speak at our school. (UPDATE: I just read that Professor Churchill may not be a real Indian. Why should that matter? His heart is in the right place on the issues so he’s OK by me.)

3. Senator Kennedy Says So

I love Senator Kennedy. Whenever he speaks, I get the feeling that here’s a man who really, really cares! He cares about the poor. He cares about the aged. He cares about minorities. He cares and cares and cares until he almost just doesn’t care anymore.

Kennedy is sort of like our Ronald Reagan, only fatter. And he drinks, but that’s OK. And he has a problem with women, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a feminist. And then there was that little incident with the car, and the bridge, and the sheriff, and the coroner, and…Well, let’s just say that’s all water under the bridge and let it go at that.

If Ted Kennedy says that Iraq is George Bush’s Viet Nam you gotta believe him. It was his own brother that made Viet Nam a big deal by increasing our troop levels from 800 under that smirking war monger Eisenhower to more than 10,000 by 1963. So Senator Kennedy knows what he’s talking about.

I mean, you really have to admire the guy. Who else would have such an exquisite sense of timing to call for a withdrawal of American forces from Iraq just three days before their election? Brilliant! Not only did it undermine shrub’s Iraq policy (deservedly) but it also made those stupid Iraqi’s see that there was no hope for them as long as America was an occupying power. Better to have the United Nations administer the country with the French and Germans taking the lead. Now those countries know what they’re doing when it comes to occupying. Especially Germany, whose occupation experience is a little more recent.

When Senator Kennedy speaks, we liberals listen. We’ve been doing it for a long time and look where its gotten us?

Well, I’ve got to run. Chloe wants to go to a lecture on global warming. Did you know that global warming was invented by the Pentagon to save money so they wouldn’t have to buy winter gear for the soldiers? It’s true. I read it on the internet.

2/10/2005

THE CIA IS RIGHT…FOR ONCE

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 6:05 am

Looks like the spooks may have finally broken through and scored one for the home team. Not a “slam dunk” but, at this point, we’ll take it:

In a surprising admission, North Korea’s hard-line Communist government declared publicly for the first time today that it has nuclear weapons. It also said that it will boycott United States-sponsored regional talks designed to end its nuclear program, according to a North Korean Foreign Ministry statement transmitted today by the reclusive nation’s wire service.

Pyongyang said it has “manufactured nukes for self-defense to cope with the Bush administration’s undisguised policy to isolate and stifle” North Korea, and that it will “bolster its nuclear weapons arsenal.”

Intelligence regarding whether or not the loons currently in power in North Korea had developed nukes was challenged by several sources, most notably China. Now that the North Koreans themselves have let the cat out of the bag, the Chinese are having a wee bit of trouble deciding how to deal with the news:

Two state-run services, the China News Agency and the New China News Agency, each sent out articles late this afternoon describing North Korea’s decision to suspend indefinitely its participation in the six-country talks with China, Japan, South Korea, Russia and the United States over Pyongyang’s nuclear program. But neither article highlighted North Korea’s mention of having nuclear weapons - even though the New China News Agency article quoted the North Korean statement at length and included portions citing the manufacture of nuclear weapons.

The CIA has leaked intelligence reports since 2002 showing that North Korea was nuclear player. While it’s unclear exactly when the DPRK acquired its nuclear capability one fact cannot be overlooked.

They cheated.

The history of the so-called “Agreed Framework” with North Korea reads like a Buster Keaton/Keystone cops movie script where the US and the UN race around town chasing a car driven by Kim Jung Il trying to catch the “Great Leader” circumventing North Korean obligations under the treaty. Basically, the agreement called for the North suspending its nuclear ambitions in exchange for economic concessions, heavy fuel oil deliveries, and the construction (with western help) of 2 light water nuclear reactors.

The US and South Korea basically lived up to their part of the bargain while Kim and his crazies played a shell game with plutonium enrichment programs. Part of the problem had to do with the breathtaking myopia of former Secretary of State under Clinton Madeline Albright.

In an interview with PBS “Frontline” Albright reveals an almost childlike faith in her new found friend. Asked point blank whether Kim is a nutball, Albright hedges a bit:

Frontline: Is he delusional?

Albright: I don’t think he’s delusional. I’ve thought a lot about this, and I obviously prepared a lot before I went there. I talked with Kim Dae Jung, president of South Korea, who had been there and met with him.

For the most part, we had very peculiar information about Kim Jong Il that he was a recluse. I think delusional actually was a word that was used. But Kim Dae Jung (South Korean President) had reported that it was possible to have perfectly decent, rational conversations with him.

For me, the situation was that here is a person who is isolated, but not uninformed, who has operated in his own system where he is deified and, at the same time, wants to be in the outside world where nobody will pay any attention to him.

So I can’t imagine what it is like to be raised in a society where their only statues that exist are to you and your father.

After saying she’s surprised he isn’t delusional, Albright then calmly lays out the reasons why he is delusional.

Yikes!

I’ve had conversations with someone who is firmly convinced that Elvis Presely is alive and well and living somewhere in rural Michigan. He sounds totally reasonable and rational-until you remember that Elvis has been dead for thirty years. The fact that the former Secretary of State took the position that this murderous, meglomaniacal thug was “reasonable” should tell you why North Korea was able to thumb their noses at the world and continue on with their nuke program-despite all the “safeguards” Albright had negotiated.

In 2002, President Bush tired of Kim’s games and requested international inspection of sites that were suspected by the spooks of enriching uranium illegally. Since no such inspection was scheduled until 2005, Kim used this reasonable request for early inspection to cancel the agreement.

During the recent campaign, Kerry laughably tried to blame North Korea’s imminent acquisition of nukes on Bush. What Senator Flip-Flop failed to mention was that North Korea could not have possibly constructed any nuclear weapons between 2002 and today; that only repeated and deliberate violations of the agreement during the Clinton Administration would have allowed the North to construct its weapons program.

Albright’s trip to North Korea in 2000 was also notable for the not so subtle warning Kim imparted to our clueless Secretary of State. Asked to describe her trip, Albright had this to say:

Well, what happened was that he was the host, and so it was a little hard always to say, “I’m not going to do whatever you’re suggesting.”

So, at the end of about three or four hours of official meetings, he said, “I want to take you tonight to a huge celebration,” and when we got there, we walked in, and we were in a stadium, where there was something like 200- to 250,000 people in the bleachers who applauded wildly at his entrance. It was evident that what we were going to was the recreation of the 50th anniversary celebration of the Workers Party.

Even though there had not been anybody in the streets — there were very few people on the streets — all of a sudden all of these people materialized.

And then the performance itself was kind of two-tiered. You know how they do those flash cards at our big football games where students can deliver various messages? Well, this was done in the most precise way, where they showed tableaus of farmers with Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il and various agricultural projects, and various scenes of countrysides.

And then there was one, and they were so good at it that they could make a rocket go up by moving the cards. At that point he turned to me, and it was a Taepodong missile. …

The leader of this rogue regime uses 200,000 people with flash cards to drive the point home about his weapons of mass destruction-that he has no hesitation when the time comes to use them- and the significance of it goes right over her head.

I can’t think of anything more revealing of the mindset of the Clinton Administration. They turned a blind eye while this hooligan violated an agreement designed to keep him “in a box.”

Turns out that the box had a false bottom.

2/9/2005

“DROOPY DRAWERS” IS NOT A CARTOON CHARACTER

Filed under: General — Rick Moran @ 6:03 am

Ah, Virginia!

Known as “The Cradle of Presidents” (no less than 8 Chief Executives were born there), Virginia has more history per square mile than any other place in the union. The first successful English colony in the new world is located in Jamestown, one of the nicest, quaintest tourist traps you’ll ever find. Roanoke, the first unsuccessful British colony in North America is equally interesting though not as quaint. It seems the inhabitants up and disappeared with no note, no trace, and hardly a bye your leave (Maryland residents joke they ran off to go crabbing on the Eastern Shore).

Then there are the Revolutionary war sites, the “Washington Slept Here” sites, Civil War battlefields galore, and finally Alexandria. Located directly across the Potomac River from Washington, historic Alexandria is a cornucopia of living, breathing history with houses and shops from the 17th century still being used as, well, houses and shops unlike the better known Williamsburg that uses re-enactors and living history buffs to separate you from your money. At least in Alexandria, they sell you stuff you can actually use like power tools and video games. What do they sell in Williamsburg? I mean, who the hell needs a replica of a 17th century chamber pot?

All of this history gives Virginia a veneer of something akin to Disneyland. A land of knights and chivalry. A place of genteel gentlemen and ladylike ladies.

Judging from this story, it’s also a place of certifiable loons.

RICHMOND — Virginia lawmakers to the state’s youth: Pull up your pants or pay the price.

Delegate Algie T. Howell Jr. doesn’t want to see underwear hanging out of the back of your pants, and most lawmakers yesterday agreed with him. The House voted 60-34 for his bill, which would impose a $50 fine on anyone whose boxers, briefs or thongs peek above their pants or skirts.

This from the first democratically elected legislature in the New World. The very first stab at representative government in the English colonies. They used to call themselves “The House of Burgesses”. I think they stopped when ole’ Smokey Burgess retired back in the 1960’s.

Be that as it may, one would think that these guys would have more important things to do; like perhaps solving the state’s budget crisis or beefing up local police and fire departments, or funding decent schools.

Nope.

“It’s not an attack on baggy pants,” said Mr. Howell, Norfolk Democrat. “To vote for this bill would be a vote for character, to uplift your community and to do something good not only for the state of Virginia, but for this entire country.”

First of all nitwit, leave me out of it. If you want to “uplift your community” I suggest you refrain from running for re-election. Don’t include me in your all- encompassing rationale for this ridiculous assault on personal expression.

Then there’s the “crack factor.” No, not the drug. This is what I mean:

It’s not clear if the fine would apply to plumbers, carpenters or other laborers who have problems with low-riding pants. The bill states the fine would apply to those who display their below-the-waist underwear in a “lewd or indecent manner.”

When a legislative body that fairly drips with tradition and oozes history starts debating whether or not they should fine a plumber who, after crawling around on his hands and knees all day up to his elbows in human waste, may have his pants slip below the…what? Let’s call it “The Howell Line”…it’s time to start worrying about the mental health of the Republic.

All of this would be bad enough. But then…there are the moonbats.

Several lawmakers and civil rights groups said the legislation — sometimes referred to as the “droopy drawers” bill — is excessive and would encourage racial profiling, arguing that exposed underwear is simply a fashion statement by mostly black youths.

“This is a foolish bill because it will hurt so many,” said Mr. Spruill, who is black. “This will be a bill that will target blacks.”

I can see it now. Thousands of young black men being led away in irons for making a fashion statement. Hey! This sounds like an issue tailor-made for the ACLU:

However, Kent Willis, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia, said the bill “clearly targets” black men.

“African-Americans are going to be the ones who are harassed by police under this law,” Mr. Willis said yesterday.

“Another concern is that legislators may have started a trend where they are designating themselves the arbiters of taste for Virginia, maybe even the fashion police,” the ACLU director said. “This is simply not the kind of detail legislators should be addressing.”

Nor the ACLU, come to think of it. Beware the slippery slope! First, droopy drawers and before ya know it, they’ll be banning loud ties, or lime green golf pants, or even cardigan sweaters!

Tending towards the gut myself, there have been occasions recently when my briefs have made an unwelcome appearance, much to my chagrin and Significant Otherhawk’s amusement.

I’ll just have to make sure to do some “belt tightening” before I visit Virginia again.

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