Right Wing Nut House

Palmer assassinated!
Michelle ditto!
Chloe gets her groove on!
Jack a patsy!

And so, another one of those days begins for our dedicated yet angst ridden friends at CTU. If nothing else, the first two hours proved that the writers have not lost their touch in generating excitement, confusion, and gobs of speculation about where this season’s storyline will take Jack Bauer and through him, we the people of the United States.

This time around, we already know the identity of a high level mole which should make for some suitably maddening viewing as CTU peels back the layers of the conspiracy to try and unmask him. And there should also be a traitor at CTU given that the same data mining operation that led to the discovery by the government that Jack Bauer was alive was probably also run by the terrorists. Besides, what would a season of 24 be without an internal mole hunt?

And a great big shoutout to the producers for spending a little money to bring back Palmer and Michelle just to kill them off. It’s that kind of attention to detail that we’ve come to expect from the show. Also kudos to Dennis Haysbert and Reiko Aylesworth for agreeing to be killed off on camera. The way these things are usually done on TV is that the characters are whacked out of camera range because the actors either don’t agree to come back or the producers don’t even bother. It certainly heightened the emotional impact to see characters that the audience had come to know and love so shockingly killed.

SUMMARY

It’s been 18 months since faking his death and Jack has settled into his exile as a roughneck, renting a room from the attractive Diane whose teenage son Derek is way too nosy for his own good about Jack’s past. One gets the distinct impression that the writers don’t like teenagers very much given that they usually end up dead or up to their eyeballs in trouble. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty realistic assessment of what happens to teenagers generally.

After being grilled by Derek about his past at the breakfast table, who should give Jack a call to pass the time of day but Chloe. It seems that after a wild night of geek passion with fellow CTU analyst Spencer, Chloe was called into headquarters to work on the Palmer assassination. Upon receiving a call from Fat Geek Edgar (who has had a crush on Chloe since last year) informing her of the death of Michelle and Tony’s critical injuries, she puts two and two together and realizes that of all the people on planet earth who know that Jack Bauer is still alive, she’s the only one who is still unscathed. That appears about to change as she is suddenly being chased through suburban Los Angeles by a rather large mean looking bald man, the lack of hair a sure sign that he’s a terrorist.

After temporarily ditching Baldy, Chloe makes her desperate call to Jack. Obviously bored with working on oil rigs, Jack jumps back into the game with both feet in order to save Chloe from the thugs and get to the bottom of his friend Palmer’s assassination. The ease with which Jack slid back into his persona as the angel of death makes one realize that Jack was truly born to end lives.

Stealing a helicopter - but not before nosy kid Derek who followed Jack to the helipad is forced to come along for the ride - Jack races to LA to save Chloe.

Meanwhile, President Jellyfish is anticipating the arrival of the Russian President and the signing of some kind of arms control agreement. The assassination of Palmer has forced CTU to recommend he cancel the ceremony but Jellyfish won’t hear if it. The guy is a weasel about almost everything except that he tends to dig in his heels and take a stand on all the wrong things. Witness last year as CTU was closing in on the terrorist Marwan when inexplicably, Jellyfish insisted that Jack be arrested for disobeying his orders. The fact that the cur had only minutes before been weeping on Palmer’s shoulder shows him for what he is; a blustering, insincere blowhard who no one has any confidence in.

His wife Mrs. Jellyfish is, to be kind, loonier than a June bug. After getting all dolled up for the ceremony, she gazes into the mirror saying “I look like a wedding cake” and then proceeds to dunk her head in the sink.

Of course, she has information that could begin the process of unmasking the conspiracy but nobody believes her because she’s a nutcase. That, and the intervention of sleazeball Chief of Staff Walt Cummings who not only is a traitorous wretch but has awful taste in suits. Cummings alters the tape of a conversation between Palmer and the First Lady where the former President made an appointment to talk about a matter of “national security.” Ultimately, this was the reason for his assassination. And, as we discover, the car bomb that killed Michelle and injured Tony as well as the targeting of Chloe are all because the terrorists want to pin the crime on Jack.

Back at CTU headquarters, a security tape is found that clearly implicates Jack as the assassin. By the Book Bill Buchanan initiates a manhunt for Jack despite the protestations from Jack’s former flame Audrey. It’s interesting that Audrey has forgiven Jack his torturing her estranged husband as well as preventing doctors from saving his life at gunpoint. Can’t wait for the first meeting between Diane and Audrey. That should be an interesting conversation.

Jack rescues Chloe while killing two terrorists and executing another. The triggerman in the Palmer assassination gives Jack the bare bones outline of the plot before Jack violates his constitutional rights permanently. Given Jack’s body count, it was interesting how shocked I personally was at the cold blooded murder of the triggerman. There was no satisfaction in it, just a sadness that Jack actually pulled the trigger.

Jack’s next move was obvious, right? Go to the scene of the Palmer assassination to look over the “clues.” This is why I’ve learned to suspend belief when watching the show. For Jack to infiltrate the scene of the crime makes no sense except if you look at it as a dramatic device to put Jack into more hot water.

Jack, Chloe, and Derek end up in the parking garage of the apartment building where Palmer’s brother Wayne lives and where the ex-President was killed. Jack manages to to make it to the crime scene, slipping into the study where he discovers an encrypted page from Palmer’s autobiography that contains a reference to “Chevensky” who turns out to be a baggage inspector at a small airport outside of LA. Enlisting the help of the President’s brother Wayne, Jack slips out of the apartment just in time as CTU has discovered that Chloe has logged in remotely to the CTU database and sics the FBI on the trio.

Somehow, Jack and Derek elude the dragnet by getting out of the parking garage on foot. Chloe was not as fortunate. Caught and cuffed, Chloe refuses to tell Bill that Jack went to the airport to follow up on the Chevensky lead. Taken back to CTU, Chloe is ushered into the dreaded “holding room” where she will probably be subject to Dr. Feelgood’s tender ministrations.

Back at the Presidential retreat, the Russian President is minutes away from landing when word comes that terrorist chatter indicates an attack on the summit. Jellyfish insists that his moment in the sun not be ruined by a bad photo op and refuses to alter any of the plans.What a piece of work.

In the meantime, we meet a shadowy mystery man who seems to be directing the terrorists from some kind of operations center. Could it be CTU? I’m sure we’ll find out eventually but we do discover that the target of the attack is not the summit but rather the very airport where Jack has gone to follow up the Chevensky lead and drop off nosy kid Derek into the waiting arms of his mother. Jack’s confession to Diane about deceiving her is rather perfunctory but that’s because he has bigger fish to fry. After saying goodbye to Derek who now realizes Jack is pretty cool because he’s some kind of secret agent, Jack makes his way to the office of Mr. Chevensky. No sooner does Jack start to beat the information out of the hapless baggage inspector than the terrorists hit the terminal holding dozens of innocent people hostage including Derek who saw the terrorists walk into the terminal and tried to warn Jack.

With Jack’s back turned, Chevensky bites down on a cyanide pill and dies thus depriving Jack of his only lead. But Jack is right where he wants to be - in an airport full of terrorists who no doubt will soon get a taste of Jack’s idea of rough justice.

BODY COUNT

RIP Palmer and Michelle. Jack whacks three terrorists and Chevensky committs suicide. Terrorists pick off two security guards at the airport.

Jack: 3

Show: 8

I thought seriously of giving Chloe half a kill for her expert marksmanship in gutting the triggerman but if we started to give out half kills, there would be no end to it.

SPECULATION

Too early for intelligent speculation but hey! We don’t call this the Nuthouse for nothing.

I’ll take Spencer as the CTU mole. How did the terrorists know Chloe had left her apartment? Someone could have called and Spencer was the only one who knew. That plus he acted rather strangely when Fat Geek Edgar was questioning him about Chloe’s whereabouts.

Makes sure you stop by tomorrow for analysis and speculation from tonight’s 2 hour extravaganza!

This article originally appears in The American Thinker

In the weeks and months following the 9/11 attacks, it became fashionable to say that America had changed and that we’d never be the same. In the grossest sense, this idea manifests itself in the realization (by most of us) that we are at war and that this conflict is unlike any other in which America has ever been involved. And what makes this war so different from others in our history is the nature of our enemy and their fanatical desire to kill as many of us as their evil designs will allow. Our homeland is under attack and given the destructive power of our enemies wish list of weapons, it becomes absolutely essential that they be thwarted in their plans to attack us lest their success be the ruin of us all.

The stakes just can’t get any higher. Win or perish are the stark choices facing all of us in the War on Terror. And as Samuel Johnson once said “When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.” Those words could be emblazoned across the chest of the fictional hero Jack Bauer of Fox’s pulse pounding action series 24.

Make no mistake. In more serene times Jack Bauer would be considered something of a thug. He routinely tortures suspects to get information. He has a nasty habit of shooting first and asking questions later. His respect for the Constitutional niceties with regard to due process, search warrants, innocence until proved guilty, and many other perceived “rights” that criminals have come to take advantage of in our legal system is, shall we say, lacking. In short, Jack is a civil libertarian’s nightmare whose predilection for violence and rejection of established law enforcement procedures and policies would ordinarily make him a candidate for the measurement of prison coveralls rather than the cult hero he has become.

It would be an exercise in sophistry to try and make too much of Jack Bauer and his impact on American culture. He is, after all just a character in a TV show. But at the same time, it would be a mistake to underestimate the powerful hold that Jack has on our emotions as we follow his adventures week to week. We watch spellbound as he relentlessly pursues the enemies of the United States with a frightening determination and dedication that brooks no opposition from friend or foe. His disputes with the national security bureaucracy are fought with the same tenacity and brutal win-at-all-costs mindset with which he battles the terrorists seeking to destroy us. In this respect, Bauer is a man outside the law rather than someone of the law.

Sound familiar? It should. Hollywood has made a living making heroes of such men although not quite in the same context. Jack can best be compared to the small town sheriff who finds himself up against the ruthless outlaw gang as Gary Cooper played in the classic western High Noon. Cooper’s portrayal of Marshall Will Kane, who must vanquish a gang of criminals bent on revenge on the day of his wedding, had many of the same points and counterpoints found in the character of Jack Bauer. Cooper is driven to confront the outlaws rather than run away due to an overriding sense of duty. He is willing to risk his marriage, his happiness, and his life because he realizes that it is he alone who can stop the thugs from taking control of the town and terrorizing the citizens. And in order to do this, he is willing to employ violence to defeat the threat of greater violence from the outlaws.

This lone hero motif employed in many classic westerns is a large part of what makes the genre so attractive to us. It hearkens back to an earlier period in American history when our icons were the great hunter-heroes of the plains and the mountains. Daniel Boone was perhaps the first truly American hero, lionized in dime novels of the time as a great hunter and Indian fighter. In real life, Boone’s true story was certainly dramatic enough. With a single minded determination, he hacked a settlement out of the Kentucky wilderness while in the process losing a brother and two sons in skirmishes with the Indians. But the legend of Daniel Boone played up his prowess with the rifled musket in bringing down bears and “panthers” as well as his skills as a scout and guide. His battles with the Indians - in American eyes the terrorists of the 18th century - always ended in a satisfying manner with Boone victorious. Not exactly an accurate recitation of the facts, but nevertheless indicative of what the public craved at the turn of the 19th century.

Later hunter heroes like Kit Carson and Davey Crockett were also portrayed as loners fighting against both nature and hostile Indians. In Crockett’s case, his named loomed largest during the entire century as his exploits - both real and imagined - were told and retold in countless books and magazines. His career became a quintessential American story. Running away at age 11 because he didn’t want to go to school, Crockett’s life story from hardscrabble beginnings to hunter, Indian fighter, Congressman, and finally his death at the Alamo captured the imagination of 19th century America. Crockett’s nobility has been tarnished recently thanks to some first class research on who he really was. But the 19th century version of the man calls to mind many of the traits found in Jack Bauer; a sense of mission, a will to succeed, the ability to live alone without so much as a “by your leave” from government or anyone else for that matter. And Crockett’s famous motto, “Always be sure you’re right; then go ahead,” is reminiscent of the same kind of hard headedness we find in Jack Bauer.

The fact that a psychiatrist would have a field day analyzing Bauer’s motivations for what he does should not diminish our admiration for the way Jack pursues the terrorists. Unlike most government bureaucrats, he takes personal responsibility for thwarting the terrorist’s designs. Because of this, he is the bane of his superiors who always complain about Bauer not being a “team player.” And his colleagues at CTU, recognizing that bureaucratic inertia (that Jack fights with as much zest as he does the terrorists) could allow the enemy to succeed, are more than willing to assist him clandestinely in his efforts to circumvent the system when necessary. The fierce loyalty Jack engenders among this crew is the result of Bauer’s willingness to take the heat when things go bad as well as his demonstrated capacity for helping them deal with some of their emotional problems that make up many of the sub-plots in the series. At bottom, Jack is genuinely a nice fellow. He always says “please” and “thank you” when asking for the latest satellite intel or some other information gleaned from the vast array of gee-whiz gadgets used at CTU headquarters.

This makes Jack’s transmogrification into an avenging American angel when in the field that much more of a contrast. The fact that Bauer routinely tortures suspects to get information would normally seem troubling except that the audience recognizes that he needs the information to save thousands of lives. An example would be in last year’s first episode. Following a train wreck that was staged to steal a briefcase containing a device that could melt down every nuclear reactor in the country, a captured terrorist was being interrogated at CTU headquarters. Knowing that another terrorist attack was perhaps minutes away and with the suspect being uncooperative, Jack bursts into the interrogation room, shoots the terrorist in the knee, and starts firing questions at the wounded man. Needless to say, the terrorist became much more cooperative and gave up valuable information.

Is this a case where the ends justify the means? I daresay that Jack Bauer thinks so. What’s more, Jack seems remarkably untroubled when he acts in this way. There are no angst ridden soliloquies about right and wrong or nightmares about the dozens of dead bodies that trails in his wake wherever he goes. For Bauer, the ends and the means are exactly the same thing. He has taken it upon himself to stop the terrorists from succeeding. In that context, he will do anything to win.

It is tremendously satisfying to witness this kind of certitude. For Bauer, there is no gray area in this war, only black and white, good guys and bad. This attitude is something that the left in America has a hard time coming to grips with. This is not surprising given modern liberalisms need to complicate everything so as to obscure even the simplest of questions like whose side they are on.

That said, MSNBC’s Craig Crawford recently compared the tactics used by Jack Bauer with actions taken by President Bush to safeguard the homeland”

…I haven’t seen rogue U.S. anti-terrorism agent Jack Bauer stop once for a court warrant—not even when he sawed off the head of an informant he was interrogating. Come to think of it, I haven’t heard the Constitution mentioned a single time as Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland, repeatedly breaks the rules to thwart terrorist plots.

This is how the President wants us to see the real world. Indeed, George Bush is the Jack Bauer of presidential power. There are no rules in Bush’s world when it comes to the War on Terror—only wimps like the whining bureaucrats on “24” balk at torture, spying, propaganda, whatever it takes.

“Whatever it takes” indeed. While Crawford’s juvenile comparison with Bush is laughable in any context, he may have inadvertently revealed a great truth about the President and his similarity to Jack Bauer: they are able to clearly distinguish between good and evil, between who is right in this war and who is wrong. Crawford and his ilk can’t. This makes Crawford not only someone to be laughed at but someone to be feared as well. For if we ever have a government headed by a President who sees gray where there is clearly black and white, the chances of enjoying both liberty and security in the United States will disappear as surely as Jack Bauer will end up stretching the Constitution to its breaking point this season in order to protect us from disaster.

Of course, Bauer doesn’t stretch the Constitution. He shatters it into a million pieces. But the questions raised by Bauer’s actions are legitimate. How far do we go in protecting the country? The tension between protecting civil liberties and protecting the homeland will always be with us as long as there is freedom in America. And for that, we can be thankful that there are people like Jack Bauer somewhere out there who are protecting us. They probably will not utilize his methods. But we hope they have his determination and will to win when it comes to foiling the plots of our enemies.

Torn as America is between getting the job done at all costs while upholding American ideals, Jack simply can’t help himself. He necessarily sees the world in stark relief, a place populated by some really nasty thugs who don’t even blink at the idea of murdering hundreds of thousands of people. We recoil at some of Jack’s tactics. But we recognize that Jack is the guy doing what needs to be done to keep us safe. This makes Jack Bauer the perfect hero in a post 9/11 America. He doesn’t engage in any kind of self destructive hand wringing about not being able to do anything about the threat. His doubts - if he has any - have been left on the cutting room floor. He sacrifices his personal life for the greater good. In this respect, he is a true patriot.

In the end, it becomes enormously entertaining to watch Jack Bauer. His exploits become a safe outlet for our fears about a terrorist attack as well as perhaps the tug of war between civil liberties and national security.

To that end, I plan on never missing a single installment.

Last year, more than 12 million people watched as Jack Bauer faked his own death to avoid being handed over to the Chinese on murder charges stemming from an “incident” at the Chinese embassy. The fact that Jack violated about 2 dozen treaties by breaking into the consulate, kidnapping a Chinese national, causing the death of the ambassador, while not signing the guest book only served to highlight the reasons we love Jack Bauer so much and why we shamelessly root for his success.

By all accounts, critics are raving about this year’s installment of murder, mayhem, and angst as Jack and the folks at the Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) try and forestall the evil designs of evil men. And if the past is any indication, we will have absolutely no problem identifying who’s a good guy and who’s a bad guy.

That’s the attraction of the show, of course. No mealy mouthed platitudes about trying to “understand” the terrorists or writers trying to ply the audience with comforting bromides about “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” These are inhuman monsters.

Even last year’s Ozzie and Harriet terrorist family, the Araz clan, was as dysfunctional and evil a group as one could imagine. Stone cold killers who didn’t bat an eye in helping to carry out a plot that could have meant the death of tens of thousands of innocent Americans, there was very little in the Araz family to redeem them. Even the hormone infused teenager Behruzz was prepared to kill his girlfriend to prevent their little cell from being exposed. And of course, Jack’s most cunning nemesis to date, the fanatical Marwan, proved to be the ultimate Jihadist. Not only did Marwan seek to destroy the United States, but his lack of concern at the millions of people who would have been killed if his plans had succeeded mirrored the cockeyed worldview inhabited by Osama Bin Laden and the rest of his merry band of beheaders.

For this reason, the violence done to the terrorists by Jack and his crew seems necessary and even correct. No handwringing about civil liberties or constitutional rights for the terrorists where Jack is concerned. To Jack, the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist. This kind of black and white view of the conflict with al Qaeda has escaped most liberals who instead of seeing an implacable foe bent on destroying us and only worthy of being planted six feet under see a poor, misbegotten criminal who is motivated to do bad things because, after all, didn’t we do bad things to them?

It’s that kind of reasoning which will get us all killed and is the primary reason liberals will continue to lose elections as long as al Qaeda is a threat. The American people want Jack Bauer protecting them not the ACLU and Amnesty International.

A few weeks ago, MSNBC’s Craig Crawford wrote a blurb on his blog about how careless Jack Bauer is with the constitution and by the way, isn’t that just like President Bush? After all, Bush is just a stupid goober chewing, red state mouth breather who sees the war in black and white instead of the nuanced shades of gray that us smart folk look at things. I answered Mrs. Crawford thusly:

In one respect, Crawford is correct in his comparison of Jack with Bush; they are able to clearly distinguish between good and evil, between who is right in this war and who is wrong. Crawford and his ilk can’t. This makes Crawford not only someone to be laughed at but someone to be feared as well. For if we ever have a government headed by a President who sees gray where there is clearly black and white, the chances of enjoying both liberty and security in the United States will disappear as surely as Jack Bauer will end up stretching the Constitution to its breaking point this season in order to protect us from disaster.

To be fair, Jack doesn’t just stretch the Constitution, he shatters it into a million pieces. In last year’s first episode, while watching the interrogation at CTU headquarters of a particularly unresponsive terrorist, Jack couldn’t stand it any longer and burst into the interrogation room, shot the terrorist in the kneecap, and began to fire questions at the thug who, to no one’s surprise, suddenly became much more cooperative.

That’s our Jack. The Craig Crawford’s of the world can shake their heads and prattle on about the terrorist’s rights. Jack simply gets the job done. And considering what was in store for the US that day - nuke plant meltdowns and a nuclear armed missile headed for Los Angeles - I would hazard a guess and say that the overwhelming majority of Americans approved of Jack’s tactics despite not following the Constitutional niceties.

As for the show itself, all of the reviews I’ve read say it is absolutely essential that you not miss the first 10 minutes of the show on Sunday night. No speculation here but this site started a “Dead Pool” on who is going to get whacked first. My own guess is Jack’s beloved daughter Kim (Elisa Cuthbert) will get offed if only as poetic justice for her execrable performance as a porn star in The Girl Next Door. Besides, what better way to get Jack motivated for the next 24 hours?

As if Jack needed any motivation.

As I did last year, I will be analyzing the show on the morning following the previous night’s episode. And back by popular demand will be my “Body Count” feature where I’ll keep track of Jack’s grisly totals as well as totals for the show. We’ll also have some fun speculating about future episodes as well as pointing out inconsistencies in the plot. All in all, make sure you drop by and catch up with all the latest. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.

The holidays are a horrible time for bloggers. Capitol Hill is deserted as Congress goes into Christmas hibernation, our wallets blessedly safe for a few weeks. Moonbats and idiotarians alike are busy mending political fences back home while trying to squeeze that extra few hundred thousands bucks out of the special interests that will insure their political survival next November . The nation itself settles down for something of a long winter’s nap, looking forward to a week filled with family, parties, college football, and the inevitable overdose of nachos.

Even the MSM seems to be on its best behavior although this gaffe by the LA Times will be eagerly snarfed up by ravenous blog beasts across the political spectrum for its sheer goofiness. For some reason though, my blog was hungry for something else today and the story of a major metropolitan newspaper using in a front page story a quote from a press release put out as an April Fool’s joke just wasn’t going to sate the appetite my own personal demon of a website. After all, it can get pretty tiresome poking fun at an enterprise as clueless as the LA Times. I mean, how many times can you tell the same joke before it goes irretrievably stale?

So it’s after 6:00 AM and I haven’t started to write anything when to what my wondering eyes should appear but this gem from MSNBC’s Craig Crawford:

I have been watching dozens of back episodes of Fox Broadcasting’s “24″ over the holidays, and so far I haven’t seen rogue U.S. anti-terrorism agent Jack Bauer stop once for a court warrant — not even when he sawed off the head of an informant he was interrogating. Come to think of it, I haven’t heard the Constitution mentioned a single time as Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland, repeatedly breaks the rules to thwart terrorist plots.

This is how the President wants us to see the real world. Indeed, George Bush is the Jack Bauer of presidential power. There are no rules in Bush’s world when it comes to the War on Terror — only wimps like the whining bureaucrats on “24″ balk at torture, spying, propaganda, whatever it takes.

I guess I am one of those constitutional wimps. Even the reality cop shows get me riled, as we watch the police routinely trample the individual rights of hapless suspects. Maybe we do live in a Jack Bauer world where constitutional liberties take a back seat to stopping killers. But I’d rather live in Patrick Henry’s world: Give me liberty or give me death.

(HT: Anklebiting Pundits).

I want to publicly thank Mr. Crawford for rescuing me from blog ennui. This kind of fresh, jaw-dropping idiocy is what makes writing for this site so much fun. And the fact that he used my favorite thug Jack Bauer as a sophomoric metaphor to describe the Bush presidency is so perfect, so right, that if Craig was here now I’d give him a great big wet kiss full on the mouth.

Well…maybe I’m not that grateful.

Taking the last part to begin, the first thing one notices about this piece is that Crawford is laughably ignorant of history. To reference “constitutional rights” and “Patrick Henry” in the same breath is, to put it mildly, loony. Henry, like most of the more radical patriots who were in the forefront of the movement for independence, became unreconstructed opponents of the Constitution during the ratification debate. They saw it as something of a counter-revolution, an overreaction to the weaknesses inherent in the Articles of Confederation. Not only that, the establishment of a strong chief executive as well as mandating a Supreme Court who could overrule Congress was an anathema to patriots like Henry.

This Constitution is said to have beautiful features; but when I come to examine these features, sir, they appear to me horribly frightful. Among other deformities, it has an awful squinting; it squints toward monarchy, and does not this raise indignation in the breast of every true American? Your president may easily become king. Your Senate is so imperfectly constructed that your dearest rights may be sacrificed to what may be a small minority; and a very small minority may continue for ever unchangeably this government, altho horridly defective.

The irony of Crawford’s intellectual conceits regarding “liberty” is unfortunately lost on someone whose knowledge of history apparently comes from watching episodes of Rocky and Bullwinkle where Mr. Peabody and Sherman go back in time in their Wayback Machine to learn about the past.

But the meat of Mr. Crawford’s “critique” of the Bush presidency is his comparison of the world as seen by the President with the world in which Jack Bauer of “24” fame lives.

Would that it were true. In fact, we should be extremely fortunate if Jack Bauer was a real person working for a real agency like CTU (Counter terrorism Unit). But what is really interesting would be to ask Mr. Crawford if, during any of the scenarios in the history of the TV series that would, God forbid, come to life - nukes, assassination, power plant meltdowns, and bio-terror - he thinks the rest of us would prefer not to fully, completely, and to the letter respect the Constitutional rights of foreign terrorists and their American collaborators and sympathizers or die a horrible death and have the country destroyed.

This would be a no brainer - except for Mr. Crawford who evidently was stuck in the washroom when God was handing out that vital organ. Any of the terrorist scenarios that have played out on 24 would in real life necessitated the very actions that Jack Bauer and other law enforcement representatives took to prevent them. For, in real life, if the terrorists had been successful, the subsequent investigation that revealed a government and a President that followed Constitutional niceties while tens of thousands of Americans died, would have resulted in the immediate and justifiable impeachment of the President. And I daresay that the relatives and loved ones of the dead would not be quoting Patrick Henry in praise of the President’s Constitutional forbearance.

The reason liberals like Crawford are likely to get a great many of us killed if they are able to hoodwink the American people into giving them power again is their willingness to allow the terrorists to win rather than do what is necessary to protect us. This is perfectly summed up in Mr. Crawford’s little blurb. By quoting Patrick Henry, he is embracing the idea that he would rather die than bend the Constitution to the exigencies of the times. That way lies madness - and death.

Using the example of poor Abraham Lincoln in this debate is getting tiresome but one wonders if Lincoln had not placed government’s extraordinarily heavy hand on the rebellious border states of Maryland, Kentucky, and Missouri as well as other restless parts of the country whether he would have been victorious or not. Mr. Crawford is fortunate indeed not to have lived during those times. His writings may have landed him in jail.

As for Jack Bauer, Crawford misses the point. Jack is enormously conflicted by what he has to do to save the country. His methods have cost him the life of his wife. They have ruined his personal relationships as women recoil in horror after watching Jack in action. He has gone so far in so many critical situations that it seems as if at times he seeks the release that only death can bring.

In this letter I had published in The American Spectator, I pointed out the similarities between Jack and two other mythic American heroes; Daniel Boone and Davey Crockett. Both Boone and Crockett were single minded in their determination to succeed and would do whatever it took to come out on top. But Jack has another dimension to his personality:

The myth of the hunter/hero gave way to the lone hero motif popularized by Hollywood. This hero, usually played by a small town sheriff (Gary Cooper in High Noon) or the gunfighter with a heart of gold (Alan Ladd in Shane), used violence to defeat greater violence. This concept was turned on its head in the 1960s and 1970s as the great ” anti-heroes” of Clint Eastwood blurred the distinction between good and evil. Dirty Harry got the job done (as did the Man with No-Name) but at what cost?

Enter Jack Bauer who’s not quite the Clint anti-hero but not the pure, small town Gary Cooperish protagonist either. He is, in fact, the perfect hero in a post-9/11 world. Torn as America is between getting the job done at all costs while upholding American ideals, Jack simply can’t help himself. He necessarily sees the world in stark relief, a black and white universe populated by some really nasty thugs who don’t even blink at the idea of murdering hundreds of thousands of people. We recoil at some of Jack’s tactics. But we recognize that Jack is the guy doing what needs to be done to keep us safe.

In one respect, Crawford is correct in his comparison of Jack with Bush; they are able to clearly distinguish between good and evil, between who is right in this war and who is wrong. Crawford and his ilk can’t. This makes Crawford not only someone to be laughed at but someone to be feared as well. For if we ever have a government headed by a President who sees gray where there is clearly black and white, the chances of enjoying both liberty and security in the United States will disappear as surely as Jack Bauer will end up stretching the Constitution to its breaking point this season in order to protect us from disaster.

Jack is back!

Next January 15 and 16, in a four hour slam bang, red-white-and-blue extravaganza of an opening, our favorite patriot and thug Jack Bauer will once more take on the nastiest, most bloodthirsty terrorists in the world and save the United States of America from certain disaster.

Judging by past experience, I can guarantee several things about the upcoming season of “24:”

* Jack will kill people. A lot of people. (Jack outgunned Chloe last year 44-1)

* Jack will wound hardly anyone. If he does it will be because he wants to torture them to get more information out of them. Otherwise, he will kill a lot of people.

* Jack will fall in love.

* The love of Jack’s life will face mortal danger necessitating a dramatic rescue by Jack - at least once.

* During the course of their relationship, Jack’s love will recoil in horror when she sees him “in action” causing the writers either to kill her off or develop a rival for her affections.

* Jack will face a “Kobayashi Maru Test” - a no win scenario - in which he must either let a good guy die or get information that he needs to save the country. Guess what option Jack will choose?

* Did I mention that Jack will kill more people in 24 hours than Ted Bundy killed in 10 years?

As those of you who followed along with me last year know, this is a spoiler free site. when it comes to “24.” But I can give you a brief preview of some of the characters, both new and old, who will be returning to join Jack in the fun:

1. Carlos Bernard returns from his trip to Japan as - former? - CTU agent Tony Almeida. It is uncertain whether his wife Michelle will also make a return appearance.

2. Sean Astin (Samwise Ganji in LOTR) will appear as CTU agent Lynn McGill

3. Our favorite bitch, Mary Lynn Rajskub returns as Chloe O’Brien.

4, Louis Lombardi playing “Fat Geek Edgar” Stiles - and possible geek love interest for Chloe - will also be back.

5. Roger Cross makes a comeback as CTU agent Curtis Manning - the only man ever to partner with Jack for any length of time and live to tell about it.

6. James Morrison as Bill Buchanan will be running CTU again. Good on ya Bill!

7. Kim Raver returns as Audrey Raines, Jack’s former lover and daughter of the Secretary of State. The dead pool says Audrey gets it in the first 2 hours.

8. Gregory Itzin returns as President “Jellyfish” Charles Logan.

9. Jean Smart debuts as First Lady Martha Logan. At least we’ll know who will actually be running the country.

10. Connie Britton joins the cast as Diane, Jack’s new love interest. Looks hot and I’ll bet she has a head on her shoulders too.

I’ve learned my lesson about speculating about plot twists and the like. The first thing we must realize is that we are all smarter than the writers. The second thing we must realize is that the writers could care less about #1. They will write as if we all all dummies who forget about characters, plot threads, and even what day it is. Because of that, when speculating this season I will refrain from the logical in my speculations and stick with the emotional.

As I did last year, I will be keeping separate body counts for Jack and the show. In case you’ve forgotten, Jack launched 44 souls toward hell last year in 24 hours while the show accounted for at least 237. They never did tell us how many people died when the power plant melted down. All we knew for sure was that Fat Geek Edgar’s dear mother didn’t make it.

So sit back, relax, and strap it down. You can be sure the ride will be bumpy - but we’ll have a helluva lot of fun!

UPDATE

Lori Byrd, a huge “24″ fan (and one of the main reasons Polipundit was a finalist as Best Conservative Blog in the Weblog Awards), speculates on the writers linking the McCain torture amendment to the show.

The writers have been quite topical in the past and I agree with Lori that odds are good some mention will be made of it. However, if we recall the last scene from season 4, Jack is walking off into the sunset after having faked his own death. And with “Jellyfish” Logan still mad at him for making him look like a fool, I don’t think Jack will be working for CTU in any “official” sense.

That said, Jack may turn out to be CTU’s “Ace in the Hole” - a guy they can use to circumvent US law (including the McCain amendment) in order to get the job done. In that respect, maybe they’ll have some nitwit Senator playing a McCain-like character like they had the slimy terrorist-loving lawyer impersonating someone from Amnesty International last year.

It could have been two of the best hours of network television in a long time.

The stage had been set for 22 hours. A nuke headed toward an unnamed American city. An implacable terrorist whose brilliant mind kept him one, sometimes two steps ahead of CTU and the entire US defense establishment. A plan so diabolical, almost satanic in its evil simplicity that it had the US on its knees. A drama at the White House with an incompetent jellyfish for a President being propped up by an ex-chief executive who, like Jack, was willing to do anything to save the nation. And a cast of supporting characters - heroes and villains - who carried out their assigned tasks with skill and courage.

This is the stuff of legendary TV. Instead, the writers either lost their nerve or just couldn’t bring themselves to face the consequences of previous plot threads they created. Instead of a bang, we got a piddle. Instead of a “High Noon” like confrontation between the forces of good and evil, we got soap opera froth.

It was something like hiring a $2500 a night hooker and when crunch time came, having her perform like a crack-addled, $5 whore.

In short, I feel cheated.

This may be one of those situations where the suits stepped in to massage the ending to fit some preconceived formula. Television producers are among the most clueless creative people in the business. It’s why Keifer Sutherland wanted to be an executive producer. Having creative control in the hands of, well, creative people makes for good TV. Unfortunately, given that negotiations for the fifth season were probably at a critical point when the writers were working on the finale, it may be that the suits demanded that the writers had to work certain guarantees regarding characters into the final two hours.

I’m guessing, of course. And maybe indulging in some wishful thinking. After 22 excellent hours, maybe the explanation for this tepid, unsatisfying ending is as simple as the writers just weren’t up to the task.

The first hour and 22 minutes were good. It’s only after the missile was intercepted did the show go to hell in a handbasket. I’ll summarize the first hour here and do the second hour later this morning with some final thoughts.

SUMMARY

After finding out that Tony is a hostage, Jack and CTU scramble to redeploy their manpower and search the apartment complex for Mandy. Bill tells Michelle that they’ve got to proceed as if there is no hostage, that the number one priority is to get the hostile. Michelle accepts this in a superficial sort of way. It’s only when push comes to shove - when Mandy calls her (how did she get her cell number?) and asks that she duplicate Tony’s betrayal of CTU from last year - that Michelle realizes how much Tony means to her.

Thinking she holds all the cards, Mandy orders Michelle to clear the way for her escape. Wanting to comply, Michelle agonizes over the decision until Bill comes in and reminds her, indirectly, of the consequences.

One wonders if there had been an intervention like this last year if Tony would have carried out the terrorists instructions that ended up costing him his freedom, his job, and his wife.

That said, Michelle pulls back from the precipice and Bill and Jack set a trap for Mandy. But Mandy is too clever by half. Using her next door neighbors, who inexplicably do exactly as she says with no apparent leverage on them from Mandy, she tricks CTU into thinking that she’s blown herself and Tony up when CTU exposes their positions too soon.

CTU headquarters is plunged into mourning for Tony and Bill calls President Jellyfish to give him the bad news and explain that CTU has no expectation of being able to intercept the missile. This causes Jellyfish to quiver like a porn star’s fake bosoms. Palmer tries to calm him down by grasping at straws:

Jellyfish: Do you know how speculative that sounds? My God! We’re never going to find it in time…

Palmer: Don’t say that! We will stop it. But you must believe that if you’re going to lead today.

Jellyfish: How am I going to believe that? Every second that passes brings that missile closer to its target. Which for all we know is us!

Palmer then gives Jellyfish some lessons in “How to be a President Without Really Trying.” He tells the Spineless One to “demand success” from your people and you’ll get it.

If I were Palmer, I would have taken this miserable excuse for a man and whacked him upside the head a couple of times. Conducting a Presidential Leadership 101 class doesn’t help much.

Agent Burns who was briefly exposed during the Consulate Operation, is now at the San Diego airport ready to be whisked out of the country so Bill instructs him to develop an airtight alibi. Great idea except the Chinese have a better one - they kidnap the hapless agent and start to go to work on him.

Back at the apartment complex, Jack is replaying the tape of Tony’s “death” again and again, not quite believing what he’s seeing. Good thing too, because Mandy’s only slip up of the day was that she was talking on the phone at the same time the bomb went off. Seeing the door close as the couple next door get in the car and not hearing the sound of it on the telephone call, Jack realizes that Mandy is still at large. And Tony, after deliberately cutting himself on an eggshell(?), leaves a trail of blood that’s soon discovered and puts Jack on his trail as Mandy and her hostage try to escape.

By the way, one of the burning questions for all female Tony Almeda fans was answered when it was revealed that he is indeed, a boxer man.

After making a heroic attempt at escape by fighting Mandy with handcuffs and losing (Mandy is one tough woman. Tony gave her some shots that would have put an ordinary man down), Jack, following Tony’s blood trail catches up with them in the parking garage.

The cornered terrorist, still confident, looks at Jack as just another soft CTU agent. Bad move:

Mandy: Do you really have what it takes to kill him while looking him in the eyes?

Jack: Yes.

For the first time, Mandy looks scared. That’s because she believes what Jack is saying and says so. While Mandy’s attention is focused on Jack, Curtis flanks her and with Tony’s help, disarms and punches her lights out.

With Mandy in custody. CTU is back in the ballgame. And Tony and Michelle’s emotional phone conversation with Tony actually saying the “L” word while a little sappy was nonetheless nice to see.

And Agent Burns? He’s taken to the Chinese embassy where’s he’s grilled by the intel chief. After being threatened with the prospect of being spirited out of the country and thrown into a communist labor camp, Burns talks. He names Jack as being responsible for the attack on the Consulate.

The fact that we never find out what happens to Burns is one of the many annoyances in the final two hours. But this was a minor one compared to some of the other major disappointments to come.

BODY COUNT

Mandy kills one neighbor in the apartment and is responsible for the young couple’s death when the car blows up. Again I ask what leverage she had on that couple to make them walk to the car? She had a gun on them yes, but it was dark and raining and there had to have been a spot where they could have made a break for it. Just. Not. Believable.

The Chicoms take out two CTU agents at the airport before hijacking Agent Burns.

Jack: 42

Show: 237

Chloe: 1

Stop by around 10:30 AM Central Time for a recap of the second hour, a final body count, and some final thoughts.

UPDATE AND CORRECTION

Reader Greg points out in the comments that Tony did not step on eggshells but rather a busted light bulb. That makes more sense.

SUMMARY

Now in custody, Mandy accepts Jack’s offer of a Presidential deal to reveal where Marwan is. Before President Jellyfish can sign off on it, the Secret Service brings up an old tape of Palmer shaking hands with Mandy at the end of Season 2. She had a biological agent on her hand and almost killed Palmer. Despite this info, Palmer OK’s the deal and Mandy tells Jack that Marwan is in downtown LA ready to take off from the roof for a ship out in the harbor.

Prescient to the last, Marwan realizes that “something’s wrong” after he fails to get in touch with Mandy. Less than 4 minutes after getting the information on Marwan’s location, Jack is there with the helicopter.

Did the writers have to ignore the “real-time” aspect of the show so blatantly so late in the show?

Hovering above Marwan’s still grounded helo, Jack starts shooting at the rotors hoping to disable it. Realizing the jig may be up, Marwan tries to destroy the missile tracking device he just happens to be carrying (why?). Leaving the now smoking helicopter, Marwan makes a last break for freedom. Jack, Curtis, and another CTU agent catch up to him in the parking lot where Marwan offs his last American and wounds Curtis. A pursuing Jack catches Marwan and shoots him in the lower leg which finally brings the elusive terrorist to ground. Seeing no escape, Marwan takes the only logical step left to him; he runs toward the railing of the 20 story parking garage and attempts to hurl himself over the edge.

Jack appears ready for this and sprints to the railing just in time to get a hold of Marwan’s hand before the terrorist falls to his death and reaps his 72 virgin reward. But Jack isn’t ready for Marwan’s fanaticism. While screaming at him “Where’s the missile” Marwan takes out a knife and slices the top of Jack’s hand but good, severing some muscles in the process and loosening Jack’s grip on his hand. Marwan slips away with a look of triumph on his face and his head hits the pavement with a sickening thud.

Marwan, Jack’s best adversary in the history of the series, dies believing he has won. How much more satisfying if he had known that he failed before he died? One more missed opportunity for satisfying drama by the writers.

President Jellyfish has a cow when he finds out CTU has lost Marwan but he’s got bigger problems. The Chinese, who broke CTU Agent Bierne simply by threatening him with the Gulag, inform Jellyfish that they want Jack’s head on a platter. Palmer, while opposed, knows its the only thing to do. But Logan’s top aide Cummings has a different idea. Why not kill Jack and solve the problem that way? Saying that “This Administration does not condone murder and it never will,” Jellyfish leaves the door open for Cummings to play Ollie North to his Reagan.

Back at the helicopter, CTU finds Marwan’s tracking device and, even though badly damaged, are able to pull some information off of it. It’s enough for the geek squad of Chloe and fat geek Edgar who, working some really fast geek magic, are able to find the track of the missile so that the US Air Force can save the day.

The F-15’s scream toward the target area and using their multi mode “look down shoot down” radar are able to acquire the target. One well aimed Aim 9x air-to-air missile and poof! Los Angeles is saved. Somewhat anti-climactic after Marwan’s death but still satisfying.

In past seasons, the show’s writers would then take the last 30 minutes and try and tie up a few loose ends and set the stage somewhat for next season. Not this time.

Palmer calls Jack with the bad news that the Chinese want him and that the US government is going to turn him over. Jack takes it like a good soldier, realizing that once the Chinese had Bierne that there was nothing else to do. Meanwhile Cummings gets in contact with the Secret Service agent being sent to arrest Jack and makes it clear in no uncertain terms that it would be better if Jack died.

This is the second time that I can recall Hollywood sliming the Secret Service, some of the most selfless people in government. Oliver Stone thinks they had something to do with JFK’s death. The idea that Cummings could call a random agent and have that guy agree to kill Jack is outrageous and a slap at the dedicated men and women who willingly give up their lives to save the ones they protect.

Novik, being something of a creep himself, eavesdrops on Cummings conversation with Agent Spaulding about killing Jack and immediately informs Palmer. This sets the stage for one of the most maddening exchanges in the entire 24 hours.

Jellyfish, all smiles and relaxed now that being President means simply being a politician, grandly motions Palmer to join him while he’s receiving the undeserved congratulations from world leaders for his “leadership” during the crisis.

Palmer informs him of Cummings duplicity and Jellyfish, probably more out of a reluctance for confrontation than anything else, refuses to talk Cummings out of his plan to kill Jack. He praises Palmer for “playing a role” in resolving the crisis and dismisses him. On his way out the door, Palmer gives Jellyfish a look of contempt that could have withered an evergreen.

Palmer calls Jack to warn him of the danger. Upon hanging up, Jack gets a rueful smile on his face and looks at Tony.

Agent Spaulding shows up at CTU to claim his victim but Jack has evidently escaped. He’s cold cocked Tony and made a bid for freedom. Spaulding goes after him with Tony and they corner Jack in the utility room. In the exchange of gunfire, Jack is apparently hit and, upon approaching him, Tony realizes that he’s dead. Spaulding checks to make sure. Yep, he’s a goner.

Right.

As soon as they’re alone, Tony get’s an ephenedrine shot from Chloe to revive Jack from…what? What drug could stop his heart and breathing so effectively and how did Jack and Tony 1) get the drug and from where, and 2) get the fake blood they smeared all over Jack, and 3) while we’re thinking about it, where the hell did they get the ephenedrine?

No matter, with a little coaxing from Tony, Jack revives. I’m sort of glad we didn’t have to see Tony giving Jack mouth to mouth - maybe they could have enlisted Chloe for that job.

Anyway, after telling Chloe to run interference with the coroner until they could switch bodies (where they gonna get a body this time of the morning anyway?), Jack, Tony, and Michelle pile into an SUV and make their escape from CTU. Before getting out of the car, Jack waits for Tony to say something, anything. After all, it’s supposedly the last time they’re going to see each other. Tony says nothing until Jack is walking away when he manages to mumble “Jack. Be careful.” You can always tell when Tony is under great emotion. He get’s this look on his face like he’s disgusted with himself for being so weak. Tony looked real disgusted when Jack left.

Talking to Palmer one last time, the men exchanged words of respect and affection. When Palmer said that “Jack Bauer is now dead” Jack got that rueful smile on his face again. It’s almost as if the idea appeals to him immensely. No more days like this. No more doing things that make him hate himself for the thug that he his. No more having the weight of saving the country on his shoulders.

He walks off into the sunrise. Alone as always.

FINAL BODY COUNT

I tried my best but there were two gun battles where you knew there were CTU casualties but no mention was made of them. There were also the untold number of people who died in the meltdown of the powerplant. And there were a couple of times where you thought there might be wounded but no mention was ever made of that fact. Given these and other limitations that I’m sure you readers could point out if you put your minds to it. Here are my figures for the final body count.

First, the last hour saw Jack add one notch to his gun when he offed the helicopter pilot. Marwan killed his last American, the CTU agent. And Marwan himself fell to his death with a sickening splat. Because I’m in a charitable mood, let’s give Marwan to Jack, shall we?

Jack: 44

Show: 237

Chloe: 1

Forty Four people dead in 24 hours. And only a couple of them friendlies. Way to go Jack.

FINAL THOUGHTS

First, a speculative thread for next year.

Tony, Michelle, Jack, and Palmer are now all “retired.” How about a scenario with Jack working with CTU from the outside in a foreign country to stop a terrorist attack in the states? Jack tracks down Tony and he joins him while Michelle stays behind and coordinates with CTU. Palmer is enlisted to get Jack help from foreign governments.

One thing is pretty clear, unless Jack is caught by the Chinese and the show opens with him being released from the Gulag, Jack is through at CTU. And the foreign locales would be another breakthrough for network TV. Never been done as far as I can remember.

As far as this year, the first 22 hours I’d put up there with the best TV drama done in a while. I know there were other moments where you had to ignore some of the more outrageous plot devices, but I really thought a lot of them could have been explained by a mole - either in the Defense Department or CTU itself.

The fact that there was no mole pokes so many holes in the plot that most of them are too ridiculous to mention. I will say that I think that if they had stuck with one terrorist plot - to meltdown the reactors - and not had a mole, the plot would have worked perfectly. The override device (itself a ridiculously concocted invention) and everything that happened from that could have been traced back to the defense contractor McGlennon Forster. Corporate bad guys working with Islamic fruitcakes would have been better than the virtual army that Marwan had at his disposal.

There are dozens of terrorists and mercenaries armed to the teeth still loose in the United States when the show ends. And no hint that CTU, the executive branch, or anyone else cares very much about that.

All this being said, it was still enjoyable. I don’t know whether I’m going to blog the series again. It depends on a lot of things, not the least of which is where this site will be come January 2006. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed visiting and sharing this experience with me. I hope you come back often.

The title of this post is in reference to one of the most thrilling political potboilers ever written. “Come Nineveh, Come Tyre” was written by Alan Drury and it was the last in a series of political novels by Drury that started with the Pulitzer Prize winner and hit movie “Advise and Consent.”

In the book, a Clinton like President faces mounting challenges and incursions from the old Soviet Union. Each time he backs down, he’s cheered on by liberals and the MSM. Finally, realizing he’s destroyed Americas position in the world (and after a clumsy effort to remove him by the Joint Chiefs) the Russians come calling. The President committs suicide and the reins are handed over to his Vice President, a Soviet agent.

The real reason for the references to these cities is in a biblical context. Nineveh was the city that God told Jonah to save from their wicked ways or he would destroy it. Eventually, after Jonah’s little adventure with the whale, he did indeed reform the people and save the city.

Tyre wasn’t so lucky. The prophet Ezekial predicted that Tyre would be destroyed for its wickedness and sure enough, it was.

One city saved…One city destroyed. What will it be for America in these final two hours? Here follows my predictions as well as some excellent, funny, wild, and weird speculation from the readers.

MARWAN

Marwan will be killed. Some commenters, notably Sue, would like to see Marwan resurrected next season. This would be a possibility and not without precedent. Nina survived till season 2. However, the pure evil that Marwan represents necessitates his destruction if only to make a satisfying ending.

So who kills Marwan? The Maryhunter and Beth agree it could be Behruz, a very intruiging possibility. My speculation about Behruz was that the terrorists would reprogramme him and release him with a bomb belt to blow up CTU. That still may be a possibility (nice way to knock off Michelle, eh?) but the boy may be just as angry at Marwan for killing his mother.

THE MOLE

I don’t know. I can’t even hazard a guess at this point. I will say that whoever it is, we’re going to be surprised. On the wild guess side, there’s Diamond who thinks Palmer may be the traitor. The writers have done things more outrageous so I wouldn’t put it past them.

Beth jumps the shark by guessing President Jellyfish. The Maryhunter is going with Secretary Heller (he obviously missed the last show!) James Wright thinks it’s Audrey; still a possibility but both Hellers were taken out of play I thought in the last episode.

Beth also jumps back over the shark by guessing it’s someone already dead, maybe Paul. The problem there is that the mole tipped off Marwan’s men when CTU stormed the warehous and originally captured him. If the men had been there before CTU got there why didn’t they open fire then? Clearly, someone in CTU - someone close - organized Marwan’s rescue.

More speculation centers on someone we know but haven’t seen yet. Diamond thinks Wayne Palmer, President Palmer’s amoral brother. Not bad but maybe not in the loop enough to help Marwan very much.

In the past, I’ve guessed both Audrey and her father and wildly speculated on both Tony and Michelle. Here’s one out of the blue.

How about Bill Buchanan from division?

I say Buchanan only because he’s in a position to carry out everything the mole has done.

Then, as Brendan suggests (and others) there’s the possibility there is no mole in which case the show has failed miserably and will sputter to an inconclusive and unsatisfactory conclusion.

WHO’S GOING TO DIE?

Universal agreement that either Tony or Michelle will get whacked. Michelle is expendable but one wonders how they will be able to kill her off with her safe and sound at HQ. This is why I think…I think there’s a possibility the nuke may be deflected from it’s original target - but land close enough to cause massive damage.

Target: Los Angeles.

It all fits (plus an emailer that will remain anonymous says that the radar screen in the teaser for this week shows that it is indeed LA).

If indeed LA is the target all bets are off as to who lives and who dies. Since Fox has already announced that season 5 of the show will premier in January of 2006, they can’t kill off too many of the stars.

My own guess is that Tony will get whacked. And despite the convoluted reasoning of Hector (A “triple reverse strategery” used by the writers in which they know that we know that they know that we know…) I think Tony gets it at the hands of Jack who then completes his descent into Dante’s 9th Circle of Hell.

AUDREY AND JACK

Again, universal agreement that Audrey gives Jack his permanent marching orders. I’m not so sure. The writers may leave an opening for Jack and Audrey to do it again next year as the chemistry between them was better than it was between Jack and any other woman in the show’s history.

Unless Audrey is the mole in which case Jack pops her and, after killing Paul, Tony, and now Audrey, sees that life isn’t worth living and tries to off himself. Unsuccessfully of course.

THE CHINESE

I like Brendan’s take on this:

The Chinese will capture the CTU agent that they photographed and torture a confession out of him. They’ll demand that Jack be handed over for trial in China.

This would make an intruiging opening for next season, yes?

THE IOWA CELL

No brainer. They’re either caught or the writers forget about them. Which brings up an interesting scenario.

There are so many Americans working for Marwan. Remember the highway crew that helped the one terrorist switch cars in the tunnel? Then there are all the terrorists who fired on CTU to help Marwan escape. The list goes on and on.

Even if they catch Marwan, there are a hell of a lot of people out there - enough for 10 more seasons - that want to kill us all.

Kind of frightening when you think about it…

CHLOE AND FAT GEEK EDGAR

This elicited the funniest comments.

James Wright: “For the sake of all that is good and decent, Chloe and Edgar will never get it on.”
Bert: Chloe is SOOOO hot!
Diamond: Bert: It seems that your above statement has brought this posting place to a screeching halt. Maybe you should re state your affection for Chloe.
Hector: Chloe and Edgar will get it on. I said it before and I will say it again, these computer geek guys like abuse. > but, image Chloe in black leather with a cat of nine tails whipping naked fat geek Edgar bend over a double processor computer. (This is a family website…please. Ed.)
The Maryhunter: prep for future nasty geek love sammich.

Chloe and fat geek Edgar will in fact become an item and have an ongoing relationship played out next year.

THE FINAL TWO HOURS

Jack kills Tony but takes swinger woman (who I’m informed and now remember was “Mandy” in the first season, the one with the greedy lesbian lover) back to CTU and grills her. She reveals a location for Marwan and he’s recaptured. Taken back to CTU, Marwan reveals (under hideous torture and Dr. Feelgood’s ministrations) a frequency that the missile can be accessed on.

It’s too late to blow it up but fat geek Edgar and Chloe are able to deflect it where it explodes out in the ocean. LA is sideswiped by the blast which destroys CTU headquarters just after Jack discovers who the mole is. The mole escapes in the confusion.

The rest of the show is the chase for the mole (fill in your favorite candidate here). Palmer is left to try and defuse the Chinese situation. Jellyfish collapses in a quivering heap of manflesh following the blast. Novik betrays Palmer again by telling Speaker Ashton about the incapacitation of Jellyfish. Ashton takes over, declares martial law (which is what the mole wanted) and tells the Chinese he’ll hand them Jack’s head if they don’t attack.

Jack catches up to the mole and kills him/her. We’re left wondering if there is someone else in the government - someone who profits by a declaration of martial law - that the mole reported to.

This scenario leaves a lot of openings for the writers next year which is how they’ve ended the previous seasons. Expect some threads to wither away but others to be carried over till next January.

Tomorrow, I’ll post in two parts. First part should be up by 7:00 AM Central time.

So hold on to your hats…this is going to get bumpy!

Okay…You asked for it and here it is…

For the next 48 hours (if I can figure out how) this post offering you, the reader, the opportunity to speculate to your hearts content on the multitude of loose ends that need to be tied up during the final two hours of the show will stay right at the top of this blog.

There are so many questions to be answered:

What happened to Behruz?
Is Dina really dead?
Will the President recover?
Who’s the mole?
Is there a mole?
Does anyone care if there is or isn’t a mole?
Who’s gonna die?
Michelle and Tony? Discuss among yourselves.
Jack and Audrey? Ditto.
Where did all the American turncoats come from?
Is the F-117 pilot who shot down Air Force One dead?
What about the Chinese?
Where’s the missile headed?
What about the “Iowa Cell.” Will they be caught?
Will Chloe and fat geek Edgar do the nasty nasty…geek style?

The big question for me and I suppose for everyone is “Who’s the mole?” If the writers decide not to have a mole then an entirely different set of loose ends present themselves like where did Marwan get the transponder codes to track the football and the like.

A general bit of speculation involves how the final two hours will play out. Help yourself on that one. I don’t have a clue.

ATTENTION: Please, for the love of God, NO SPOILERS! I understand that some sites that will remain nameless have some inside info. Please don’t ruin it for the rest of us. If you know something, keep it to yourself.

C’mon everyone! Dig in and help yourself to some pure fun! The wilder the better. Because if I know the writers, the wildest we can come up with will pale in comparison to what they’ve got in store for us Monday nite!

I was going to call this episode “Love Boat Night on 24″ but seeing as the subject matter of the hour was so extremely serious, I didn’t want to jump the shark. But when you think about it, many of the episode’s most important moments had to do with love. Tony and Michelle. Jack and Audrey. Heller and his son. Even Tony’s sacrifice for poor Chase when he tried to save his live could be considered a supreme act of love. The question all of them were asking was is love enough?

On this night, the answer would have to be no.

SUMMARY

The missile is on its way and we find out it’s a cruise missile with an 1800 mile range. The fact that it looked absolutely nothing like a cruise missile (which in configuration resembles an airplane more than a missile) doesn’t bother me. I’ve already gone past the point of trying to match reality to TV drama so let’s just continue to suspend belief for another two hours shall we?

Marwan, smug and confident, awaits the inevitable grilling by Jack. What follows is a classic confrontation between the not so good and the very, very evil. And to those wondering why we just can’t invite Osama Bin Laden to lunch and hash out our differences, I give you Habeeb Marwan:

Jack: You and I both know all I want to do right now is kill you. But I have my orders. You win. I’ve been instructed to ask you what you want.

Marwan: What I want is already happening.

Jack: The death and destruction is a means to an end, Why don’t we just skip to the end?

Marwan: To the end?

Jack: Everything you did today you did for a reason, for your people. What do you want to change?

Marwan: I have no desire to have a political discussion with you..

Jack: You tell me where the missile is headed, you help me stop it and I’ll guarantee you’ll talk to the President. Believe me, he’ll have no choice but to listen. You have a chance to get what you want.

Marwan: I already have agent Bauer. After this day, elected officials and the American people will know that they can’t intervene in our lives, in our countries with impunity. Besides, your President sees me in only one dimension - evil.

Jack: As you see us?

Marwan: Yes…and vulnerable.

I think the writers did a very good job of capturing the logical irrationality (?) of the terrorist. Many on the left in this country think that if we could only find out what the terrorists “want” that they’ll somehow leave us alone. The left believes that if we withdraw from the world and apologize for being such meanies, the Marwan’s of this planet will go away. It’s not enough. Marwan isn’t out to “change” anything. He’s all about killing. He’s managed to rationalize it by tying it to the impotent rage felt by Arabs as they see the west represented by America pay their kleptocratic leaders for access to the lifeblood of human civilization - oil. But Marwan’s satisfaction is not in getting America to stop intervening to protect itself. His satisfaction comes from killing Americans…a lot of them.

Realizing he’s getting nowhere, Jack starts to take Marwan back to CTU for some proper interrogation. Out of the blue, a rocket is fired from unseen attackers and World War III breaks out. Pinned down, Jack and Curtis can only watch helplessly as Marwan is spirited away, once again outsmarting CTU and the American government. I think the writers had Marwan captured just so they could stage that conversation with Jack. Good writing. Good theater.

Following Marwan’s escape, CTU’s focus returns to trying to intercept the missile. When searching Marwan’s cell phone records, who do they find on there but our old friend, moonbat Richard Heller, the Secretary of Defense’s son. Chloe breaks the news to Buchanan and Tony who wonders if they should inform Richard’s sister:

Tony: Chloe - Does Audrey know about this?

Chloe: No. This is more of a management conversation, don’t ya think?

Tony looks at Chloe in disgust and just shakes his head. That’s our Chloe!

Back in the Presidential bunker, Jellyfish meets the Congressional leadership and immediately runs into trouble. Speaker Ashton who, according to Palmer, has confused his own personal ambition to be President with doing what’s best for the country, questions whether Jellyfish is really in charge. If he only knew….

Tony and Michelle have a sit down where Tony goes for the gold, telling Michelle he wants to get back together but not if they’re working at CTU. Michelle balks because she can’t imagine life without these nice, relaxing days at headquarters where the guys and gals at CTU prove that saving the country can be fun. Before Michelle can answer, reality intrudes once again and they’re off to follow up a lead supplied by Richard Heller.

Richard has been dragged kicking and screaming into the infamous holding room where Audrey convinces Jack that before he begins his torture routine she be allowed to talk to him. Jack relents and Audrey pleads with her brother to tell what he knows. Richard keeps claiming he doesn’t know anything at which point the Secretary, who’s been absent for several hours, makes an appearance. After informing Richard he’s going to let Jack use “every piece of equipment they have”, Heller shames his son into finally revealing the truth. He likes to have sex with men. Turns out Richard met a swinging couple at a bar. And while Richard was playing slap and tickle with the man, the woman made a phone call to Marwan who was able to connect to Richard’s phone and listen to all his subsequent conversations thus finding out when the Secretary was going to visit and enabling Marwan to plan the kidnapping.

I thought the Secretary handled the news of Richard’s (bi?) sexuality quite well. And given that Richard screwed the pooch by not revealing this information during his earlier interrogation, I thought the Secretary was more understanding than he probably should have been.

Maybe he was just relieved Richard wasn’t a terrorist.

Meanwhile back in the Presidential bunker, Novik realizes Speaker Ashton could try and make a move to remove Jellyfish unless he were convinced the Spineless One was in charge. So Palmer, Jellyfish and Novik cook up a little Kabuki dance where Jellyfish pretends to order Palmer around in front of Ashton. The subterfuge works but begs the question: Why can’t Jellyfish pretend to be in charge all the time?

After finding out where the swingers live by tracing the cab they took to an apartment complex, Jack and Tony make ready to pick them up. On his way out, Tony and Michelle, as predicted here numerous times, kiss and make up. This was actually a no brainer, of course. The real question comes next week. Will they be able to enjoy their retirement…together?

And Jack and Audrey have a conversation where Audrey almost relents and acts like a human being toward Jack. She’s torn but I’ll be extremely disappointed if those two make it back together. Too much water under the bridge, too much ugliness.

The swingers, who evidently really, really like to have sex together are about to leave the apartment to go and meet Marwan when the woman hears the copters and sees the cops gathering outside the complex. After casually shooting her lover, she starts to make her escape. Jack busts into the apartment and after finding the man, calls on everyone to search the perimeter. Everyone but Tony who’s been taken hostage by the woman. At a time when a nuclear missile is in the air and headed for an American city, Tony gives up his gun to save Chase? Not only doesn’t it do any good, but one would think at that point that everyone is expendable. Wrong move.

Jack finds Chase’s body and informs CTU of the probable hostage situation involving Tony. As teams of agents fan out over the complex to look for their one last link to Marwan, Michelle hears of Tony’s capture and almost loses it. But being the professional that she is, she snaps out of it and issues terse orders for everyone to “move it.” Brave words to mask the fear underneath.

BODY COUNT

Bad night for CTU tactical.Four go down during Marwan’s rescue and Chase gets it during the woman’s escape. And Richard’s boyfriend bites the dust just minutes after making love to the swinger woman.

At least he died happy.

Jack: 42

Show: 232

Chloe: 1

LOOSE ENDS

Many, many loose ends to be tied up in the last two hours. Chief among them of course is the identity of the mole. One more piece of evidence for the mole could be the fact that Marwan had people outside waiting to rescue him. If they were there before CTU arrived to capture him, why didn’t they open fire then? This means they must have arrived after Marwan was captured.

This mole business is a huge problem for the writers because it appears now that neither the SoD or Audrey could be the mole. It appears that neither one of them knew about Richard’s homosexuality which would mean they couldn’t have set him up in the bar. I believe now that there’s a real chance the writers will not give us a mole; that the numerous American mercs working with Marwan, the transponder code for the football, and all the other clues that we’ve been speculating about over the last many weeks may in fact be left as is with no mole at all.

If that happens, I’ll be extremely disappointed in the writers. They’ve got to know there are literally millions of people tracking these loose ends. So either next week’s two hour finale is going to rock our world or it’s going to be a huge bust.

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