Right Wing Nut House

This comes to us via Powerline today:

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

It’s Friday at the House and that can mean only one thing. Time for Marvin Moonbat to give his take on things from the left side of everything.

TOP FIVE CRIMES COMMITTED BY JEFF GANNON NOT BEING REPORTED BY THE MEDIA (By Marvin Moonbat)

First of all, do you like the picture of Chloe and me? It was taken at the Bush Inaugural last month by my friend “Mr. X.” X-Man was great! He taught us how to make stink bombs and how to set them off so you didn’t get slammed by them. He also tried to teach us how to get arrested the right way. Chloe never learned how because she’s so ticklish that whenever the cops touched her she got to laughing so hard she almost lost it. The cops got scared because they thought she was nuts and never took her in. Boy was she pissed! She wanted to get a arrested in the worst way.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard of Jeff Gannon, the wingnut Republican newsguy who operated gay porn sites and worked as a gay escort. Can you imagine? Right in the middle of the Bush White House! Anyway, I’ve uncovered several additional crimes committed by Jeff Gannon that you need to be aware of because big media won’t publish them, being in Bush’s pocket and all.

1. Gannon killed Kennedy

This one was easy. You’ve all seen Oliver Stone’s movie JFK. Stone proved conclusively that Kennedy was killed by a cabal of homosexuals.

Clay Shaw was gay. David Ferrie was gay. Gannon is gay. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Oswald was gay and an ex-Marine. Gannon is gay and an ex-Marine.

How much more evidence do you need?

2. Gannon killed Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe liked men. Gannon likes men. Monroe liked Kennedy. Gannon killed Kennedy. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon killed Monroe because they both liked men and because Gannon is gay.

The logic is inescapable.

3. Gannon is behind Abu Gahraib Prison Torture

Gannon is gay. He owns gay porn sites. The Abu Gahraib prison photos are of naked men. Gannon needed pictures of naked men for his gay porn sites. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon is gay.

Sometimes, I surprise even myself.

4. GANNON PAID BY BUSHITLER TO PROMOTE ANTI-GAY MARRAIGE AMENDMENT

Republicans hate gays. Gannon is gay. Gannon is a Republican. Gannon is confused. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Gannon got money for prostituting himself. The White House thought they were paying a newsman to promote the anti-gay marriage amendment. They were really paying for gay orgies in the White House press room where Wolf Blitzer danced on a table naked with a lamp shade on his head.

Why is the press suppressing this story?

5. GANNON RAN GAY ESCORT SERVICE OUT OF OVAL OFFICE

Gannon is a Republican. Shrub is a republican. Gannon is gay. Men are seen coming and going all day out of the Oval Office. Gay escort services have men coming and going all day out of their offices. Gannon is gay. Gannon has experience running gay escort servies. Shrub likes to hire people with experience. Gannon asked softball questions at White House press briefings. Shrub is stew-pid. All Republicans are liars. Gannon is gay.

Are the American people going to sit still for this?

Chloe thinks I’m obsessing over this issue but I don’t think so. She’s reading some book by that woman Andrea Dworkin who says that all sex is rape. Come to think of it, she’s been looking at me kind of strangely lately. And what was that all about the other night when she asked me to get dressed up like a Nazi and spank her?

I swear, I’ll never understand women.

If you’re keeping track of when modern humans arose on planet earth, it’s time to reset your clocks…by about 35,000 years:

A new study concludes that the earliest known humans appeared in southern Ethiopia about 195,000 years ago, about 35,000 years earlier than had previously been thought.

That conclusion is based on what researchers say are the oldest anatomically modern human fossils ever found.

Although leaving the full-fledged arrival of Homo sapiens far from resolved, this development suggests that roughly three-fourths of modern human evolution occurred on the African continent.

This new information dovetails nicely with some genetic studies showing that modern human DNA diverged approximately 200,000 years ago. Evolutionary biologists, using a form of DNA passed down through the ages by females only called “mitochondrial” DNA, determined that the bulk of Homo Sapien evolution occurred in Africa and that humans began to spread out from there about 125,000 years ago.

It’s this kind of confirming evidence that scientists love because the DNA theory of divergence has now been “proven” by the physical evidence of the bones.

This news also deals a crippling blow to an alternate theory of human evolution known as the “Multiregional” theory. In this theory, modern humans evolved in several different places at approximately the same time and replaced more archaic human genera approximately 100,00 years ago. While the mitochondrial DNA evidence disputed this hypothesis, its proponents had pointed to the fossil evidence as being compelling. With the discovery of these older fossils, even the multiregionalists have to conclude that the 200,000 year date for modern human divergence is a blow to their theory.

One of the things I love about blogging is the feeling of having your fingers on the pulse of events as they transpire half a world away. Simply by following a few links or googling up information from sources both familiar and obscure, you can get the feeling that you have an understanding of large events; that you see the outlines of the big picture forming right before your eyes.

It’s an illusion, of course. Sometimes events move too fast or information is disseminated through biased sources or filtered through a prism of self-interest or disinformation. Tyring to sort through it is kind of like putting together pieces of a puzzle. Sometimes you can get more information from what is not said, or what action is not taken. And that’s where judgement, experience, and context come into play.

As an example, take the events currently transpiring in the middle east as a result of the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri. Like ripples in a pond, the consequences of this action by still unknown perpetrators are spreading through the entire region, subtlely changing alliances, affecting governments both large and small, and revealing weaknesses in one major player-Syria-that heretofore were hidden from view.

For nearly 30 years Syria has had occupying troops in Lebanon. This fact has not only colored politics in that long-suffering country, but has been the proximate cause for literally hundreds of terrorists attacks on Israel over the last quarter century. Syria, a secular dictatorship of the same type of Baathist thugs that ran Saddam ’s torture chambers, have cozied up to terrorist organizations like Hamas and Islamic Jihad. The terrorists operate with impunity with Syria’s blessing (they help keep the Christian minority in line). Meanwhile, Syria manipulates Lebanese politics so that they can maintain their troops in the vitally strategic Bekkaa Valley. The valley borders the northern tip of Israel and has been a staging area for terrorist strikes in the past as well as a training ground for terrorists groups around the world.

Hariri’s assassination may turn out to be the catalyst that overturns Syrian control of Lebanon, brings democracy to that country, and fatally weaken Hamas, Hezbollah, and the rest of the terrorist groups that are currently using Lebanon as a safe haven.

If this scenario plays out, it would be the biggest victory in the war on terror yet.

Rafik Hariri was a much respected political figure in the jumble that is Lebanese politics. He favored giving women and young people the vote as well as reconciling with Lebanon’s Christian minority. Although a Shia Muslim by birth, he had a knack for drawing support from all segements of Lebanese society. Two recent events may have sealed the former Prime Minister’s fate. On January 31st, Hariri met with the Pope in Rome, an event obviously opposed by the islamofascists who saw the meeting as confirmation that Hariri was cozying up to the Christian minority. Then, the very next day Hariri gave an interview to the Lebanon Daily Star in which he said he was “not concerned with sectarian issues” and was friends with everyone.

This may have been the last straw for the radical Islamic terrorists who are very concerned with sectarian issues, wanting more than anything to have Shar’ia law govern the country.

The question of who carried out the assassination has been complicated by the fact that some experts believe that none of the local groups of terrorists would have been capable of carrying out such a sophisticated operation. This would seem to point the finger at Syria. The United States thinks so. We’ve just withdrawn our Ambassador Margaret Scobey with the State Department saying “Yesterday’s bombing calls into question the stated reason behind the presence” of Syrian security forces in Lebanon… ”

The ripples are starting to spread.

The assassination, coupled with Syria’s continued brazen interference in Iraq’s politics, have now forced our hand. The withdrawl of the Ambassador in and of itself would not be overly significant except that now the Administration is talking about additional sanctions up to and including the freezing of Syrian assets in the United States. And if we could get Western Europe to go along with such a move, Syria would find itself broke and isolated. This would force President Assad into making some rather unpleasant (for him) decisions. If he were forced to withdraw his troops from Lebanon, it would certainly weaken his position at home (getting the military angry at you by humiliating them is not a good thing in a dictatorship).
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This is pretty unbelievable:

UN inspectors in Iraq spent their working hours drinking vodka while ignoring a shadowy nocturnal fleet believed to be smuggling goods for Saddam Hussein, a former senior inspector told the US Senate yesterday.

In a move that provoked fury from officials of the Swiss firm Cotecna, an Australian former inspector detailed a picture of incompetence, indifference and drunkeness among the men acting as the frontline for UN sanctions.

Watch for the Cox and Forkum cartoon soon.

It gets better:

At another monitoring site where the UN was supposed to check humanitarian aid supplies, Mr Ventham noticed “the team leader and his fellow countrymen [the nationality is unstated] spending the majority of their time in each other’s rooms drinking vodka as opposed to managing and leading the team”.

There he noticed small vessels and barges moving to a small island each night.

Kind of give a whole new meaning to the initials WMD; Weally Messy Drunks.

There’s already been evidence of the Russians helping Saddam spirit something out of the country in late January and early February of 2003. Speculation was rife that the convoy of trucks that left Iraq for Syria’s Bekka Valley could have contained what was left of the Iraqi WMD program.

Now we find out that the people in charge of enforcing the will of the UN preferred getting drunk in their hotel rooms rather than seeing the Security Council resolutions obeyed.

Aren’t you glad that John Kerry lost?

UPDATE

Here’s what I wrote of the UN after the Russian connection to Saddam’s violations of the sanction’s protocols were made public on October 28 of last year:

What makes these revelations so serious is the impunity with which the international community routinely violated the sanctions against Iraq. “Grown-up nations” as Kofi Annan called France and Russia were not only up to their armpits in the ever-unfolding Oil For Food scandal, but actually sold banned materials to Saddam as if the UN didn’t even exist. (Note: The next time you hear that santimonious son of a bitch Chirac dissing the US for acting unilaterally, throw your popcorn at the TV like I plan to. That kind of hypocrisy deserves to be answered with a glove to the face and pistols, at dawn, at 20 paces).

In the cold light of dawn here, what’s becoming depressingly clear is that the UN is worse than a hollow shell, it is in fact an obstacle to peace in any form, of any kind. How can the United States in good conscience follow the dictates of an organization, so corrupt, so filled with cynicism, graft, and outright thievery that it won’t enforce it’s most fundamental dictums and instead, turns a blind eye to these kinds of outrageous violations of its OWN rules?

With today’s revelations, I almost look like a goddamn prophet.

In an exclusive report, Space.Com is reporting that two NASA scientists have told space officials that they have strong evidence that life currently exists on Mars.

The scientists, Carol Stoker and Larry Lemke of NASA’s Ames Research Center in Silicon Valley, told the group that they have submitted their findings to the journal Nature for publication in May, and their paper currently is being peer reviewed.

What Stoker and Lemke have found, according to several attendees of the private meeting, is not direct proof of life on Mars, but methane signatures and other signs of possible biological activity remarkably similar to those recently discovered in caves here on Earth.

Methane is a waste gas that some biological organisms give off when processing food. Such gas was discoverd by Dr. Stoker when she and a group of scientists made a trip to one of the most inhospitable places on earth to harbor life: The Rio Tinto River in Spain.

Stoker told her private audience Sunday evening that by comparing discoveries made at Rio Tinto with data collected by ground-based telescopes and orbiting spacecraft, including the European Space Agency’s Mars Express, she and Lemke have made a very a strong case that life exists below Mars’ surface.

The two scientists, according to sources at the Sunday meeting, based their case in part on Mars’ fluctuating methane signatures that could be a sign of an active underground biosphere and nearby surface concentrations of the sulfate jarosite, a mineral salt found on Earth in hot springs and other acidic bodies of water like Rio Tinto that have been found to harbor life despite their inhospitable environments.

Scientists call these organisms “Extremophiles” because they exist in extreme environments. Thousands and thousands of new species of bacteria are being discovered in some really unbelievable places like 2 miles underground or in the permafrost of the Arctic. Since the bulding blocks of life-amino acids, and simple proteins-seem to be extremely plentiful in the Universe, scientists are coming to the remarkable conclusion that wherever life can exist, it will.

What’s next? The “USS Chicken Hawk?”

WASHINGTON (NNS) — The Navy will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine Jimmy Carter on Saturday, Feb. 19, during an 11 a.m. EST ceremony at Naval Submarine Base New London, Groton, Conn.

The attack submarine Jimmy Carter honors the 39th president of the United States.

This is really embarrassing. It’s like the Russians naming an Alcoholic Rehabilitation clinic after Boris Yeltsin. It’d be like the French naming an Aircraft Carrier ” The Courageous.”

I can see our enemies quaking in their boots now…

“Look out! Here comes the Jimmy Carter! HIDE YOUR RABBITS! HIDE YOUR RABBITS!”

Arguably the worst President of the 20th Century, (some would say the worst in 100 years) Jimmy Carter has distinguished himself since being unceremoniously kicked out of office by coddling dictators like Castro, enabling tyrants like Chavez, and acting as cheerleader for some of the most murderous cutthroats of the age including Yassar Arafat, Kim Jung Il, and Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

Carter’s term in office was marked by one the strangest episodes in the history of the Presidency. It involved a swamp rabbit, a canoe, and our brave President wielding a paddle as a weapon.

Here’s how Carter’s former Press Secretary Jody Powell recalled the incident:

… the President volunteered the information that while fishing in a pond on his farm he had sighted a large animal swimming toward him. Upon closer inspection, the animal turned out to be a rabbit. Not one of your cutesy, Easter Bunny-type rabbits, but one of those big splay-footed things that we called swamp rabbits when I was growing up.

The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk. The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits. He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.

The President then evidently shooed the critter away from his boat with a paddle. The scene was captured on film by a White House photographer.

This was the most aggressive action ever taken by the Carter Presidency. Some speculated that if the rabbit had continued its attack, Carter would have backed down.

And we’re naming a nuclear powered attack boat after this guy?

Charlie Madigan, columnist for the Chicago Tribune, is one hip dude.

He’s got a blog…sort of. He reads Skankette-what red blooded American male doesn’t (I think it says a lot about the state of our society when men still are in awe of women who make penis jokes in public).

And he thinks conservative blogs drip blood from the corners of their mouths…or is it drool uncontrollably. You decide:

As for the wild-eyed conservatives, welcome aboard.

You finally have a place where you can gas on until you faint.

Sooner or later you will either develop a following or expire from lack of air. Maybe you can ascend to talk radio. Maybe you can disappear. Maybe you can libel someone and get penalized so far back into the economic dark ages that you won’t be able to upgrade your launch platform

You’re right Charlie…I can hardly see straight but for all the gas you’re blowing my way. And since your breathtaking ignorance regarding the Eason Jordan imbroglio is on display for all to see on your “blog” (C’mon Charlie! Get some snazzier graphics! Get some art on there! Too boring…) I’d like to show you what you’re missing. Because, you really are one completely clueless, kool-aid drinking moonbat!

On at least three occassions in the past two years, Eason Jordan has made the same unfounded, unproven accusations against the American military; that journalists were deliberately being targeted for death by US. soldiers. If you are so inclined, you can read the entire story here as researched by blogs all over the world and expertly-dare I say journalistically-set down by Ed Morrissey of Captains Quarters.

The fact that even liberal lawmakers Rep. Barney Frank and Sen. Christopher Dodd who were present in Davos, Switzerland when Jordan made these outrageous slanders called the CNN chief to account didn’t make any difference to the mainstream media (come to think of it, didn’t see a post by you on the subject) as they lowered the cone of silence over the story effectively burying it.

We “wild-eyed” conservative bloggers have a lot of faults, I’ll grant you. Why, we can be as sanctimonious and inusfferable as you liberal bloggers…even when we’re right. The point about the Jordan affair is very simple; to this day, the MSM has failed to report why Mr. Jordan needed to go. It wasn’t one comment it was a pattern of saying things in foreign countries about the United States government and its military that were patently and provably false.

In other words, he lied.
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There’s quite a ruckus on the left side of the blogosphere over one Jeff Gannon who, in addition to being something of a gadfly, hanging around the White House press room without much business being there, also happens to be gay. This has caused a virtual explosion of finger pointing and charges of everything from lax security (laughable…liberals could give a crap about security) to Republican hypocrisy.

Well, Superhawk has a messgae for Kos, Oliver Willis, and the rest of the lefty blogs who think this is such a big deal. This from an AIM (Accuracy in Media) press release:

WASHINGTON — Accuracy in Media charged today that a liberal activist and associate of Ralph Nader has been obtaining access to White House press briefings while claiming to be a legitimate news reporter.

Russell Mokhiber, who sells a $795 a year newsletter that bashes corporations, attends the briefings to make obscure anti-Bush political points. Recently, for example, he asked spokesman Scott McClellan whether President Bush violated one of the Ten Commandments by invading Iraq. Mokhiber, who told AIM that he has never taken a journalism class in his life and was denied a permanent White House press pass, posts his ludicrous questions and answers on a far-left web site under the title “Scottie & Me.”

It seems clear it isn’t a question of Mr. Gannon not being a real journalist that’s upsetting to Kos, Oliver, and his moonbat cohorts. It’s a reaction to the fact that he’s gay; a curious concern given their world famous tolerance towards members of that oppressed and put upon minority group (whose members happen to earn more and be worth more on average than people in the so-called “straight world.”)

And Paul over at Wizbang has some helpful advice for those who live in glass houses:

If you want to make the case that yours is the tolerant party and the Republicans are intolerant, spending a week in a gay bashing free for all probably is not the best way to make the point.

How true, how true. But then, following that advice would require brains and a modicum of political acumen.

Tell me again which is the party of tolerance and compassion?

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If there’s one thing about the show that’s been consistent since it began three years ago, it’s the capacity of the writers to surprise the viewer with the unexpected.

The powerplant meltdown last night is a good example of this.

While other shows have the hero saving the day in the nick of time, “24″ has gone beyond this cliched and hackneyed formula for the last three years. First, it was the actual explosion of a nuclear device on American soil. Then, it was the devastating scenes in the hotel last year as the lethal virus killed dozens. And now an actual full blown meltdown of a nuclear power plant with all the attendant confusion, panic, and apparently large number of casualties.

The writers have used these tragedies to draw the viewer in and make the subsequent dangers to the country and the characters even more real and terrifying. I believe this to be the key as to why the show is so popular and why its fans are so rabid (me included).

SUMMARY

The episode opens with Curtis and Erin doing a bureaucratic two step to avoid responsibility for the fiasco regarding Maryann’s penetration of CTU security. Will it work? Probably not. My prediction is either next week or the week after, a representative from division (who’s supposed to be there to look into the security breach at 5:00 pm) will show up, see through the CYA gambit employed by Erin and Curtis, fire the two slackers, and take over CTU operations herself. Who am I talking about?

Who else but Tony’s ex-wife, ungrateful wretch Michelle, who works as Assistant Supervisor at Division.

What do you think Michelle’s reaction is going to be when she finds out that Tony and Jack are partnered up on this thing? Stay tuned for those fireworks!

Meanwhile, bad dad Navi is still looking to kill his wife and son. Dina and Behruzz, after escaping the police at the hospital, hide out in a motel where Dina, in pain from being shot by Navi, sends Behruzz to another hospital nearby to get pain medication from her brother Haseem. The plan backfires when Haseem calls Navi who tells him that Behruzz is a druggie and that he’ll be right over to take him home.

Jack, thanks to some good work by fat geek Edgar, finds out where the Araz’s are hiding. He and Tony, along with a CTU swat team, crash the motel room and capture Dina. Not suprisingly, she refuses to cooperate. That is, until we find out that Homeland Security is listening in on your cell phone conversations whenever they want to and, in the process, pick up the converation Behruzz has with his mother about his father trying to kill him.

It’s nice that Jack now has this leverage to use against Dina, but does it bother anyone else that this kind of technical capacity exists? The National Security Agency (NSA), the most secretive agency in government, has been using this technology to spy in foreign countries for years. Basically, it works without any direct spying on your conversations…unlesss you happen to use a “keyword” that the computer is programmed to recognize in which case your conversation is recorded to be listened to later. Is this too high a price to pay for being safe? I report, you decide.

At any rate, this information lets Jack show what he does best in interrogations; he makes the witness sweat while casually walking into the room, going to the bathroom, washing his hands, then slowly and deliberately drying them. All the while, Dina’s pucker factor has gone up about 10 fold. It makes the conversational tone of his voice when he first starts talking to her that much more effective.

After extracting a promise from Jack to get immunity for Behruzz, Dina agrees to help them. When Jack talks to the President to get the clemency, we see for the first time what kind of guy this Chief Executive is; he ain’t no David Palmer. While Palmer would never double cross Jack in a matter such as this due to a personal debt owed to him for saving his life, we see no such compunction on the part of this President. After agreeing to Jack’s request and hanging up the phone, our President turns to an aide and says “Make sure that document is non-binding.”

Meanwhile back at CTU, in the most affecting scene so far, fat geek Edgar tries to get his mother out of the fall out zone, to no avail. In a heart wrenching phone conversation, she says goodbye making it clear she was going to kill herself rather than go through the horrors of radiation sickness. Edgar, beside himself with worry, starts to leave until confronted by Erin, who convinces him to stay and help prevent further plant meltdowns.

Back at the hospital, when Behruzz realizes that uncle Haseem has accidentally betrayed him, he starts to run only to be confronted by bad dad Navi who, after taking care of Haseem, (the only casualty of the hour) is about to off his own son when Behruzz spills the beans about mom’s betrayal to CTU. Enraged, Navi drags Behruzz to the car only to be confronted by Jack who, after getting hit by the vehicle, miraculously arises unhurt to shoot the tires out and stop Navi from escaping. Just in time, the car driven by Tony with Dina in it shows up to see Navi take Behruzz at gunpoint into the hospital basement. Dina then gets off the most chilling line of the show to date:

Dina: “I believe in my cause. And if you can’t save my son, I’ll be happy to see the reactors meltdown.
Jack (talking on the phone to CTU): “Did you get that?”

Yes, Jack we got it. And we’re all waiting to see how you get us out of this one.

BODY COUNT

At this rate, they’ll be able to take the “Due to some graphic violence…etc.” disclaimer off the beginning ot the show. Only one stiff for the entire hour, poor unsuspecting Haseem who couldn’t possibly believe that his relatives were terrorists. Here’’s the running total:

JACK: 18 dead, 1 gratuitous wounding, 1 viscous pistol whipping.
Show: 91 dead total

LOOSE END

Secretary Heller has shaved and changed into another suit. More continuity problems? Also, while we’ll eventually learn the fate of Erin’s daughter who, last we saw, was near death after getting misdosed by a CTU doctor. Does it bother anyone else that we haven’t heard a thing about her for two hours?

UPDATE:

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